My Boss Tells Me NO MORE BUNS! How Can I Look My Best & Keep Hair Healthy?

[Nice Lady]

What state are you in? Check the laws to see if you can record someone without their permission because this sounds "lawsuity" to me. The best analogy is telling an Asian person that their hair looks too blah and it needs to be colored and textured. Isn't telling you to be another race?

The law shouldn't be brought into everything especially with the economy and having to gain a new job with advent of a suit(i.e., the business world is small and word may get over to another employer preventing you from moving forward). So, I would listen to her and get halfwigs like everyone is saying so that you maintain your daytime job--don't wear your hair down as soon as you get your hair wigs.

 

[chavascandy]

i think i'm going to have to learn how to roller set. i think that's probably going to be my best option. good thing i just bought macherieamour's rollersetting dvd. i know nothing about half-wigs...

a big part of my job is to entertain clients - i guess that means being eye candy for them, so maybe that's where the full court press comes from? also, as i mentioned before, most of the girls in my industry are the LV/Chloe bag carrying, trendy, full hair & makeup everyday type of girls (and none of them are black.) even though part of what i do requires entertaining clients an even bigger part of my job is meeting with my clients daily, running reports and surpassing my quartely goals - that's why i've never felt bad about wearing buns. does it feel awkward when all the other girls are so done up? a little, but i just didn't know it was causing...a problem. or that my parents thought i looked bad. [/QUOTE]

I truely understand you Wyldcurlz. I used to work at Ulta and we had to come to work looking like a beauty queen. Showing up other wise wasn't an option. All I can say is fake it till you make it. That dvd that you bought should help you a lot. Who know after you learn how to roller set, maybe you can find a sassy updo to wear.

 

[wyldcurlz]

I never did get a chance to give my opinion on this.

Honestly. I'm not a big fan of buns. Yes they're professional, but they can look severe, homely, and unattractive (not always, but if they're slicked straight back then yes, to me!). You say your work enviroment is full of fashionistas, and it makes sense. Studies and life experience have proven again and again that more attractive men AND women have an easier time at work (though for women attractive/too sexy to be taken serious is a fine line). I also think society (even in a work enviroment) encourages a woman to look feminine and appealing always, though not overly sexy (not saying I agree, it's just what I've perceived).

Yup, i heard those words today from my Mom - add Matronly to that list and you've got her verbatim. And I understand, i'm not a fan of the bun either. its just easier for me to slick it back with some condish and pull it into a bun.

Another thing is that people often associate unattractive or unappealing looks with laziness, (i.e. those who are overweight, wont put on makeup, or wear that ultra crisp suit need to "try harder" or "invest in themselves more").

good points, i have a friend who doesn't wear makeup at all and a co-worker told her she should put a little more effort in. what you're saying makes sense.

I dunno. These are just my thoughts and speculations. When I've worn my hair down at work in the past (at plain old Best Buy Computers) and did my makeup my bosses treated me better. It was like I was doing a better job even when I wasn't.

So play the game. Rollerset, and enjoy your flowing hair. Like I said though, I'm biased against buns.

Just...look your best.

very interesting observation. its like some sort of psychological experiment. hmm, i really wonder how i would/will be treated if i wore my hair not in a bun and just did it up the way the other girls do. hmm, something to think about. thanks, Polyesterdiva!

 

[coolsista-paris]

I understand you and this is something that us black women go through all the time.This is to me a certain discrimination!!!! Where i work we have to look really good. Professional suits, hair tied back if its long, if its short we may wear in down,all that stuff+. and they ask us to make a bun if its attached BUT i sometimes wear twists i need growth, thickness for that: PROTECTIVE STYLES. so dont do this, this doesnt look good,and this and that...FED UP. our hair has nothing to do with caucasiens hair so cant they understand us?????? do we have to take it up to international news as discrimination.

 

[Mizz Diamonds]

This reminds me of that glamour magazine incident. Or that episode of Living Single when Kyle was told to cut his hair if he wanted to be promoted or something like that.

