3/4a's-have you been dismissed as a natural by other naturals?

[Irresistible]

Them folks asking you that, is just the other spectrum of ignorance and lack of understanding. no way is your hair a curse....no way!!!

Well, I personally have tried to untangle "curly" hair, and it was HARD. My cousin's children are half Mexican., and they have big spirals in their hair, and it tangles easily. She tried to tell me that before I started doing their hair, but I just looked at her like "Whatever", as if she didn't know her own kids hair. I thought their hair would be easier. I have to admit, the smaller the curls the tighter the knots (or so it seems) but I wouldn't say that one type has it better than the other. I am of the opposite situation. I have the type of naps that inspire people to ask questions like.. Why don't you get a relaxer/texturizer/dreds,etc...? It seems as if having hair like mine is some kind of curse.

 

[Irresistible]

I'm going backwards reading this thread LOL

Just want to say I'm with you on all your saying on all your posts Cichelle!!!

There is nothing to "admit". I haven't done anything or said anything that requires an admission of any sort. However, my answer to you is this: I know people with 4b hair that simply wash and go. I know people with curly hair who spend an hour or more every morning trying to get their hair to look a certain way. How difficult a person's hair is to care for goes beyond what type of hair they have. It has a lot to do with what they are trying to do with their hair.

You would have to define "easier" for me. Do you mean "easier to detangle"? Do you mean "easier to blow dry". What do you mean? At any rate, I don't feel bad about my curly hair. And I have no idea whether it is easier to care for than yours or anyone else's. It might be. And?

 

[Irresistible]

Girl, I put it all the way out there , with the pics to prove it, I got like what? 100 percent shrinkage?LOLOL I dont even know my hair type anymore, its always been defined by others by what it looks like with products in it, I never did care much what my hair type is , knowing it doesnt change it. Ive playfully asked others to tell me my hair type (after getting the shock of their lives seeing my hair from scratch with no products LOLOL) but truthfully didnt care much. This is a good thread. A really good thread ,with so many truths in it. One person said "all of our hair is easy when we learn how to take care of it. I think in essence this is true, I think all hair has its own unique challenges and hardships...and I'm not one to believe relaxed hair is any easier in those challenges...and since not many of us have 1a hair , we might as well learn to deal with and accept all our hair types will have its own challenges. and yes even like you said (and I do too) have more than one hair type. This whole thread reminds me of a recent break down I made in my album of the "hair wars"....we will never fully be in eachother's shoes, but your right we have more in common than we have to divide us , if only we could all realize it. It seems like more people are going natural lately(or is it just me?) which is wonderfull. I guess now with that we are seeing more of a shift in to natural/natural division, instead of the relaxed/natural division that was so prevelant, I know its still there, it just seems lately the natural ladies are finding more and more ways to see themselves as divided...and as usual its sad. And btw about what someone else said , many 3 types cannot just blow dry their hair either (I sure cant). anyway I'm just tryin to chime in without responding to each comment... I like what Cichelle said "define" easier. yeah. exactly. IMO managing a 'fro looks alot easier to me at times, from what ive seen in some pics , or a beautiful set of twists that will actually stay. And I dont remember who said something about what a 4 type goes through from wash to condition to detangle...well all I'm gonna say is ITS NOT THAT MUCH OF A STRETCH from what a 3 type might go through too

anway I truly and I mean truly think all natural (and healthy) hair is beautiful. Whatever we gotta go through to maintain it, who has it harder or easier (again that needs to be defined) doesnt really matter that much, or at least it shouldnt!

This just really really reminds me of a recent comment in my lies lies lies album, where I broke alot of this down to a newly natural sistah who had no clue about all this, I would post it here, but it probably contains too much "charged" type language.....its my album and I can speak my mind how i want there. LOL, but i will just leave that be here

Edited later to add: I forgot to quote the post I was responding to orginally so I added it now

As a transitioner I have noticed that certain hair textures were able to transition for longer periods of time than other. It's just a coincidence maybe! But anyway, I have 3c/4a/4b all on one head. So I get the best of all worlds. Each section gets certain attention. More time. Or certain products. Either way, there is no section on my head that is better than the other, nor easier. Also, some naturals with 4b texture be sweatin' hair like Iris's, but she puts it out there that it's no picnic in the park to make her hair look good. I agree that all textures give you a run for your money with some aspect of it whether it be detangling, styling, or whatever. I can guarantee that if you got all the naturals in one thread to complain about the cons of being natural, we'd have alot in common!

