DH wants me to relax because the natural look looks unpolished...

[Evolving78]

i went through the same thing and just decided to cut my hair off again. i know how you feel and i feel at the end of the day, you have to be happy. some folks will come in here and will tell you that this is a marriage and you need to comprise, but you have to do what feels good to you. i did it and i resented my husband for it.

my hair had no effect on my marriage. he talked all of that garbage and nothing changed. you would think that after all of that protesting that men do, once you conform to what they think is beautiful, they would be all over you and it would be happily ever after. NOT!

i am at peace with myself again. before, i felt like a straight up sellout and i felt like i was living a lie. i love my cut and he actually is cool with it too. just as long as i don't grow it out into my coily nappy fro again!

 

[snillohsss]

If your husband married you when you were rocking your natural hair then I would be inclined to say he needs to deal with it.

If you were relaxed when you got married, I think you should go back to being relaxed if that is one thing that makes you attractive to him. At least he told you, and was upfront about it.

Maybe you can texlax....blow dry straight sometimes, and when you're not with him, rock a wash and go.

My husband hates weaves of any kind, and if I weren't married, I would rock a sew-in until my hair was BSL. However he hates weave, so I don't wear it because he doesn't find it attractive on any woman.

I know if my husband decided to go bald we would have problems...

 

[naturalmanenyc]

Just for you:

That's true!

Can I start seeing more brothas with some hair? Does every brotha have to wear a Caesar or a baldie? I mean, those looks are quite handsome, but can I see some variety, please?

I love some HAIR period!

 

[brownelovely]

I say get a sew in or a lace front. Don't relax your hair to please someone else. My So was tired of me dogging out these buns but what could I do??? I got a sew in and he loved how it looked on me.

I read somewhere that Bey said (hate to bring her name up ) you don't have to give up yourself to please your partner. Something to that effect, correct me if I'm partly wrong, but it's the truth. Sounds more like he's telling you what to do vs. asking you to change your hair.

Personally, I'd have been at the fact that he was telling me what I needed to do with my hair.

 

[brownelovely]

Just for you:

Now thats some dreads

 

[Bluetopia]

Just for you:

oh my!

that brother looks quite dapper! kudos naturaltobe (or whoever's he may 'belong' )

the main reason why i dont have a strong opinion about this thread (outside of asking folks to play above the belt and posing random ponderances) is because for me.....its often not what you rock...but HOW you rock it that catches my eye.

IMO just about anything can look good on anyone if they carry it well.

i mean look at all the crazy looking celebs who set trends just because they own their look! half that stuff would look crazy on a bunch of folk but they make it work...and we buy into it.

whether you (or your man) prefers seeing you re-laxed, bone-laxed, tex-laxed, bald headed, weaved up, braided down, or just clean shaven with a rat tail.....at the end of the day you need to make peace with what you got going on first.

otherwise it leaves you open to all types of head/heartache.

one of the greatest idiosyncracies of human nature is how we often ask people to accept things about us that we have yet to accept in ourselves.

but thats a whole 'notha thread.....

 

[kryolnapps]

This has been an interesing read to say the least! I love how passionate we are about hair. We all know that it's not just hair, even if some don't want to admit it.

I agree with all that said demanding a grown woman to do anything is wrong. I also agree that spouses should be supportive of each others decisions (as long as it's not nonsense and/or dangerous). Going natural and staying natural is not nonsense.

I have the feeling that the OP is not confident in her decision to go natural and clearly she's not enjoying her journey so far. Therefore she's easily convinced by her husband that her natural hair is not attractive.

I had past sl hair when I decided to go natural. My ex-bf of 3 years at the time did not come straight out and tell me he didn't like the idea but, he would say things like: you're going to have a lot of lint in your hair. I would say: you got my back right, I know you'll help me pick it out.
He could see how much happy and excited I was. He could see the efforts I was making to learn about natural hair and to style it. I would share my journey with him.

5 months after my BC we broke up. My sister was convinced it was because of my BC. Little did she know that we had been having problems for months. None of these problems had to do with my hair. At the end, he had come around to accept my hair. Not loving it, but accepting it because I was passionate and confident about it.

Ironically, all of my ex-bf's past gfs were natural. But they were in the 2c-3c range, including his current one. I`m 4b.

The guy I'm currently dating is not too happy about my natural 4b hair. He doesn`t like fake hair though, so he would rather natural 4b hair than braids or weaves. (I just took down a 2 month sew-in, lol) Would I had put a weave if he was my husband or if he was a serious relationship? No, because for me a weave is a style. My natural hair is not a style. By the way, the guy I'm dating now keeps his hair greased and flatten down with a wave cap. He doesn't like to see his own naps. My hair is trained he says and it's not nappy like yours.I told him that he has to accept me as is and stfu or step.

