Reclaiming our Bodies--re-thinking modesty

[Shimmie]

I couldn't help but to when I read your post. Sadly enough Shimmie, they have been dressing like this for years . They're just tacky IMO and they could definitely use a stylist!

Nisha ! ! !

God sent you in here to 'comfort' me. Cause tacky is just that... Tacky! I can't handle it.

 

[Shimmie]

I find that Indian attire to be very elegant and unique. Those tops would be great for women who are curvy.

I'm definitely a 'curvy' girl. And these styles are very flattering to my curvatiousness.... (is that even a word? ). And I'm still 'modest' and yet all woman without anything hanging out to drop on the pavement or parking lot.

I actually see some women and I'm afraid for them to lean over for fear they'll pop out of their tops.

And oh my goodness! There was a woman on the train and her entire back was dropped to the 'crack' . I was so scared she was going to lose her pants when she sat down. And I was NOT going to sit in her seat when she got up. I stood up on train the entire ride.

 

[saved06]

I just don't agree with Men putting all the responsibilty on women for their lust issues. It just makes me wonder what kind of battle are married men really going through

 

[dicapr]

I dress modestly according to my own definition. I think it's ridiculous that women have to hide the fact that they are women. And in my experience more often than not it's been other women have issues with my idea of modesty, not men. At my mother's church the women only wear oversized clothing and I would be amazed if anything other than their wrists were showing. So if I go in there with a knee-length A-line skirt, I'm going to be called all kinds of heathens. At some point you just have to pray for GOD to show you what you need to do and be done with it. If modesty for you is turtlenecks and ankle length skirts then by all means wear it but don't try and make it seem like that's the only way to be modest.

I took a class in college that went into the construction of modesty and what is deemed modest or immodest. Alot of what is considered modest is a social and cultural construct. That is why we have so much varriation on what we consider modest and a huge grey area. Most know what immodest is, but the line between is kind of blurry. I dress modest according to my conviction and the social and cultural area I live in.

 

[Shimmie]

Would you ladies wear these modest outfits below? (Sorry, I just had to laugh):

This is so wroonnnnnnng.

You couldn't GIVE these away, even if you 'cried' or paid someone to take them and WEAR them.

 

[Poohbear]

This is so wroonnnnnnng.

You couldn't GIVE these away, even if you 'cried' or paid someone to take them and WEAR them.

Shame on you Shimmie!

Those are modest women of the Lord right there!

...and sexy! :eyebrows2

 

[KnottyGurl]

This one's too sexy Too much collar bone showing and she needs to lower the hem a couple of inches...

Would you ladies wear these modest outfits below? (Sorry, I just had to laugh):

Honestly though, other than the print and maybe the color, it's a decent dress I'd wear.

 

[sidney]

Shame on you Shimmie!

Those are modest women of the Lord right there!

...and sexy! :eyebrows2

lol, i can't breathe....lol

 

[Shimmie]

Shame on you Shimmie!

Those are modest women of the Lord right there!

...and sexy! :eyebrows2

Are you 'fer reul' Naw - uh

Pooh, even my grandmothers were 'sharrrrrrp' when they went to Church with their hats and furs and you couldn't tell them that they didn't look good for the Lord, either. They wore their white gloves and err thang.

AND I'm telling you this to point out that they would not be caught 'alive' or dead wearing these "little house on the Prairie -- Laura Ingalls -- outfits. My grandmom's would put up a serious fight if these were their Church dresses.

And my grandmom's were sharp in their Sunday suits and very modest. They didn't dare show skin, it was covered with fur (real fox ) and they made sure I had my little lace hankie in my purse as well with my lace gloves.

The dresses in these pictures are what my grandmom wore with an apron when she was baking bread and frying up some serious bacon and sausage for breakfast.

Aint no way this is Church attire.

 

[goldielocs]

I guess I must be the odd person because I do wear ankle length skirts and dresses most of the time. Nothing as horrible as the prarie dresses posted, but high necklines, low hems and loose fitting pants are a norm for me. I do wear nice suits to church, but I try not ro over do it. No matter how I dress, I am definately feminine.