 

[Irresistible]

LOLOL girl, yes for some its really seems to be

The sad part about this is some of those same women are members here that will go to other boards and try to say LHCF members are lying about their hair type. Is it that serious?

 

[Irresistible]

"others bothered by your hair type", story of my life....LOLOL

Now all this was shocking to me to say the least after being around the hair boards/groups etc long enough your bound to see it, when I saw how deep it all can go it blew my mind, and yes it was hurtfull to me too, especially with the really ignorant things that have been said to me

Whats behind it? it goes way to deep to even begin to go into here. But trust this is nothing new under the sun, for those of us just now experiencing it in our lives. ha, this has been goin on amongst us forever. We all know where it all started. Now if only it could end? I wish, but it ends in one's thinking and heart. And since we dont control other's we can never control all this...some of it is ignorance, some of it is lack of understanding, meanwhile some of it is plain hate and division, rooted in superiority/inferiority complexes and thinking. Some of it turns real ugly too.

I know the inner workings of it and ive seen the attacks. In the end its all just sad. Lets just say some have to go all the way to the left to embrace and accept their natural hair , even if it means the ugliness of divisions amongst hair types. Its not in me and I'm not wired that way, but some just are and some want to be...there is no changing that

someone said they stopped hoping for acceptance, good, cause despite what you do, from some you wont get it, why? because they DONT WANT TO GIVE IT! and there is NOTHING you can do about that. just dont let the division get in your heart, because they seperated themselves from you, dont seperate yourself from them, other than realizing your thinking and heart is different.....but they are still your sistah's, even if they dont accept you or what you do with your hair or what it looks like

Off preach mode now LOLOL

Interesting thread. Yes. That has happened to me. When I was transitioning, I felt right in there with other people I knew who were doing the same. But after the big chop, all of a sudden, with a couple of them everything was different. To them, I'm not supposed to include myself in the "natural realm" because I apparently don't share the same struggles. I have also been asked if I have a texturizer and if I am "mixed". I don't mind the questions, but when I answer no and no, it would be nice to be believed. About the struggling, everyone goes through different struggles because no one's hair is the same as the next person's. We all have to find what is right for each of us and that takes time and patience and at least a few hair disasters (at least it has for me).

I've also noticed online there is sometimes disbelief when a black women claim to have 3b and/or 3c hair. Apparently, we are lying and our pictures are somehow fake. Okay. Well, that says a lot about how deep this hairtyping thing runs. What's behind such accusations....or such alleged lies?

Anyway, it has actually been a little hurtful. I guess I am just sensitive. But I have come a long way in accepting, embracing and loving my hair, so I don't intend to start feeling bad about it being curly all over again. If someone wants to dismiss me, I'm sorry for that. But there really isn't anything I can do about it. Fortunately, it's all good with most naturals I have met. It's just a small few that don't even really know me that seem to be bothered by my hair type. It's kind of strange, really. I don't know.

 

[inthestars]

Interesting thread. Yes. That has happened to me. When I was transitioning, I felt right in there with other people I knew who were doing the same. But after the big chop, all of a sudden, with a couple of them everything was different. To them, I'm not supposed to include myself in the "natural realm" because I apparently don't share the same struggles. I have also been asked if I have a texturizer and if I am "mixed". I don't mind the questions, but when I answer no and no, it would be nice to be believed. About the struggling, everyone goes through different struggles because no one's hair is the same as the next person's. We all have to find what is right for each of us and that takes time and patience and at least a few hair disasters (at least it has for me).

I've also noticed online there is sometimes disbelief when a black women claim to have 3b and/or 3c hair. Apparently, we are lying and our pictures are somehow fake. Okay. Well, that says a lot about how deep this hairtyping thing runs. What's behind such accusations....or such alleged lies?

