Waiting Until Marriage- 100%- Does It Even Exist?

[Ms Red]

So many times I'll read that saved couples 'slipped up' once or twice before marriage and fornicated.... then they repented, prayed, may have even abstained for a while, and got married. But the point is they GOT TO SAMPLE THE GOODS. erplexed

What about the couple who have been together a long time and are waiting for marriage? But have not been intimate because of their beliefs in God's will for their lives and future marriage???

They don't get to test the waters, per se, before getting married so they don't even know if they're sexually compatible or not. Even the Christian women I know who are now married will say 'Girl, I couldn't marry that man and not know what he was working with!' erplexed Well ok...

This is really bothering me. Do these couples even exist? Or do most Christian men and women in relationships have sex prior to marriage or backslide and then 'come to God' again before marriage?

It's disheartening.

 

[dlewis]

My aunt was 26 when she married the first time and they waited. I believe they dated for two years. He had been married before though.

My uncle was much older when he married and they waited. He said and I quote "How could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God".

That's true that people don't wait these days. I so wish I had waited. I believe my life would have been very different.

 

[gone_fishing]

The first time I got married we waited. We were as pure as the driven snow (well, I was).

But this second time with my SO... we did slip up a time or ten but we are abstaining now. I think the fact that I had already "done it" made it difficult to not want it. So I've done both. It's difficult! But, I have to repent and pray like every day...well...every day he's around me cause i just wanna eat him up so bad but I can't do the touchy touchy till the wedding day.

Sex is not worth hell or knowing I disappointed the GOD who created me and did so much for me....that's what I keep telling myself.

 

[PaperClip]

Yes. I believe that waiting until marriage still exists and it is possible to do. I am...with the Lord's grace.... much grace....

I think couples who (know/have decided to get married) yet delay marriage (beyond a "reasonable" amount of time) put themselves into a (deeper) tempetuous situation....

 

[gone_fishing]

Yes. I believe that waiting until marriage still exists and it is possible to do. I am...with the Lord's grace.... much grace....

I think couples who (know/have decided to get married) yet delay marriage (beyond a "reasonable" amount of time) put themselves into a (deeper) tempetuous situation....

I agree! Folks weren't courting for 5 years before marriage back in the day. I think that's why men wait so long to propose now. It's that why by the cow thing...

But, there are so many women who give it up on the regular that some men don't even want to bother to try to be in a relationship with a woman who is not dishing it out.

That's why it's important to find a mate with spiritual values as important as yours.

 

[Ms Red]

Thanks for the responses yall.

I agree.. maybe if ppl didn't court for umpeenth years it wouldn't be so difficult.

 

[BeautifulNameX]

I have a question

What is waiting? is it just abstaining from inter course? is like it a sin for him to finger you and stuff outter course we call it i guess?

Where dose the line draw at?

 

[AfroKink]

I'm waiting for marriage. Many people don't, but I'm not here to repeat their mistakes. The bible says wait. As for sexual compatibility, I tend to think its a farce. I mean doesn't sex have a lot to do with communication? If your marriage has poor communication, if you're afraid to tell each other what you like and dislike, if you choose not to find out what your partner is into, then you probably will have bad sex. Thats my virgin take on the matter

lys

 

[PaperClip]

I have a question

What is waiting? is it just abstaining from inter course? is like it a sin for him to finger you and stuff outter course we call it i guess?

Where dose the line draw at?

This is RR talking....

Abstaining from sex/practicing abstinance/celibacy means avoiding contact (of a sexual nature) that causes or results in individual or shared orgasm. It also means making healthy choices and decisions to avoid putting yourselves in temptation. For some folk (even me), it is healthier to avoid long kissing, petting, certain places/situations where you are alone for extended periods of time, etc. because things can progress so rapidly that things cannot be stopped.

I suppose one way to look at it if you want to know how far to go/where to draw the line at: would you do it if Jesus were right there (in the flesh) with you all? Or (this is probably less meaningful, but still something to consider): until you both are married/bethrothed, techically, that's your brother in the Lord... so would it be appropriate for your brother to have his finger in your (fill in the blank)?

This flesh cannot be trusted....

