The REAL reason our hair is "so difficult"?!...

[JustKiya]

I don't really thing one hair type is easier to maintain than another. What I think is going on in the situations you described is that parents do not have the time to learn how to maintain type 4 hair. The maintenance of type 4 hair is something that we lost a few hundred years ago, and needs to be relearned. Once you learn how to maintain it, it goes as quick and easy as other types.

Lys

That's it EXACTLY. Walking is hard to do if you don't know HOW to do it - heck, anything is difficult if you don't know what you are doing/are doing it wrong, and one of the things MOST members of the African Diaspora has lost/forgotten is how to take care of their hair as it grows out of their head!

And instead of trying to learn OUR hair, we try to treat it like everyone ELSE's hair, and then wonder why it's 'difficult'. *snort* It's like asking why writing is difficult, when you are using your feet instead of your hands.

 

[SerenavanderWoodsen]

What makes our hair difficult to me , is that we are going against our natural texture..... thats it,,,, i know if i were to let my 3b hair free,, as puffy, huge, shapeless and embarasssing as it is for me it would be SIMPLE,, there wouldnt be work in trying to make it look this way and that way, it would just be me,,,,, but since we want our straight and shiny and silky and it just aint that way naturally it sdamaging to the hair structure and major steps have to be taken to preserve the hairs intergrity and thats where all the craziness comes in ......

 

[AvaSpeaks]

Here's the thing.

If we really knew how to handle our hair correctly, then most young high school AA girls would be natural.

I think one of the reasons why we may feel our hair is "difficult" is because we do some much damage to it ourselves when we are teenagers. And I think alot of teens, won't go natural as a teen. So by the time they are in college, they either have damaged hair, well-cared for hair, or they go "natchal"

 

[cocoberry10]

Bumping b/c of thread about Macherieamour's website!

BTW, this is an excellent thread!

 

[1god1]

Preach on Artemis..........Seriously though Sunday my Pastor talked about New Year Resolutions ...Not to make New Year Resolutions but to Renew your Mind ......Change your Mind........If you do the same thing you will get the same results....How our mind hinders our goals and our dreams. How we can't change because we are not willing to try something new or that is something out of the box. How we sabotage ourselves.

So lets Renew and Change our Minds ....

Wow...that is so true!! I need to do this....!!!!

 

[nappity]

Amen for the third time!

 

[sonce]

That's it EXACTLY. Walking is hard to do if you don't know HOW to do it - heck, anything is difficult if you don't know what you are doing/are doing it wrong, and one of the things MOST members of the African Diaspora has lost/forgotten is how to take care of their hair as it grows out of their head!

And instead of trying to learn OUR hair, we try to treat it like everyone ELSE's hair, and then wonder why it's 'difficult'. *snort* It's like asking why writing is difficult, when you are using your feet instead of your hands.

Your whole post is so, so, so on point, but especially the bolded part.

 

[tazzydennis]

Ms. Artemis, THANK YOU for your words of wisdom. I don't know where we as African Americans became so negative, not to mention hateful sometimes; but, it's time to stop!

I'm on this board to learn from the experienced and to pass on any pearls of wisdom that I may have. For those that are of a loving and curious nature...WELCOME. Those that are bringing a negative vibe along with that Ghetto Fab (without the Fab) attitude can keep on stepping.

 

[AsTheCurlzTurns]

Great thread!! OP - you are not alone in your observations, and what you've said is on point!

One point I want to make is this:

The advice that has been researched and posted by people who want to help others' woes may be overlooked by the OP but it's very valuable to lurkers and others who read the threads but don't post! There have been plenty of threads that I've read and thought, "what a good idea!" yet the OP must've ignored it or didn't think much of it. It sure helped me out, though! So please, don't stop posting just b/c the OP is in left field somewhere or on a different page in a different book. LHCF has thousands of members, so you are helping someone somewhere, you just may not know it!!