 

[wyldcurlz]

This reminds me of that glamour magazine incident. Or that episode of Living Single when Kyle was told to cut his hair if he wanted to be promoted or something like that.

which glamour magazine incident? i'm not familiar with it. sidenote: i loved living single!

yah, it just stinks that non-black people don't understand that (generally) textured hair is not quickly nor easily straightened and stylized. for instance, when my boss told me "you're hair looked sooo pretty at the baseball game, do it like that." i replied - well that took hours. i don't think it registers with them.

 

[LoveLiLi]

OP, I would wear my hair down for certain events and meetings to appease her. A bun can look either elegant or frumpy - you have to be sure you're making it look presentable.

However, I would also outline the straightening process to her so she understands it's not as simple as she may think and your hair can be messed up very easily (perspiration, humidity etc).

I'll never forget a girl in college who had natural hair. A friend of hers (a white guy) poured water on her head as a joke; it may have been after a track meet. She made him come to her room and do her hair from start to finish so he would understand to never do that again.

If only you could get your boss to do that so she would shut up, lol. But since you can't, see if you can come to a compromise.

 

[ajoyfuljoy]

I think you should go to HR about this. How can she tell you how to wear your hair?..bunch of mess!

 

[♥Lamaravilla♥]

I wish a ho would tell me how to wear my hair. If it fits within the dress code policies then why the deuce is she getting on your case about it? Do what's best for you OP, but I for damn sure would be wearing MY hair how I want to wear it.

 

[BostonMaria]

I'm confused but here's my dos centavos
leave your hair down, get promoted, put your hair back up

I'd love to know where you work

 

[Aspire]

I am so sorry this happened to you. I can tell you that I experience a similar issue young in my career.

How you handle this is going to be based on your experience in the workplace. Here are some options you might consider . . .

Option 1 - Thank her for her feedback, then tactfully remind your boss that her statements are illegal and discriminatory. Let her know that your hard work, diligence, and commitment to your job are what qualifies you for a promotion - not your hair. Then explain to her that if she considers you a strong enough employee to promote, she should know that your excellent record will only benefit her in the long run. After all, why would she want to promote someone of less talent, just because she liked their hair?

Option 2 - Thank her fer her feedback. Change your hair, get the promotion, and then go back to wearing you hair the way you always do (or not).

Option 3 - Make an appointment with HR and do number 1 in the HR offices.

If your hair does not prohibit you from doing your job in a safe, sanitary, and productive way then she has no right to make those statements. She sounds incredibly immature with little work experience behind her. She probably thinks she is helping you. If I am wrong in that statement and she is an experienced women making those comments, then option 3 would be my choice.

Whatever you decide to do, you must do the right thing for YOU - not her and not a job. Jobs come and go, but our esteem stays with us. You have to step back from the situation, assess, and decide based on you.

 

[Renewed1]

Wear your hair down until you get the promotion and stay on top of moisturizing your ends. In the mean time, find some youtube updo tutorials so that you can start doing some protective styles that vary from your slicked back style.

You can be indignant after you can start spending that promotion money.

Totally agree! Although, she shouldn't be approaching you about your hair; but I digress yt ppl are like that!! !

But wear your hair down until you get the promotion. Heck! you can even invest in some Lacefront wigs (the good kind); to protect your REAL hair.

 

[hair4romheaven]

are wigs out of the question?

 

[Sasha299]

I think you should go to HR about this. How can she tell you how to wear your hair?..bunch of mess!

I wish a ho would tell me how to wear my hair. If it fits within the dress code policies then why the deuce is she getting on your case about it? Do what's best for you OP, but I for damn sure would be wearing MY hair how I want to wear it.

