Don't Shoot Me Anyone...

[Irresistible]

Re: Don\'t Shoot Me Anyone...

ms_kenesha, all of your thoughts and feelings are totally natural, i think every natural has experience similar thoughts/feelings at some point...

i mean i still trip off the "break neck syndrome" men develop when i have my hair down (pressed) and the minimal looks while its in a pony tail or bun (which is most of the time)

the one thing that is gonna take care of this is time and just wait till your hair grows some more, you wont even consider putting a relaxer in it then(at least i doubt it). ...and yes, we all do it, we take other things goin on in our lives out on our hair, its the straw that breaks the camels back when other things are goin on and on top of that we have issues with our hair....just remember, this too shall pass..take it one day at a time.

I wish i had more answers for you, but i too sometimes still feel more attractive (and men act like it too) when my hair is down and pressed......but i still dont do it all the time and i still love my natural hair....ive just found my own happy medium that works for me.....you will too for yourself, in time. The key is giving it time.

all the poof and breaking necks in the world wont make me relax my hair, but that steadfastness came only with time. its no longer even a possible consideration for me , ever.

 

[jainygirl]

Re: Don\'t Shoot Me Anyone...

Well, i think you look pretty with your twa

i was just telling my husband last night that you can really tell if someone is attractive when they have a short haircut and still look good. I've seen you both relaxed and natural and i think you look pretty both ways, but i really think that natural hair complements you very nicely

 

[BlkHoneyLuv2U]

Re: Don\'t Shoot Me Anyone...

[ QUOTE ]
Dolce_Dawn said:
Okay, I'm not gonna shoot you...

but can I slap you?

Don't you perm your hair! You haven't listed a good reason yet to perm. Until then I can't support you... Nuh-uh.

[/ QUOTE ]
Well I'm gone shoot

Step away from the relaxer. Leave the hair alone. Stop or I will

 

[ms_kenesha]

Re: Don\'t Shoot Me Anyone...

[ QUOTE ]
jainygirl said:
Well, i think you look pretty with your twa

i was just telling my husband last night that you can really tell if someone is attractive when they have a short haircut and still look good. I've seen you both relaxed and natural and i think you look pretty both ways, but i really think that natural hair complements you very nicely

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks Jainy

I always say the same thing.

I know that relaxing my hair will not make me look more attractive. But I think that my hair can be a distraction to my attractiveness for those who are used to the status quo (relaxed hair). And I'm not saying boohoo I think I'm ugly with natural hair

But I know that by the sheer fact of me having relaxed hair I would look more attractive to other people...men, my mother, etc.

 

[ms_kenesha]

Re: Don\'t Shoot Me Anyone...

[ QUOTE ]
Irresistible said:
ms_kenesha, all of your thoughts and feelings are totally natural, i think every natural has experience similar thoughts/feelings at some point...

i mean i still trip off the "break neck syndrome" men develop when i have my hair down (pressed) and the minimal looks while its in a pony tail or bun (which is most of the time)

the one thing that is gonna take care of this is time and just wait till your hair grows some more, you wont even consider putting a relaxer in it then(at least i doubt it). ...and yes, we all do it, we take other things goin on in our lives out on our hair, its the straw that breaks the camels back when other things are goin on and on top of that we have issues with our hair....just remember, this too shall pass..take it one day at a time.

I wish i had more answers for you, but i too sometimes still feel more attractive (and men act like it too) when my hair is down and pressed......but i still dont do it all the time and i still love my natural hair....ive just found my own happy medium that works for me.....you will too for yourself, in time. The key is giving it time.

all the poof and breaking necks in the world wont make me relax my hair, but that steadfastness came only with time. its no longer even a possible consideration for me , ever.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks Iris for your support.

Here's the thing though and I'm not trying to discount either your advice or experiences. A) you are like a 3 by virtue of that alone your hair will be more attractive in black society's eyes AND B) your hair is very long & like texture by that alone your hair is seen as attractive.

I know that the steadfastness would/could come with time, but I'm afraid that I am too weary for the race

I'm just very vulnerable right now.

 

[ChildlikeEmpress]

Re: Don\'t Shoot Me Anyone...

Life is much too short to waste it changing yourself just to please other people. In the end, you'll only lose yourself, and any so-called admirers you gain from those changes can and likely will be lost the minute you choose not to conform to their wishes. Take it from someone who knows this entirely too well. Is that really what you want?

