Waiting Until Marriage- 100%- Does It Even Exist?

[MizzBrown]

I regret it. I had a plan to wait until I was married and I also wanted HIM to be a virgin as well. That's slim pickings to find an educated black man w/ no kids AND be a virgin.

I only met ONE male virgin in college and I would stare at him like he was a pot of gold. Sad thing was, some girl snatched him up, trapped him with 2 kids, he had to drop out of school and his dreams of being an artist were dropped and he had to get a job to support those kids.

I wonder how different his life couldve been had he waited. Where he would be now. I think my life would be different too.

Don't sample the goods. Just wait. I often think about what I'm gonna give my husband on my wedding night. It's already gone. I plan to wait this time around. If yall meet anymore male virgins though, take a picture and savor it.

 

[Ms Red]

Interesting article and blog RR...

MizzB.. I haven't met many male virgins.. either

 

[sunshinelady]

So many times I'll read that saved couples 'slipped up' once or twice before marriage and fornicated.... then they repented, prayed, may have even abstained for a while, and got married. But the point is they GOT TO SAMPLE THE GOODS. erplexed

What about the couple who have been together a long time and are waiting for marriage? But have not been intimate because of their beliefs in God's will for their lives and future marriage???

They don't get to test the waters, per se, before getting married so they don't even know if they're sexually compatible or not. Even the Christian women I know who are now married will say 'Girl, I couldn't marry that man and not know what he was working with!' erplexed Well ok...

This is really bothering me. Do these couples even exist? Or do most Christian men and women in relationships have sex prior to marriage or backslide and then 'come to God' again before marriage?

It's disheartening.

I know of one couple that waited.

 

[secretdiamond]

I'm not gonna get all into this, but I just love the way the world puts all the pressure, responsibility, guilt, shame, and condemnation on the woman for abstaining. We are on this board throwing quotes and morals & threats of hell for us to stay pure and holy. And it doesn't happen just here, but everywhere, every day, with a lot of women (even me). I would love to know if there is a comparable amount of men doing the same & if the men who haven't waited are killing themselves over guilt (even the Christian ones) & how others view them & if God will still love them or not, etc.

Okay rant over. carry on.....


ETA: Btw the way, I know this is the Christian forum.. I'm Christian so I think I can put in my 2 cents. Also, I haven't had sex aka abstaining for so long I can't even remember--- even while I was with my bf of 3 yrs. But I still have my opinions on it all.

 

[MizzBrown]

I'm not gonna get all into this, but I just love the way the world puts all the pressure, responsibility, guilt, shame, and condemnation on the woman for abstaining. We are on this board throwing quotes and morals & threats of hell for us to stay pure and holy. And it doesn't happen just here, but everywhere, every day, with a lot of women (even me). I would love to know if there is a comparable amount of men doing the same & if the men who haven't waited are killing themselves over guilt (even the Christian ones) & how others view them & if God will still love them or not.

Okay rant over. carry on.....

There aren't any! I also agree. There isnt a comparable amount. Pickings are already slim and when I was trying to save myself, i wanted a VIRGIN too. I was very firm about not wasting mine on someone who already wasted his and he gets ME as his present/treat/wedding night gift.

Guys should be raised the same way and when i get married and my husbands starts preachin that to my daughter, I'm gonna tell him to turn around and preach it RIGHT BACK TO OUR SON. They should have promise rings for boys as well. I'm gonna get one for my son, should i have one.

And it sickens me how men go on and on about wanting their wife to be pure when they are not. If you are used goods then all you should get is used goods.

 

[Shimmie]

I regret it. I had a plan to wait until I was married and I also wanted HIM to be a virgin as well. That's slim pickings to find an educated black man w/ no kids AND be a virgin.

I only met ONE male virgin in college and I would stare at him like he was a pot of gold. Sad thing was, some girl snatched him up, trapped him with 2 kids, he had to drop out of school and his dreams of being an artist were dropped and he had to get a job to support those kids.

I wonder how different his life couldve been had he waited. Where he would be now. I think my life would be different too.

Don't sample the goods. Just wait. I often think about what I'm gonna give my husband on my wedding night. It's already gone. I plan to wait this time around. If yall meet anymore male virgins though, take a picture and savor it.

I love your post, especially the bolded...

But you know what? There's also slim pickins' for white men too, educated, virgin, childless...and.......

I've lived and worked with whites all my live, and trust me, they are not better off than the world would have us think.

Angel, I wish above all things for you to be the priceless princess that you all ready are and always will be. You are the joy and the prize that will not be in disguise when you meet your prince who will be perfectly suited and created just for you. God promises and His gifts are without regret or repentance. He is giving your future husband the very best and the very best is 'you'.

Remember that...no matter what your past, you are still priceless.

 

[secretdiamond]

There aren't any! I also agree. There isnt a comparable amount. Pickings are already slim and when I was trying to save myself, i wanted a VIRGIN too. I was very firm about not wasting mine on someone who already wasted his and he gets ME as his present/treat/wedding night gift.

