Why do YOU relax your hair?

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

I'm writing a paper and I need y'all help. I want to know why do YOU relax your hair or if you're currently natural or transitioning, why DID you relax your hair.

PLEASE no arguing! Don't tell me why you THINK OTHER women relax their hair. I just want to know your personal views about your OWN hair.

I hope this isn't OT because it is about hair. So I'll go first:

I got my first relaxer at the age of 17 because my mother would not allow me to relax before then. I begged her probably every other week for a relaxer and she always said no. She was relaxed but I could not get a relaxer. She always told me my hair was beautiful. I think I begged for about maybe....8 or 9 years. I was teased at school because of my "nappy" hair. My presses did not last long because I was athletic and even when it did last, it was poofy. I HATED IT! I wanted my hair to look like my moms and like the girls on the "Just For Me" boxes lol

So why did you relax and why do you continue to relax? Or why did you relax and why did you stop relaxing?

NO DEBATING, NO ARGUING, KEEP IT HAPPY IN HERE!

 

[VirtuousBeauty]

I've been relaxed since I was young. My mom just took me and my sis to the salon one day and we got it. I never asked her for it or anything. Never really thought much about my hair.

I recently planned to transition to natural, but that fell through. I realized I like having straight hair, I love seeing big hair styles on other people just not on myself and I'm lazy lol. I think straight hair is simpler

 

[Nix08]

I relax simply because I love the look of relaxed hair. I like straighter styles - I'm not too fond of braid outs, twist outs etc on my own head.

 

[Optimus_Prime]

I relax my hair for manageability.

 

[fitnessmommy]

I began relaxing because I was straightening my hair daily and I didn't like reversion. My hair would sweat out the style almost right away.

 

[bestblackgirl]

I relaxed my hair at the age of 12 because i liked the straight hair look. But I think my mom really let me relaxed my hair at that age because I have 4a/b hair and have very sensitive scalp... and it was painful to do my hair and I would cry everytime they would do my hair.
So I would say it was for manageability

 

[WaistLengthDreams]

I relax my hair because I like my hair straight and I hate detangling. I remember ripping my hair out during detangling back when I was natural. I just don't have the patience for it.

 

[ellebelle88]

I got my first relaxer at the age of 17 because my mother would not allow me to relax before then. I begged her probably every other week for a relaxer and she always said no. She was relaxed but I could not get a relaxer. She always told me my hair was beautiful. I think I begged for about maybe....8 or 9 years. I was teased at school because of my "nappy" hair. My presses did not last long because I was athletic and even when it did last, it was poofy. I HATED IT! I wanted my hair to look like my moms and like the girls on the "Just For Me" boxes lol

OMG OP!! Your story sounds JUST like mine. I didn't get a relaxer until I was around 16. I used to beg and beg my mom for a relaxer. I hated how my hair look and hated the fact that I could never go swimming because it would poof up. After getting relaxers for 5 years, I'm 8 months into my transition. I LOVED my hair when it was relaxed and it grew something beautifully. But they burned like crazy and my hair shed sooo badly. It's funny that I want to go natural when I didn't like my hair for 16 years when I was natural. But I didn't know how to care for my hair then and I'm hoping that this time around it is different. I may eventually get a relaxer again one day, but I hope I won't.

 

[KurlyNinja]

I got my first relaxer when I was 12. I wanted one SO bad. All the other girls in my school would say my hair was nappy or that it would be so pretty if it was straight. And I wanted to show my length which was probably about BSL-MBL at that point in time. I stayed with the relaxer all throughout high school and almost two years into college because I thought it was just what you did when you got to a certain age. I'm transitioning now because I want my long thick luscious hair back and I could never get that when I was relaxed.