In other words, unless permed hair is the truest expression of YOU, don't do it. I can almost guarantee that you'll end up regretting it.

Whatever you choose, though, good luck.

~Rochelle.

 

[ms_kenesha]

Re: Don\'t Shoot Me Anyone...

[ QUOTE ]
ladydee36330 said:
[ QUOTE ]
Dolce_Dawn said:
Okay, I'm not gonna shoot you...

but can I slap you?

Don't you perm your hair! You haven't listed a good reason yet to perm. Until then I can't support you... Nuh-uh.

[/ QUOTE ]
Well I'm gone shoot

Step away from the relaxer. Leave the hair alone. Stop or I will

[/ QUOTE ]

Now, see why do we have to pick up arms

What's your view on this whole thing?

 

[ms_kenesha]

Re: Don\'t Shoot Me Anyone...

[ QUOTE ]
ChildlikeEmpress said:
Life is much too short to waste it changing yourself just to please other people. In the end, you'll only lose yourself, and any so-called admirers you gain from those changes can and likely will be lost the minute you choose not to conform to their wishes. Take it from someone who knows this entirely too well. Is that really what you want?

In other words, unless permed hair is the truest expression of YOU, don't do it. I can almost guarantee that you'll end up regretting it.

Whatever you choose, though, good luck.

~Rochelle.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks Rochelle for the good wishes.

I do not know right now what is the truest expression of myself. Right now I don't even really know if up is up.

 

[Irresistible]

Re: Don\'t Shoot Me Anyone...

[ QUOTE ]
ms_kenesha said:
[ QUOTE ]
Irresistible said:
ms_kenesha, all of your thoughts and feelings are totally natural, i think every natural has experience similar thoughts/feelings at some point...

i mean i still trip off the "break neck syndrome" men develop when i have my hair down (pressed) and the minimal looks while its in a pony tail or bun (which is most of the time)

the one thing that is gonna take care of this is time and just wait till your hair grows some more, you wont even consider putting a relaxer in it then(at least i doubt it). ...and yes, we all do it, we take other things goin on in our lives out on our hair, its the straw that breaks the camels back when other things are goin on and on top of that we have issues with our hair....just remember, this too shall pass..take it one day at a time.

I wish i had more answers for you, but i too sometimes still feel more attractive (and men act like it too) when my hair is down and pressed......but i still dont do it all the time and i still love my natural hair....ive just found my own happy medium that works for me.....you will too for yourself, in time. The key is giving it time.

all the poof and breaking necks in the world wont make me relax my hair, but that steadfastness came only with time. its no longer even a possible consideration for me , ever.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks Iris for your support.

Here's the thing though and I'm not trying to discount either your advice or experiences. A) you are like a 3 by virtue of that alone your hair will be more attractive in black society's eyes AND B) your hair is very long & like texture by that alone your hair is seen as attractive.

I know that the steadfastness would/could come with time, but I'm afraid that I am too weary for the race

I'm just very vulnerable right now.

[/ QUOTE ] sweetie, i grew out my hair from scratch from a relaxer too though....and whether 3 or not, i still had my moments of weakness and confusion/mixed feelings and new limits to face with my hair. so although not exactly the same, its not like i just cant relate at all girl...

 

[ms_kenesha]

Re: Don\'t Shoot Me Anyone...

[ QUOTE ]
Irresistible said:
[ QUOTE ]
ms_kenesha said:
[ QUOTE ]
Irresistible said:
ms_kenesha, all of your thoughts and feelings are totally natural, i think every natural has experience similar thoughts/feelings at some point...

i mean i still trip off the "break neck syndrome" men develop when i have my hair down (pressed) and the minimal looks while its in a pony tail or bun (which is most of the time)

the one thing that is gonna take care of this is time and just wait till your hair grows some more, you wont even consider putting a relaxer in it then(at least i doubt it). ...and yes, we all do it, we take other things goin on in our lives out on our hair, its the straw that breaks the camels back when other things are goin on and on top of that we have issues with our hair....just remember, this too shall pass..take it one day at a time.

I wish i had more answers for you, but i too sometimes still feel more attractive (and men act like it too) when my hair is down and pressed......but i still dont do it all the time and i still love my natural hair....ive just found my own happy medium that works for me.....you will too for yourself, in time. The key is giving it time.

all the poof and breaking necks in the world wont make me relax my hair, but that steadfastness came only with time. its no longer even a possible consideration for me , ever.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks Iris for your support.

