virgo_chinwe
Well-Known Member
like your (short) hair was the missing link to the totality of your beauty?
BEWARE: This is quite a long post..
Let me elucidate my reason for posting this. Lately, it has occured to me that black women who wear no weaves/wigs/extensions and their own hair is of considerable length (shoulder length and beyond) are the next best thing to hit the block up since the discovery of white girls with booty. All of a sudden, I have finally grasped the average black man's standard of beauty. Physically they want someone who is naturally beautiful. And long healthy hair seems to be a good indicator if a black woman maintains themselves physically, which to some degree I do agree.
But if you have ever been in the room when a group of guys are watching a beyonce, janet jackson or cassie video from their comments you can tell most of them have set the standard for other females based on these stars, who for the majority wear some form a hair piece whenever on TV! It seems extremely unfair to be scrutunized about my hair being real, when these women have hair stylists to make their hair appear real (most men have no idea of this).
My rant is obviously inspired by a close male friend I have feelings for and at times he makes me feel like I don't measure up to his past girlfriends who have either been mixed with african american heritage and some other non-black ethnicity or hispanic. And ladies, lets be real these girls hair is no where near 4a/4b hair, you feel me? When he mentions the qualities about his past gfs' hair---my hair becomes an issue.( I currently wear a wig for variety and with my hair i follow a low maintenance up keep with daily mosturizing and weekly washing/conditioning.) And then the questions ensue..."How come I never see your hair? I feel like I can't see the real you b/c I haven't see your hair". And then with great intense inspection of my hair---he gives the puzzled look most white people get when they are itching to ask---How do you get your hair like that or is that your real hair? And at times I ignore him and excuse his ignorance of black female's hair b/c his sister never wore weaves.
Sorry...about the length......
But the incident that really did it for me occured a couple days ago. He wears cornrows all year round basically and when he takes it down to redo them is the ONLY time he washes/conditions it which is about every 6 weeks. When he takes it down he has major breakage and knots and its a wonder to me he even retains length and his hair although shoulder length is suffering from major anorexia issues (super thin after pressed..no body). And the worst part is that he takes so much pride in his hair b/c he feels that it is longer than most black females and he feels blessed that his hair is not "too african" (hes kenyan and im nigerian--both first generation) and on top of that females on campus don't make his hair ego any better b/c they call him "the black guy with the really long hair". Due to the excessive breakage I saw I recommended a protein treatment: 1) to stop breakage 2) add thickness. And he blantly told me that he didn't trust me with his hair b/c he had never seen mine and I almost wanted to cuss him out but before I did I was like "damn, I feel the same way". If I had never seen progress from a LHCFer I didn't take their advice for all it was worth. But I think what hurts most is that I know that (and he has made comments) insinuating that I don't know how to take care of my hair. I am a rock...and besides this touchy subject all other aspects btw us are cool. We are not bf/gf and after he makes comments like that I am glad we are not sometimes. But he has really truly catalyzed my hopes of accomplishing my goals to prove him wrong and show him what healthy,thick, black african hair can be very beautiful.
So ladies tell me your input on this topic? How does it make you feel when this happens?
BEWARE: This is quite a long post..
Let me elucidate my reason for posting this. Lately, it has occured to me that black women who wear no weaves/wigs/extensions and their own hair is of considerable length (shoulder length and beyond) are the next best thing to hit the block up since the discovery of white girls with booty. All of a sudden, I have finally grasped the average black man's standard of beauty. Physically they want someone who is naturally beautiful. And long healthy hair seems to be a good indicator if a black woman maintains themselves physically, which to some degree I do agree.
But if you have ever been in the room when a group of guys are watching a beyonce, janet jackson or cassie video from their comments you can tell most of them have set the standard for other females based on these stars, who for the majority wear some form a hair piece whenever on TV! It seems extremely unfair to be scrutunized about my hair being real, when these women have hair stylists to make their hair appear real (most men have no idea of this).
My rant is obviously inspired by a close male friend I have feelings for and at times he makes me feel like I don't measure up to his past girlfriends who have either been mixed with african american heritage and some other non-black ethnicity or hispanic. And ladies, lets be real these girls hair is no where near 4a/4b hair, you feel me? When he mentions the qualities about his past gfs' hair---my hair becomes an issue.( I currently wear a wig for variety and with my hair i follow a low maintenance up keep with daily mosturizing and weekly washing/conditioning.) And then the questions ensue..."How come I never see your hair? I feel like I can't see the real you b/c I haven't see your hair". And then with great intense inspection of my hair---he gives the puzzled look most white people get when they are itching to ask---How do you get your hair like that or is that your real hair? And at times I ignore him and excuse his ignorance of black female's hair b/c his sister never wore weaves.
Sorry...about the length......
But the incident that really did it for me occured a couple days ago. He wears cornrows all year round basically and when he takes it down to redo them is the ONLY time he washes/conditions it which is about every 6 weeks. When he takes it down he has major breakage and knots and its a wonder to me he even retains length and his hair although shoulder length is suffering from major anorexia issues (super thin after pressed..no body). And the worst part is that he takes so much pride in his hair b/c he feels that it is longer than most black females and he feels blessed that his hair is not "too african" (hes kenyan and im nigerian--both first generation) and on top of that females on campus don't make his hair ego any better b/c they call him "the black guy with the really long hair". Due to the excessive breakage I saw I recommended a protein treatment: 1) to stop breakage 2) add thickness. And he blantly told me that he didn't trust me with his hair b/c he had never seen mine and I almost wanted to cuss him out but before I did I was like "damn, I feel the same way". If I had never seen progress from a LHCFer I didn't take their advice for all it was worth. But I think what hurts most is that I know that (and he has made comments) insinuating that I don't know how to take care of my hair. I am a rock...and besides this touchy subject all other aspects btw us are cool. We are not bf/gf and after he makes comments like that I am glad we are not sometimes. But he has really truly catalyzed my hopes of accomplishing my goals to prove him wrong and show him what healthy,thick, black african hair can be very beautiful.
So ladies tell me your input on this topic? How does it make you feel when this happens?
My s/o who just happens to be white, loves me for me, not for what my hair looks like, and let me tell you , it can get pretty scary at times
He loves my new growth and would like to see my hair in its natural state. although he does prefer long hair, it doesn't matter if it is or not. and be honest, if WE didn't like long hair ourselves, we wouldn't be on LHCF
!
). I'm glad he doesn't focus on that kind of stuff and you shouldn't be with a man who does. If my SO can have all of those sisters with gorgeous long hair and still love me even when mine was above SL, then there are plenty of other guys who can be the same for you! Ladies, all men aren't like that!