To each his own...

 

[Ms Lala]

I think the confusion lies in the fact we all may have different definitions of modesty. Personally, I feel that some may define modesty as the dress C pictures. I happen to think the women in dress B look appropriate. I think that there is a fine line between modesty and legalism. Women should be able to look like women. I don't think we should be legalists in regard to the way we dress. Women don't have to look like Group C to be holy women just as christians don't have to live as poor to appear more humble and modest.


DRESS B

DRESS C

I would not wear dress C, no way. Now I knew plenty of church mothers who dressed really modest when I was growing up but they were mean as I don't know what. They did not show the love of Christ and were too focused on the appearance of things. Some of these "modest" women were also lustful toward preachers etc... in congregation. My point is I believe that if we develop in the love of God the Holy Spirit will lead us in what to put on. There have been outfits that I got rid of that I once thought were appropriate because the Spirit convicted me.

 

[Ms Lala]

I actually like the skirt on the 2nd outfit. I would wear that w/a fitted sweater and some boots.

 

[goldielocs]

I actually like the skirt on the 2nd outfit. I would wear that w/a fitted sweater and some boots.

I'm with you on that. I actually have about 3 skirts like this in different colors that I wear with sweaters or cute tops. I wear shirts like ones in the pics with cute jeans and jewelry.

 

[deesquest]

Modesty to me is what I understand from the word of God. As a godly woman that is always the standard I use in anything I wear, think, act, say, etc...in all areas of my life. Modesty is to be temperate, avoiding excess, decent, not forward, not extreme, reasonable, humble in appearance, not pretentious, not flashy or garish. In defining modest I must also keep in mind the word of God says I am to be sober and shamefaced.

How can I do this in the world we live in? Ignore what I want to do and what the world says to do, but do what God's word says. From the beginning when Adam and Eve sinned God clothed them in animal skins, fig leaves sewed into aprons was not appropriate and pleasing to God. When God constructed the Tabernacle and the priest climbed the stairs to offer the sacrifices, God told Aaron to make britches to wear under the robes that reached to their knees to cover their nakedness. God cares about what I wear and the attitude of heart I have as I submit my will to his will.

What do I wear? Clothes that I deem attractive yet modest. Not tight, they don't reveal my butt or breast. They are always over the knee. I have quit a few long skirts similar to one pictured here. I love jackets, scrafs, and belts. I'm probably not considered fashionable by many, but my husband and I are pleased with my appearance-he compliments me all the time. I'm not trying to be sexy to others, only to my husband in private. First and far most though, I look in the mirror at home and in the dressing room of a clothing stores and ask myself will this please God. If not, it ain't going home with me.

Am I responsible for men lusting? Yes and no. As long as I dress according to God's word I am not giving him a reason with my appearance to lust. If a man looks on me with lust even if I'm complying with the word, then thats on him. I don't worry about it.

By the way, I know quite a few women who dress in the long calico-looking dresses. They have a very sweet spirit-not all women who dress that way are mean witches. The dresses are not what I would wear, but I don't knock it if thats what you like. After all as a Christian woman I am to look on the inward heart or inner man, not on the outward.

 

[momi]

Modesty to me is what I understand from the word of God. As a godly woman that is always the standard I use in anything I wear, think, act, say, etc...in all areas of my life. Modesty is to be temperate, avoiding excess, decent, not forward, not extreme, reasonable, humble in appearance, not pretentious, not flashy or garish. In defining modest I must also keep in mind the word of God says I am to be sober and shamefaced.

How can I do this in the world we live in? Ignore what I want to do and what the world says to do, but do what God's word says. From the beginning when Adam and Eve sinned God clothed them in animal skins, fig leaves sewed into aprons was not appropriate and pleasing to God. When God constructed the Tabernacle and the priest climbed the stairs to offer the sacrifices, God told Aaron to make britches to wear under the robes that reached to their knees to cover their nakedness. God cares about what I wear and the attitude of heart I have as I submit my will to his will.