Here's the thing though and I'm not trying to discount either your advice or experiences. A) you are like a 3 by virtue of that alone your hair will be more attractive in black society's eyes AND B) your hair is very long & like texture by that alone your hair is seen as attractive.

I know that the steadfastness would/could come with time, but I'm afraid that I am too weary for the race

I'm just very vulnerable right now.

[/ QUOTE ] sweetie, i grew out my hair from scratch from a relaxer too though....and whether 3 or not, i still had my moments of weakness and confusion/mixed feelings and new limits to face with my hair. so although not exactly the same, its not like i just cant relate at all girl...

[/ QUOTE ]

I know, that's why I said I'm not discounting your advice or experience. I appreciate your advice, but I truly feel it's in some ways different. Just like a transitioning 3 can give a 4 some tips, but just by virtue of texture the road is going to be a very different landscape.

I don't want you to think I'm not appreciative

 

[mermaid]

Re: Don\'t Shoot Me Anyone...

Okay. I think the more time you have as a natural, the less you'll want to relax. Right now, you are listening to your mom who is of the old school when no good black woman would let her hair be nappy- no disrespect to your mom or anything, but you know what I mean. She's of a different era and thoughts on hair.
As far as men looking at you- girl, they lookin'. They see a woman with your hair style and think "strong, confident- wow!".
Is it the length that is getting to you? Because even if it's relaxed, it will still be shorter, than say, Iris's. you are still going to have to play the wait game, so why not use it to get your hair stronger and healthy? You said you aren't having problems with managing it, and with it natural you have more freedom with it.
What were your reason's for going natural? Not for someone else, right? Sooo, don't let someone else inflence you to start that relaxing carousel again.

 

[Dolce_Dawn]

Re: Don\'t Shoot Me Anyone...

[ QUOTE ]
ms_kenesha said:
[ QUOTE ]
Dolce_Dawn said:
[ QUOTE ]
ms_kenesha said:
[ QUOTE ]
Dolce_Dawn said:
Okay, I'm not gonna shoot you...

but can I slap you?

Don't you perm your hair! You haven't listed a good reason yet to perm. Until then I can't support you... Nuh-uh.

[/ QUOTE ]

What's a good reason to perm? If you ask me there are no real "good" reasons because they're all aesthetic. It's not like anyone has to perm for their health

I'm still up in the air as to whether I will or not, I just don't want to feel like I buckled under society's pressure.

[/ QUOTE ]

The reason to perm is not strictly for esthetics for everyone; I perm primarily for convenience. I don't perm to fit into society's ideas of beauty, I just don't have a whole day to put aside for wrestling with my hair.

I agree w/sengschick and basically what she said is what I was trying to say. You're citing societal pressures and what men want in their blk women, but like I said earlier, you haven't given me a good REASON for YOU to perm. They sound more like excuses. I mean, I love ya to death, but I don't really see you perming b/c Amerikka says so. Or for no man. I haven't read it, but there's gotta be a passage on that in WMLB somewhere!

[/ QUOTE ]

DD now you know I'm gonna have to call you out on that convenience thing. Going to get your hair relaxed every so often is convenient? I can tell you that is one thing that my natural hair is, convinient!!! Talk about a wash and go! And I don't know anyone with natural hair who spends a whole day wresling with it unless they're braiding all their hair...which is no diff. than any other braiding endeavor.

I truly believe there is no real REASON anyone perms other than for "beauty" reasons and don't all methods of attaining beauty have to do with at the basic level attraction, whether it's the same or opposite sex. We've even talked about in OT about beauty giving you special privileges, well if what MOST people think is pretty is non-natural black hair then it's all the SAME THING.

[/ QUOTE ]

To avoid getting into a debate about relaxed vs natural I am going to say this:

I, personally, (I cannot speak for anyone else b/c I and I alone know my hair) perm my hair b/c it is much more convenient for ME. Beauty or the pursuit of it was not my primary concern b/c one could reason that I could always get straight hair by pressing it. So for me, that is the main reason. Convenience.

Second of all, maybe I came across judgmental in my initial post. I apologize.

I am in no way trying to demean or belittle your feelings about your hair. As BC pointed out, you don't need anyone's approval and I apologize if I came off that way. My statement was in jest about "not supporting you"; of course I would and will support you in any decision about your hair. I merely wanted to convey to you that I going natural seems like a big step, but going BACK to a relaxer seems like a bigger one. If there is any reason to do so, it should not be b/c of any outside pressure or forces.

