Insecure About Being Natural?

[lnhair]

My sister and I both went natural at the same time well i fell off the band wagon a few months later but then jumped right back on My sister has been without a relaxer since Dec 2000 while i have been without one since Aug. 2001. I like to wear my hair in its natural state sometimes and sometimes i like to press it. I love wearing an afro puff or afro with those thin head bands. But sometimes it just does not come out the way i like some off the styles i've tried out on my head of natural hair and i may refuse to wear that out. My sister thinks that means i am not secure with my self or with my hair. I dont understand how she can come to this opinion because she never wears her hair out unless it is presssed or she has had a blowout done. She always comments on how nappy my hair is and how i need to press it. I think that she is insecure with her own hair and texture rather than i am.

 

[Cheleigh]

But sometimes it just does not come out the way i like some off the styles i've tried out on my head of natural hair and i may refuse to wear that out. My sister thinks that means i am not secure with my self or with my hair. I dont understand how she can come to this opinion because she never wears her hair out unless it is presssed or she has had a blowout done. She always comments on how nappy my hair is and how i need to press it. I think that she is insecure with her own hair and texture rather than i am.

I don't really see how the fact that you have a bad hair day is associative to not liking your texture. Everyone has days where there hair doesn't look like they wanted it to look. Once I went out with too much BBD Glass on my hair and caught the bus with white hair! Suffice it to say, I rushed off the bus and washed my hair again. She might indeed be projecting her own hair issues onto you.

 

[tallnomad]

that's kind of rude for your sister to say. tell her she should be encouraging you rather than commenting about how "nappy" your hair is. that's not nice! the insecurity is probably hers, but she's not contributing to helping you feel secure either.

 

[lsubabiedee]

She might indeed be projecting her own hair issues onto you.

That's what it sounds like to me.

 

[lnhair]

Her and my mother are giving me pressure to start to go to the beautician to get my hiar done and they are suggesting that i give up on being natural for i can look professional when i graduate this spring from college. They think i should go back to a relaxer.

 

[Wildchild453]

Your sister doesn't make any sense at all. She is def projecting her own issues and seems to want to mess up your game. If you love your hair texture and you know it then its all good.

 

[patient1]

How much influence do their opinions have on you?

It's really hard when those you are close to and who love you (and who you love) put pressure on you...project their fears onto you.

Only you know how you feel. I know when I went newly natural, it was...NEW. So not feeling 100% everyday was normal. When I cut it really short, I had a few really insecure days in the beginning. I just had to rock it and boost up the confidence. Mind you I was only 19 as well and this wasn't during a natural heydey...(were there any naturals in the limelight???)

Do a self-assessment on their level of influence and then make a decision about what you want to do. If constantly having them in your ear will make you less sure of self during interviews with natural hair, take that into account. If you could care less what they say and think and are feeling sure of self, then great. Tell them kindly that you really want their support as you go forward in with your natural hair. Tell them that you've encountered many naturals with professional positions and are aware that braids, etc. are options if you're not ready to make that leap.

(I really need to get offline. I even posted in the cooking forum today!)
p1

 

[Mystic]

Darling, your hair is on YOUR head so only you can make the decision what you do with it. You should never allow anyone to "PRESSURE" you to do something that is on YOUR body unless you want to. This lessen will serve you very well for your entire life.

Her and my mother are giving me pressure to start to go to the beautician to get my hiar done and they are suggesting that i give up on being natural for i can look professional when i graduate this spring from college. They think i should go back to a relaxer.

 

[lnhair]

Despite what my sister says i plan on staying natural. I have been discouraged lately about this journey due to some issues with my hair being so dry lately. It has caused some of what they have said to get to me. But i think once i get my routine down i will feel better. Thanks ladies t for your support. i felt that my sister was insecure about her hair but she swears she's not. But it feel better to know you understand even if she does not.

 

[DDTexlaxed]

I'm sorry their negative attitiude is discouraging u. I have what i call relaxeritis. I relax, BC, back and forth because of discouragement. This time I've gotten a support group of my friends who are trying to get their hair back on track. My only discouragement is my lack of style skills, but I am going to overcome that soon. Don't let them sway you, because then u will be really unhappy or resentful. I bet yr hair is gorgeous. Surround yourself by positive people and if your sis and mama make a negative comment, kindly tell them to leave u alone.

 

[hopeful]

Just wanted to send you a cyber ((((HUG)))). You're not insecure, just a little frustrated, and you need encouragement, not put-downs.