I can confirm this for I was one of those lurkers for about almost a week or less before I finally joined up. Reason being for exactly the reason stated up above in bold. The info and vast areas of experience is what moved me. I'm in a mood where I feel like I'm taking a beauty school course for a fee of $5 a year LOL and yet I wouldn't even learn ALL of the info that's here at a beauty school even! And I'm sooooo darn glad I did!!! I love it here!!
BTW Artemis, your post drove it home sistah!!! AMEN!!!!!!! I've learned lots since being here and STILL learning more as time goes on.

 

[charmtreese]

I am so greatful everyday that I have learned how to care for my hair. When I was younger (between the ages of 1-3) I had difficulty with growing hair, my mom would keep a scarf on my head so that other children and even family members would not tease me. She said that she took me to different doctors and they told her that my hair would never grow long and that I will always have problems with my hair and scalp. Growing up I always wanted long hair and would pretend that I had it by wearing towels on my head and then later wigs and weaves as I got older. I believed for the longest time that my hair was not meant to grow long, for goodness sake a doctor had confirmed this earlier on so why would I even try to acheive the unobtainable.

I always had a love of hair, but that makes sense too. People seem to be drawn to things that they dont have. I went to cosmetology school while in High school, but still never learned much about how to grow healthy hair. 10 years later when I was 27, I decided no more. No more hiding behind weaves and perpetrating that the wet and wavy or remi straight was my "REAL" hair. I didn't wear weaves to protect my hair, I wore weaves to protect my ego. I wanted everyone to think that that mess was my hair, so much so that I never left home without it.

Learning to embrace and love my hair took some work. I had to completely dump what I had been previously tought about my hair. I'm not going to lye to you, I hated it. I hated the fact that it looked shaggy it didn't move, it didn't hang right and most of all I hated that fact that it wasn't bought from a korean store and I didn't have that instant gratification of long lush locks over night.

2 years later, I have a whole new head of hair and I couldn't be happier. But boy was it "DIFFICULT" . The careing for my hair had its ups and down but the real difficult part was the emotional and mental purging of old thoughts and beliefs about my hair.

I've always been open minded and that has helped me in my journey. I don't fault those that question textured hair care. But, I do raise a brow at those that are not willing to educate themselves. It's been said a thousand times over " to obtain something you have never had before you must do something you have never done before" and I believe this whole heartedly when it comes to improving oneself. We can question all day as to why we have what we have, but at the end of the day what really matters is what we do with what we have.

Charm

 

[angenoir]

I am so greatful everyday that I have learned how to care for my hair. When I was younger (between the ages of 1-3) I had difficulty with growing hair, my mom would keep a scarf on my head so that other children and even family members would not tease me. She said that she took me to different doctors and they told her that my hair would never grow long and that I will always have problems with my hair and scalp. Growing up I always wanted long hair and would pretend that I had it by wearing towels on my head and then later wigs and weaves as I got older. I believed for the longest time that my hair was not meant to grow long, for goodness sake a doctor had confirmed this earlier on so why would I even try to acheive the unobtainable.

I always had a love of hair, but that makes sense too. People seem to be drawn to things that they dont have. I went to cosmetology school while in High school, but still never learned much about how to grow healthy hair. 10 years later when I was 27, I decided no more. No more hiding behind weaves and perpetrating that the wet and wavy or remi straight was my "REAL" hair. I didn't wear weaves to protect my hair, I wore weaves to protect my ego. I wanted everyone to think that that mess was my hair, so much so that I never left home without it.

Learning to embrace and love my hair took some work. I had to completely dump what I had been previously tought about my hair. I'm not going to lye to you, I hated it. I hated the fact that it looked shaggy it didn't move, it didn't hang right and most of all I hated that fact that it wasn't bought from a korean store and I didn't have that instant gratification of long lush locks over night.

2 years later, I have a whole new head of hair and I couldn't be happier. But boy was it "DIFFICULT" . The careing for my hair had its ups and down but the real difficult part was the emotional and mental purging of old thoughts and beliefs about my hair.