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

Man. I want to incorporate everyone's experience but how the heck do I do that? lol I'm gonna have to summarize everything which sucks because the paper is only 5-7 pages and 25% of the paper has to be my recommendation...grrrrr lol


@ljbee, I think I've only been burned one or two times but that wasnt what pushed me over the edge. I just got tired of spending 55 dollars lol and I never felt my natural hair was unmanageable, I just wanted to be like everyone else.

 

[bibirockz]

Well my mom relaxed my hair since I was young (maybe 7) but not very often. I started relaxing every 3 months because detangling my hair would take forever &if I did it myself the middle would still be a tangled mess (still working on that). I also like the look of a fresh relaxer. Now I'm transitioning to natural for GOOD hopefully.

 

[Toy]

I relax because I love straight hair and manageability.

 

[kandiekj100]

I got my first relaxer when I was about 10. And that was after having a curl for like 2 years. And I did until my teens, b/c my mom did it. I continued to do relax throughout my teens, b/c that is just what you do.

Now why did I go back to relaxers twice after my previous 2x going natural. Not sure, but I think it was just boredom. I live in Florida and my attemps at flat ironing where not good at all. So I said, what the heck, I'll relax. I think it applies to both times.

I have to say that even as a natural now, I could see myself my relaxing again at some in my HH journey. However, I do have a personal goal at this time to see how long my hair can get in its natural state and I'm having fun playing with various natural hairstyles (that I never knew to do during my previous stints as a natural), so it will definitely be a few years before I seriously entertain the thought of getting a relaxer (or there is always heat training).

 

[Sianna]

I started getting relaxers around the age 12 or so, and I did it because I wanted to be like my peers. I'd had a curl at the time, and no one else was really wearing them anymore, so I wanted to get a relaxer.

I continued to relax my hair for the better part of 18 years, in spite of the apparent damage they caused me. I finally decided to go natural when, out of the blue, I began to actually question myself as to why I was relaxing my hair in the first place. Every answer I came up with just seemed like an excuse to me and so finally, I decided to call it quits for good.

For the years that I continued to relax, I didn't realize I had an alternative. I hadn't truly understood how versatile my natural hair could be. Now that I know, there's no turning back... There's no reason to.

 

[Janet']

My mom relaxed my hair at 5 or 6 for manageability...and even with that, it was a lot to deal with...I enjoyed my hair relaxed but as I got older and started coloring my hair regularly, I knew that I had to choose between the relaxer and the color...the relaxer lost! Lol. Attached is a pic of me WITH a relaxer...

 

[Bigmommah]

My mother relaxed my hair when I was 5. I have worn a relaxer for over 30 years. It has been all that I've known although stretching my hair for the last 4 months has been an experience in getting to know more about my natural texture.

With the exception of a Revlon super, that my cousin put on, I haven't had any issues with being relaxed other than I like to cut off my hair around apl for "style".

My approach to relaxing has changed as I do it myself now vs going to the salon and I won't cut it anymore.

 

[chrisanddonniesmommy]

Man. I want to incorporate everyone's experience but how the heck do I do that? lol I'm gonna have to summarize everything which sucks because the paper is only 5-7 pages and 25% of the paper has to be my recommendation...grrrrr lol

Create a pie chart for the relaxing reasons and attach it to your paper. Since you will find similar reasoning, it's easier to input. In addition, use a couple of anecdotes to add depth to your paper.

I am now transitioning to natural. Simply put, I relaxed my hair at 12 because "everybody was doing it." My mom was against it at first. But, I guess she wanted her daughter to be happy. She's now natural (along with my aunt and cousins).

 

[topnotch1010]

I've been relaxed since the age of 5 and continue to do it because I like the straighter look and it gives me greater manageability.

 

[beana]

Im transitioning, i got my first relaxer when i was 11 or 12 and I continued to relax my hair because it was the only way i knew how to care for it for years. When i discovered hair forums back in 2002, i initially made lots of progress growing my relaxed hair long and healthy. So i continued up until this year because i kept saying "maybe if i tried _____ or ____ my hair would grow." I never seemed to make lasting progress with a relaxer, so now im transitioning to natural.