 

[dlewis]

I'm waiting for marriage. Many people don't, but I'm not here to repeat their mistakes. The bible says wait. As for sexual compatibility, I tend to think its a farce. I mean doesn't sex have a lot to do with communication? If your marriage has poor communication, if you're afraid to tell each other what you like and dislike, if you choose not to find out what your partner is into, then you probably will have bad sex. Thats my virgin take on the matter

lys

I agree with this. I've had friends tell me, you haven't been with a lot of people so how do you know if it's good sex. Well, I know how I feel and I feel good. Communication is the key.

 

[gone_fishing]

I have a question

What is waiting? is it just abstaining from inter course? is like it a sin for him to finger you and stuff outter course we call it i guess?

Where dose the line draw at?

Ephesians 5:3 says, "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity...because these are improper for God's holy people."

Unfortunately, anything that even "hints" of sexual immorality is a big no no for a Christian.

However, the Bible does not have a list or anything of what is approved or non approved physical alternate activities before marriage.

However AGAIN, just because the Bible does not specifically address the issue, I don't htink that means God approves of "presex" activities before marriage.

Personally, I feel like foreplay is like...well before the play or preparation for the play...So, in my opinion it should be for married couples. Anything that can be considered "foreplay" should be avoided until marriage. (There is no need to go into specifics here.)

(I think) that a couple shouldn't go beyond holding hands/hugging/light kissing before the wedding date but that is not easy at all!

Pray pray pray!

 

[firecracker]

I wonder the same at times. Its hard abstaining and finding someone that is on the same page so folks throw in the towel.

 

[septemberbaby]

I believe it exists. I know of young couples (early 20's - 30's) who waited until marriage to have sex. Since they are both on the same page spiritually and sincerely, they did not commit any type of fornication (intercourse, oral, heavy petting, etc.) prior to their wedding night.
They really wanted to experience their wedding night & honeymoon to the fullest without breaking any Godly principles/commandments along the way.

I really wish I had waited so that I could've had that "wedding night" experience. 'Cause once you do it, you can't undo it.

 

[PaperClip]

I agree with this. I've had friends tell me, you haven't been with a lot of people so how do you know if it's good sex. Well, I know how I feel and I feel good. Communication is the key.

Agree with this as well.... The physical act certainly has its place, and yet there's so much else going on re. sexual intimacy that happens beyond the bedrooom, or the kitchen, or wherever, whether you're standing up, sitting down, on the table, etc.... (I need to be married, y'all... pray for me! LOL!)

And on my prayer list concerning my husband, one of the things on my list is SEXUAL COMPATIBILITY.... I pray and believe that we shall be compatible. I pray that we respond to each other favorably. I pray that we are in sync with one another. I pray the scripture that we obey when the Bible says "render due benevolence" and we do it willingly and gladly. I pray that when lovemaking has to cease, e.g., fasting/consecration, childbirth, etc., that when we come together again it is a beautiful thing. I believe the Lord that we shall be HARMONIOUS....

And sure, there will be a learning curve on my part, but hey, I'm TEACHABLE!

 

[dlewis]

Agree with this as well.... The physical act certainly has its place, and yet there's so much else going on re. sexual intimacy that happens beyond the bedrooom, or the kitchen, or wherever, whether you're standing up, sitting down, on the table, etc.... (I need to be married, y'all... pray for me! LOL!)

And on my prayer list concerning my husband, one of the things on my list is SEXUAL COMPATIBILITY.... I pray and believe that we shall be compatible. I pray that we respond to each other favorably. I pray that we are in sync with one another. I pray the scripture that we obey when the Bible says "render due benevolence" and we do it willingly and gladly. I pray that when lovemaking has to cease, e.g., fasting/consecration, childbirth, etc., that when we come together again it is a beautiful thing. I believe the Lord that we shall be HARMONIOUS....

And sure, there will be a learning curve on my part, but hey, I'm TEACHABLE!

I agree with you.

Girl, that husbands gonna be happy to have you. You are a prize.

 

[indigodiva]

interesting topic....

I was never one to engage in "random activities w/ random folk", but when I was in a committed relationship, then it was with that person. My parents had me involved in the purity vow program at church, but it was pointless back then b/c I was set on doing my own thing once I got on my own anyway..and I did...and I found out the hard way there is a reason for that whole wait for marriage thing...its for your own protection, b/c when things go bad or he moves on to somebody else, one of the first things you feel is used. When you wait for the right person who you are supposed to be with, then I guess you don't have to worry about that.