Anyway, it has actually been a little hurtful. I guess I am just sensitive. But I have come a long way in accepting, embracing and loving my hair, so I don't intend to start feeling bad about it being curly all over again. If someone wants to dismiss me, I'm sorry for that. But there really isn't anything I can do about it. Fortunately, it's all good with most naturals I have met. It's just a small few that don't even really know me that seem to be bothered by my hair type. It's kind of strange, really. I don't know.

Your hair is so nice naturally. When did you start relaxing?

 

[Sridevi]

I agree that every hair type has it's challenges. A lot of white women have to blow dry their hair EVERYDAY to achieve that stick straight look that is so popular.

If we're being honest there is a distinct difference in the way society-- and blacks in particular-- view type 4 hair versus the curlier hair types. This difference is where I think the struggle with natural hair diverges. Curly-haired women are likely to be encouraged when they big chop (Why did you have a relaxer with that hair?) while women with type 4 hair are discouraged (When are you going to relax that hair?).
Also, every type 3 woman I have ever known has longer than average hair. The only type 3s I've met with short hair are the ones who choose to cut it. I believe it is much harder for type 4s to retain length and therefore I do tend to be more impressed when I see a type 4 with longer hair. Basically, I think we all share in the hair struggle but type 3s have it easier in the areas of acceptance and growth.

 

[Irresistible]

In a professional environment, I was encouraged both overty and subtly to wear my hair pressed, I wouldnt sell as much with my hair in a bun, I wasnt as attractive or womanly or warmly accepted by my customer's(the male ones of course) , It was a harder look, than my flowing hair. one mgr offered me to pay to get my hair done every week (joking, but yet another hint) just so I would wear my hair down all the time, knowing dang well it wasnt money that kept me from doing that, it was the health of my hair......I am a rebel at times, I walked into a saturday morning sales meeting feeling like Cleopatra beautiful with my dookey braids freshly done by yours truly the night before, please those old white men looked at me like I was bumquisha from the ghetto and I must have lost my mind....hahaha , it was funny to me, and was determined to show them the power of my sales wasnt in my hair......we all go through various levels of acceptance and non acceptance with our hair. women with relaxed straight hair, that is breaking and non healthy get it thrown at them too. women that wear weaves etc etc

please many a natural woman have had to suffer through the sad experience of the dismay and displeasure, directed at them by the men in their lives, for them not having straight, flowing , blowin in the wind hair anymore..it happens!! regardless the curl pattern

it comes and happens for any or many of us, on many levels, on many layers, and for many reasons.

The growth part I just cant speak on. I dont know, I know I have seen some type 4 long heads of hair, and tons of little girls with type 4 thick/full heads of long, and I mean long hair. So I dunno. Ive seen type 3's struggling for growth too. I know these arent the total general rule across the board, maybe the exceptions, but Ive seen it

we black women have some really deep rooted hair issues to work through. I think...it took us a long time to get here, I wish i could say what should follow that, which would be "its gonna take a long time to change it" ...but I just dont know if it can or will change. *sad face*

I agree that every hair type has it's challenges. A lot of white women have to blow dry their hair EVERYDAY to achieve that stick straight look that is so popular.

If we're being honest there is a distinct difference in the way society-- and blacks in particular-- view type 4 hair versus the curlier hair types. This difference is where I think the struggle with natural hair diverges. Curly-haired women are likely to be encouraged when they big chop (Why did you have a relaxer with that hair?) while women with type 4 hair are discouraged (When are you going to relax that hair?).
Also, every type 3 woman I have ever known has longer than average hair. The only type 3s I've met with short hair are the ones who choose to cut it. I believe it is much harder for type 4s to retain length and therefore I do tend to be more impressed when I see a type 4 with longer hair. Basically, I think we all share in the hair struggle but type 3s have it easier in the areas of acceptance and growth.