We have issues my people!!!

 

[BostonMaria]

OP are you taking notes? LOL

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Some of you married women ARE A TRIP! You might have a husband, but I doubt some of you have many friends.

 

[Kurlee]

Some of you married women ARE A TRIP! You might have a husband, but I doubt some of you have many friends.

 

[Kurlee]

Just for you:

very nice

 

[msa]

Some of you married women ARE A TRIP! You might have a husband, but I doubt some of you have many friends.

They don't need friends since they have a husband, duh!

 

[sqzbly1908]

Just for you:

Your husband's dreads are on point!!! I love to see a brotha with dreads/ braids and they are kept up and edged up ....(Off Topic)

 

[Bluetopia]

OP are you taking notes? LOL

I was just thinking the same thing!!!

LHCF Mathematics

Husband + Preference for Permed Hair - Tolerance of Natural Hair + "You're opinion dont count cause you aint even got a man" x OP's Uncertainty ÷ side conversations re: black women's relationship w/ their hair (and everything else) = a 450+ reply thread in 24hrs



i swear....i learn something new every day from ya'll

 

[snillohsss]

Some of you married women ARE A TRIP! You might have a husband, but I doubt some of you have many friends.

thats not a fair statement...and a bit rude to married women. What if married woman said based on some of these comments some of you single women are a trip. You might have friends, but I doubt you will ever get a husband.

They would have to shut this site down.

 

[MD_Lady]

I'm not even a quarter of the way through this thread and I'm stopping to give dlove a . Thank you for seeking insight and I hope you and your DH can resolve this in a respectful and loving manner.

 

[Bluetopia]

They don't need friends since they have a husband, duh!

ok can i be honest....you tickle the *bleep* outta me.

even when i suspect you are being dead serious i end up choking up with unexpected laughter at ur responses

 

[Bluetopia]

thats not a fair statement...and a bit rude to married women. What if married woman said based on some of these comments some of you single women are a trip. You might have friends, but I doubt you will ever get a husband.

They would have to shut this site down.

oh that sentiment was already expressed!....and the site (and this thread surprisingly) is still intact....

keep reading

folks started throwing bricks a couple hundred replies ago....

 

[TCatt86]

thats not a fair statement...and a bit rude to married women. What if married woman said based on some of these comments some of you single women are a trip. You might have friends, but I doubt you will ever get a husband.

They would have to shut this site down.

That's been said many times on this site!!! i.e. I see why some of y'all will never get married or something similar to that.

 

[TCatt86]

I say get a sew in or a lace front. Don't relax your hair to please someone else. My So was tired of me dogging out these buns but what could I do??? I got a sew in and he loved how it looked on me.

I read somewhere that Bey said (hate to bring her name up ) you don't have to give up yourself to please your partner. Something to that effect, correct me if I'm partly wrong, but it's the truth. Sounds more like he's telling you what to do vs. asking you to change your hair.

Personally, I'd have been at the fact that he was telling me what I needed to do with my hair.

At you quoting Beyonce, who would have thought she could make a lick of sense.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

thats not a fair statement...and a bit rude to married women. What if married woman said based on some of these comments some of you single women are a trip. You might have friends, but I doubt you will ever get a husband.

They would have to shut this site down.

Oh, I'm not talking about ALL, just a select very very few. As for the bolded, that's already been said...hence why I made that statement.

 

[Bluetopia]

At you quoting Beyonce, who would have thought she could make a lick of sense.

even a broken clock is right twice a day.

i'm just saying.....

 

[spelmanlocks]

I really don't think you should relax if you really don't want to. I hope this is not a deal breaker for your marriage. I had natural hair when I met my husband and he didn't have a problem with it, he just said I never wore it in any nice styles. He was right, I didn't take care of my natural hair, I'd been natural all of my life because my father was very pro-natural hair, my mother and sister have natural hair, but I didn't take the best care of it.

I'd suggest the two of you sit down and discuss his reasons for wanting you to relax. Perhaps he is not knowledgeable about relaxed hair vs. natural hair or why it is so important to you. My husband used to get upset at me for buying hair products, he didn't understand why I needed more than one shampoo and conditioner, when I first started learning to grow my hair. Once I explained my goals and why I was trying all of these things he became far more understanding and even encouraging.

 

[pebbles]

Alas, thread closed.