Either which way, babe, you're beautiful! Didn't I tell you that before?

 

[amy1234]

Re: Don\'t Shoot Me Anyone...

hey ms kenesha i understand what you're going through- why don't you try pressing your hair out one day. This is exactly what you'r hair would look like if it were relaxed. Maybe you just need a temporary change- doing this might help. Also if you do decide to relax, remember that it will remain the same length as your pressed hair. I know that may sound silly but I remember some of the thoughts you have been contemplating but then I realized that my hair was still not as long as I would have liked it to be and I had to be patient and wait until I reached my goals (lengthwise) before contemplating again.

 

[lsubabiedee]

Re: Don\'t Shoot Me Anyone...

awww...ms_kenesha!

just think about it: do you want to be with someone who is only attracted to you when ur hair is a certain way?

men, in general, have a thing for long straight hair...but there are plenty of men who dig short hair...

it'll be ok....

 

[Irresistible]

Re: Don\'t Shoot Me Anyone...

[ QUOTE ]
ms_kenesha said:
[ QUOTE ]
Irresistible said:
[ QUOTE ]
ms_kenesha said:
[ QUOTE ]
Irresistible said:
ms_kenesha, all of your thoughts and feelings are totally natural, i think every natural has experience similar thoughts/feelings at some point...

i mean i still trip off the "break neck syndrome" men develop when i have my hair down (pressed) and the minimal looks while its in a pony tail or bun (which is most of the time)

the one thing that is gonna take care of this is time and just wait till your hair grows some more, you wont even consider putting a relaxer in it then(at least i doubt it). ...and yes, we all do it, we take other things goin on in our lives out on our hair, its the straw that breaks the camels back when other things are goin on and on top of that we have issues with our hair....just remember, this too shall pass..take it one day at a time.

I wish i had more answers for you, but i too sometimes still feel more attractive (and men act like it too) when my hair is down and pressed......but i still dont do it all the time and i still love my natural hair....ive just found my own happy medium that works for me.....you will too for yourself, in time. The key is giving it time.

all the poof and breaking necks in the world wont make me relax my hair, but that steadfastness came only with time. its no longer even a possible consideration for me , ever.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks Iris for your support.

Here's the thing though and I'm not trying to discount either your advice or experiences. A) you are like a 3 by virtue of that alone your hair will be more attractive in black society's eyes AND B) your hair is very long & like texture by that alone your hair is seen as attractive.

I know that the steadfastness would/could come with time, but I'm afraid that I am too weary for the race

I'm just very vulnerable right now.

[/ QUOTE ] sweetie, i grew out my hair from scratch from a relaxer too though....and whether 3 or not, i still had my moments of weakness and confusion/mixed feelings and new limits to face with my hair. so although not exactly the same, its not like i just cant relate at all girl...

[/ QUOTE ]

I know, that's why I said I'm not discounting your advice or experience. I appreciate your advice, but I truly feel it's in some ways different. Just like a transitioning 3 can give a 4 some tips, but just by virtue of texture the road is going to be a very different landscape.

I don't want you to think I'm not appreciative

[/ QUOTE ] I dont think that at all girl

although i was focusing on the similarities, i know i cant discount the differences either

your beautiful no matter how you wear your hair

 

[ms_kenesha]

Re: Don\'t Shoot Me Anyone...

[ QUOTE ]
Dolce_Dawn said:
To avoid getting into a debate about relaxed vs natural I am going to say this:

I, personally, (I cannot speak for anyone else b/c I and I alone know my hair) perm my hair b/c it is much more convenient for ME. Beauty or the pursuit of it was not my primary concern b/c one could reason that I could always get straight hair by pressing it. So for me, that is the main reason. Convenience.

Second of all, maybe I came across judgmental in my initial post. I apologize.

I am in no way trying to demean or belittle your feelings about your hair. As BC pointed out, you don't need anyone's approval and I apologize if I came off that way. My statement was in jest about "not supporting you"; of course I would and will support you in any decision about your hair. I merely wanted to convey to you that I going natural seems like a big step, but going BACK to a relaxer seems like a bigger one. If there is any reason to do so, it should not be b/c of any outside pressure or forces.

Either which way, babe, you're beautiful! Didn't I tell you that before?

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks hon.