What do I wear? Clothes that I deem attractive yet modest. Not tight, they don't reveal my butt or breast. They are always over the knee. I have quit a few long skirts similar to one pictured here. I love jackets, scrafs, and belts. I'm probably not considered fashionable by many, but my husband and I are pleased with my appearance-he compliments me all the time. I'm not trying to be sexy to others, only to my husband in private. First and far most though, I look in the mirror at home and in the dressing room of a clothing stores and ask myself will this please God. If not, it ain't going home with me.

Am I responsible for men lusting? Yes and no. As long as I dress according to God's word I am not giving him a reason with my appearance to lust. If a man looks on me with lust even if I'm complying with the word, then thats on him. I don't worry about it.

By the way, I know quite a few women who dress in the long calico-looking dresses. They have a very sweet spirit-not all women who dress that way are mean witches. The dresses are not what I would wear, but I don't knock it if thats what you like. After all as a Christian woman I am to look on the inward heart or inner man, not on the outward.

I have enjoyed reading this post.

Welcome to the forum~

 

[CoilyFields]

My husband told me...if you have to ask me if your outfit is appropirate then you already have your answer!

It is our RESPONSIBILITY to be modest. At my church, yes, we do have some older women that are constantly correcting what the younger ones wear. But the bible does tell older women to teach the younger women. But its a delicate balance and there is usually some generational issues rather than just modesty issues. For example:

1. My mom and most older women at church believe its only right to wear slips and pantyhose when wearing dresses. I only wear slips if the dress is thin or see-thru (like white, not sheer lol). And I detest pantyhose and see no reason to wear them (unless Im cold) if they are flesh-toned and you cant tell if i have them on or not.

2. Leggings are not substitutes for pants. Nor can you wear shorts of any kind (though you may get away with capris in the summer).

3. No open-toes shoes in the pulpit or choir stand...not really sure how they try to justify this one.

The funny thing is...we have these same rules at my job! (except for the slip). But we come to work in uniform, with few complaints, because those are the rules that are established. But we often find it hard to comply to the Holy spirit in matters of modest dress.

I had problems with this in my youth. I had grown up dressing modestly cause thats what I was taught. But as I graduated and went to college my hems got higher and necklines lower. I began to enjoy and crave the attention I recieved from men and tried to keep up with the worlds fashions. By the time I graduated my wardrobe was atrocious! When I joined my present church my clothes were not modest. But gradually as I began to cultivate my relationship with Christ and had a mentor (like 8 years my senior) who I saw was fashionable, up-to-date, and modest. I began to feel shame at the things I wore and began to examine why I wore them. I realized that I had gotten caught up in the worlds fashion show that said the more skin you showed, or shape you outlined, or guys attention you drew the better. The world said I should be able to wear what I want and celebrate the body God had given me. I shouldnt be confined cuz of what other people thought of me. I was more concerned with the outward appearance than the inside. But by the unction of the Holy Ghost I began to throw away those clothes and I still love to shop and fashion but now I choose what is flattering on me and not sexy (except for the bedroom lol), whats modest and not flashy. When I get dressed for church I make sure I can lift my hands, jump up and down, and bend over without exposing anything!

By no means is it easy, and I still struggle sometimes when something I believe is cute is not modest. I also think that certain fashions are acceptable on certain age groups, as well as certain body types that are not acceptable on others.

Sorry for the long post lol!

 

[SND411]

How do you all feel about Designer Labels?

 

[Shimmie]

How do you all feel about Designer Labels?

Hey AfriPrincess, this is an excellent question for discussion.

I wouldn't call it a sin, however, as far as I'm concerned, they're 'rip-offs' and I look even better in garments that aren't Designer so and so's. I've also seen many 'Designer' lines that were absolutely horrible and had very poor workmanship and quality!

For many people (not targeting Christians, but society in general which may include some Christians) it's a badge of pride that they had money to buy and wear so and so's name jeans, etc. and this is also bondage.

