I'm pissed...what do you say to...

[cdixon]

Well,

I'm deciding to transition to my natural hair. I don't really plan on doing any big chops, but rather smaller chops until I get down to my ultimate goal. Well everybody was supportive (mom, SO, & several associates). Then I told my bff and she's like your hair is going to be nappy. I've never seen anyone that has curly hair that is fully black (I guess only lightskinned & mixed people) I'm sorry if I'm offending anyone but this is what she said. Your hair is just going to look nappy. Then she took it back to the high school days where we used to not take care of our hair, and think we were cute. Like a wash and go was water & shake (lol that's kind of funny). That was back in the day, but now my hair is actually growing since I've been doing it myself. She even said herself it looked fuller & healthy so why is she not being supportive about me going natural? I felt depressed and like maybe I shouldn't transition because I'm going to look ugly. She's comparing my hair to my mother's hair, which is not the same obviously. My mom has dreds and her hair is very coarse, my hair is nothing like my mothers though. Also me & my brother are fully black & has green eyes and sandy brown hair, so obviously everyone's hair is different it all depends on you. Can someone please help me and give me some advice because I'm seriously saddened by her remarks.

 

[Neith]

Well,

I'm deciding to transition to my natural hair. I don't really plan on doing any big chops, but rather smaller chops until I get down to my ultimate goal. Well everybody was supportive (mom, SO, & several associates). Then I told my bff and she's like your hair is going to be nappy. I've never seen anyone that has curly hair that is fully black (I guess only lightskinned & mixed people) I'm sorry if I'm offending anyone but this is what she said. Your hair is just going to look nappy. Then she took it back to the high school days where we used to not take care of our hair, and think we were cute. Like a wash and go was water & shake (lol that's kind of funny). That was back in the day, but now my hair is actually growing since I've been doing it myself. She even said herself it looked fuller & healthy so why is she not being supportive about me going natural? I felt depressed and like maybe I shouldn't transition because I'm going to look ugly. She's comparing my hair to my mother's hair, which is not the same obviously. My mom has dreds and her hair is very coarse, my hair is nothing like my mothers though. Also me & my brother are fully black & has green eyes and sandy brown hair, so obviously everyone's hair is different it all depends on you. Can someone please help me and give me some advice because I'm seriously saddened by her remarks.

I'd ask her...

What's wrong with people's hair being NAPPY?

How can she feel that the hair of her OWN people is UGLY?

It's a shame I understand maybe not liking kinky hair the most, we all have our preferences... but outright saying that ALL kinky hair is ugly?

That's self hating behavior...

 

[cdixon]

Yeah,

I don't know what's is going on with her but I was really upset. Like all of this natural hair that I've seen is beautiful. I'm not sure. Is anybody else out there?

 

[adrienne0914]

what's going to happen is that you will do it well, look fabulous doing it, and she wiil decide she wants to do it too. that's how everyone reacted when i told them i was getting braids to grow my hair... "you don't seem like a braid person" (whatever that is)... "i don't know why you can't just accept your hair the way it is. you not mixed"... i heard it all. now i do the talking, and THEY do the listening. lol!

 

[Forbidden]

I know we all like the support of those closest to us, but at the end of the day its your decision. Don't let her ignorance (in the sense of not knowing) dictate what you do. Keep transitioning and show her that "nappy" is not a bad thing.

 

[onyxdreams]

Sounds like motivation! Show her it can be done and teach her along the way that we are able to have lovely hair.This is a teachable moment IMO

 

[cdixon]

Thanks ladies, I knew I can count on you. I was just really upset. I have my own personal goal to start taking better care of myself, skin, face, hair. I just don't understand. Now she said it's going to look like an old lady, whatever. I'm just gonna do me. I already know that my hair is not tight coils like 4a & my mom told me how my hair was when I was young (wavy & looser curls until my Aunt decided to straighten it because her kids hair didn't look like that) She also told me that she just used to wet it & twist it and go. Plus I've always had very fine hair, that never holds a curl after I would get a doobie & she would call that (white girl's hair) no disrespect to anyone so why now is it oh your hair is going to look nappy. Plus I let her feel my roots one day when I blow dried my hair and it felt very thick but I explained to her that I didn't blow dry it fully # 1, and that my hair was not in it's natural state. It's been almost three months since I've had a perm and I have natural waves in my hair. I'm also starting to get coils in the back and in the middle of my hair and curls on the right side of my hair but I'm not sure which hairtype that is because I have so many different textures. I have more curls and not zig-zags as another hair type described. I'm not sure. We'll see, but I love to prove people wrong so that will just let me work harder!

 

[cdixon]

what's going to happen is that you will do it well, look fabulous doing it, and she wiil decide she wants to do it too. that's how everyone reacted when i told them i was getting braids to grow my hair... "you don't seem like a braid person" (whatever that is)... "i don't know why you can't just accept your hair the way it is. you not mixed"... i heard it all. now i do the talking, and THEY do the listening. lol!