In Corporate America going to HR with minor (to them issues) gets you labeled as a problem and if there is something more serious you will be the one to go. Honestly what they'll do is tell her manager that her appearance does not violate the dress code and leave it at that. THEN do you think that her manager will go to bat for her?
Also, if your manager is acting as a mentor they will tell you something like this because it is a fairytale that hard work gets you there. In Corporate America its hard work AND playing the game that gets you where you want to be. I have seen hard working people passed over for positions because of minor things and people who just work get promoted because they play the game. If you are looking at this like a career where you want to get ahead then you need to play the game and not get put on the sidelines.


PS Can you do a wash n Go for tonight?

 

[Jazzmommy]

Huh? Wow.. hugs to you... I know of a lot of corporate women who wear buns.. but then again, every Company has its' own culture.

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

Wow...I am just shocked that a bun in a corporate, business enviornment would be a problem.

 

[beans4reezy]

Number one, her request for you to change your appearance in order to get a promotion doesn't sound legal. Number two: since when are buns unprofessional? On the contrary, the corporate environment calls for you to wear your hair pulled back, not loose.

Sounds like this is a personal request from her and she gets her jollies off of seeing your hair out. It sounds like she is more concerned about being able to run her hands through your hair if anything. I can bet my botton dollar that this is not a request from HR. In fact, I'd report her.

 

[AfroKink]

I'm going to put it out there since you alluded to it yourself. Maybe it's not that you wear buns, maybe it's how your buns look. It's also possible that it's not just your look, but how you present yourself in general and hair is what she used as an example.

I would meet with boss lady and tell her that I spent some time thinking about what she said and analyzing how I present myself. I would tell her that I want to work on this issue. I would explain to her that since I have naturally curly hair, it's difficult to wear it straight everyday, without damaging it and this is the reason I wear buns. I would tell her that I found these pictures of other buns and up-dos online [insert pictures of beautiful LHCF buns] and say I was wondering which of these she thinks would be most appropriate. I would tell her that I would try to intersperse 'down' styles more often*. I would ask if there are other aspects of my appearance or job performance that I can work on. I would finish by thanking her for her time and help.

*I might not actually wear my hair straight, but I would invest in some quality half wigs or lacefronts that are the same length as my hair.

 

[Kayluv]

I'm sorry..I might have missed it, but what industry are you in?

 

[bravenewgirl87]

Is your boss white?
My SO is a regional manager at a Fortune-500 company and I KNOW the first thing he would tell you to do is contact an HR attorney... stat. Buns are very professional hairstyles. They have been for years. For her to hold a hairstyle over your head is ignorance at best and she needs to be fired. I personally would not waste my time with the company. I would continue to wear my hair the same way, report her to HR, and start looking for a new job and a lawyer.

If there's any reason I don't want to work with women... this one is it.

 

[Mizz Diamonds]

which glamour magazine incident? i'm not familiar with it. sidenote: i loved living single!

yah, it just stinks that non-black people don't understand that (generally) textured hair is not quickly nor easily straightened and stylized. for instance, when my boss told me "you're hair looked sooo pretty at the baseball game, do it like that." i replied - well that took hours. i don't think it registers with them.

A white Glamour magazine editor said to a room of people how natural black hairstyles were a don't she said how afros were a nono and dreadlocks were dreadful and it was shocking that people think its acceptable, and how those "political hairtyles" had to go

http://www.racialicious.com/2008/03/04/glamour-magazine-on-women-race-and-beauty/

http://jezebel.com/289268/glamour-editor-to-lady-lawyers-being-black-is-kinda-a-corporate-dont

 

[Kayluv]

Is your boss white?

If there's any reason I don't want to work with women... this one is it.

I am glad that I am not the only one who prefers to work with with men. I really hate saying that, but so many women bring their insecurities and cattiness into the work place. However, I am unsure if this is really the case with this women. Because I don't know what industry you are in, it is hard to make a judgement call. Unfortunately, some industries place a higher priority on appearance vs. others.

