Fail Not To Assemble Yourselves -LONG At a Crossroads

[SvelteVelvet]

This is soooo long, I'm sorry, but I'd really appreciate some insight on this from the Christian ladies of the board, not so much on the past but the present time. When presenting something, I just feel it's beneficial to give background to give you a clear view of where I'm coming from today. This can lead to a very great discussion as I notice many ladies on the board have trouble finding a church home. Hopefully my writing will keep your attention enough through what I've decided to share but if not, skip to the next post which gets to where I am at today and the questions I wanted to discuss on this subject of assembling ourselves are bolded. Thanks in advance for reading...

About 3 years ago, I started attending church again after almost a 10 year hiatus. A little background..I was raised in a house where it was mandatory for me to go to church. When I was 15, I decided that I no longer wanted to go to church and I fought tooth and nail with my mom one Sunday morning, I was dressed and everything and was crying my eyes out telling her I no longer wanted to go to 'that' church. It wasn't so much a rebellious or lazy thing. I was a young woman that considered myself saved and overtime there were several things in the leadership of the church that turned me off. Things that just weren't 'right'. And then there were two things that broke the camel's back for me. The female Apostle/Bishops wife coming to me with a false "God told me..." statement, and her thinking I wasn't smart enough to know that her daughter, who was my friend at the time, told her. And my rebellion to their 'house' rule that the young women should wear skirts ALL the time, even OUTSIDE the church, which my parents did not enforce with me, and the Bishop telling my father that if I didn't stop wearing pants, I was going to start having sex. I was LIVID when that got back to me, because I was a virgin not thinking of having sex anytime soon, and so the episode of me breaking out of the house rule of going to church. I didn't even tell my mother these things. I just pleaded with her and I won. I felt freer immediately. After a few weeks of me no longer going to church but spending my Sunday's cleaning the house and preparing dinner for my family (great practice for my cooking skills), the Apostle came to visit me at my house after a Sunday service. Her and the Bishop were relocating down south, and she wanted to see me before she left to ask if I was ok to which my answer was 'yes' and to also ask me if there was anything that she had done, to which I told her 'no' and said goodbye to her cordially. (Ironically, her constant skirt wearing daughters ended up pregnant before 18) and I didn't lose my virginity until I was 18, not that I'm proud of that, but based on that Bishops 'if she continue's to wear pants' prediction..I felt his skirt wearing daughters sexing around before I was a bit of karma. Also confirmation that I made the right decision to leave that establishment.

Fast forward 3 years ago, I was invited to a church by a friend during an emotionally low time in my life. It was a large congregation with a positive atmosphere, positive messages and missions. The service was run in the 'new school' way, no testimonial service. Just awesome singing and leadership into worship and praise by the praise and worship leaders, and great great sermons. I never became a member but I went pretty often during a year with my friend and after a while even when my friend wasn't going, I hopped in my car and went by myself. As a non-member I wasn't completely faithful, but for waking up on a Sunday and feeling like going to church it was a great place to know about. This church was out of town, but it was worth the drive and I attribute the improvement of my spirits and several areas of my life so quickly to attending that church.

Fast forward 1 year and a half ago, I hadn't been to the out of town church in a while. The last half of 2007, saw me having what seemed like a series of trials, just one thing after another, after another. I was going through tremendous stress that was not only life related but work related stress was added on top of it and by the beginning of 2008 I was at a serious breaking point. I was the type of person to internalize when 'going through' so I was on a mission to 'keep it together' but a point in time came when I realized 'I can't do this on my own'. On top of everything else, my car was giving me problems and I was lucky enough to make it to work so getting to that church was out of the question. So I started going to my parents church which was in town and was a branch out of the church we were going to when I was fifteen. After that Bishop and Apostle moved down south, the Bishops brother was ordained as a Pastor and him and his wife along with my parents started a new church.

In my failed attempt to make this short I'll try to wrap it up and get to the point here...