I've always been open minded and that has helped me in my journey. I don't fault those that question textured hair care. But, I do raise a brow at those that are not willing to educate themselves. It's been said a thousand times over " to obtain something you have never had before you must do something you have never done before" and I believe this whole heartedly when it comes to improving oneself. We can question all day as to why we have what we have, but at the end of the day what really matters is what we do with what we have.

Charm

This is an post. Thank you for this. I am just now also ridding myself of the hiding behind weaves and braids. I am actually scared of my own hair I think. But I am determined to take care of it and bring it to its full potential. Thanks for your post. It helps so much!
*And your hair is lovely!*

 

[kally]

If you are referring to the thread I started this time last year, then you have totally missed the point....

Why is it so hard to believe that not everyone can have the type of hair (insert your favorite here) you see on LHCF? Believe it our not everyone can grow there hair like that no matter how hard or how many years they try.
Just because you can does not mean everyone else can. It is disheartening seeing other that can and you do start to wonder why you can't.

My hair grows out thin and not down if I stay relaxed, it has never been full like the average AA woman. What is so wrong with admitting your hair just will not do what you want it to do? What am I suppose to do lie about how I feel about my hair just to avoid the truth?

 

[Artemis]

Once again, to clarify. My initial post is referring to those ppl out there who claim to want positive things for themselves but who are not doing anything positive to facilitate the change. I'm not talking about any other posts with similar titles, and apparently need to make this clear.

What I am talking about is in all aspects of our lives. You say you want good things to happen, but you are still at that deadbeat job, complaining...or you are still with that trifling man who's still cheating on you (in your face) and you are cussing out your homegirls who are trying to tell you you deserve better. You are mad at the world for your decisions and then you ask for help in what must be a rhetorical matter, because when ppl try to give you assistance you toss it out. This is a "check yourself, before you wreck yourself" message. Please do not misconstrue it further because I am saying it straight out right now.

Yes, we need to explore our roots as it were and answer questions, but sometimes you just need to look at what you have, regardless of how it got there and say, "This is mine, and dammit I love it! Because it's mine!" Sometimes being serious about your journey is to stop taking it so seriously in the first place, just take it for what it is. That is going "back to basics" so to speak. Once you do that, everything else won't weigh so heavily and get in the way of what it is you are trying to do. And if something doesn't work, just be real with yourself and let it go.

The sooner you are true to yourself and really want better things for yourself, the better this hair (and life) journey will be for you. And note I didn't say easier, I said better.

That is all

 

[Duchesse]

"What I am talking about is in all aspects of our lives. You say you want good things to happen, but you are still at that deadbeat job, complaining...or you are still with that trifling man who's still cheating on you (in your face) and you are cussing out your homegirls who are trying to tell you you deserve better. You are mad at the world for your decisions and then you ask for help in what must be a rhetorical matter, because when ppl try to give you assistance you toss it out. This is a "check yourself, before you wreck yourself" message. .

Yes, we need to explore our roots as it were and answer questions, but sometimes you just need to look at what you have, regardless of how it got there and say, "This is mine, and dammit I love it! Because it's mine!" Sometimes being serious about your journey is to stop taking it so seriously in the first place, just take it for what it is. "


I don't have much to say, but the above is sooo on point and true. thanks for posting this, and the choir says

 

[Artemis]

Bumping b/c of thread about Macherieamour's website!

BTW, this is an excellent thread!

Thanks, Coco. This, indeed, was a necessary bump!

*runs back to aforementioned thread *

 

[charmtreese]

Thanks Angenoir for the compliment, and be patient in time you will have the beautiful head of hair you were meant to have.

Kally, I think we all agree on the fact that everyone here is not going to grow the same type of hair. I believe the consensus here is that we can all grow healthy hair regardless of the type. My hair is a thin 4b and I know It will never be as thick as Dsylla (I hope I spelled the name right.) However, my goal is not to grow Dsylla's hair, it's to grow my own hair. So, while I love seeing her hair and others my goal is not to emulate them, rather to have them as inspirations towards my own healty hair acheivments.

