Tigerlily,
I BC'd last year and experienced the same thing. I think my hair was sighing in relief from cutting out the relaxer LOL.
Seriously though, you need to find the right products for your hair. I am a product junkie so I will try most things at least once. I am getting better though.
Right now, I have discovered the joys of EVOO. My hair loves it. I slather it on before washing and sometimes sit under the dryer for about 30 minutes.
(I alternate now between Pantene Relaxed and Natural and CON , and conditioner washes usually everyday)
I detangle in the shower with conditioner (VO5, or Suave works good) and finger comb or use my Revlon wig comb I got from Sally Beauty Suppy. I seem to get less shedding/breakage with finger combing.
When I get out I use my Aura Elixir (I still love it) and apply some Jojoba oil. I seal the ends with Elasta QP Mango Butter. Thats it.
My hair got better as it grew out, but I colored it and the ends were severly damaged. I just cut off about maybe 2.5-3 inches to give it a chance to recover.
HTH