LovelyMe24
New Member
So, I have this friend. We became pretty close in high school, and still keep in contact since we’ve been in college. Both being home for the summer, we decided to meet at the mall and catch up.
She proceeded to tell me about this guy she was talking to that she was “kinda” dating. She told me that he broke up with her because she "partied too much and he saw her as essentially, a whore". She’s always been of the “fast” variety, even when we were in high school, but I still went on to ask her what would make him say something like that.
She says “well, he’s on the football team and I kinda hooked up with other guys on his team.” I asked her how many, and she says “six or seven.” I then tried to control my facial expressions, and not appear judgemental.
So I ask her what is with her and football players, because this was the 3rd football player she had told me she was “dating” at some point. Her response was “Well, they’re pretty much the only black guys at my school.” (This girl is white with some Hispanic in her, however she appears to be solely white – blonde hair and blue eyes). From knowing her, I’ve always known that she’s always had a thing for black guys, but I still asked her “Why do they have to be black?” Her response is “I just like black guys so much better now. First of all I find them much more attractive. Also, with white guys I’ve pretty much always been able to control them, with black guys I can’t do that – they’re pretty much jerks, and I like that.”
She went on to tell me how she usually only “hooks up” with all of these guys when she’s intoxicated. Also, she stated that sex now almost seems like an addiction to her.
erplexed
When we were in a store , and she was about to try something on...she called me and said “this is something I can wear to church.” I turned around, and stated (probably more surprised than I meant to) “You’ve been going to church?” She said she has been.
I know she’s Catholic, and asked her about the view of purity from a Catholicism prospective. She was basically saying, “yes I know how bad it is, I just don’t know how to stop. I’ve been doing it for so long now, I just don’t see the point in stopping now, I do believe in God though.” I stated that that is sort of like an alcoholic saying he shouldn’t stop drinking just because he’s been doing it for so long…
She started telling me how when she was younger, the thought of waiting until she got married to have sex never even crossed her mind. She was saying that her family never really went to church, and that possibility was never really instilled in her by her parents or anyone else.
Ironically, she goes to a Baptist University (simply because she liked the school). She always talks about how she’s judged constantly (especially by black girls), and doesn’t have many close friends.
However, I’m pretty sure she isn’t completely happy with her lifestyle. I say this because she’s known me for a while, and knows that I don’t sugar coat things with her. So basically, the fact that she brought this whole thing up speaks volumes…
I don’t really know what to do. She always had some questionable behavior in highschool. However, we just finished our first year of college, and it just seems that she’s gotten a lot worse.
I've been praying for her, but basically, I would feel really bad not doing anything, or at least attempting to talk with her more. I’m usually pretty good with giving advice, and friends of mine come to me often.
I’m just not too sure how to approach this one. I would really appreciate any input..
Thoughts?
(Sorry this is so long)
She proceeded to tell me about this guy she was talking to that she was “kinda” dating. She told me that he broke up with her because she "partied too much and he saw her as essentially, a whore". She’s always been of the “fast” variety, even when we were in high school, but I still went on to ask her what would make him say something like that.
She says “well, he’s on the football team and I kinda hooked up with other guys on his team.” I asked her how many, and she says “six or seven.” I then tried to control my facial expressions, and not appear judgemental.
So I ask her what is with her and football players, because this was the 3rd football player she had told me she was “dating” at some point. Her response was “Well, they’re pretty much the only black guys at my school.” (This girl is white with some Hispanic in her, however she appears to be solely white – blonde hair and blue eyes). From knowing her, I’ve always known that she’s always had a thing for black guys, but I still asked her “Why do they have to be black?” Her response is “I just like black guys so much better now. First of all I find them much more attractive. Also, with white guys I’ve pretty much always been able to control them, with black guys I can’t do that – they’re pretty much jerks, and I like that.”She went on to tell me how she usually only “hooks up” with all of these guys when she’s intoxicated. Also, she stated that sex now almost seems like an addiction to her.
erplexedWhen we were in a store , and she was about to try something on...she called me and said “this is something I can wear to church.” I turned around, and stated (probably more surprised than I meant to) “You’ve been going to church?” She said she has been.
I know she’s Catholic, and asked her about the view of purity from a Catholicism prospective. She was basically saying, “yes I know how bad it is, I just don’t know how to stop. I’ve been doing it for so long now, I just don’t see the point in stopping now, I do believe in God though.” I stated that that is sort of like an alcoholic saying he shouldn’t stop drinking just because he’s been doing it for so long…
She started telling me how when she was younger, the thought of waiting until she got married to have sex never even crossed her mind. She was saying that her family never really went to church, and that possibility was never really instilled in her by her parents or anyone else.
Ironically, she goes to a Baptist University (simply because she liked the school). She always talks about how she’s judged constantly (especially by black girls), and doesn’t have many close friends.
However, I’m pretty sure she isn’t completely happy with her lifestyle. I say this because she’s known me for a while, and knows that I don’t sugar coat things with her. So basically, the fact that she brought this whole thing up speaks volumes…
I don’t really know what to do. She always had some questionable behavior in highschool. However, we just finished our first year of college, and it just seems that she’s gotten a lot worse.
I've been praying for her, but basically, I would feel really bad not doing anything, or at least attempting to talk with her more. I’m usually pretty good with giving advice, and friends of mine come to me often.
I’m just not too sure how to approach this one. I would really appreciate any input..
Thoughts?
(Sorry this is so long)
is not the same as being judgmental. You are just shocked; caught off guard. Once you gain your grounding then it will be judgmental depending on how you view it. We each have a view or judgment of everything. That's normal. 