Some folks don't feel imporant neither well dressed unless they have a Designer label. It's one of the disaster's of our community. I remember when 'Jordans' and Nike's came out and if you didn't have a pair of Michael Jordan or Nike sports shoes / jacket on, you were an outcast. The tragedy is that so many young kids lost their lives over this, being shot and robbed of their 'name' brand clothing. An outrageous tragedy, all because of the 'status' that's been placed upon a 'name.'.

I know way too many women (and men) who spend their last dime just to wear a name. And they're broke ! Home bills past due; car notes late, and will never miss a hair appointment or getting their nails 'did'. ....

Why go through all of that ? ? ? All they are doing is making the creators of the 'designer names' richer and while they're living in 3 or 4 houses, their consumers are living on the edge of eviction and forclosures. While these Designers have chauffers and Jags, and Benz, BMW's, their consumers are walking and getting their cars re-po'd. or towed with a yellow boot on it.

God calls us to use wisdom and to be better stewarts of our finances. I've learned that I do not have to spend a lot of money or wear a name to look good. Thank God!

:Rose:

 

[SND411]

Hey AfriPrincess, this is an excellent question for discussion.

I wouldn't call it a sin, however, as far as I'm concerned, they're 'rip-offs' and I look even better in garments that aren't Designer so and so's. I've also seen many 'Designer' lines that were absolutely horrible and had very poor workmanship and quality!

For many people (not targeting Christians, but society in general which may include some Christians) it's a badge of pride that they had money to buy and wear so and so's name jeans, etc. and this is also bondage.

Some folks don't feel imporant neither well dressed unless they have a Designer label. It's one of the disaster's of our community. I remember when 'Jordans' and Nike's came out and if you didn't have a pair of Michael Jordan or Nike sports shoes / jacket on, you were an outcast. The tragedy is that so many young kids lost their lives over this, being shot and robbed of their 'name' brand clothing. An outrageous tragedy, all because of the 'status' that's been placed upon a 'name.'.

I know way too many women (and men) who spend their last dime just to wear a name. And they're broke ! Home bills past due; car notes late, and will never miss a hair appointment or getting their nails 'did'. ....

Why go through all of that ? ? ? All they are doing is making the creators of the 'designer names' richer and while they're living in 3 or 4 houses, their consumers are living on the edge of eviction and forclosures. While these Designers have chauffers and Jags, and Benz, BMW's, their consumers are walking and getting their cars re-po'd. or towed with a yellow boot on it.

God calls us to use wisdom and to be better stewarts of our finances. I've learned that I do not have to spend a lot of money or wear a name to look good. Thank God!

:Rose:

Good analysis. That's exactly how I feel.

I was also thinking about when Christians help the misfortunate. I mean, would a Christian go to a homeless shelter with Dior sunglasses, Prada shoes, a Chanel dress with Tiffany jewelery? I know that is a little extreme but I wonder sometimes....

 

[Prudent1]

Good analysis. That's exactly how I feel.

I was also thinking about when Christians help the misfortunate. I mean, would a Christian go to a homeless shelter with Dior sunglasses, Prada shoes, a Chanel dress with Tiffany jewelery? I know that is a little extreme but I wonder sometimes....

Someone might. I might. I tend to not buy a lot of name brand items. As a matter of fact, I buy what I like name brand or not. So, I would not make a special effort to arrive to volunteer at the local homeless shelter wearing lots of expensive items but, I would have my nice watch on or earrings etc. The stuff that I would wear daily anyway. When I do buy designer label items, most of he time the designer's name does not appear in any obvious places. I'm not big on free advertisement. The average person might not even know what kind of shirt I am wearing. A person would really have to pay special attention to see an emblem or design on me and then I want to know why you are looking that closely. My heart would be on serving/ ministering to those in need not trying to show off. There again whenever I am out and about period I am not trying to show off. I am grateful for God allowing me to own some nice things. I will not hide them b/c that almost seems like I don't appreciate his generosity. I do try to use good judgement in regards to what I wear period though hence this modesty discussion. Good question...

