3/4a's-have you been dismissed as a natural by other naturals?

[Brownie]

Even on this board, I've had other naturals say, "Yes, but you can't understand; you're a 3c/4a, and that's different from a 4a/4b." I recently was talking to a lady, who said she'd never relax again. She said she was going to stay natural forever. I said, "Yeah, I'm natural too." She said, "Yeah, but your hair is curly, isn't it?"

I said, "yeah, very curly." She said, "I used to wear my hair in an Afro. But you have what I'd call good hair." Yes, I cringed at that term, which I seem to be hearing a lot lately. The next day, I showed her a picture of my hair in a puff to show that I can wear an Afro too (nodding).

I went to Sally's recently, and the cashier was asking me about the product I was buying (biolage generic leave-in) because from looking at my hair, she decided she might try it too. Once again, I heard that "good hair" thing (even though my hair was looking pretty rough), and I said, "No, everybody's hair is good." She shook her head and said, "No not everybody's." Although my hair isn't near as pretty IMO as some of the naturals on the board, I seem to be getting that a lot, relaxers who say they'd be happy if they had my texture, and I think to myself: No, they wouldn't. The first day they had it, they'd slap a relaxer on it because although it's 3c/4a, it's still not a picnic.
Regardless of hair texture, everybody's hair has little quirks, or something they'd want to change, or something they have to work on to keep it looking nice, or decent.

Other 3/4a's, have you gotten dismissed by other naturals too, who think you can't possibly know what it's like to be natural?

 

[Shatani]

i know youre not talkin to me cuz im 4a/b....but i know exactly what youre talkin about...i see it all the time. it seems the assumption is that if you have natural curls then you have it easy, which i think is a load of crap!

its weird, cuz i consider my hair the kinkiest type....but i still get relaxers who say, "well, if my hair looked like yours i would go natural too" and the reality is, that they have more of a chance of their hair lookin like mine than they think! its just that i take care of mine...THATS what makes me have "that good hair"

 

[caligirl]

I do make the distinction between naturally curly and natural. I could be way off base, but it seems like naturally curly hair is easier to care for. I know that I spend A LOT of time combing my hair out in small sections, deep conditioning, etc. I know some folks with naturally curly hair who can run their fingers thru it in the shower and be on their merry way.
I am not saying that naturally curly hair is better than natural hair, but there is a difference, both in the appearance and maintenance.

 

[divine]

No I haven't.....
Every natural person I find is cool. I just have a really special bond with other natural not matter the hair type.

 

[Nay]

I haven't been dismissed, but I know what you mean. I've gotten the "but my hair is not like yours" comments when I try to encourage people to enjoy their natural textures. In those times I wish I had my just washed and dried photo with me to show them that my hair isn't all glorious and easygoing either.

People oftentimes see you looking your best and don't realize what it took to whip your hair into that shape

 

[Shatani]

amen to that Nay!!!! they dont see the hours of twisting that goes into that fly twistout!!!

 

[Ayeshia]

Im a 3c and just because my hair is curly doesnt mean that I dont have a problem with breakage and dryness, which is what a lot of people think. A lot of my curly pictures come off as looking silky and easy to care for....well it aint lol. Its all in the flash. My hair is dull, very cottony, the only thing that sets my hair apart from type 4 hair is the curl pattern, thats IT.

 

[jainygirl]

I think all naturals are natural but the routines they use to maintain their hair may be different. I agree a person taking care of curly natural hair isnt going to have the same routine as me taking care of my kinky natural hair. We're both natural just using different routines. Their issues may not be the same as mine as far as what things they are trying to work on with their hair but that doesnt mean they arent legitimate concerns for them. Mine are surely legitimate and I would hate for someone to think my concerns were trivial as well.

its weird, cuz i consider my hair the kinkiest type....but i still get relaxers who say, "well, if my hair looked like yours i would go natural too" and the reality is, that they have more of a chance of their hair lookin like mine than they think!