You're right, relaxing is a big step and I'm at least gonna wait until I'm not menstrual to make that big of a decision.

I don't want to do it on a day when I'm a blubbering mess, of which I've been today.

I'm really trying to think HARD about it & what's best for me...whatever that is.

The thing is when I was relaxed my hair wasn't unhealthy or breaking or anything like that, it was growing healthy and all that good stuff. So me cutting it all off was a shock to everyone. Also, I did it a month after my fiance had told me that he wasn't sure if he wanted to get married anymore, so although I had been thinking about going natural after I got married this whole thing just made me go I'm cutting this 'ish off. You know how women can be, they say when a woman is going through something dramatic in her life she usu. cuts her hair.

So cut to me now. Single, living alone & now I'm thinking maybe I should just get a relaxer. Also, I've been thinking about dying my hair black, but you know what is really striking to me straight black hair and that's what originally got me thinking about this. Then *please don't laugh y'all* I was watching The Player on UPN and there were all these guys competing for this chick's attention and I start thinking I want that for me and then I start thinking no guys are going to do that for me with my natural hair *which may just be stinkin' thinkin'* but I just wanted to share my whole thought process.

*Yes, y'all I know that the Player is just a tv show, but let me tell you when I was single (almost 3 yrs. ago now & with a relaxer) men were competing and throwing themselves at me, now, not so much

 

[so1913]

Re: Don\'t Shoot Me Anyone...

[ QUOTE ]
ms_kenesha said:
[ QUOTE ]
so1913 said:
[ QUOTE ]
ms_kenesha said:
[ QUOTE ]
so1913 said:
I have these thoughts too, not necessarily for those reasons, but because I get so FRUSTRATED with trying to learn how to work with my natural texture...

[/ QUOTE ]

So, that's not EVEN my problem, caring for my natural hair is easy (to me) despite what people think about the "managebility" of natural hair.

[/ QUOTE ]

Caring for my natural hair def. wasn't easy for me, it's been re-learned process since been so trained to care for processed hair. I think the fact that I didn't do the big chop, or didn't transition using styles like twist outs and so forth (I pretty much flat ironed and wrapped my hair and wore it straight the whole time) didn't allow me to get to know my hair as a grew it out. I'm getting the hang of it though.

I guess it's that society is so brain washed to think natural hair is BAD, especially some of our black men who equate beauty to long, straight hair. However, I do think with the new surge of black woman wearing and accepting their natural hair texture, it's becoming more accepted and is becoming desireable to many black men. I have a few male friends who are advocates of natural hair and think it adds to the natural beauty of black women. I personally don't have as many men "hitting" on me like I did in the past. But it doesn't bother me, I hate being "hit" on. I figure the ones that do approach me now are probably the ones that would be worth giving my time or attention.

I wouldn't make any physical or mental changes to attract any man, or to make family members or friends happy. These changes should be based personal growth and empowerment.

Also, God has already picked out our other half. He'll bring him to us as he has planned (I just wish it wouldn't take so long in my case!!!, lol). It's when we go on a search, and try to make that man appear that we come up short and with the loosers, lol.

[/ QUOTE ]

You're right it is more acceptable, but it's not that widespread.

And yes I know that a man worthy of my time & talents will be one who loves me for me, but everyone knows that the first step to attraction is looks and because of the way blacks are socialized the "natural look" is not gonna pull in as many men as the "straight look".

[/ QUOTE ]

But you know what? If it's not your hair, it will be something else. You can go ahead and relax it but I guarantee you find something else physically about yourself that you'd want to change too because then you'd be "more attractive to society" We need to focus more on accepting ourselves whether it be relaxed or natural, short or tall, fat or thin. One thing about society is that it can be influenced and changed. Just do a timeline of history by decade over the last 100 years. In the case of natural hair acceptance, just look at the change over the past 5 years? It doesn't happen in a day and neither does learning who you really are or who you want to be as a person. The only time there are changes in how society thinks is when there are changes in how we think individually. We must start setting higher standards for ourselves for standards to change around us.

What we need to do is change our focus. It should not be about what man, or how many men you can "pull" or what you can do to yourself in order to do this. It should be about what man can pull you? Who's going to meet your high standards? who can handle having a strong, black, confident woman walking side by side them? That all comes with accepting yourself.