 

[Cichelle]

"others bothered by your hair type", story of my life....LOLOL

Now all this was shocking to me to say the least after being around the hair boards/groups etc long enough your bound to see it, when I saw how deep it all can go it blew my mind, and yes it was hurtfull to me too, especially with the really ignorant things that have been said to me

Whats behind it? it goes way to deep to even begin to go into here. But trust this is nothing new under the sun, for those of us just now experiencing it in our lives. ha, this has been goin on amongst us forever. We all know where it all started. Now if only it could end? I wish, but it ends in one's thinking and heart. And since we dont control other's we can never control all this...some of it is ignorance, some of it is lack of understanding, meanwhile some of it is plain hate and division, rooted in superiority/inferiority complexes and thinking. Some of it turns real ugly too.

I know the inner workings of it and ive seen the attacks. In the end its all just sad. Lets just say some have to go all the way to the left to embrace and accept their natural hair , even if it means the ugliness of divisions amongst hair types. Its not in me and I'm not wired that way, but some just are and some want to be...there is no changing that

someone said they stopped hoping for acceptance, good, cause despite what you do, from some you wont get it, why? because they DONT WANT TO GIVE IT! and there is NOTHING you can do about that. just dont let the division get in your heart, because they seperated themselves from you, dont seperate yourself from them, other than realizing your thinking and heart is different.....but they are still your sistah's, even if they dont accept you or what you do with your hair or what it looks like

Off preach mode now LOLOL

Once again, you hit it out of the ballpark. I am taking that bolded statement straight to my heart.

 

[Cichelle]

Your hair is so nice naturally. When did you start relaxing?

Thank you! I got my hair relaxed for the first time when I was probably 11 or 12 years old. Kept on for many years. Stopped about 15 months ago.

 

[atl_mulattamami]

well i consider myself a very tight 3b/3c but i can still relate to what you're saying...i get so frustrated because i try to say im natural as well and then i'll get comments that make me feel like im not "nappy" enough to be in the club. people at school are always like no you cant understand because your hair isnt nappy and im just thinkin like ok you try to comb this mess out in the morning and we'll see what you think about that!

 

[esoterica]

My head has some 3c spirals in the crown and mostly 4a/b in other various parts. i know for sure that the 3c part of my hair has always been softer, easier to comb, less prone to breakage and longer growing than the type 4 parts of my head.

 

[Irresistible]

yeah I know all about having different hair types in one head that do and need different things, I found out just recently and I did not know it all this time, that I have three totally different hair types,two are very obvious, when I took pics for this album and saw pics of the back of my head
http://public.fotki.com/IRRISISTABLBTCH/2005/just_buyin_mo_time/

its really clear that bottom layer is different and longer, then I took these pics to show what was going on with it

http://public.fotki.com/IRRISISTABLBTCH/2005/my_loca_hair/

you can see really good in this pic that that layer is longer when straight, making my ends appear thin, but its just that bottom/ layer
http://public.fotki.com/IRRISISTABLBTCH/2005/grand_finale_part_2/maybeishouldtrimore2.html

but here you can see the longer layer doesnt matter if I curl it,it no longer looks thinner
http://public.fotki.com/IRRISISTABLBTCH/2005/grand_finale_finally!!!/thebestpic.html

This is why my hair struggled with relaxer so much I believe now. all the rest of my hair is tighter curl patter , especially my crown (this hair took a long long time to catch up with the rest of my hair and is tighter/coilier, although its hard to show that in pics now that its grown out, it was my trouble spot all my life) and its dryer, tighter, more fragile and breaks easier, yet that bottom layer and around my ears and edges are looser and finer and also broke easier for its own reason with a relaxer. So it was no win for me , for all my hair types with a relaxer, they all struggled LOL

So yes we can all have different issues on the same head. Even more crazy for us to have "hair wars" over hair types amongst us, when so many of us have our own "hair wars" going on, on our very own heads. LOL

My head has some 3c spirals in the crown and mostly 4a/b in other various parts. i know for sure that the 3c part of my hair has always been softer, easier to comb, less prone to breakage and longer growing than the type 4 parts of my head.