Guys should be raised the same way and when i get married and my husbands starts preachin that to my daughter, I'm gonna tell him to turn around and preach it RIGHT BACK TO OUR SON. They should have promise rings for boys as well. I'm gonna get one for my son, should i have one.

And it sickens me how men go on and on about wanting their wife to be pure when they are not. If you are used goods then all you should get is used goods.

I won't EVEN get started on that! I have stories. I'm sure we all do. The double standard is ridiculous & it's also very prevalent in churches. Like I said, I won't get started, but it just lead me to think a lot about this whole issue & how it came about & why/how it is enforced/forced. My mind has been going everywhere lately (for good maybe bad) but it all just is..... I dunno.

 

[MizzBrown]

You should've seen the looks on guys faces when i told them i was a virgin back when. Like they orgasmed on sight. That turns them on even more and they treat you COMPLETELY differently. Then i would tell them i wanted him to be a virgin too and then their noses turn up. I just started to avoid the question more or just lie.

 

[caligirl]

I often think about what I'm gonna give my husband on my wedding night. It's already gone.

I think you can still have really beautiful, intimate love-making on your wedding night. I think its wrong to think of yourself as "used goods."

 

[Ms Red]

I understand your point SecretDiamond. I have often wondered the same thing and noted the double standard that we (society) place on girls but not boys. The only solution I can think of for me, personally, is to raise any sons that I have the exact same way I would raise my daughters. To respect their bodies as well.

The choice is personal and in the end, it is between you and your God.

 

[Farida]

The double standard thing makes me mad as well and I had really long discussions with FH about how we are going to raise our sons. I'm not to tell my daughters one thing and then give my sons a box of condoms for their bdays !!


What I am surprised about, is as slim as the pickings are, every so often I hear women who met/are dating a celibate man and they are angry that he is abstinent. I'm thinking, are you crazy????

 

[carcajada]

Waiting still exists.

I went to college with a guy whom happened to be DH's cousin's best friend. He is a dedicated christian and so is his wife. They took pride in not messing around or anything before marriage.

I won't talk about what I heard about their sex life, but at least they "waited."

 

[chickle]

This is what I'm worried about. I'm 20 years old, and as of right now I've never been in a relationship because every guy that hits on me clearly only wants sex, and I find that disgusting . I feel like guys EXPECT to sample the goods before they get married, and I'm not willing to do that, so I'm worried I may not find a good guy who is willing to wait until marriage. I don't feel a pressing need to have a man in my life right now, but I'm thinking about the future. I would like to have a husband some time in the future that values me and is willing to wait for me .

This is my life

 

[Rapunzel*]

im loving this thread
im waiting until marriage and will abstain from all types of sexual activities, not giving the devil any place......
when i meet my future husband, we will only hug and kiss occasionally, only pecks, or cheek kisses lol

 

[Jenibo]

I like this thread! I used to pray for a virgin man, but became discouraged when I thought my request was outrageous. I changed my prayer to "can he at least be abstinate?" I forgot how big my God is and was willing to settle, when NOTHING is impossible with Him. If I am giving my husband this precious gift come honeymoon it's only fair I receive the same! So now I'm confident and can resume my original prayer
*shaking fist at warped societal views on men and sex*

 

[milaydy31]

I'm not gonna get all into this, but I just love the way the world puts all the pressure, responsibility, guilt, shame, and condemnation on the woman for abstaining. We are on this board throwing quotes and morals & threats of hell for us to stay pure and holy. And it doesn't happen just here, but everywhere, every day, with a lot of women (even me). I would love to know if there is a comparable amount of men doing the same & if the men who haven't waited are killing themselves over guilt (even the Christian ones) & how others view them & if God will still love them or not, etc.

I don't think that the amount of men is comparable but I truly believe that this kind of men exist and that they experience the same guilt that some women experience in that kind of situation.

I know a christian man that was in the same campus as me. He was dating one of my friend but he, himself wasn't my friend. I have to admit that I always found that relationship dangerous as I knew that he was a christian and she was not. He was 25 years old a that time and he was a virgin. They finaly had sex but I didn't knew (we never disscused about that sort of things).
Then one day he came into my house, I wasn't expecting him as we were not close friends and I don't wanted to hopen my door (my politic is no men in my house, if we are not close friends). But he insisted and I saw that there was a problem, as if he was in trouble. He told me that he just wanted to talk to me. Then I hopen the door and he litteraly fell into a chair and he told me that his girlfriend cheated on him. Then this grown man start to cry in front of me.
He told me that before he met her he was a virgin and that each time he met a lady he prayed God to know if this was a good woman or not. He wanted God to prevent him from doing any mistake. He told me that he felt so guilty because he was not a virgin anymore and that he had lost a precious thing for someone that don't even worth it. He was not able to go to church anymore because he was ashamed of himself.
Ladies, I felt so bad for this guy because when a man that you don't really know (we were not close friend, I knew him only because he was dating one of my friend) cry in front of you because of that sort of thing I think that it's really a clue that this persone is in distress.
This thing really affected me and I didn't knew what to tell him in order to comfort him. This episode really affect my friendship with his girlfriend, we are not as close as we were before because I don't like this sort of thing. I never imagine she could have done such a thing.
But I have to admit that I was surprised of his reaction because befor that I never imagined that this kind of man could exist.