I'm not saying that I've reached that point in my life, but I know that this is the point that I want to get to within myself. Knowing that, I'm a steady work in process. Society only changes it's thought process as we change our own. If everyone worked on accepting themselves, then society would have no other choice but to do the same.

Now you can either be a spearheader of change, or fall back and go with the flow.

 

[ms_kenesha]

Re: Don\'t Shoot Me Anyone...

[ QUOTE ]
so1913 said:
But you know what? If it's not your hair, it will be something else. You can go ahead and relax it but I guarantee you find something else physically about yourself that you'd want to change too because then you'd be "more attractive to society" We need to focus more on accepting ourselves whether it be relaxed or natural, short or tall, fat or thin. One thing about society is that it can be influenced and changed. Just do a timeline of history by decade over the last 100 years. In the case of natural hair acceptance, just look at the change over the past 5 years? It doesn't happen in a day and neither does learning who you really are or who you want to be as a person. The only time there are changes in how society thinks is when there are changes in how we think individually. We must start setting higher standards for ourselves for standards to change around us.

What we need to do is change our focus. It should not be about what man, or how many men you can "pull" or what you can do to yourself in order to do this. It should be about what man can pull you? Who's going to meet your high standards? who can handle having a strong, black, confident woman walking side by side them? That all comes with accepting yourself.

I'm not saying that I've reached that point in my life, but I know that this is the point that I want to get to within myself. Knowing that, I'm a steady work in process. Society only changes it's thought process as we change our own. If everyone worked on accepting themselves, then society would have no other choice but to do the same.

Now you can either be a spearheader of change, or fall back and go with the flow.

[/ QUOTE ]

You're absolutely right so1913.

Right now I feel like I'm tired of fighting the power and want to fall back in line. In China there's this saying "the nail that stands up gets pounded" or something like that basically championing homogeny. I'm tired of getting pounded, but realistically I know that the "pounding" I'm getting is simply life run amook and could have happened whether my hair was straight, curly, wavy, or kinky. But when there is something small that you can change it makes you feel better that you have some kind of control over something in your life, ya know. It's like being a cutter, minus the bleeding and pain.

 

[nurseN98]

Re: Don\'t Shoot Me Anyone...

Well it seems like you want to perm your hair to make yourself "more attractive" to people in general. If being attractive to other people is very important to you than go ahead and perm it. This is a very personal decision and you have to go through your reasons for going natural in the first place to get through your decision. If you went natural as a result of just wanting to have control over something in your life as a result of turmoil going on, that's one thing and perming wouldn't be a big thing for you so go for it. But if you went natural with the feeling that there is no reason for you to put chemicals on your hair to be beautiful because you want to be beautiful the way God made you (my reason) then after perming your hair you will probably experience regret. Personally I know that I'll never relax again but I know that if I want straight hair, I can always straighten it temporarily when I feel like it.

This is a wonderful board and it is so supportive but the decision is truly yours, We can't make it for you. Good luck with whatever you do, LHCF will be here for you either way

 

[sassygirl125]

Re: Don\'t Shoot Me Anyone...

Think about for a while longer. Then do what makes you happy. You know we will support you no matter what you decide.

 

[Sascha]

Re: Don\'t Shoot Me Anyone...

I personally have it a bit easy because my husband is very supportive of me bring natural and even brags to his friends about how proud he is of me for "going against the grain" But he is the type of man that would support me if I wanted to have blue hair for the rest of my life. I am able to finish my transition staying at home with my son and not having to go to work every day and deal with outside negative comments. My Mother and sisters are also quite supportive.
Relaxing is something that you have to do because its your decision. Not because of what your getting from outside. Expecially because you were already on this natural journey I don't want you to feel like you "broke under the pressure" or "sold out". If you want to relax, relax....if you feel better staying natural than do that but please make sure its what you really want. Maybe you can press your hair for a while or put it in braids so you can think about it a bit longer and not do anything rash?

 

[hotshot]

Re: Don\'t Shoot Me Anyone...

ms. k- men, ALL KINDS, love my hair. in fact, to many men, its their favorite thing about me. Many men have told me how sexy it is that i have the confidence to be different. and i mean some fine men, too.

if you want to relax your hair, do it for YOU and not some prospective maybe man that may or may not lurk out there. i dont see men changing themselves because of some woman that may or may not exist that they havent met yet. they just exist with confidence no matter how they look. and if a man doesnt like it, but he still likes you, well, who said your mate has to like everything about you anyway? I have been in loving relationships where i wasnt crazy about the dude's style of dress, or he didnt like something about me all the time. who cares? if you are comfortable and confident with your decision to be natural, WHO CARES what the standard is? I don't, and it doesnt stop the compliments from coming from a variety of people.

