Forced Friends under the name of Spiritual Friendship

[dlewis]

There’s a lady that every time we met up in a grocery store, mall, school function, she says that every time she prays for a friend she always thinks of me.erplexed Which leads her to believe we should be spiritual friends. I’ve had lunch with her several times and I enjoy her company but there is no connection that I feel to her, nothing that we really have in common. We see differently on child rearing, cheating, what a husband should be doing and other world issues.

I saw her again the other day and she goes on with the same story. So I end up planning to do something with her that I don't want to do. But I don’t want to hurt her feelings. She’s very very nice, she a minister, and she seems as though she would be a good friend. Except for the fact she’s needy, she’s always trying to make her husband jealous, her kids are bad (really awful), AND I DON’T WANT TO BE HER FRIEND.

If I tell her how I really feel that would hurt her feelings. At this time in my life I’m happy with the relationship I’ve developed (that I feel comfortable in) and I feel like I’m being forced into something. I’ve pray about it and I don’t feel like G-d is leading me into this friendship. I can’t see her adding anything to my life. She would be the type that would be constantly at my house eating up my food with her bad kids. And since I have NEVER seen her with her husband and from what she has told me they don’t spend anytime together well she seems to want someone to spend time with.

I just don’t feel right about this. She's pushing me to hard.

 

[ultrasuede]

If you really don't feel led to enter into a close friendship with this woman don't do it. If she's the type to want to constantly run to your house and you feel uncomfortale with that,you will be more than unhappy when you can't get rid of her. If you don't want to hurt her feelings maybe you can just have lunch with her every few months and leave it at that. But don't feel guilty because you don't want a close friendship with her.

 

[dlewis]

I'm gonna cut my ties to her.

 

[Shimmie]

Hi Angel

Relax with this. For even the Holy Spirit doesn't force Himself upon us. He is a gentleman and always waits to be invited. Jesus, Himself says, 'Yea, I stand at the door and 'KNOCK'. Not once does He ever used forced entry into our lives or into our hearts. He too, is always a gentleman.

Likewise is ALL human relationships (Spiritual or non-spiritual), we are to follow the same manner, by not forcing ourselves upon one another, and especially in the 'name of the Lord.' No wonder people 'run' from Jesus.

You are NOT obligated by ANY law (Heaven or Earth's) to befriend this woman. To pray for her, yes and that only. But anything more, you are not held accountable to. You know in your heart what's right and what's wrong and you also know that God will lead you in the right direction in all things which pertain to your life and to others.

God gave me a 'word' a long time ago..."Scriptual Blackmail'. Where people misuse our Faith to gain what they want. This is no news to you, for we 'see' all the time. You are simply being the 'scriptual' target. We all are at one time or another.

Lady D, this woman has a 'controlling spirit' and you are not subjected to it. You owe her nothing except to love her and pray for her and to move on. Be upfront and tell her that 'until God speaks the same things to you that she says He is speaking to her about you, you will let her know. But now, you do not have a confirmation in your spirit to agree with her comments. And that's exactly what they are...'her comments.'

Be blessed angel. And most of all, be at peace. :luv2:

 

[deola]

IMO, ruuuuuuuuuuuuun the other way! You do not need that kind of drama in your life and you should let her know in pleasant but firm terms. She sounds like the woman the bible describes as 'irritating as raindrops on the roof' I hope I parphrased it right-you know that constant dripping that gets on your nerves? There is also such a thing called 'spiritual witchcraft' which literally suggests using one's position of authority in the church to coerce or influence another person in the church to do what they would not ordinarily do. Let me give an example, I used to know some guy back in university whose parents got married only becos his father being the pastor of the church had a 'revelation' that this guy's mom was to be his wife (umm........said 'revelation' was not given to the woman) Needless to say they got married and I do not know if they are happy. Please do not feel coerced to be her friend, like you said friendship should be easy.
My other concern is that this woman claims to be some sort of minister but cannot see the need to hold God's garment and pray for a closer and more intimate relationship with Him instead of trying to latch on to you
I think it's ok to pray for her and her ministry when you feel led as well as keeping a 'reasonable' distance. I'm sure you will make the right decision Dlewis!

 

[dlewis]

I was thinking the things that were mentioned BUT dh says maybe you should give her a chance. I'm to picky.

My thing is I should be picky about who I let into my home around my husband and kids. I should be picky about letting people into my heart.

 

[deola]

I was thinking the things that were mentioned BUT dh says maybe you should give her a chance. I'm to picky.

My thing is I should be picky about who I let into my home around my husband and kids. I should be picky about letting people into my heart.

I'm totally with you on that one! We as women cannot allow 'negative' energies/people into our homes or near our kids/husbands. We are sort of custodians of our families-that is why God gave us that 'woman's intuition' (now couple that with a discerning spirit!) to sense 'stuff' and take care of them before they become deeply rooted stumbling blocks that are hard to get rid off!