I became a member of that church and have been a member for about 1 year and a half. In comparison to the previous church I attended, it's much smaller and testimonial service is still in full effect..a church that prides itself on old songs and traditions. Despite this, the Pastor is a powerful speaker and great teacher of the Word and someone with life experiences that can encourage unique souls coming to Christ. During my time there my spirit was renewed and I grew a desire to draw closer to the Lord and His Word. 10 months into my membership I got re-baptized by water and several months later baptized by the Holy Spirit. After being baptized by the Holy Spirit, my faithfulness and activity in the church grew. It was all of a sudden the most important thing for me to be in church every time the doors were opened, when before I'd miss Sunday service once or twice a month, and the services in between the week as well. But my spirit had been renewed and I see it was a sense of my renewed spirit eager to nestle into the place I chosen as my church home, and to be a vessel there.

Within the last 3 months however, which is right around the time I was baptized by the Holy Spirit, I began to experience issues in the church. I had an inappropriate encounter with the Pastor, majorly inappropriate on his part, he initiated it. Nothing physical happened between us, and I don't want to get specific in the details because this is long enough as it is. But it was something that was during a service and something other members could pick up if they were paying attention, and several were. But him being the Pastor, he was forgiven but I went through a period of being 'looked at' a certain way from the direction of the Pastors wife and her family (which most of the church is made up of - and this isn't the wife he started the church with, this is a woman who was a member of the previous church who began having an affair with him and eventually his first wife became his ex and left the church, and him and this woman got married - They lost several members throughout the years because of her 'presence' and her family can 'act' so heavenly bound that they are no earthly good) I didn't allow that period to deter me from going to church. The wife and her family were on a mission to combat my spirit and my presence, in slick ways, but I stood strong. Through increasing my activity in the church, joining the praise team being there every service I was letting them know no matter what I wasn't going to be pushed out and they would just dig a deeper hole of being un-'Christ'-like and through the Pastor using his leadership to 'mend the fence' through his teachings and preachings, everything went back to Kumbayah. His wife even called me one day to make sure everything was 'okay' with us. Since we've done church outings, I've had conversations with the Pastor as my Pastor again, even after our little experience. And things have gone back with the wife as they were before.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Which brings me to today and feeling at a crossroads. Besides this 'experience' there which I felt like was a battle that needed to be fought and I was determined to see myself through it, which I did. And since this trial period of my renewed spirit nestling into the place I call my church home, I now see it as a place that is spiritually stagnant, even intellectually so considering all aspects of Christianity, and lacks authenticity in bringing forth the true messages those truly called by God are meant to bring forth. Speakers rotate and sometimes the message is more full of the messenger than of God and the Word if you know what I mean. I don't want to call it a fully ineffective ministry, because I believe every ministry is important no matter the size but the souls it draws and inhabits. But I'm also a believer that there should be growth, and I feel I've reached my pinnacle there.

Since being baptized by the Holy Spirit, I know the Lord has called me to do something and I'm in the processing of trying learn how to be the vessel he's called me to be. I know there is some sort of ministry within me. But I don't feel the Lord wants me to spend energy battling a small group of peoples set images of me in the quest to find my purpose, which is something I feel confident I will continue to go through within that church. As I pray and continually search for knowledge and understanding, in sermon and discussion form I find more of the truth being fed to me through the t.v. screen and from different denominations as well than in my church. I still believe the Pastor is a powerful speaker, but through our experience I believe he has led me as far as he could lead me and with the energy of his wife, it's become a place of spiritual oppression for me.

So what's the big deal, right? Just leave. Well, This is the first church I became an offical and active member of as an adult and didn't see this day coming when I joined. I don't want to be a 'Church hopper'. The last 3 months I've been a constant figure and participated in service and am called on for various things so I feel a sit down conversation with the Pastor and his wife are necessary to denounce my membership officially and explain why. The Pastor can be open minded but his wife loves to come up with her own conclusions and assumptions sway his opinion to hers so I want to let them both know my absence isn't because I'm backsliding or turning away from God but because I feel I need to be in a place I can grow spiritually and walk into the calling God has on my life to reach others. I plan to mention the combative energy I feel in defending my growth.