 

[jd_bdfly]

Re: Don\'t Shoot Me Anyone...

My closest guy friends have always told me that women that are too focused on finding someone usually have the hardest time. It's when you are not preoccupied with looking that things fall right into your lap. Maybe you should stop fretting over being single; whether or not others find you attractive, etc. Not to mention, that you've been single for only 6 months. Wasn't it February when you broke off your engagement? Girl, that's no time. You should be using this time to discover YOURSELF not fretting over what people think of you. Take up a hobby. Do some volunteer work, something. Right now, though, it seems that you are just gonna drive yourself crazy.

And I agree with the others, if you want a straight look, just hot comb or flat iron it to see how you feel before you relax again. If you want long, straight locks, go get you some braids or a weave.

 

[ms_kenesha]

Re: Don\'t Shoot Me Anyone...

[ QUOTE ]
jd_bdfly said:
My closest guy friends have always told me that women that are too focused on finding someone usually have the hardest time. It's when you are not preoccupied with looking that things fall right into your lap. Maybe you should stop fretting over being single; whether or not others find you attractive, etc. Not to mention, that you've been single for only 6 months. Wasn't it February when you broke off your engagement? Girl, that's no time. You should be using this time to discover YOURSELF not fretting over what people think of you. Take up a hobby. Do some volunteer work, something. Right now, though, it seems that you are just gonna drive yourself crazy.

And I agree with the others, if you want a straight look, just hot comb or flat iron it to see how you feel before you relax again. If you want long, straight locks, go get you some braids or a weave.

[/ QUOTE ]

You sound like my best friend, she said something similar. But here's the thing and what I told her. I don't even want to date anyone right now, but I want to feel desirable anyway and right now...I DO NOT! The only man I really want to be bothered with is my non-fian.I moreso want to feel like it could happen. I want to feel desired and I don't feel that way AT ALL right now & not just because I'm menstrual. I even think I need some alone time to deal with all that's been going on in my life and what not.

But as superficial as it is, it makes me feel good to get attention from people. And it would make me feel good to know or even say to Sharief you may not want me in this way, but Tom, Dick, and Harry do. I know it’s superficial and wouldn’t really change the way my relationship with him stands right now. But I feel rejected. Yesterday, I wanted to put on my wedding dress. I’m wondering why my life is going the way it is. This is not the life I intended to live and I want my dream life. I know that a relaxer won’t give me all the things I’m wanting, but it’s one little thing in my life that I can control. I can’t control much, but that I know I can. Yo no se!

 

[Country gal]

Re: Don\'t Shoot Me Anyone...

K- I think you are just being insecure. The negative comments don't help either. I like the color you have in your hair. You also looked very nice at our last outing.

I have my insecure moments too. I just had a co-worker tell me to do something with my hair. She told me to do it for myself. I told her I don't have a problem with my hair so if I did something besides a ponytail than I would be doing it for you. Is your hair long enough to sport braids? I notice with braids, I got more attention from men.

 

[Ayeshia]

Re: Don\'t Shoot Me Anyone...

[ QUOTE ]
sbaker said:
K- I think you are just being insecure. The negative comments don't help either. I like the color you have in your hair. You also looked very nice at our last outing.

I have my insecure moments too. I just had a co-worker tell me to do something with my hair. She told me to do it for myself. I told her I don't have a problem with my hair so if I did something besides a ponytail than I would be doing it for you. Is your hair long enough to sport braids? I notice with braids, I got more attention from men.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree

MissK I know that you did not cut all of that hair off just to perm it again...come on now

Usually when women are in an emotional rut, they look to their hair to make a difference in the way they feel. Even if you did relax it tomorrow it will still be short, only straight. Think about it and get back to us

 

[chanou]

Re: Don\'t Shoot Me Anyone...

I had those very same feelings when I was going natural, it wasn't because of the texture but moreso, I felt undesirable sometimes because of the length and the freaking unruly twists that I always wore- Having a fro to me was like walking naked in the world- There was no hair to hide my face or my emotions- I got used to it and eventually felt comfortable with my natural fro(yes no matter how long it was, my hair always looked like a fro) for five years-

Braid your hair or get full sew in weave or wear a wig- That's what I did when I had those same feelings when I was natural-
I got to see what it would feel like getting a relaxer and felt attractive in my mind-
With the braids, it's simple , out of sight, out of mind-

 

[Allandra]

Re: Don\'t Shoot Me Anyone...