 

[Brownie]

The growth part I just cant speak on. I dont know, I know I have seen some type 4 long heads of hair, and tons of little girls with type 4 thick/full heads of long, and I mean long hair. So I dunno. Ive seen type 3's struggling for growth too. I know these arent the total general rule across the board, maybe the exceptions, but Ive seen it

I've seen the little girls with thick 4ish natural hair too, and then, you look at the momma, they usually have short, lifeless hair. I saw such a pair at the store yesterday. I looked at the mom, and thought to myself, "I've bet her hair was like her daughter's at one time, but she messed it up." Like someone said, a big problem is that people manipulate their hair too much, trying to make it look like someone else's hair---instead of just doing what the hair wants to do naturally. IMO, you get more growth when you do less with your hair and don't fight the texture.

 

[AllAboutTheHair]

There are different degrees of "nappiness" for all women (and men). My cousin-in-law, who is caucasian, is a typical type 1, her hair is so straight it will not hold a curl done with hot rollers and/or setting lotion, she refers to her hair as nappy. Her daughter, who is biracial (black american and caucasian), has a 3a thing going on, she also refers to her hair as nappy. My cousin-in-law has been over my house after I have shampooed my hair and she has said that my thick, wonderfully tangled, growing, shoulder length hair is nappy. I say to her 'your hair is nappy too' . It really doesn't matter, honestly. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I behold everyone's hair is nappy to some degree, it is up to that person to deal with their own napps, however minor they may be to someone else. It is just hair anyway...isn't it.

 

[AllAboutTheHair]

You get more growth when you do less with your hair and don't fight the texture.

I totally agree. It has proven true for me.

 

[Brownie]

OK...Here is my story.........

I have 3bc/4a hair.....I know there are different textures and degrees of hair types. But I also know what I have experience with my own hair and family observations. I have been natural for over 15 years and all of my hair is not shoulder length ...YET!!!

Yikes! I'd say you need to re-evaluate your regimen, unless that is your hair's max length, but I don't think so.

 

[esoterica]

its really clear that bottom layer is different and longer, then I took these pics to show what was going on with it

http://public.fotki.com/IRRISISTABLBTCH/2005/my_loca_hair/

We have the same issue! the bottom layer of my hair grows really fast compared to the sides and front... so my hair always looks thin even though its really thick. Oh well, nothing i can do about it! My nape will be brastrap way before the rest of my head!
http://public.fotki.com/asphyxxia2005/haircare/2005/progress/july/

 

[AllAboutTheHair]

We have the same issue! the bottom layer of my hair grows really fast compared to the sides and front... so my hair always looks thin even though its really thick. Oh well, nothing i can do about it! My nape will be brastrap way before the rest of my head!
http://public.fotki.com/asphyxxia2005/haircare/2005/progress/july/

My hair is this way also. The middle/crown area is more coarse and grows slower. I have been manipulating this area less than the rest of my hair and it has helped alot. The back is already bra-strap and creeping towards mid-back. The crown is at the bottom of my neck.

 

[nurseN98]

This is a great thread (see, that's the only thing about going away on the weekends)

I have 4a hair but ppl have told me that I have the type of hair that "can" go natural. I STILL have yet to figure out a way to eliminate knotting. My detangling takes usally 15-30 minutes depending on how lazy I've been in between. It's a pain in the butt, but for me relaxing is even a bigger pain. I don't like when folks just assume because my hair looks a certain way, I must not have to deal with issues that 'real' naturals have to go thru.

 

[SilkyandSmooth]

I've never been dismissed by other naturals. Then again, I don't know too many naturals. I've gotten nothing but compliments from the naturals that I do know, however.... I consider myself a 3b/c and caring for my hair is not a picnic in the park. I will admit that the 3b parts of my hair are easier to care for than the 3c parts.

 

[caligirl]

I agree that every hair type has it's challenges. A lot of white women have to blow dry their hair EVERYDAY to achieve that stick straight look that is so popular.

If we're being honest there is a distinct difference in the way society-- and blacks in particular-- view type 4 hair versus the curlier hair types. This difference is where I think the struggle with natural hair diverges. Curly-haired women are likely to be encouraged when they big chop (Why did you have a relaxer with that hair?) while women with type 4 hair are discouraged (When are you going to relax that hair?).
Also, every type 3 woman I have ever known has longer than average hair. The only type 3s I've met with short hair are the ones who choose to cut it. I believe it is much harder for type 4s to retain length and therefore I do tend to be more impressed when I see a type 4 with longer hair. Basically, I think we all share in the hair struggle but type 3s have it easier in the areas of acceptance and growth.