Would you or have you ever done this? Denounce your membership and explain to the leaders why?

In my case I feel it is necessary because no matter where I go, my parents will remain pillars of that church. There will be people asking them about my sudden absence and even calling me and I want to avoid that. Telling the wife, it'll reach the ears of the rest of the congregation in no time.

For the ladies that don't have a church home, do you feel guilty in not assembling yourselves?

In growing spiritually closer to Christ and God, have you ever experienced feeling outgrowing your current church or even denomination based on the new understandings you received?

Have you ever been a member of a small church you left and feel the size contributed to outgrowing spiritually? Explain.

Do you find it is easier to stay committed in the long run to a large church rather than a small church?

Do you feel it is easier to stay committed in the long run to a church where you are an active member? Or an inactive member? (not in attendence but in participation of service and activities, choir, usher board, praise team etc rather than just showing up and sitting in the pew and standing up a few times.)

TIA. I'll be back later to answer questions if any and continue the discussion later.

 

[Nice & Wavy]

I just wanted to say that I'm praying for you and the decisions you must make soon. Trust that the Lord is with you.

Amen.
***************
Would you or have you ever done this? Denounce your membership and explain to the leaders why?

My husband and I had to do this at one time and explained to the pastor why. He didn't receive it, but we were free in our hearts to do what we needed to do.


In growing spiritually closer to Christ and God, have you ever experienced feeling outgrowing your current church . Yes


Do you find it is easier to stay committed in the long run to a large church rather than a small church? We were in a large church, and now attend a smaller one.

Do you feel it is easier to stay committed in the long run to a church where you are an active member? Or an inactive member? I've never been an inactive member, but yes...I have felt committed but still had to make the decision and it was a wise decision...no regrets.

 

[mamaore]

Would you or have you ever done this? Denounce your membership and explain to the leaders why?

When you are an active member of a church, I believe it is better to talk to the pastor when you are leaving and why. It helps your accountability and frees your conscience.

For the ladies that don't have a church home, do you feel guilty in not assembling yourselves?
Not applicable

In growing spiritually closer to Christ and God, have you ever experienced feeling outgrowing your current church or even denomination based on the new understandings you received?

This has happened to me as a teenager and as an adult. I think this is something many christians experience at different stages in their wak with God for varied reasons. You just need to search and be sure your are moving for the right reasons.

Have you ever been a member of a small church you left and feel the size contributed to outgrowing spiritually? Explain.

Yes, but it wasn't just only the size it was more the word and growing on the word. There are advantages to a small church if the word keeps growing.

Do you find it is easier to stay committed in the long run to a large church rather than a small church?

The two churches I attended while in Nigeria was in the region of 10,000 - 50,000. Your absence is not noticed except you are a department head or officiating and you have to be disciplined to be committed.

From my experience staying committed to a larger church( need to define how large) is much more difficult except the church has cell groups where individuals can feel connected. The only exception for me is that if you grew with the church i.e. you joined when it was like 100-500 people and then it grew to thousands.

Do you feel it is easier to stay committed in the long run to a church where you are an active member? Or an inactive member?
Being part of the church work force promotes your commitment because gradually you will be given responsibilities and you will have to be accountable whether you are in the choir or whatever.
But if all you do is just to attend, you really are not accountable to anyone but yourself and God.

 

[Prudent1]

Would you or have you ever done this? Denounce your membership and explain to the leaders why?
I have left churches usually b/c of moving from the area but once b/c I knew that my spiritual growth was being hindered. It is absolutely the right thing to do- speaking to the leaders- hopefully in person but letters work too (only if you must ).