 

[KnottyGurl]

Wrong thread

 

[Shimmie]

My husband told me...if you have to ask me if your outfit is appropirate then you already have your answer!

It is our RESPONSIBILITY to be modest. At my church, yes, we do have some older women that are constantly correcting what the younger ones wear. But the bible does tell older women to teach the younger women. But its a delicate balance and there is usually some generational issues rather than just modesty issues. For example:

1. My mom and most older women at church believe its only right to wear slips and pantyhose when wearing dresses. I only wear slips if the dress is thin or see-thru (like white, not sheer lol). And I detest pantyhose and see no reason to wear them (unless Im cold) if they are flesh-toned and you cant tell if i have them on or not.

2. Leggings are not substitutes for pants. Nor can you wear shorts of any kind (though you may get away with capris in the summer).

3. No open-toes shoes in the pulpit or choir stand...not really sure how they try to justify this one.

The funny thing is...we have these same rules at my job! (except for the slip).
But we come to work in uniform, with few complaints, because those are the rules that are established.

But we often find it hard to comply to the Holy spirit in matters of modest dress.

I had problems with this in my youth. I had grown up dressing modestly cause thats what I was taught. But as I graduated and went to college my hems got higher and necklines lower. I began to enjoy and crave the attention I recieved from men and tried to keep up with the worlds fashions. By the time I graduated my wardrobe was atrocious!

When I joined my present church my clothes were not modest. But gradually as I began to cultivate my relationship with Christ and had a mentor (like 8 years my senior) who I saw was fashionable, up-to-date, and modest. I began to feel shame at the things I wore and began to examine why I wore them.

I realized that I had gotten caught up in the worlds fashion show that said the more skin you showed, or shape you outlined, or guys attention you drew the better. The world said I should be able to wear what I want and celebrate the body God had given me. I shouldnt be confined cuz of what other people thought of me.

I was more concerned with the outward appearance than the inside. But by the unction of the Holy Ghost I began to throw away those clothes and I still love to shop and fashion but now I choose what is flattering on me and not sexy (except for the bedroom lol), whats modest and not flashy. When I get dressed for church I make sure I can lift my hands, jump up and down, and bend over without exposing anything!

By no means is it easy, and I still struggle sometimes when something I believe is cute is not modest. I also think that certain fashions are acceptable on certain age groups, as well as certain body types that are not acceptable on others.

Sorry for the long post lol!

I love your 'entire' post.

It's speaks to the heart of the matter and what women do go through. You made a perfect analysis of this entire 'modesty' and you shared it so eloquently, with the gentleness of the Holy Spirit and without condemnation.

This part, right here is the Number 1 reason, women (Chritian and non Christian) have a struggle in this area.

I had problems with this in my youth. I had grown up dressing modestly cause thats what I was taught. But as I graduated and went to college my hems got higher and necklines lower.

I began to enjoy and crave the attention I recieved from men and tried to keep up with the worlds fashions. By the time I graduated my wardrobe was atrocious!

It's about the 'attention' or the fear of being 'unattractive' or looking out of date or out of style, or just plain looking. We all want to be loved and accepted and somehow it's been attached to what we wear or how less of it.

Thanks for your post. It speaks volumes. It truly does.

God bless you :Rose:

 

[Shimmie]

Good analysis. That's exactly how I feel.

I was also thinking about when Christians help the misfortunate. I mean, would a Christian go to a homeless shelter with Dior sunglasses, Prada shoes, a Chanel dress with Tiffany jewelery? I know that is a little extreme but I wonder sometimes....

Afri, I just wanted to say that you truly have a gift for presenting soul searching topics of discussion.

It's good to bring these issues to the surface to keep us on our toes and to explore more of our knowledge, understanding and our life applications of chapter and verse. So for this I thank you. :Rose:

The question you present here is very provacative in the sense of what's more important. Is it to be in fashion or being humble before those who are less fortunante.