I couldn't have said it better, this is very well said loves it! That's what I plan on doing. Thanks.

 

[sound]

It is NOTHING wrong with being NAPPY!!!

yes, I am yelling. lol.

Anyway.

I do understand being offended by your friends comments, but if you are that scared of having a "nappy" texture, you need to do some deeper thinking about growing your hair natural. Think of reasons why you chose to become natural.

 

[yodie]

Girl, live your life while people run their mouths.

I've learned that you can't always tell everyone everything, including BFF's.

Do what's best for you. October will be one one year anniversary transitioning for like the 4th or 5th time.

I did mini bc's the entire time until i just cut all the relaxer off today. It was freeing for some odd reason. Now, I'm wearing a half wig while I grow my hair out. Been doing so since Oct. 07. Just easier not to have to put heat on my hair.

Weigh the pros and cons for YOUR self and then do what you want. The heck with everybody else.

Well,

I'm deciding to transition to my natural hair. I don't really plan on doing any big chops, but rather smaller chops until I get down to my ultimate goal. Well everybody was supportive (mom, SO, & several associates). Then I told my bff and she's like your hair is going to be nappy. I've never seen anyone that has curly hair that is fully black (I guess only lightskinned & mixed people) I'm sorry if I'm offending anyone but this is what she said. Your hair is just going to look nappy. Then she took it back to the high school days where we used to not take care of our hair, and think we were cute. Like a wash and go was water & shake (lol that's kind of funny). That was back in the day, but now my hair is actually growing since I've been doing it myself. She even said herself it looked fuller & healthy so why is she not being supportive about me going natural? I felt depressed and like maybe I shouldn't transition because I'm going to look ugly. She's comparing my hair to my mother's hair, which is not the same obviously. My mom has dreds and her hair is very coarse, my hair is nothing like my mothers though. Also me & my brother are fully black & has green eyes and sandy brown hair, so obviously everyone's hair is different it all depends on you. Can someone please help me and give me some advice because I'm seriously saddened by her remarks.

 

[LadyEuphoria007]

Sorry she made you feel like you would be less than pretty. Sometimes folks will try and rain on your parade and steal your joy. Just keep your head up and know that you can always come here for support.
It sucks that you have to go through all the negative bs just because of how you choose to wear your hair.

 

[danigurl18]

Girl keep it up!! I got the same opposition and now that I've cut my hair, everyone loves my curls!! Don't let the good hair/ bad hair thing keep you from doing what you want to do!! One day, people will be asking you for hair advice!!

 

[cdixon]

I'm not scared of having a nappy texture but she's making me feel like I'm going to be ugly and that's what's making me insecure. If I never had my hair natural since I was like 4 and then going back to my natural state is going to be scary but I was excited about it. I was getting support and everything else. I just want to do me, and whoever doesn't like it oh well.

It is NOTHING wrong with being NAPPY!!!

yes, I am yelling. lol.

Anyway.

I do understand being offended by your friends comments, but if you are that scared of having a "nappy" texture, you need to do some deeper thinking about growing your hair natural. Think of reasons why you chose to become natural.

 

[shaydufblu]

I'm not scared of having a nappy texture but she's making me feel like I'm going to be ugly and that's what's making me insecure. If I never had my hair natural since I was like 4 and then going back to my natural state is going to be scary but I was excited about it. I was getting support and everything else. I just want to do me, and whoever doesn't like it oh well.

Sounds like she is reflecting her own negative self-image onto you. She probably wishes she had the courage to do it. Don't worry about it; once she sees how fabulous you look, next thing she will be transitioning!

 

[NewYorkgyrl]

It is NOTHING wrong with being NAPPY!!!

yes, I am yelling. lol.

Anyway.

I do understand being offended by your friends comments, but if you are that scared of having a "nappy" texture, you need to do some deeper thinking about growing your hair natural. Think of reasons why you chose to become natural.

I agree with the bolded

 

[lilsparkle825]

say nothing. i had to learn this the hard way. i confided in my closest family members and everyone immediately began with the negative comments. then when my mother and sister BC'd i got the positive comments and they were told they didnt have good hair like me, they shouldnt be natural ever. cant win no matter how you look at it. now when they say something i just look at them and eventually they shut up...for that day at least.

 

[sound]

Sounds like she is reflecting her own negative self-image onto you. She probably wishes she had the courage to do it. Don't worry about it; once she sees how fabulous you look, next thing she will be transitioning!

I had a close friend that said she would NEVER go natural, no matter what her texture was because it just looks untamed and unruly. She was the ONLY person I knew trying to get me to relax my hair again, come to find out she was just a tad bit jealous. She let me know this a few weeks ago. She doesn't have the courage to make such a big change, so she tried to make me feel as if it was wrong to grow natural hair. As if natural hair wasn't beautiful.