I've personally decided that I can wait until marriage before I engage in anymore activities...It was a personal decision in my heart b/w me and God. And I don't really have to deal with temptation now b/c I'm not dating now and I'm LOVING IT! I mean sex is a great thing, but I'm not a slave to it anymore, I just don't have to have it (For women sex is more of an emotional thing so since there is no one around to stimulate my emotions, I'm cool...I can see sexual images and not be turned like I used to be..I guess its all in your state of mind)

I don't know how I'll feel once I become involved again...I mean the bible says God will never tempt you with more than you can handle, so I just pray that when I'm good and ready to deal with someone new that he's on the same page with me, and he's willing to wait

I only hope that the reward for waiting, is truly rewarding...Yeah, I don't think God would do me greasy...but I'll just have to cross that bridge when I get there

 

[BeautifulNameX]

I really want to do right in my relationship now. We did other stuff not intercourse doe. But I tell him like I want to do right. Men get urges and then girls be so seductive. its like crazy i am not trying to sin. but his friends say stuff like thats why you ant getting none. and stuff and he tell me that be upsetting him and stuff. I wish he would jus tbe about to feel saving sex and stuff like i do

 

[Ms Red]

I feel encouraged that there are women on this forum who still believe this is possible in 2007.

 

[dlewis]

And most times when people have sex before marriage, they regret it, even men. It's just not popular for them to say it.

 

[klb120475]

There are a select few couples who actually accomplish abstaining from sex before marriage.

 

[michc]

It is possible. I dated my husband for 3 years and we abstained until the wedding night (well actually the morning after because we were tired ).

It was not easy, but God saw us through.

 

[Choclatcotton]

thats my desire, because a spiritual and an emotional connection needs to be cemented before the physical

 

[Ms Red]

All of you ladies will be blessed, I just know it.

And no pun intended but waiting is very hard. :blush3:

 

[klb120475]

It is possible. I dated my husband for 3 years and we abstained until the wedding night (well actually the morning after because we were tired ).

It was not easy, but God saw us through.

That's awesome! Praise Him!

All of you ladies will be blessed, I just know it.

And no pun intended but waiting is very hard. :blush3:

 

[Precious_1]

Yea apparently they exist, i was surprised until i met my coworkers. i have 3 coworkers that waited until they were married!!
1 black and 2 of them white. I know thats probably irrelevant but i just added that bit of info. one dated 2 years, one was high school sweethearts 7 years!, but i aint gonna lie, i think he might have stepped out, but she did not. and the other 4 years of dating.

 

[divya]

Yes, there are couples who do it. My "big brother" told his wife's parents when they were dating that they could be sure that he would not "touch" their daughter until marriage.

From that kiss he planted on her when they said "I do," I know he kept his word!

 

[dlewis]

Yes, there are couples who do it. My "big brother" told his wife's parents when they were dating that they could be sure that he would not "touch" their daughter until marriage.

From that kiss he planted on her when they said "I do," I know he kept his word!

Wow, that sounds so good.

 

[*Muffin*]

This is what I'm worried about. I'm 20 years old, and as of right now I've never been in a relationship because every guy that hits on me clearly only wants sex, and I find that disgusting . I feel like guys EXPECT to sample the goods before they get married, and I'm not willing to do that, so I'm worried I may not find a good guy who is willing to wait until marriage. I don't feel a pressing need to have a man in my life right now, but I'm thinking about the future. I would like to have a husband some time in the future that values me and is willing to wait for me .

 

[PaperClip]

Came across this blog and thought it was timely for this conversation:

http://www.boundless.org/2005/answers/a0001612.cfm

He's a Bad Kisser

by Candice Watters

The writer says this:

Song of Solomon also says, "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires" — and not just once, but three times (2:7, 3:5, 8:4). It's a warning. The unspoken reason being that once love is aroused, the lover and beloved will want to have not just kisses, but each other. Completely.

 

[tyrablu]

Personally for me I have decided that the next relationship that I enter into I will abstain from this type of activity. In my previous relationships where such activities have taken place, when they ended I did feel (like the other poster mentioned) a bit used.

Sex for women is more of an emotional thing, than it is for most men. And when you have had your emotions messed with, you feel hurt, and taken advantaged of.

I don't ever want to feel that way again.