 

[nappystorm]

My mom relaxed my hair at 5 or 6 for manageability...and even with that, it was a lot to deal with...I enjoyed my hair relaxed but as I got older and started coloring my hair regularly, I knew that I had to choose between the relaxer and the color...the relaxer lost! Lol. Attached is a pic of me WITH a relaxer...

You were too cute!!!

I got my first relaxer at 9. I remember asking for it. Just for me had just come out and I wanted to look like the girls on the commercials. Add to that, one of the girls in my neighborhood got it. Her hair was so slick and smooth and I wanted mine like that. I got a PCJ though w/ JFM styling products.

Me and my mom both breathed a sigh of relief because she is "heavy handed" and I'm "tender headed". We were both tired of the drama.

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

Create a pie chart for the relaxing reasons and attach it to your paper. Since you will find similar reasoning, it's easier to input. In addition, use a couple of anecdotes to add depth to your paper.

I am now transitioning to natural. Simply put, I relaxed my hair at 12 because "everybody was doing it." My mom was against it at first. But, I guess she wanted her daughter to be happy. She's now natural (along with my aunt and cousins).

Well this isn't a research paper so data is not really necessary and I'm not sure its even allowed. If this was for a soc course, I would do that for sure but this is for English. My task is only to identify a problem and recommend a solution. I'm only asking for experiences so I can cite proof instead of just generalizing or assuming why women relax.

I am doing independent research next semester and it will deal with natural hair and relaxed hair so I will definitely create a questionnaire and post it on the forum.

Thanks for your suggestion and your participation!

 

[Britt]

I got my first relaxer @ 10 and that's b/c I literally begged my mother each and every single day to give me a Just For Me relaxer.
My main reason why I relax is for manageability.
My second reason is appearance.

I would however like to go natural once but when I think of the time it takes just to wash it, I think rethink.

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

^^^^LMBO at your siggy

 

[Janet']

You were too cute!!!

I got my first relaxer at 9. I remember asking for it. Just for me had just come out and I wanted to look like the girls on the commercials. Add to that, one of the girls in my neighborhood got it. Her hair was so slick and smooth and I wanted mine like that. I got a PCJ though w/ JFM styling products.

Me and my mom both breathed a sigh of relief because she is "heavy handed" and I'm "tender headed". We were both tired of the drama.

Aww, thanks! Ditto that "tender headed" part...I think I still am!

 

[lovenharmony]

Well, I used to relax my hair because point blank, I thought straight hair was "pretty" hair and ALL natural hair was hard, dry, rough and unable to be placed in a hairstyle other than braids or dreadlocks to be presentable. I used to want smooth, straight, swanging hair, and in order to do that, I had to fry, dye and lay my hair to the side

I also assumed that only "Afrocentric" people were the ones that wore their hair natural, and I didn't want to be placed in that category and be shunned by my peers because they assumed I was the stereotypical "bean pie eating, Black Panther affiliated, Black activist, White people hating" person Boy, I was a mess back then!

I'm so glad that I enlightened myself and have accepted the gloriousness (is that even a word? :scratchch ) of my highly textured natural hair.

 

[EllePixie]

My mom relaxed my hair when I was 5 because she couldn't manage it. I had a lot of hair, and I'd scream and cry when she'd comb it (dry, with no condish in it LOL - thanks mom).

I kept relaxing my hair when I got older because I thought that's what black women were supposed to do - I thought relaxing your hair was "doing" it. I didn't grow up around many black people, and thought that only women who were pro-black (militant) didn't relax their hair, those were mainly the women I saw - Erykah Badu, Jill Scott. Also, most of the women I saw IRL with natural hair didn't know how to care for it, so to me it looked terrible (note, this is a select FEW women), or when I saw a woman with natural hair on TV, I knew she was mixed (Rachel True, Jurnee Smollet, etc - heck, I didn't even know Halle Berry had a texturizer before until like a year ago), so I didn't place them in the same category.