Thank you for saying this much more eloquently than I did.

 

[qtgirl]

I think that if you don't have a chemical in your hair you are natural. But I agree with Sweetnic and maybe this is where some of the animosity comes from. I'm sorry, but it's really condescending if someone who has naturally curly hair is saying come on you should be natural, blah-blah-blah when that person knows my hair isn't like theirs. Sure, I can go natural, but my battle will be different. People don't usu. tell people with curly hair they should relax or "do something" with their hair. People with a curly hair texture can usually transition longer because the difference in their relaxed hair versus their natural hair is not that different. Where as I may have to cut my hair boy short and grow it out from that. Etc. Etc. Etc.

I say all that to say, I wouldn't negate someone as being natural just because they have curly hair and I think moreso people are just trying to say "your blues ain't like mine".

While I believe that every well groomed head of hair is BEAUTIFUL, I have to say that I do strongly believe that those with a curlier pattern have it easier. I come from a household with varying hair types and I was the stylist of 3 little girls heads, each of which had a different texture. IT was MUCHHHHH easier to wash, comb & braid the curlier hair than it was for the 4b/4c sister's hair... The difference was night and day. Her hair would have to be recombed more often. When braiding it, her hair was rough and sometimes hurt my hands...the list goes on. I don't only notice that with my sisters but, with ladies on this board. There are some naturals here who can simply blow dry their hair and it comes out looking like a fresh relaxer - so, even if they choose to never relax, it's MUCH easier and healthier for them to achieve the straight look (should they opt for that style one day).

Someone said they know a natural 4a/4b that washes and goes...Show me him or her because I would have to see it for myself. Most 4a/4bs who wash and go end up with a bundle of tangles in addition to a head of hair that looks like the person is doing mini locks. So I guess I'm saying that the wash n' go is really not practical for most 4a/4b's.


On the flip side, 4a/4b's have a easier time with locking their hair than do 3a/3b/3c people normally do. However, not everyone wants to lock their hair - I know I don't. Another way I believe the curlier ladies have it a tad easier is with work. I believe the people in our work place (primarily whites) have a easier time identifying with a curly head of hair than do a straight up 4a/4b head of hair. Therefore, there are less "furry eyes" (stares) etc.
I hope this post didn't offend anyone as it wasn't intended to. It's just my observation.


**I've been transitioning for 1 year under my sew-ins. I will continue transitioning for another year b/f the chop**

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

This happens to me ALL OF THE TIME! Sometimes I wish I had another texture, just so my testimony of the joys ( and some pains) of being natural would be taken more seriously.

It is strange you started this topic because I was gonna start one similar to this. I had an experience with a lady in a beauty supply. My hair was in a puff and she asked me was it all mine. I told her yes and I took my scarf from around my head to show her how I put it on. She then started asking me about products I use. She then commented, 'oh,but you have that good hair.' I told her, 'everyone does.' Don't you know she was like whatever and walked away? The way she left the dialogue would have made you think that I offended her- maybe I did by saying everyone has good hair. What makes it so bad (being a people pleaser) I felt the need to go back to her and ask her did I offend her by my comment when I KNOW it wasn't offensive. I guess she thought I was another one of those folks that believes the 'hype.'

 

[Irresistible]

I just want to say, you kind of made me think of things differently here. I just never really thought of it this way....