I can relate to this Shatani. I have had to look at people all crazy-like about this as well. My hair is true 4b hair and i've had a few people say that to me. People see my hair in twists with a nice sheen and coils on the end and make comments that just dont make sense. I just tell them that my hair is very kinky and the reason it has sheen to it is because for some reason my hair has more sheen when it's pulled into twists -- that's all. The coils on the ends are just from me twirling the ends of my hair to seal my twists. I like my hair because it's versatile and I wish folks would realize that their hair can be versatile as well if they give it a chance to breathe a little . -- jainygirl

 

[Cichelle]

Interesting thread. Yes. That has happened to me. When I was transitioning, I felt right in there with other people I knew who were doing the same. But after the big chop, all of a sudden, with a couple of them everything was different. To them, I'm not supposed to include myself in the "natural realm" because I apparently don't share the same struggles. I have also been asked if I have a texturizer and if I am "mixed". I don't mind the questions, but when I answer no and no, it would be nice to be believed. About the struggling, everyone goes through different struggles because no one's hair is the same as the next person's. We all have to find what is right for each of us and that takes time and patience and at least a few hair disasters (at least it has for me).

I've also noticed online there is sometimes disbelief when a black women claim to have 3b and/or 3c hair. Apparently, we are lying and our pictures are somehow fake. Okay. Well, that says a lot about how deep this hairtyping thing runs. What's behind such accusations....or such alleged lies?

Anyway, it has actually been a little hurtful. I guess I am just sensitive. But I have come a long way in accepting, embracing and loving my hair, so I don't intend to start feeling bad about it being curly all over again. If someone wants to dismiss me, I'm sorry for that. But there really isn't anything I can do about it. Fortunately, it's all good with most naturals I have met. It's just a small few that don't even really know me that seem to be bothered by my hair type. It's kind of strange, really. I don't know.

 

[curlygirl493]

i'm not a natural head-but i do understand what you are saying-its happed with me with natural and relaxed heads. when the topic of hair problems comes up, i often get dismissed because "i don't have "regular" black hair" or that good hair bs, so i just keep my mouth shut, unless i'm asked about my hair.

 

[deeshortesthair]

People oftentimes see you looking your best and don't realize what it took to whip your hair into that shape

I get a twitch every time i hear that good hair term.
My new boyfriend has mabey 5 c hair I do not know if this exists but I have never felt hair like his before, and my girlfriend asked me if I was not afraid to have little girls with his bad hair I was vey pissed once your hair is healthy and looks decent it is good.. and we know what it takes to make our hair to look decent.
I just had a huge fight with this girl bcause she told me that I was brave to introduce him to my mom.
I am willing to have little girls with 4c hair I have had problems all of my life dealing with my hair type 3c , all hair types need to help each other this is a great post and I thank the lhcf for giveing me the insight into caring for any type of hair .

 

[Country gal]

I think most people are ignorant when it comes to natural hair. I know I was before. I had a hair stylist raving about my hair because it curls up when wet and she was like are you mixed. I have a girlfriend that is natural too. She says she wished her hair would wave up and curl like my hair does instead of having these naps. I have people thinking I am bold, strong and black pride queen because I wear my hair the way God intended it. I take care of my hair. I feel if I am going to do natural hair than I am going to do the damn thing. I look fly with my natural hair. I think most of us are just scared. I was for a mintute and than I got over it.

 

[Country gal]

I've also noticed online there is sometimes disbelief when a black women claim to have 3b and/or 3c hair. Apparently, we are lying and our pictures are somehow fake. Okay. Well, that says a lot about how deep this hairtyping thing runs. What's behind such accusations....or such alleged lies?

The sad part about this is some of those same women are members here that will go to other boards and try to say LHCF members are lying about their hair type. Is it that serious?

 

[good2uuuu]

Im a 3c and just because my hair is curly doesnt mean that I dont have a problem with breakage and dryness, which is what a lot of people think. A lot of my curly pictures come off as looking silky and easy to care for....well it aint lol. Its all in the flash. My hair is dull, very cottony, the only thing that sets my hair apart from type 4 hair is the curl pattern, thats IT.

What she said. Plus I can't even do two strand twists without extentions becuase my hair is a lot thinner than it looks. Don't let the fro in my avatar fool ya. I guess some folks just can't be happy with what they have.

 

[caligirl]

I don't intend to start feeling bad about it being curly all over again.

I don't think you have to feel bad about having curly hair. But you do have to admit that some natural hair is easier to care for than others. Let's just be real.