I'll admit, I was absolutely conditioned to the fact that black women were supposed to get relaxers. In college, a few girls I knew went natural, but they either started growing locs, or always kept their hair twisted (two styles that I do not like for ME) - I rarely saw anyone wearing their hair out unless they kept it pressed.

Also, I was under the impression that my hair was too thick to not have a relaxer - my mom ALWAYS told me how thick and unmanageable my hair was, and it was thick even WITH a relaxer. I was always fighting it in order to make it as straight and flat as possible. So, I just thought it was best to be able to manage my hair. It wasn't until I discovered hair boards that I realized I didn't need a relaxer, and while my hair is thick, it's not ridiculously hard to care for (although day to day I do more than when I had a relaxer, that's true, but it's mainly b/c I actually like cowashing).

 

[nikolite]

I got my first relaxer when I was 13 after begging my mother like crazy. At that time I wanted one because everyone else at school seemed to have one and I was tired of getting teased for unruly, fuzzy hair (among other things) and tired of wearing cornrows all the time or twisted ponytails that always ended up like afropuffs. I had the impression that older girls/women wear their hair in one sleek ponytail or wear their hair out on their shoulders and I wanted that instead of looking like a little kid.

I continued to perm thereafter (I always had to do it myself) because it became automatic and that's what you did to fit in and look "normal." But I did it sparingly (maybe 3 times a year) because most times I had my hair in a ponytail and would perm it before I knew I wanted to wear my hair out or something.

I didn't start to think about any deeper meaning behind it until I was about 19 and stopped when I was 21. I stopped because I didn't like that I wasn't accepting a natural part of myself and wanted to embrace who I was in the same way that a man or a non-black woman could straight out of the shower. There was something liberating to me about the idea of "washing and going." But I also went through a long transition phase beforehand (10 mths) wearing braids and playing with my new growth and wondering why I'd never noticed how beautiful it was before. By that point my hair had also broken off something fierce to barely shoulder length and it was clear that my hair was much longer and thicker as a child when I was natural.

Good luck on your paper Femme. I agree that you should use a pie chart, and you may find other trends with the responses you get. As an example, it sounds like a lot of people that permed kinda "late" (after 12) seemed to transition back to natural later in life while those who permed earlier more likely to continue. Just a hypothesis from the first page of responses I read but some trend like that might start to appear.

 

[EbonyCPrincess]

Originally at age 15 I wanted to get a relaxer because I was tired of trying to maintain my press-n-curl as an active teenager who plays sports, and I thought it was a kind of "rite-of-passage" into womanhood. I transitioned - without any active knowledge or decision my last year of high school/first year of college. When I went back to relaxing then, it was because I felt I was doing more damage than good to my hair between the detangling, blow-drying, pressing. At the time, I didn't know of or think of any other options for natural hair other than the pressing comb, an afro, or dreadlocks.

Now...I relax because it enables me to wear my hair straight or textured (braid/twist/rod sets) without using any direct heat.

 

[Spring]

Easier to manage and I like the straighter styles..

 

[halee_J]

I first relaxed at 15, because I wanted the straight look and easier manageablity. But I had some not so good stylists and wasn't doing a very good job of taking care of it either, so at 22 I BCed. After 3 years I relaxed, because I wasn't liking the shrinkage or the "poof" factor. But a year later, I BC'ed again because I hadn't learned how to maintain my hair without being complicated; my reggie became too much work.

I knew I wanted to be relaxed again because I like my hair straight 90% of the time, but I am low maintainance. I could not see myself flat ironing; I hate the feeling of heat near my head. I always airdry, I can't even tell you the last time I DC'ed used a dryer. Now, I know how to keep my hair healthy with minimal effort using products that really work for me. I finally have healthy relaxed hair.