For instance, I always found it offensive when a natural that loves their big hair would say to one that doesnt, That they should love and wear their hair big, or insinuating that by them not liking to wear it Diana Ross big they are less than accepting of their's and other's natural hair....I always thought someone wearing and loving their big hair would find it offensive if a natural who is more comfortable not wearing their hair big said to them..."oh I love tamed hair, you should tame it." LOL

So you made me think of how someone that doesnt feel they have the hair that they could deal with being natural might feel when someone says with a softer curl pattern "you should go natural".....although I KNOW they arent meaning it offensively....its just that person's thinking about their own hair and what they feel for themselvels they can deal with or accept. Or how it comes across to them for someone with a different hair type to say this to them as if they know something about that person's hair, and that person doenst feel they really do...when the natural sistah saying is most probably just genuninely believing all natural hair is a good thang

Thinking about how I feel when other naturals insinuate I'm doing some injustice to mine/their and all natural hair by not liking my hair wild and big and huge, hmmm, so is it my perception or is it truly offensive??? Both I guess....

hmm I guess we just need to get out of other's heads *cause i know I hate it when folks are all up in mine thinkin they know somethin, or wanna tell me somethin like they know* and let them do them and whats right for them......unless they are seriously asking and want to know....i guess its a case of keep your mouth shut so you dont end up inserting your foot in it. Folks are gonna do what they want with their hair and feel how they want to about it in the end anway, unless they wanna know/do/feel differently, i guess its best left alone. Cause in the end folks are gonna only know/do/feel what they want to and whats right for them

The hair saga continues...and shall never end...not unless we get up out of eachother's head, and just find peace with whats growing out of our own.

There are so many tiny fine lines not to cross and some just dont see it or wont and might not really even mean any harm. Meanwhile others truly want to be divided.... oh the hair wars...so complicated, yet all so simple minded at the same time.

I think that if you don't have a chemical in your hair you are natural. But I agree with Sweetnic and maybe this is where some of the animosity comes from. I'm sorry, but it's really condescending if someone who has naturally curly hair is saying come on you should be natural, blah-blah-blah when that person knows my hair isn't like theirs. Sure, I can go natural, but my battle will be different. People don't usu. tell people with curly hair they should relax or "do something" with their hair. People with a curly hair texture can usually transition longer because the difference in their relaxed hair versus their natural hair is not that different. Where as I may have to cut my hair boy short and grow it out from that. Etc. Etc. Etc.

I say all that to say, I wouldn't negate someone as being natural just because they have curly hair and I think moreso people are just trying to say "your blues ain't like mine".

 

[Peachtree]

...I'm going to get real here. One time, when I was texturizing, I saw this natural getting her hair done at the beauty salon. I said, "Oh, your hair is so soft, and I might've said (I know I was thinking it) that if only my hair was soft like that I wouldn't do anything to it." Looking back on that now I'm thinking: Duh! My texture is not too far off from what hers was, and since my grade is finer, my hair is probably easier to work with than hers, but I had it in my mind (at that time) that my hair was unmanageable and needed to be fixed. No wonder she was looking at me like I was crazy. I could've had my hair done the same way she had hers done, but I was quick to texturize, instead of learning how to fix my hair AS IS. Once again, live and learn. I agree with the person who said natural hair has its issues, but relaxed hair (for me) has even more. I wonder how many people are using chemicals, like I was, thinking their hair is unmanageable, when it really isn't.

Off topic, I know...
I was one of those people for 18 yrs Whiled relaxed, my new growth was unmanageable because I really didn't have a clue how to properly care for it. Now, my natural hair is manageable only because I clearly understand how to care for it ((although I live through hair struggles/tangling issues))...

...like u said, u live & u learn...

 

[qtgirl]

Iris,

I think you hit the nail on the head here. Also, I am so sorry that people would be ignorant in your album. Whether you wear a bun or a fro or press it everyday is really of no consequence to anyone, but yourself.

I just want to say, you kind of made me think of things differently here. I just never really thought of it this way....

For instance, I always found it offensive when a natural that loves their big hair would say to one that doesnt, That they should love and wear their hair big, or insinuating that by them not liking to wear it Diana Ross big they are less than accepting of their's and other's natural hair....I always thought someone wearing and loving their big hair would find it offensive if a natural who is more comfortable not wearing their hair big said to them..."oh I love tamed hair, you should tame it." LOL

So you made me think of how someone that doesnt feel they have the hair that they could deal with being natural might feel when someone says with a softer curl pattern "you should go natural".....although I KNOW they arent meaning it offensively....its just that person's thinking about their own hair and what they feel for themselvels they can deal with or accept. Or how it comes across to them for someone with a different hair type to say this to them as if they know something about that person's hair, and that person doenst feel they really do...when the natural sistah saying is most probably just genuninely believing all natural hair is a good thang