 

[SEMO]

Whatever your hair ends up being at the end of your transition will be beautiful. My hair isn't what I thought it would be but I love it.

And you're not obligated to convince her of anything. Just like your healthy hair now speaks for itself, so will your natural hair. Plus, you always come here to get affirmation on your natural hair.

 

[cdixon]

Okay, let me just reiterate this. I'M NOT SCARED OF BEING NAPPY!! For some reason I feel like people are under the impression that I'm saying something negative about being nappy. I WAS THE ONE THAT DECIDED TO GO NATURAL!! That is something else that I'm saying. I'm giving you my friends take on this situation & expressing how I feel to you ladies. I never once said I was afraid of being nappy because I know that I'm not. Please, please don't get under the impression that I'm afraid of the naps. Thanks.

 

[cdixon]

Thank you I really appreciate that & I'm gonna work even harder just to prove her wrong, that's just how I am.

Whatever your hair ends up being at the end of your transition will be beautiful. My hair isn't what I thought it would be but I love it.

And you're not obligated to convince her of anything. Just like your healthy hair now speaks for itself, so will your natural hair. Plus, you always come here to get affirmation on your natural hair.

 

[cdixon]

That's exactly what I mean, she doesn't think natural hair is beautiful & therefore would think that I'm ugly if I had natural hair. This is what I meant.

I had a close friend that said she would NEVER go natural, no matter what her texture was because it just looks untamed and unruly. She was the ONLY person I knew trying to get me to relax my hair again, come to find out she was just a tad bit jealous. She let me know this a few weeks ago. She doesn't have the courage to make such a big change, so she tried to make me feel as if it was wrong to grow natural hair. As if natural hair wasn't beautiful.

 

[kblc06]

Thanks ladies, I knew I can count on you. I was just really upset. I have my own personal goal to start taking better care of myself, skin, face, hair. I just don't understand. Now she said it's going to look like an old lady, whatever. I'm just gonna do me. I already know that my hair is not tight coils like 4a & my mom told me how my hair was when I was young (wavy & looser curls until my Aunt decided to straighten it because her kids hair didn't look like that) She also told me that she just used to wet it & twist it and go. Plus I've always had very fine hair, that never holds a curl after I would get a doobie & she would call that (white girl's hair) no disrespect to anyone so why now is it oh your hair is going to look nappy. Plus I let her feel my roots one day when I blow dried my hair and it felt very thick but I explained to her that I didn't blow dry it fully # 1, and that my hair was not in it's natural state. It's been almost three months since I've had a perm and I have natural waves in my hair. I'm also starting to get coils in the back and in the middle of my hair and curls on the right side of my hair but I'm not sure which hairtype that is because I have so many different textures. I have more curls and not zig-zags as another hair type described. I'm not sure. We'll see, but I love to prove people wrong so that will just let me work harder!

I'm sorry about the lack of support from your friend, but let me just ask you a question...to the bolded, would your texture really determine if you stayed natural or not. If you woke up with your mom's texture, would you stay natural or on the path to natural? I ask this because more often than not during the early stages of transition, sometimes it is easy to become swayed by negativity (like your friends) if we find out the hair we have is not the hair we were hoping for.

It's at this stage that requires a mental transition, accepting that no matter what hair grows from our scalp, you're in it for the long haul and people's opinion like your friends' will no longer make you feel down or question your decision. I hope you don't feel I'm reaching, but I just want the best for you and your transition (trust it's no cake walk, but it is a very rewarding experience) Good luck

 

[cdixon]

That's a very good question and my mom's hair is beautiful I would stay on the path to natural because this is what I have set in my mind & that's what I'm going to do. I do understand how my friend is reacting is making me feel insecure & it's because I'm scared as well because this is something I've never experienced before, but like I said before I'm scared & excited. This is going to be a very interesting & wonderful experience all at the same time. I thank you for your support & the hugs I really appreciate it.

I'm sorry about the lack of support from your friend, but let me just ask you a question...to the bolded, would your texture really determine if you stayed natural or not. If you woke up with your mom's texture, would you stay natural or on the path to natural? I ask this because more often than not during the early stages of transition, sometimes it is easy to become swayed by negativity (like your friends) if we find out the hair we have is not the hair we were hoping for.

It's at this stage that requires a mental transition, accepting that no matter what hair grows from our scalp, you're in it for the long haul and people's opinion like your friends' will no longer make you feel down or question your decision. I hope you don't feel I'm reaching, but I just want the best for you and your transition (trust it's no cake walk, but it is a very rewarding experience) Good luck

 

[cottoncoily]

Sounds like motivation! Show her it can be done and teach her along the way that we are able to have lovely hair.This is a teachable moment IMO

ITA. My cousins said similar things the day before I decided to do the BC. It made me mad but I felt like I needed to prove the point that natural hair is beautiful so the next day I chopped it all off as I planned and I have no regrets Don't let her discourage you. You can't please everyone so do what makes you happy