For the ladies that don't have a church home, do you feel guilty in not assembling yourselves?
For the brief period of time I didn't have a church home I wouldn't say I felt guilty about not going to church b/c I was praying the whole time and the desire in my heart was to find the place God was sending me to. I understood the more I was away the weaker I could become. It's like a team activity. I might be intelligent enough to read a book and watch film on how to play football but assembling myself with a coaching staff and other team players in addition to that personal development would be the most effective way to becoming the best at my position.

In growing spiritually closer to Christ and God, have you ever experienced feeling outgrowing your current church or even denomination based on the new understandings you received?
Yes. I eventually left my parent's church too. As I mentioned above not w/o a lot of prayer. Some people really are 'church hoppers'. Others run b/c they have what the bible calls itching ears( 2 Tim 4:3). I am active in several things at my church. I know that the time may come where God tells me to change activities or churches again even though I love my church family dearly . As long as we are in His will, seeking Him, and remember everything we do is for His kingdom/ agenda he will guide us.

Have you ever been a member of a small church you left and feel the size contributed to outgrowing spiritually? Explain.
The church I am a member of now is the smallest church I've ever belonged to but God is growing us supernaturally!

Do you find it is easier to stay committed in the long run to a large church rather than a small church? For me the size of the church doesn't matter.

Do you feel it is easier to stay committed in the long run to a church where you are an active member? Or an inactive member?
Yes, I suppose so just b/c for most of us God created us to like fellowship with others of like faith. To me being active in the church can help you get to know people better and build cohesion. That may make you more reluctant to leave from an emotional standpoint but there again we need to always remember it's all about His will being done.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Thanks ladies! After getting all that out and coming back and seeing your responses, I feel at peace with my decision to move on. And Prudent1, you must have been reading my mind because while I was away and mulling over the explanation I'd give them for my absence I concluded that a letter would be best. I get my complete thought across much better in writing anyway. Knowing me I'd probably cry in front of them or something or they could look at me in a certain way or say something that throws me off from my mission in explaining which isn't to offend but to shed light on my experience of being a member there that they may have been in the dark about as well as explain my reasoning for decided to no longer be a member.

I feel soooo much peace right now and optimism of freeing my spirit from an environment that was becoming oppressive and could lead to discouragement. I'm at peace because at this point I'm leaving with my faith in tact, my Christian love for my former leaders and brothers and sisters in tact where they will remain in my prayers, and my desire for the truth of The Word and spiritual growth is even stronger.

I don't have a specific church in mind yet and I feel it isn't something I want to rush to make a decision on or rush into a quest for. Prayer and studying the bible will remain constant. So will fellowshipping with Christian family members and friends near and far, I also enjoy messages from certain televangelists too, and thank God for the Word network. I know I don't have that 'itching' ear, but more so my ears perk up and listen as my spirit recognizes the truth being spoken.

I'm a person whose journey is filled with seasons in different environments, atmospheres, and around certain people I meet along the way. Situations like this aren't new to me, and the feeling I have now is always something I feel when I need to close one chapter to make room for the next. It's always preceded by hesitation and spiritual unrest, but once I make the step, peace follows, and the path just opens up. God continues to amaze me as I've drawn closer to him and his living Word, and this season I am now in and now going to walk into is an answered prayer. Some needed calm after the storm.

 

[Prudent1]

I’m happy to have answered some of your questions. The more I receive insight on God's plan for my life the more I think some of us may be meant to be members of more than one place as a learning/ developmental part of our spirit being. For example, evangelists and missionaries are often not able to be active in a church in the traditional ways nor can they attend most scheduled services but they are certainly called into that lifestyle by God. Makes me think of the passages in the bible that say we are “many members but one body”(Rom. 12:4-5 & 1 Cor. 12:12-30). I have been at a church where I definitely felt like a 'square peg in a round hole' but I was loved and I loved all. There was no strife between us yet at that time I couldn’t understand why I never felt totally at ease. It turned out the Lord had me there to learn something for my growth. I’m sure that these experiences and times of transition are only equipping us to be better able to take our parts in ushering in the return of our God and the fulfillment of his plans.