Thinking about how I feel when other naturals insinuate I'm doing some injustice to mine/their and all natural hair by not liking my hair wild and big and huge, hmmm, so is it my perception or is it truly offensive??? Both I guess....

hmm I guess we just need to get out of other's heads *cause i know I hate it when folks are all up in mine thinkin they know somethin, or wanna tell me somethin like they know* and let them do them and whats right for them......unless they are seriously asking and want to know....i guess its a case of keep your mouth shut so you dont end up inserting your foot in it. Folks are gonna do what they want with their hair and feel how they want to about it in the end anway, unless they wanna know/do/feel differently, i guess its best left alone. Cause in the end folks are gonna only know/do/feel what they want to and whats right for them

The hair saga continues...and shall never end...not unless we get up out of eachother's head, and just find peace with whats growing out of our own.

There are so many tiny fine lines not to cross and some just dont see it or wont and might not really even mean any harm. Meanwhile others truly want to be divided.... oh the hair wars...so complicated, yet all so simple minded at the same time.

 

[Tru_Mind]

Sounds like we met the same person (laughing). That's what I meant about being dismissed! Exactly. I said the same thing to the woman I met too; a lot of women of color strongly believe in that good hair/bad hair, and they aren't going to hear anything else.

I'm going to get real here. One time, when I was texturizing, I saw this natural getting her hair done at the beauty salon. I said, "Oh, your hair is so soft, and I might've said (I know I was thinking it) that if only my hair was soft like that I wouldn't do anything to it." Looking back on that now I'm thinking: Duh! My texture is not too far off from what hers was, and since my grade is finer, my hair is probably easier to work with than hers, but I had it in my mind (at that time) that my hair was unmanageable and needed to be fixed. No wonder she was looking at me like I was crazy. I could've had my hair done the same way she had hers done, but I was quick to texturize, instead of learning how to fix my hair AS IS. Once again, live and learn. I agree with the person who said natural hair has its issues, but relaxed hair (for me) has even more. I wonder how many people are using chemicals, like I was, thinking their hair is unmanageable, when it really isn't.

I've always wished that I had curly hair...not realizing that curly hair was underneath my relaxed hair. My mom would braid and then rap the braids around rollers, so that I can have curly hair. I've always new that my hair was wavy/curly before I relaxed...I guess I believed that my hair would never be the same. I don't know. My goal for soooo long was to grow my relaxer out... and I've finally done it.

Brownie...I have to admit I did what you did a couple of times, so I guess we can understand where those ladies that say, "my hair is not like yours" are coming from. I've been relaxed for so long, so I never had a chance to comb or style my natural hair...my mom did. Anyway, I now see that that's what those ladies think too. They don't realize that the person that they think that their hair is not like might actually have the same or similiar texture as their own hair.

The problem is that most of us have been relaxed for so long that we don't know what our natural hair actually looks like. Relaxers change hair texture. It makes hair/new growth drier coarser or whatever. Relaxers even make new growth harder to manage over time...sometimes.

-tru

 

[Tru_Mind]

I think that if you don't have a chemical in your hair you are natural.

That's what I beleive too...so what I straighten my hair out. FOR NOW!

-tru

 

[Lucia]

I've seen the little girls with thick 4ish natural hair too, and then, you look at the momma, they usually have short, lifeless hair. I saw such a pair at the store yesterday. I looked at the mom, and thought to myself, "I've bet her hair was like her daughter's at one time, but she messed it up." Like someone said, a big problem is that people manipulate their hair too much, trying to make it look like someone else's hair---instead of just doing what the hair wants to do naturally. IMO, you get more growth when you do less with your hair and don't fight the texture.

ITA That's where all the problems start we have to learn how to work with our hair and not against it. When I straighten now it's always with protective products and deep conditioning before and after. I can get a straight look but my straight hair will never look like blond type 1 thin stick straight Suzy's no matter how much I heat it up and I'm fine with it I like the natural body and thickness my hair has even straight.