As a mother and as a teacher I've learned that the more loving way to minister to a child's heart is to bow to their level. Instead of standing over them, I come down to meet them eye to eye, heart to heart. This way they feel less intimidated. It's already obvious that I'm in a higher position (that I'm the grownup), but by coming down to their height or lifting them up to mine, the love flows and is easier received because we can see each other 'eye to eye'.

When ministering to the less fortunate, the labels can stay home in my closet. In my jeans or sweats, I'll still be clean and well dressed, but I won't be untouchable or hidden by the shadow of Iman or Guichi.

Blessings AfriPrincess. :Rose: Keep the topics coming. None of us are so well dressed, that we are unteachable nor have need of a new heart.

 

[Poohbear]

I talked to my boyfriend about how women dress in general. (He said some curse words that I blocked out but I feel is relevant to how guys view women attire)...
First, he said he likes how I dress conservatively most of the time, but he mentioned one thing in particular that I wear....leggings. He feels like leggings are okay to wear around the house but not out in public where guys can see your p**** print. Even if I wear a long shirt over the leggings, he said it will still make a man think about what's underneath because of how the leggings fit to my butt and thighs. He says tight clothing is not conservative, and he feels like the woman is trying to attract themselves to men even if she may not be consciously intending to. Back when he was single, he said he was actually turned off by women who wear clothing like Applebottom, Rocawear, Babyphat, etc. because he felt like they were trying to attract attention to their bodies with the flashy colors and labels. It makes the man forget about trying to get to know the woman as a person. However, that did not keep him from "hollerin'" at them because most guys would see them as a quick f*** and nothing more. Also showing breast clevage and too much skin can make a man look at you the wrong way. He also mentioned jewelry and makeup can make a man think of you differently if it is not conservative. Men will not look at you as girlfriend or wife material when you do not dress or put yourself together modestly or conservatively. Yes, they might be attracted and even think you look good, but not for anything serious.

 

[Shimmie]

I talked to my boyfriend about how women dress in general. (He said some curse words that I blocked out but I feel is relevant to how guys view women attire)...

First, he said he likes how I dress conservatively most of the time, but he mentioned one thing in particular that I wear....leggings. He feels like leggings are okay to wear around the house but not out in public where guys can see your p**** print.

Even if I wear a long shirt over the leggings, he said it will still make a man think about what's underneath because of how the leggings fit to my butt and thighs. He says tight clothing is not conservative, and he feels like the woman is trying to attract themselves to men even if she may not be consciously intending to. Back when he was single, he said he was actually turned off by women who wear clothing like Applebottom, Rocawear, Babyphat, etc. because he felt like they were trying to attract attention to their bodies with the flashy colors and labels. It makes the man forget about trying to get to know the woman as a person.

However, that did not keep him from "hollerin'" at them because most guys would see them as a quick f*** and nothing more. Also showing breast clevage and too much skin can make a man look at you the wrong way. He also mentioned jewelry and makeup can make a man think of you differently if it is not conservative.

Men will not look at you as girlfriend or wife material when you do not dress or put yourself together modestly or conservatively. Yes, they might be attracted and even think you look good, but not for anything serious.

I have to admit that 'as raw' as your boyfriend has expressed himself......






He's telling the truth. And it's sad, because a lot of women are purposely dressing like this and excusing it with 'that's the style'.

My question to them is, "The style of what? ! ! ! ? "

Even when I wear my leotards in Dance class I wear a hip wrap or scarf to keep my 'cheeks' under cover. I have entire wardrobe of colors, styles and fabrics.

It's called 'Modesty'. Even in the Arts.

Not that everyone in Dance class follows it... It's always a bunch that wanna show out and it's all due to their insecurities. They desperately want to be noticed; which is so, so sad. The men aren't looking at them respectfully, but as objects and nothing more.

So I can appreciate your post and your boyfriend's comments Poohbear because he truly speaking the truth, especially about the leggings.