 

[bravenewgirl87]

I am glad that I am not the only one who prefers to work with with men. I really hate saying that, but so many women bring their insecurities and cattiness into the work place. However, I am unsure if this is really the case with this women. Because I don't know what industry you are in, it is hard to make a judgement call. Unfortunately, some industries place a higher priority on appearance vs. others.

I actually prefer working with women (more specifically, black). I don't like working with men. BUT! If there was ever a reason to NOT want to work with women, this would be it.

 

[Chevelure618]

Hey Wyld, listen to this because I often think of it reading these PS posts but never say anything.

Those of us who are career women of course want to "look our best". Here's the thing about Protective Styles. We are at work say about 10 hours per day right? Maybe a little more, maybe a little less. When we go home we are home not working 14 hours maybe a little more orless. So why do we all trip about doing PS during the day. I think it makes more sense to wear PS when we get home then wear the hair out during the day. We're home more than at work.

Or, you could do the style where it's half up and half down. Think about it. During the day isn't it also a good idea to let the scalp breathe? PS all the time is no good. It's not psychologically good either. I think if the ends are moisturized and DC'd regularly that should be enough.

Comments please.

 

[Supervixen]

Although I think it's dubious, changing your hair is a small thing to do to make more $$$ and get a (much deserved) promotion at work. PLUS, I appreciate a straight shooter, so can you wear a weave? Or could you put it in a clip, so that your hair still shows, but it's off your neck. Then in your fashion show meetings, could you take it down?

Again, I think it's dubious, but I wanted my response to be solution focused.

 

[JJamiah]

Personally I think the situation is truly a violation of ones personal choices.
If I have been with this company for a while and want to go further I'd half wig it and Lace front it all the way to the top!

My SO is going through a similiar situation. Yet his is his front tooth which got damaged in a car accident. He too is the only AA at his Job. I told him he has to put his best foot and mouth (including his teeth) forward. Keep shaven and appropriate looking.

I do believe it is such a small change for that promotion and the extra $$$$ won't hurt and while I know your principles should never be compromised, at the end of the day you can always have a bun under your Half wig or lace front I do!!! LOL

You show them what your made of! And forgive their ignorance if that is what it is.

 

[Rastafarai]

Bravenewgirl, her boss is Korean.

OP, it sounds like you work for a "Devils Wears Prada" type of boss/firm/company. If you intend on growing with this company/firm then do what you must to "fit in" until you can call your own shots. Even if you obtain the promotion you will still be required to maintain that image. Unfortunately you're going to have to adapt to the company/firm culture if you wish to get ahead there. If it compromises a part of you then its time to look for a new job. Just being real.

 

[Lola Laughs]

Play the game - get promoted and then do what you want.

ITA. Normally I'd get indignant about stuff like this and start fuming about all kinds of laws and ethics being violated, etc. etc. But you know what--it really is just one part of the big corporate game--and half the battle is just finding out where folks stand. After that it's just a matter of strategy---and you sound like you're smart and clever enough to find a solution that doesn't entirely compromise yourself.

Hang in there and laugh all the way to the bank.

 

[LuvLiLocks]

Ok, my 2 cents?, I think your boss is dead wrong for trying to tell you how to wear your hair, it shouldn't matter as long as you are doing your job, which you obviously are.

However, if there is a certain image that she is going for, and you are interested in the promotion, and don;t feel like going into battle, how about getting a nice weave?

 

[Lady S]

There's this saying, "dress for the position that you want." Having said that, it's hard to comment without seeing your bun.


Here's what I would do. Get some of those fake bun pieces. Not the overly elaborate ones, just a simple dome piece. But I'd also wear my hair out as well. 3 to 4 days a week wear it out, then maybe once or twice give your hair a break and wear it up in a bun. Or you could do the half wig thing as well.

Whatever you do, make sure your keeping your performance up as well.

ETA: Also make she's not just blowing smoke up your butt. The managers at my work are notorious for this. They make up some random excuse but it's really because they decided to promote their favorite instead.