Maybe instead of consentrating on what your hair can NOT do consentrate on the things that it can do and perfect them. For instance my hair is layered but that helps me to have some really cute side sweep bangs. Also my hair air dries funny so, I have perfected the rollerset.

There is nothing wrong with stating deficiencies your hair may have, but dwelling on them and allowing them to make you loose sight of your goals is self-destructive.

 

[AvaSpeaks]

If you are referring to the thread I started this time last year, then you have totally missed the point....

Why is it so hard to believe that not everyone can have the type of hair (insert your favorite here) you see on LHCF? Believe it our not everyone can grow there hair like that no matter how hard or how many years they try.
Just because you can does not mean everyone else can. It is disheartening seeing other that can and you do start to wonder why you can't.

My hair grows out thin and not down if I stay relaxed, it has never been full like the average AA woman. What is so wrong with admitting your hair just will not do what you want it to do? What am I suppose to do lie about how I feel about my hair just to avoid the truth?

She got a point

 

[AvaSpeaks]

Yes, we need to explore our roots as it were and answer questions, but sometimes you just need to look at what you have, regardless of how it got there and say, "This is mine, and dammit I love it! Because it's mine!" Sometimes being serious about your journey is to stop taking it so seriously in the first place, just take it for what it is. "

She got a point too

 

[hothair]

Huh? I really haven't been paying attention to the forums as I should. Good sentiment though.

 

[Artemis]

Kally, I think we all agree on the fact that everyone here is not going to grow the same type of hair. I believe the consensus here is that we can all grow healthy hair regardless of the type. My hair is a thin 4b and I know It will never be as thick as Dsylla (I hope I spelled the name right.) However, my goal is not to grow Dsylla's hair, it's to grow my own hair. So, while I love seeing her hair and others my goal is not to emulate them, rather to have them as inspirations towards my own healty hair acheivments.

Maybe instead of consentrating on what your hair can NOT do consentrate on the things that it can do and perfect them. For instance my hair is layered but that helps me to have some really cute side sweep bangs. Also my hair air dries funny so, I have perfected the rollerset.

There is nothing wrong with stating deficiencies your hair may have, but dwelling on them and allowing them to make you loose sight of your goals is self-destructive.

*hugs Charmtreese for the bolded*

 

[Barbara]

Beautifully said!!! I agree with you totally.

The sad part is, is that a lot of people will read this and STILL NOT GET IT I remember this one chick who sent me a message in my fotki with a million and one questions. I took the time to write out everything I did, answered all of her questions...back it up with websites and everything ...you know this chick sent me back a one-line reply sayin, "I can't do all that, maybe I'll just get a weave." What?! I'm like wow, why even bother??

Hair care, at the end of the day, is not that hard. Finding products is the hard part. Everything else is smooth sailing (if you let it be).

Wear your hair up maybe 4 days a week...
Use heat maybe once a week AT MOST...
Deep condition once a week...
Moisturize your hair...
Cover it at night...

It's so simple. And this is coming from someone who came here with jacked up hair! I *take note* from other long-haired women on this board - they leave their hair alone.

Sometimes we're so committed to get longer hair, that we end up shooting ourselves in the foot when we do x + y + z and all this extra unnecessary stuff. The ones that get me, are the ones who trim off all their progress....

I just don't get it

Regardless of what you do, your hair is growing. All you gotta worry about is keeping it on your head. How do you do that? STOP MESSING WITH IT SO MUCH!

Ok, rant over.

I agree with the comments in bold print. However, when it comes to finding products, I just saw an ad in Essence magazine and presto! This was the first time I found products on my own that works. I guess I was pretty fortunate. I used them consisterntly for ten years until I stumbled across this board, which led me to a secondary set of products that I rotate.