 

[kristina]

Nope, I never had anyone dismiss me as a natural 3c/4a. If anything I get the 'whooaaaa that's a whole lotta hair' comments. I dunno maybe I'm mistyping myself but I don't think anyone can look at my hair and think it's easy to comb out and deal with, curl size or not.

 

[Sweetyb]

I think all naturals are natural but the routines they use to maintain their hair may be different. I agree a person taking care of curly natural hair isnt going to have the same routine as me taking care of my kinky natural hair. We're both natural just using different routines.

I agree with this. It's ignorance if you believe only certain hair types are "natural". Natural just means unchanged by a heat or chemical process.

But I do agree that not all naturally kinky heads are alike. There are many coily naturals on these boards who have been able to grow their hair to the lengths they desire. But I've been struggling with my curl pattern for almost 6 years now and am on the verge of relaxing for good. I have never met anyone with my natural hair texture and length that I could confide in. I truly believe that some natural textures are easier to deal with than others, but it doesn't mean that their hair is not natural.

 

[Brownie]

I get a twitch every time i hear that good hair term.
My new boyfriend has mabey 5 c hair I do not know if this exists but I have never felt hair like his before, and my girlfriend asked me if I was not afraid to have little girls with his bad hair

Not tactful at all. That's not why you pick someone to have children with. I can think of better reasons to pick a partner than to have children with "good hair" whatever that is.

 

[Cichelle]

I don't intend to start feeling bad about it being curly all over again.

I don't think you have to feel bad about having curly hair. But you do have to admit that some natural hair is easier to care for than others. Let's just be real.

There is nothing to "admit". I haven't done anything or said anything that requires an admission of any sort. However, my answer to you is this: I know people with 4b hair that simply wash and go. I know people with curly hair who spend an hour or more every morning trying to get their hair to look a certain way. How difficult a person's hair is to care for goes beyond what type of hair they have. It has a lot to do with what they are trying to do with their hair.

You would have to define "easier" for me. Do you mean "easier to detangle"? Do you mean "easier to blow dry". What do you mean? At any rate, I don't feel bad about my curly hair. And I have no idea whether it is easier to care for than yours or anyone else's. It might be. And?

 

[mahoganee]

I think all naturals are natural but the routines they use to maintain their hair may be different. I agree a person taking care of curly natural hair isnt going to have the same routine as me taking care of my kinky natural hair. We're both natural just using different routines. Their issues may not be the same as mine as far as what things they are trying to work on with their hair but that doesnt mean they arent legitimate concerns for them. Mine are surely legitimate and I would hate for someone to think my concerns were trivial as well.




I can relate to this Shatani. I have had to look at people all crazy-like about this as well. My hair is true 4b hair and i've had a few people say that to me. People see my hair in twists with a nice sheen and coils on the end and make comments that just dont make sense. I just tell them that my hair is very kinky and the reason it has sheen to it is because for some reason my hair has more sheen when it's pulled into twists -- that's all. The coils on the ends are just from me twirling the ends of my hair to seal my twists. I like my hair because it's versatile and I wish folks would realize that their hair can be versatile as well if they give it a chance to breathe a little . -- jainygirl

ITA. I'm 4a and I get the comment from my youngest sister and other people that their hair isn't as "good" as mine. I hate that term. I cringe whenever a relative says that and then we usually have a "conversation" about it. What a lot of them don't realize is that they haven't been taught how to take care of their hair the right way. My other sister and I had this conversation just yesterday. My sister told a coworker that she had "good" hair because it wasn't kinky like hers and that she herself has "bad" hair. I told her that none of us have bad hair and that we were taught that terminology. There's something different with each hair texture,3a/b and 4a/b/c etc ,and I like all of them.

 

[Brownshugaz]

I am a 4a/4b but yet when I do a wash and go with gel or some product I'm told "oooh girl you can do that natural thing cuz u got that good hair. you got indian in you?" Now if those same people were to see my hair in the morning after bedhead they wouldn't saying all that. In fact when I first BC a lot of people thought I was Dominican for some unknown reason. I say all this to say that I wish people would just embrace the hair on their head whether it be 2a or 5z. God made everyone beautiful and in His image so who are we to covet the hair on someone else's head.