Hey Kenesha

Girl, we aint mad at ya. Whether you're relaxed, texturized, natural or colored, we'll welcome you.

 

[so1913]

Re: Don\'t Shoot Me Anyone...

[ QUOTE ]
ms_kenesha said:
[ QUOTE ]
so1913 said:
But you know what? If it's not your hair, it will be something else. You can go ahead and relax it but I guarantee you find something else physically about yourself that you'd want to change too because then you'd be "more attractive to society" We need to focus more on accepting ourselves whether it be relaxed or natural, short or tall, fat or thin. One thing about society is that it can be influenced and changed. Just do a timeline of history by decade over the last 100 years. In the case of natural hair acceptance, just look at the change over the past 5 years? It doesn't happen in a day and neither does learning who you really are or who you want to be as a person. The only time there are changes in how society thinks is when there are changes in how we think individually. We must start setting higher standards for ourselves for standards to change around us.

What we need to do is change our focus. It should not be about what man, or how many men you can "pull" or what you can do to yourself in order to do this. It should be about what man can pull you? Who's going to meet your high standards? who can handle having a strong, black, confident woman walking side by side them? That all comes with accepting yourself.

I'm not saying that I've reached that point in my life, but I know that this is the point that I want to get to within myself. Knowing that, I'm a steady work in process. Society only changes it's thought process as we change our own. If everyone worked on accepting themselves, then society would have no other choice but to do the same.

Now you can either be a spearheader of change, or fall back and go with the flow.

[/ QUOTE ]

You're absolutely right so1913.

Right now I feel like I'm tired of fighting the power and want to fall back in line. In China there's this saying "the nail that stands up gets pounded" or something like that basically championing homogeny. I'm tired of getting pounded, but realistically I know that the "pounding" I'm getting is simply life run amook and could have happened whether my hair was straight, curly, wavy, or kinky. But when there is something small that you can change it makes you feel better that you have some kind of control over something in your life, ya know. It's like being a cutter, minus the bleeding and pain.

[/ QUOTE ]

Hmmmm, I kinda see what your saying, it just saddens me that there are so many women, not just yourself, that feel this pressure. Sometimes the real place to look to make those little changes are mental, not the physical. I guess naturally, the physical appears to be easiest to change, but I have a feeling if you do make that change based on the reasons you are stating, down the line you will struggle inside, not for the change you made, but for the reason you made it. Is it going to please you to make a decision based on pleasing others?

I feel their is nothing wrong if an individual wants to relax there hair, I'm all about choice and variety. BUT, there is something very wrong when we make decisions, and I'm not just talking about hair, for the simple fact of pleasing someone other than ourselves. Yeah, maybe you'll attract men who prefer relaxed hair. Ok. Then what? If relaxed hair was the deciding factor the whole love scheme, then you would have been settled down and living happily ever after a long time ago when you were relaxed before and this wouldn't even be an issue. I'm not trying to give you a hard time, we go way back

, Actually, that's why I am giving you a hard time. Like I mentioned before, you change your hair, then you'll find something else you don't like physically to change next. The problem isn't your hair, it's what's in your head,lol. the problem is you haven't accepted yourself. You're working backwards. You must work from the inside out, not the reverse...you'll start to realize there isn't as much the outside that needs to be changed. It's as simple as taking care of yourself (eating right, exercising), carrying yourself well, following your dreams, and elimunating confidence. Do you know that that's what's going to have the quality men chasing you down??? (I need to get on top of all of this myself!!!

) It's not about relaxing or being natural to me, I'm all about having choices and choosing your own style. It's about prioritizing what's important to you. Now if you decide that changing anything physically to make yourself more attractive to the average man is important to you, then I guess you have to do what you have to do.

Hang in there girl, whatever decision you make, we're still gonna look out for you!

That's it for me! I talk (ramble on) too much!

 

[dreemssold]

Re: Don\'t Shoot Me Anyone...

Obviously, you have to do what you think is best, but if I were you, I'd stay natural. I think your face shines through with your natural, and once your fro is really huge, you will be glad you kept it

. Finally, I think a true quality man is not so superficial that he cares whether a woman is relaxed or natural.