As Coily Fields shared in her post above, 'Leggings are not a substitute for pants."

Both of you are totally on point with your posts in here.

 

[dicapr]

I talked to my boyfriend about how women dress in general. (He said some curse words that I blocked out but I feel is relevant to how guys view women attire)...
First, he said he likes how I dress conservatively most of the time, but he mentioned one thing in particular that I wear....leggings. He feels like leggings are okay to wear around the house but not out in public where guys can see your p**** print. Even if I wear a long shirt over the leggings, he said it will still make a man think about what's underneath because of how the leggings fit to my butt and thighs. He says tight clothing is not conservative, and he feels like the woman is trying to attract themselves to men even if she may not be consciously intending to. Back when he was single, he said he was actually turned off by women who wear clothing like Applebottom, Rocawear, Babyphat, etc. because he felt like they were trying to attract attention to their bodies with the flashy colors and labels. It makes the man forget about trying to get to know the woman as a person. However, that did not keep him from "hollerin'" at them because most guys would see them as a quick f*** and nothing more. Also showing breast clevage and too much skin can make a man look at you the wrong way. He also mentioned jewelry and makeup can make a man think of you differently if it is not conservative. Men will not look at you as girlfriend or wife material when you do not dress or put yourself together modestly or conservatively. Yes, they might be attracted and even think you look good, but not for anything serious.

This is the attitude that some men have. The sad thing is that we as women continue to accept that this is o.k. and actually believe that they are in some way showing approval for those of us who are modest. However, this is the belief of men who truly have NO respect for women. They believe that according to how they dress they have the right to treat women as less than human. While the woman believes that the man is genuinely interested in a relationship the man is trying to find a way to victimize them. I'm sorry, having sex with someone just because they look easy is low and shows that you have little respect for them or yourself. After they finish disrespecting women they deem as unworthy because they are showing cleavage or maybe their dress is too short they then move on. The feel somehow they deserve better than the females they are treating as objects. So they look for modest christian woman to marry. Why would we want to marry someone like that? How is that any less offensive than what they have been doing to the "unmodest" women? They actually think that they deserve someone who they feel has not been used and abused. They seem to forget that they were the ones using. So they offer us them. How are they any different than the women that they have been dating? A true man, a christian man, tries to help the problem rather than looking for ways to exploit someone they believe is weak. A man once told me that if you treat a woman like a lady she will rise to the occasion. We need more men like that. They could show these women that they deserve to be respected regardless to how she is dressed. By showing them a different way of being they could help the women realize that they are more than just a sex object. Once this is accomplished, they will act and dress differenetly. Instead, women keep telling themselves that we should accept these no good men who made it a practice of dogging women like they are some sort of prize. It may be how men feel, but we as women need to stop validating their feelings.

 

[SND411]

This is the attitude that some men have. The sad thing is that we as women continue to accept that this is o.k. and actually believe that they are in some way showing approval for those of us who are modest. However, this is the belief of men who truly have NO respect for women. They believe that according to how they dress they have the right to treat women as less than human. While the woman believes that the man is genuinely interested in a relationship the man is trying to find a way to victimize them. I'm sorry, having sex with someone just because they look easy is low and shows that you have little respect for them or yourself. After they finish disrespecting women they deem as unworthy because they are showing cleavage or maybe their dress is too short they then move on. The feel somehow they deserve better than the females they are treating as objects. So they look for modest christian woman to marry. Why would we want to marry someone like that? How is that any less offensive than what they have been doing to the "unmodest" women? They actually think that they deserve someone who they feel has not been used and abused. They seem to forget that they were the ones using. So they offer us them. How are they any different than the women that they have been dating? A true man, a christian man, tries to help the problem rather than looking for ways to exploit someone they believe is weak. A man once told me that if you treat a woman like a lady she will rise to the occasion. We need more men like that. They could show these women that they deserve to be respected regardless to how she is dressed. By showing them a different way of being they could help the women realize that they are more than just a sex object. Once this is accomplished, they will act and dress differenetly. Instead, women keep telling themselves that we should accept these no good men who made it a practice of dogging women like they are some sort of prize. It may be how men feel, but we as women need to stop validating their feelings.