 

[InVue]

Follow your heart. Your situation brought to mind a former coworker who is a minister but she was overbearing in terms of her trying to be my friend. Initially, I was friendly but as time went on her overbearing behavior didn’t vibe with me. Apart for that our personalities were not compatible. She is extremely outgoing, pushy, and preachy, and I’m low-key and reserved, private, and won’t bulge until I’m ready.

Needless to say I saw hints of the relationship becoming toxic eventually. So I decided to pull away from her by not returning her phone calls, cutting our conversations short at work and pretty much avoiding her. Although, I was not rude in doing so she eventually got the message. Today, we are cordial speaking friends and that’s best. I love her as person but sometimes a conflict in personality’s can hinder friendships.

Spiritual or not everyone is not going to be compatible in terms of friendships. Some people will not vibe with me and vice versa. We can still love each other from a distant. I don’t feel guilty or bad about it either. Better to be real than to fake it because God knows our hearts anyway.

 

[Shimmie]

I've had 'overbearing' encounters and friends 'spriitually' and it's a pain in the 'pew'.

One dear friend I had to let go of, because she was too overbearing and bossy. She ain't my mama. It was either that or slap her silly.

God doesn't hold us accountable for steerring clear of said persons. Being a Christian doesn't mean being a door mat or a septic tank.

Who wants to be around someone who pulls and drains your energy just to say hello and how are you? I really dread being around certain people because they do drain me. I need my 'energy' for other things going on in my life...and you do too.

 

[InVue]

Exactly, sometimes you have to nip that toxic/bossy spirit in bud.

 

[PaperClip]

it's a pain in the 'pew'.

OMGoodness! PLEASE add this to the "classic" phrases list!!!!

 

[cocoberry10]

God doesn't hold us accountable for steerring clear of said persons. Being a Christian doesn't mean being a door mat or a septic tank.

Oooooooh Shimmie, this is soooo true! It should be a book!

 

[Shimmie]

Relaxer and Coco... Those are my 'grown-up' words. You know I can't say bad words in Church or anywhere for that matter My mood says I'm innocent.

 

[Nice & Wavy]

Hey dlewis....how did this turn out?

 

[dlewis]

Ok, I hope you don't think badly of me after this.


I never called her because I just could find a way to tell her I didn't want to be friends. DH saw her in the grocery store and she mentioned some things to him and he said maybe YOU should call her. Well, she never called.

Last week I was eating lunch with a friend of mine and she was there. I went up to her and hugged her (I do care about her) and she asked why I never called her. And I said something like, why didn't you call me. And we went on talking about something else. And that was it.

I think she knows. I feel bad for her because I know she must be a turn off to alot of people. I don't have any really good friends here and I know it can be lonely at times. But you can't force something that's just not there for both people.

 

[klb120475]

Ok, I hope you don't think badly of me after this.


I never called her because I just could find a way to tell her I didn't want to be friends. DH saw her in the grocery store and she mentioned some things to him and he said maybe YOU should call her. Well, she never called.

Last week I was eating lunch with a friend of mine and she was there. I went up to her and hugged her (I do care about her) and she asked why I never called her. And I said something like, why didn't you call me. And we went on talking about something else. And that was it.

I think she knows. I feel bad for her because I know she must be a turn off to alot of people. I don't have any really good friends here and I know it can be lonely at times. But you can't force something that's just not there for both people.

That's okay D...frienship is just like any other relationship either you click or you don't.

 

[Nice & Wavy]

Ok, I hope you don't think badly of me after this.


I never called her because I just could find a way to tell her I didn't want to be friends. DH saw her in the grocery store and she mentioned some things to him and he said maybe YOU should call her. Well, she never called.

Last week I was eating lunch with a friend of mine and she was there. I went up to her and hugged her (I do care about her) and she asked why I never called her. And I said something like, why didn't you call me. And we went on talking about something else. And that was it.

I think she knows. I feel bad for her because I know she must be a turn off to alot of people. I don't have any really good friends here and I know it can be lonely at times. But you can't force something that's just not there for both people.

Hey sis,
I could never think badly of you....ever.

You did what you thought was best for you. Also, you showed her love, in spite of it all, by giving her a hug. You don't have to be close friends with people to show love, what's in your heart will come out, no matter the circumstance.

Maybe she will learn from this...well, I hope she does. Sometimes people don't see themselves and how they are, but eventually they find out and their eyes are open and some change, others may not, but that isn't something you have to be concerned with. You don't have to own anything that is not yours.

Thanks for sharing.

Luv ya!

 

[dlewis]

You ladies always make me feel better.

:blowkiss: