Laela
Sidestepping the "lynch mob"
By Mary Welchel
Part 1- Monday, December 8th, 2014
One thing that is tough for me to handle is criticism. How about you? But it is a necessary part of life if we’re to grow and learn. I’m going to talk about criticism and how to handle it—whether you’re giving it or receiving it.
Not long ago, as I was putting the finishing touches on a new Bible study, I asked several people to critique it for me. I knew that I needed input from others if I really wanted that Bible study to be as good as it could be. But frankly, I didn’t want to hear the criticisms I had solicited. And I had to fight with everything in me to keep from being defensive, as suggestions were made to improve the study.
Now, if I feel that way about solicited criticisms, you can imagine how I react to unsolicited criticisms. I can relate with Job who said, as found in the sixth chapter: “Teach me, and I will be quiet; show me where I have been wrong. How painful are honest words.”
Criticism can be either positive or negative, it can be true or false. But even when we receive a true criticism, given in the right spirit, the words are honest but they are still painful. Let’s face it, our first reaction to a criticism is usually a negative reaction, right? It feels negative regardless of how it is intended. So, our first challenge is to teach ourselves how to react to criticism.
Have you been on the receiving end of some criticism lately? Maybe there’s a certain person in your life who continually criticizes you—your boss, your mother, a friend. I have to believe that your first reaction is a great deal like mine: You get defensive. It’s a normal human instinct. But when we become defensive, we usually respond in the most ineffective way.
I’m going to give you some very practical ways to help you react appropriately to a criticism that comes your way, whether it was given in the right spirit or not.
_______________________________________________________
Part 2- Tuesday, December 9th, 2014
How do you answer a criticism without sounding defensive? I want to enumerate four practical steps to take to help you deal effectively in the right spirit when someone criticizes you, even if it’s not a fair criticism.
1. Pray that God will give you the patience and wisdom to handle incoming criticisms appropriately.
Just make that a daily prayer, and if there are specific people or situations who cause you to become defensive, pray specifically about those. This is preparing yourself in advance; it is putting on the armor of God, so that when those flaming arrows of criticism come your way, you’re not doomed to handle them in the wrong way.
2. Don’t go into automatic defensive mode when you are criticized, even if it’s unfair.
Listen to it and bite your tongue if you have to, in order to avoid saying something defensive. Watch your body language and facial expressions, also. Don’t allow them to send a defensive response. Just listen. Proverbs 18:13 says, “He who answers before listening—that is his folly and his shame.” A defensive reaction is something you will regret later on.
3. Give yourself time before you respond.
I have learned that if I react right away, it is usually the wrong reaction. But if I wait, then I can respond properly. Even a five minute delay can help you regain control, send up an emergency prayer, and respond in a much better way. So, buy yourself some time.
4. Begin your response with positive words.
This is effective whether the criticism is fair or not, whether it’s given in the right way or not. It shows self-control and maturity on your part. You might say something like, “You know, I really appreciate you sharing that with me. That gives me something to think about.”
There are four things to help you deal with criticism directed at you.
____________________________________________________
Part 3 - Wednesday, December 10th, 2014
Handling criticism well is a sign of spiritual and emotional maturity. How would you rate yourself when it comes to handling criticism from other people?
It’s very important that we do not let criticism send us on a guilt trip. Criticisms are either valid or invalid. When they’re valid, we simply need to make the necessary changes and use them for good in our lives. When they’re invalid, we need to get it out of our head and forget about it.
I find that it’s very easy to dwell on a criticism for days and days after the event, and that can cause me to exaggerate its importance and its significance. We can allow the most insignificant criticism to throw us into a tailspin for days, can’t we?
It has taken me far too long to understand that criticism will come my way; that’s life and whether fair or not, my responsibility is to handle it in a Christ-like manner. I need to be open to honest, fair criticism and let it spur me to make needed changes in my life. And I need to recognize unfair criticism for what it is, and let it go.
When you are confident of your value to God, the more you understand your position as a believer in Jesus Christ—accepted in Christ, seated in heavenly places in Christ, secure in your relationship with God through Jesus—then you are less susceptible to the slings and arrows that others may throw at you. I’m not talking about being arrogant, but rather having a quiet confidence because you know that no person can destroy your worth, no matter what they say or do. No one can condemn you but Jesus, and he doesn’t! Romans 8:1 reminds us that “there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
You can truly come to the place where legitimate words of criticism are received as important insight for you, and the unfair words of criticism simply bounce off. You don’t take them into your mind and heart and you don’t allow them to contaminate your spirit.
...to continue Thursday, God's willing.
Part 1- Monday, December 8th, 2014
One thing that is tough for me to handle is criticism. How about you? But it is a necessary part of life if we’re to grow and learn. I’m going to talk about criticism and how to handle it—whether you’re giving it or receiving it.
Not long ago, as I was putting the finishing touches on a new Bible study, I asked several people to critique it for me. I knew that I needed input from others if I really wanted that Bible study to be as good as it could be. But frankly, I didn’t want to hear the criticisms I had solicited. And I had to fight with everything in me to keep from being defensive, as suggestions were made to improve the study.
Now, if I feel that way about solicited criticisms, you can imagine how I react to unsolicited criticisms. I can relate with Job who said, as found in the sixth chapter: “Teach me, and I will be quiet; show me where I have been wrong. How painful are honest words.”
Criticism can be either positive or negative, it can be true or false. But even when we receive a true criticism, given in the right spirit, the words are honest but they are still painful. Let’s face it, our first reaction to a criticism is usually a negative reaction, right? It feels negative regardless of how it is intended. So, our first challenge is to teach ourselves how to react to criticism.
Have you been on the receiving end of some criticism lately? Maybe there’s a certain person in your life who continually criticizes you—your boss, your mother, a friend. I have to believe that your first reaction is a great deal like mine: You get defensive. It’s a normal human instinct. But when we become defensive, we usually respond in the most ineffective way.
I’m going to give you some very practical ways to help you react appropriately to a criticism that comes your way, whether it was given in the right spirit or not.
_______________________________________________________
Part 2- Tuesday, December 9th, 2014
How do you answer a criticism without sounding defensive? I want to enumerate four practical steps to take to help you deal effectively in the right spirit when someone criticizes you, even if it’s not a fair criticism.
1. Pray that God will give you the patience and wisdom to handle incoming criticisms appropriately.
Just make that a daily prayer, and if there are specific people or situations who cause you to become defensive, pray specifically about those. This is preparing yourself in advance; it is putting on the armor of God, so that when those flaming arrows of criticism come your way, you’re not doomed to handle them in the wrong way.
2. Don’t go into automatic defensive mode when you are criticized, even if it’s unfair.
Listen to it and bite your tongue if you have to, in order to avoid saying something defensive. Watch your body language and facial expressions, also. Don’t allow them to send a defensive response. Just listen. Proverbs 18:13 says, “He who answers before listening—that is his folly and his shame.” A defensive reaction is something you will regret later on.
3. Give yourself time before you respond.
I have learned that if I react right away, it is usually the wrong reaction. But if I wait, then I can respond properly. Even a five minute delay can help you regain control, send up an emergency prayer, and respond in a much better way. So, buy yourself some time.
4. Begin your response with positive words.
This is effective whether the criticism is fair or not, whether it’s given in the right way or not. It shows self-control and maturity on your part. You might say something like, “You know, I really appreciate you sharing that with me. That gives me something to think about.”
There are four things to help you deal with criticism directed at you.
____________________________________________________
Part 3 - Wednesday, December 10th, 2014
Handling criticism well is a sign of spiritual and emotional maturity. How would you rate yourself when it comes to handling criticism from other people?
It’s very important that we do not let criticism send us on a guilt trip. Criticisms are either valid or invalid. When they’re valid, we simply need to make the necessary changes and use them for good in our lives. When they’re invalid, we need to get it out of our head and forget about it.
I find that it’s very easy to dwell on a criticism for days and days after the event, and that can cause me to exaggerate its importance and its significance. We can allow the most insignificant criticism to throw us into a tailspin for days, can’t we?
It has taken me far too long to understand that criticism will come my way; that’s life and whether fair or not, my responsibility is to handle it in a Christ-like manner. I need to be open to honest, fair criticism and let it spur me to make needed changes in my life. And I need to recognize unfair criticism for what it is, and let it go.
When you are confident of your value to God, the more you understand your position as a believer in Jesus Christ—accepted in Christ, seated in heavenly places in Christ, secure in your relationship with God through Jesus—then you are less susceptible to the slings and arrows that others may throw at you. I’m not talking about being arrogant, but rather having a quiet confidence because you know that no person can destroy your worth, no matter what they say or do. No one can condemn you but Jesus, and he doesn’t! Romans 8:1 reminds us that “there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
You can truly come to the place where legitimate words of criticism are received as important insight for you, and the unfair words of criticism simply bounce off. You don’t take them into your mind and heart and you don’t allow them to contaminate your spirit.
...to continue Thursday, God's willing.