All that said, I trully believe that some man are in the same situation as us.
I choose to wait and I really hope to succed in this decision but I have to admit that sometime it's hard. It's not hard because of any temptation, it's hard because I think that some men are afraid of women that choose to wait until mariage and because of this I am afraid to remain single.

 

[Aviah]

Its rare, but possible.

 

[azuquita_morena]

Well it's good to know there are some men that are willing to wait. I myself am quite frustrated because I have not really met too many men who hasn't been with even less than 5 women sexually. I think it's grossly unfair that I "have to" wait, while virtually everything in society is telling a man "you aren't a man unless you have been with a gazillion women".

Fortunately, my brothers have not become like the men that I see. I'm not sure if my mother really talks/talked to them about being virgins outside the religious context of "it's a sin", but I think I will try to get *comfortable* enough to really tell them other reasons why being a virgin until marriage (or at least until they meet their love) is so important in this day in age. I also want to tell them that doing this makes them even more of a man than the ones who just go around spreading their seed without care.

I don't think that the amount of men is comparable but I truly believe that this kind of men exist and that they experience the same guilt that some women experience in that kind of situation.

I know a christian man that was in the same campus as me. He was dating one of my friend but he, himself wasn't my friend. I have to admit that I always found that relationship dangerous as I knew that he was a christian and she was not. He was 25 years old a that time and he was a virgin. They finaly had sex but I didn't knew (we never disscused about that sort of things).
Then one day he came into my house, I wasn't expecting him as we were not close friends and I don't wanted to hopen my door (my politic is no men in my house, if we are not close friends). But he insisted and I saw that there was a problem, as if he was in trouble. He told me that he just wanted to talk to me. Then I hopen the door and he litteraly fell into a chair and he told me that his girlfriend cheated on him. Then this grown man start to cry in front of me.
He told me that before he met her he was a virgin and that each time he met a lady he prayed God to know if this was a good woman or not. He wanted God to prevent him from doing any mistake. He told me that he felt so guilty because he was not a virgin anymore and that he had lost a precious thing for someone that don't even worth it. He was not able to go to church anymore because he was ashamed of himself.
Ladies, I felt so bad for this guy because when a man that you don't really know (we were not close friend, I knew him only because he was dating one of my friend) cry in front of you because of that sort of thing I think that it's really a clue that this persone is in distress.
This thing really affected me and I didn't knew what to tell him in order to comfort him. This episode really affect my friendship with his girlfriend, we are not as close as we were before because I don't like this sort of thing. I never imagine she could have done such a thing.
But I have to admit that I was surprised of his reaction because befor that I never imagined that this kind of man could exist.

All that said, I trully believe that some man are in the same situation as us.
I choose to wait and I really hope to succed in this decision but I have to admit that sometime it's hard. It's not hard because of any temptation, it's hard because I think that some men are afraid of women that choose to wait until mariage and because of this I am afraid to remain single.

 

[milaydy31]

Well it's good to know there are some men that are willing to wait. I myself am quite frustrated because I have not really met too many men who hasn't been with even less than 5 women sexually. I think it's grossly unfair that I "have to" wait, while virtually everything in society is telling a man "you aren't a man unless you have been with a gazillion women".

I also want to tell them that doing this makes them even more of a man than the ones who just go around spreading their seed without care.

I feel you on this one, it's a "paradoxical" situation.

And I like the idea to talk to your brothers

 

[nique3]

I thinks it's funny how not MANY actual married Christian woman have posted, that they waited until marriage. Anybody.......???????

 

[wanwan1007]

I was a virgin when I got married and I was older. I got married in September and I turned 37 on my birthday in October. It was not easy but it is possible. My husband was not a virgin and at times I had to remind him that we were going to wait. My mind was set from the time that I became a christian that I was going to wait until I got married. I never thought that I would wait for so long but I wasn't going to settle or compromise either. I'm VERY glad that I waited. I believe that it's a mind set just like with everything else. If you believe that God can keep you than he can. If you don't he won't. The same with losing weight, working out. Ladies ALL things are possible with God.

 

[nique3]

I was a virgin when I got married and I was older. I got married in September and I turned 37 on my birthday in October. It was not easy but it is possible. My husband was not a virgin and at times I had to remind him that we were going to wait. My mind was set from the time that I became a christian that I was going to wait until I got married. I never thought that I would wait for so long but I wasn't going to settle or compromise either. I'm VERY glad that I waited. I believe that it's a mind set just like with everything else. If you believe that God can keep you than he can. If you don't he won't. The same with losing weight, working out. Ladies ALL things are possible with God.

Thank you so much for your post! I was starting to lose hope.