I ALMOST CRIED READING YOUR POST. YOU TOOK EVERY SINGLE WORD OUT OF MY MOUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[SND411]

I talked to my boyfriend about how women dress in general. (He said some curse words that I blocked out but I feel is relevant to how guys view women attire)...
First, he said he likes how I dress conservatively most of the time, but he mentioned one thing in particular that I wear....leggings. He feels like leggings are okay to wear around the house but not out in public where guys can see your p**** print. Even if I wear a long shirt over the leggings, he said it will still make a man think about what's underneath because of how the leggings fit to my butt and thighs. He says tight clothing is not conservative, and he feels like the woman is trying to attract themselves to men even if she may not be consciously intending to. Back when he was single, he said he was actually turned off by women who wear clothing like Applebottom, Rocawear, Babyphat, etc. because he felt like they were trying to attract attention to their bodies with the flashy colors and labels. It makes the man forget about trying to get to know the woman as a person. However, that did not keep him from "hollerin'" at them because most guys would see them as a quick f*** and nothing more. Also showing breast clevage and too much skin can make a man look at you the wrong way. He also mentioned jewelry and makeup can make a man think of you differently if it is not conservative. Men will not look at you as girlfriend or wife material when you do not dress or put yourself together modestly or conservatively. Yes, they might be attracted and even think you look good, but not for anything serious.

The bold really disturbed me. How can someone in one breath admit a woman is degrading herself by wearing revealing clothing, and in the next sentence admit to wanting to take advantage of that person. If dressing immorally = bad, why on earth would you be receptive to that behavior at all?

With all due respect, your boyfriend's response reminds me why the world is so depraved. It should not matter what a woman wears, a true Christian man, or any man for that matter, should never deem a person made in the image of God as an object. I believe in dressing conservatively because I would to do this for Jesus, whom I love dearly, and not to prevent some man from seeing me as a quick f***.

 

[SND411]

I talked to my boyfriend about how women dress in general. (He said some curse words that I blocked out but I feel is relevant to how guys view women attire)...
First, he said he likes how I dress conservatively most of the time, but he mentioned one thing in particular that I wear....leggings. He feels like leggings are okay to wear around the house but not out in public where guys can see your p**** print. Even if I wear a long shirt over the leggings, he said it will still make a man think about what's underneath because of how the leggings fit to my butt and thighs. He says tight clothing is not conservative, and he feels like the woman is trying to attract themselves to men even if she may not be consciously intending to. Back when he was single, he said he was actually turned off by women who wear clothing like Applebottom, Rocawear, Babyphat, etc. because he felt like they were trying to attract attention to their bodies with the flashy colors and labels. It makes the man forget about trying to get to know the woman as a person. However, that did not keep him from "hollerin'" at them because most guys would see them as a quick f*** and nothing more. Also showing breast clevage and too much skin can make a man look at you the wrong way. He also mentioned jewelry and makeup can make a man think of you differently if it is not conservative. Men will not look at you as girlfriend or wife material when you do not dress or put yourself together modestly or conservatively. Yes, they might be attracted and even think you look good, but not for anything serious.

LOL!!!! This RIGHT HERE is what I have been saying. Even if you wear something conservative, a man will still be tempted to see you, a woman, as a sex object. He is basically fantasizing about what is not there. Leggings? For real? For every man that is turned on by leggings, another man is not. I bet some men lust after women who wear pantyhose. Do any of yall wear pantyhose? If so, you better go home and change out of them lest you "cause" a man to lust after you. Where do you draw the line?

 

[SND411]

Let me tell all of you something as well:

In Saudi Arabia, all the women are required to wear the burqa. Look it up if you do not know what it is. Yet, Saudi Arabia is one of the highest buyers of pornography in the world. Hmmmm................tell me what is interesting about this???