 

[jamaraa]

OP, I think it's a bit more complex than this. People bring their baggage and hair history w/ them to this forum and it's not going to go away w/ a few posts. This is a process that takes time and patience. If people are too lazy and/or unwilling to try new things that are w/in reason, that's their problem. However, I'm of the opinion that many things are unreasonable and illogical here...for my personal needs. Since there are so many approaches to hair care and growth as there are people, there is no one right/wrong answer...so no need to be offended if someone doesn't immediately do all you say. After all, do you want the blame if they do and it goes wrong?

 

[jamaraa]

Black women have TWO things going against them in the hair stakes, so this has alot to do w/ how some people react at this site:

1. While Black men share our various African hair textures, they are NOT under pressure to have length and/or straightness, esp. the issue of length. Length is a pressure for Black women even if they choose not to straighten. LOL...please, don't try to argue this, this forum IS the overwhelming proof. Natural hair doesn't have the mental landmines for Black men as it does women...this is my strong opinion.

Part of the reason why Black men who CHOOSE to have long hair tend to have such beautiful thick hair is they lack the pressure of straightness and the stuff you have to do to get/keep it that way. Of course, Black men play a huge role in the pressure on Black women for length and straightness. Remember the "nappy headed hoz" thing? People might say other stuff, but could you imagine this said about a Black man?

2. The information, products, and techniques that are most accessible DO NOT represent the ones that will produce the best results for African textured hair. In short, almost all other hair types can easily and less expensively get things which helps their hair be it's best.

Since most people in the West have hair straighter than ours, the vast majority of the products/info will remain geared towards non African hair, therefore we rely heavily on 'trial and error'. Even tho Black women spend more money on hair than anyone else, there's little incentive to make a product that works well for us. Besides, there's no such thing as 'one size fits all'.

These two facts have alot to do w/ all the scared reactions I see here. There are those who are terrified of doing anything that may damage their hard earned length, but like the pressing comb days of old, they are slaves to their hair. Then there are those who don't wish to invest the time, patience, and money to do all this stuff proposed and they opt for the "instant" solution...weaves and whatever else. Then there are those who can't imagine their hair not being bone straight...it might be a personal thing or having to do w/ circumstances in their life (a SO, a job, family, where they live, etc...). Last but not least, the young. There are teens and poor college students here who can't afford the $90 horse stuff or the $50 conditioner even if they managed to scrape up the membership fee. So if you want to be upset that people aren't taking your advice, have you considered that it might not fit their lifestyle and/or budget?

Frankly, not everybody who joins here are as hair obsessed as some members. I gather some are put off by the intensity. Obviously hair is the focus here, but people DO have their comfort levels too.

 

[The Princess]

Yeah I agree, I was raving on to someone how I was going to grow my hair long. They looked at me and laughed, laughed, and laughed. Which make me eager to learn so much from this board and prove them wrong. My hair is growing but the main thing its not dry anymore, at all. I learned so much from you all, and try to share it with others and they laughed and laughed and laughed. At least here, we all get together and believe in something regardless of what others think. I love comming here, and knowing that its people here that believe our people can grow long hair. Cause we learning from each other.

Great post, some of us like myself have learned alot, and im always willing to share to the next person who ask me. Even if they laughed at me, they did ask me first.

 

[Barbara]

What makes our hair difficult to me , is that we are going against our natural texture..... thats it,,,, i know if i were to let my 3b hair free,, as puffy, huge, shapeless and embarasssing as it is for me it would be SIMPLE,, there wouldnt be work in trying to make it look this way and that way, it would just be me,,,,, but since we want our straight and shiny and silky and it just aint that way naturally it sdamaging to the hair structure and major steps have to be taken to preserve the hairs intergrity and thats where all the craziness comes in ......

I mentioned this in another thread some time ago. I'm glad it was brought up again.

 

[Blessed_Angel]

I agree with your post. I came here to learn more about haircare...and I am grateful for my hair's progress. I owe that to you guys and myself as well. We're all supposed to work together. Everyone benefits that way.

 

[Qetesh]

I honestly feel like black women "think" their hair has to look a certain way this is what they put out there. I honestly feel like if more black women loved their natural hair more black men would also. its all about having HEALTHY hair it shouldnt be so specific on it being long. our hair COILS ONTO ITSELF....

my hair right now is bra strap if its straight... but natural its above SHOULDER length... does this make me unattractive because thats not considered LONG??? NOOOOO its healthy and thats beautiful. more black women need to come to terms with this.

with that being said I feel like people do need to stop stressing it. if you leave it alone it will grow. just take care of it and dont ABUSE it. I feel like all this "this product, that product... is overkill. i mean honestly for me it hardly matters what product I use (within reason non clogging, non damaging products) my hair is still going to grow. Women first have to accept their natural textures and be willing to deal with that, to me your hair is going to be healthy if you dont abuse it. relaxers is abuse... i dont mean if you relax your a bad person but your abusing your hair so it IS going to take EXTRA care. when you get a blow out its the same way... every head of hair can take some abuse... but you have to TAKE CARE of it. which is what you learn here. My hair has always been long because it grows fast and generally i dont like being bothered so i leave it alone alot. BUT the more i take care of it the healthier it is. i honestly think its a simple choice but women make it wayyyy to confusing with adding all kinds of extra steps.

 

[jerseygurl]

Good thread. I was a lurker and a lot of what I have read on this forum has helped, some I used to do before this forum. There were some that made no sense for my hair type (4z) but I'm sure someone befitted from it. There will never be an "it" regimen or product but if you listen to your hair, you'll figure it out.

Yes, there are ladies who get hurt if they feel their methods aren't being used or what not but you can't let that get in the way of your goal which is healthy, long hair. I believe that we can all grow our hair but we have to be consistent and do what works for our hair and NOT jump onto bandwagons and wonder why your hair isn't growing like x or y's hair is.

I'm done. You ladies are the greatest and I love coming to this site negative vibes and all.

 

[jerseygurl]

Good thread. I was a lurker and a lot of what I have read on this forum has helped, some I used to do before this forum. There were some that made no sense for my hair type (4z) but I'm sure someone befitted from it. There will never be an "it" regimen or product but if you listen to your hair, you'll figure it out.

Yes, there are ladies who get hurt if they feel their methods aren't being used or what not but you can't let that get in the way of your goal which is healthy, long hair. I believe that we can all grow our hair but we have to be consistent and do what works for our hair and NOT jump onto bandwagons and wonder why your hair isn't growing like x or y's hair is.

I'm done. You ladies are the best and I love coming to this site negative vibes and all.

 

[anon123]

That's it EXACTLY. Walking is hard to do if you don't know HOW to do it - heck, anything is difficult if you don't know what you are doing/are doing it wrong, and one of the things MOST members of the African Diaspora has lost/forgotten is how to take care of their hair as it grows out of their head!

And instead of trying to learn OUR hair, we try to treat it like everyone ELSE's hair, and then wonder why it's 'difficult'. *snort* It's like asking why writing is difficult, when you are using your feet instead of your hands.

Okay, maybe, but only if it's also true that when you watch other people write the majority of them are using their feet. since the analogy is based on the idea that what we are doing wrong is trying to do what everyone else does, if you extend it to writing, what everyone else does has to be writing with their feet. In which case it's not surprising at all if we start off trying to write with our feet instead of our hands when everyone else around us is doing precisely that.

I think there's no single reason why "we" will find our hair difficult because "we" don't all have the same hair nor the same approach to it. If it's anything the boards have taught me, it's that. There are a million things out there to try while trying to figure out our hair; I know, having tried about 900,000 of them. And none of these things, from the low manipulation low product end of the spectrum to the high manipulation high product end, has produced "easy" hair for me. So even if there is some way that my hair would not be difficult, finding out what that way is is difficult.

Hmm, let me revise that. I know that a twa or locs would be easy for me. Anything else is fighting what my hair naturally wants to do, so it should be no surprise to me that doing anything else produces hair that is difficult, whether that difficulty be expressed in hours-long detangling sessions or hours-long protective styling sessions.