Thanks for starting this thread. Its a reminder to love what we have, especially in those moments when I'm threatened to be ungrateful with the beautiful head of hair that I've been blessed with.

 

[caligirl]

@Cichelle:

Yes, I mean easier to detangle. I do agree that even people with straight hair could spend hours on their hair to try to get it to look a certain way.

 

[Blacktresses]

Bump, Bump me up

 

[Cichelle]

@Cichelle:

Yes, I mean easier to detangle. I do agree that even people with straight hair could spend hours on their hair to try to get it to look a certain way.

Yeah, I definitely agree with you that some hair is probably easier to detangle. Thank you for explaining what you meant. I think some of it also has to do with technique. For years, I used to think my hair was a nightmare to detangle, which is why I kept a relaxer in it. However, I just didn't know how to handle my own hair and had never heard of washing it in sections or only combing with conditioner, etc. But yes, for some people, detangling is probably more difficult than for others. My daughter, who has absolutely straight 1A hair gets knots and they are actually a little hard to comb out. But I wouldn't compare it to what I used to go through when I or my mother tried to rake a comb through my hair dry.

Not that you were necessarily doing this, but I guess my problem is that I don't think how hard a person's hair is to care for should be some kind of test as to whether they can be "dismissed" as a natural. (I have to repeat that there are some people with 4b hair, my aunt being one of them, who basically just wash and go. So, by that idea, she should be dismissed, as well.) I guess I am concerned that for some people there is something much deeper brewing here.

I guess it has to do with myths some people believe about natural hair and what the "outside world" has conditioned us to think. That good hair/bad hair thing makes me so mad.

 

[DDTexlaxed]

I am glad this was posted. This is a chance for all naturals to bond together and learn from each other. This is the only forum that has given me good advice that works. I am glad that I found this place. I am unsure about my hair type, but what I do know is that this site has educated me on how to care for my natural hair. Thanks to all the natural ladies on this site....keep up the good work! :notworthy

 

[Tai]

I've experienced this quite a bit. I hear comments all the time, trying to distinguish my hair from others just because my hair is curly. I'm not all natural yet. I'm a long term transitioner. Some of the comments are simply annoying. I've been accused of having a texturizer still. I'll take down my ponytail and show the person the difference between my texture and the texturized ends in a minute. I've heard how easy my hair is to care for; couldn't be further from the truth. Other naturals have told me that I don't understand what it's like to be natural. I've heard that I wouldn't have continued my transition if my hair was kinkier. I get asked what I'm mixed with a lot.

I love natural hair. I think it's beautiful. Hell, I even made my mom go natural. I love being in the company of natural women. I'm not going to say that my curly hair is the same as someone's hair that's kinkier than mine or someone's hair that's wavy because it's not. My hair is easy to detangle....long as it's globbed up with conditioner. But I've found that all hair is fairly easy to detangle if you use the right conditioner and right comb.

I've stopped trying to seek acceptance from anyone. As long as I'm content with me, that's all that matters.

 

[Brownie]

I've found that all hair is fairly easy to detangle if you use the right conditioner and right comb.

I agree. Combing from the ends up is a definite, and sectioning off hair to comb is a must too. No matter what your hair type is, you shouldn't be raking through it.

 

[Shalilac]

As a transitioner I have noticed that certain hair textures were able to transition for longer periods of time than other. It's just a coincidence maybe! But anyway, I have 3c/4a/4b all on one head. So I get the best of all worlds. Each section gets certain attention. More time. Or certain products. Either way, there is no section on my head that is better than the other, nor easier. Also, some naturals with 4b texture be sweatin' hair like Iris's, but she puts it out there that it's no picnic in the park to make her hair look good. I agree that all textures give you a run for your money with some aspect of it whether it be detangling, styling, or whatever. I can guarantee that if you got all the naturals in one thread to complain about the cons of being natural, we'd have alot in common!

 

[Shalilac]

My hair is easy to detangle....long as it's globbed up with conditioner.

Too True!

 

[hopeful]

Just wanted to say I'm sorry so many of you have been treated unfairly. If you are natural, you are natural, period. Don't pay those people no nevamind.:Rose: