If one more natural..............

[GOD]

Im noticing naturals lately are getting this "holier than thou" attitude, maybe bc somebody with a perm roasted their hair or something...its a vicious cycle that nobody will be able to end.

 

[brucebettye]

I do not give anyone dirty looks if they have beautiful hair. I always complement women who have beautiful hair because I love to see heathly hair no matter if it is relaxed or natural!!!! When someone gives me a dirty look over my texlaxed hair I just smile because my hair must be looking really good and that makes me happy!!!! Just take the dirty looks as a complement.

 

[Netta1]

WOW..

This thread is funny..

I don't pay attention to folks looking at me crazy anymore...I expect it to happen. I'm black and my hair is NOT-permed and its NOT "type 3abcdegf.." lol...sorry I digressed...

ANYWAY..

Who cares what people think..you only validate them when you start noticing...

BESIDES

Permed hair is the typical choice for black women, its actually quite common to see therefore, I don't understand why another black women would look at YOU crazy..

UNLESS

your adaptation to wear your hair permed reminded her of assimilation....

EVEN STILL...

thats HERS/THEIRS/OUR fight...pull yourself out of it in the future or better yet ..

ASK.

 

[Nonie]

OT, Netta I want your hair! (Such a smart mane! I love the contribution it made to this thread. Oh wait, that was you? Sorry I was distracted by the hair. ) *makes a note to stalk Netta*

 

[CurlyMoo]

Los Angeles. But here, most people wear weaves so I'm not seeing that many heads of real hair at all.

When I was in school in Boston I saw some of the most jacked up heads of relaxed hair I've ever seen.

When I was in school usually the student have jacklaxed hair because it was the last thing they focused on. Midterms and everyones head was a mess. You could tell who was stressed out just by looking at the hair. Outside of school things tend to be much more diverse.

 

[msa]

When I was in school usually the student have jacklaxed hair because it was the last thing they focused on. Midterms and everyones head was a mess. You could tell who was stressed out just by looking at the hair. Outside of school things tend to be much more diverse.

Oh no, I meant in the city. Like the place I went to get my hair done, every other woman was relaxed and their hair looked tore up. And, then just walking around downtown crossing or in roxbury...woo lawd...nothing but dried out, crackly, no edges, dandruff all over their shirts, greasy heads of hair no longer than neck length unless it was a weave. Just a hot mess.

 

[CurlyMoo]

Oh no, I meant in the city. Like the place I went to get my hair done, every other woman was relaxed and their hair looked tore up. And, then just walking around downtown crossing or in roxbury...woo lawd...nothing but dried out, crackly, no edges, dandruff all over their shirts, greasy heads of hair no longer than neck length unless it was a weave. Just a hot mess.

Oh, I see sorry. Yes where I live I see quite a few of those too and they cross all ages.

 

[CurlyMoo]

I try not to pay attention anymore because I understand the dynamic of Black people living in western society; but since you brought it up I will give my honest feelings on this issue. I don't have a problem with the relaxed, texlaxed, weaved, wigged or weavlaxed individuals. My concern is with the amount of Black women who chose to alter their natural hair texture and etc.

There seems to be a disproportionate amount of those that relax compared to those that are natural. I think weave outnumbers relaxed now. But then again the relaxed are wearing extentions too. Not sure but based on what I have seen, I think natural hair is still in the minority in spite of the fact that many of us are transitioning. Shouldn't it be that most of us wear our hair without chemicals, extensions and wigs? Don't you think that would be more healthy. I'm all for freedom and choices. I don't have a problem with anyone personally chosing to do it but I think it speaks to a deeper issue when most of us permanently straighten our hair when clearly most of us do not have naturally straight hair.

(I don't included naturals who temporarily straighten unless they are ashamed to wear it natural nor do I include those who wear wigs/weave as temporary protective styles - even that is questionable - nor those that just want to do something different on occasion.)

 

[msa]

I'm all for freedom and choices. I don't have a problem with anyone personally choosing to do it but I think it speaks to a deeper issue when most of us permanently straighten our hair when clearly most of us do not have naturally straight hair.

I completely agree. Clearly this isn't just an issue of style choice or ease/manageability.

 

[KEWLKAT103]

I'm natural and don't look down on or hate anyone just because.
I Looove natural hair though and I love seeing ladies rockin their own tresses!
I don't pay much attention to relaxed ladies or weaves because it's such the norm. If it's tore up, then I probably do take more than a glance. Especially a tore up weave, I get tired of looking at those.

 

[KEWLKAT103]

My concern is with the amount of Black women who chose to alter their natural hair texture and etc.

I'm all for freedom and choices. I don't have a problem with anyone personally chosing to do it but I think it speaks to a deeper issue when most of us permanently straighten our hair when clearly most of us do not have naturally straight hair.

Completely agree Curlymoo.

 

[peppers01]

That reminds me of the Katt Williams: Its Pimpin Pimpin, when he says, Have you ever caught someone looking at you with the I just caught the stomach virus face!" HILARIOUS! Sweetie, haters are out there. Come close *whispering* they don't even think they're hating. Most of them will say that they're speaking the truth or giving their opinon. A hater is a hater. So if you have someone giving you dirty looks, and you know you look good, just smile when you walk past them. Kindness and confidence only makes them madder.

 

[peppers01]

I try not to pay attention anymore because I understand the dynamic of Black people living in western society; but since you brought it up I will give my honest feelings on this issue. I don't have a problem with the relaxed, texlaxed, weaved, wigged or weavlaxed individuals. My concern is with the amount of Black women who chose to alter their natural hair texture and etc.

There seems to be a disproportionate amount of those that relax compared to those that are natural. I think weave outnumbers relaxed now. But then again the relaxed are wearing extentions too. Not sure but based on what I have seen, I think natural hair is still in the minority in spite of the fact that many of us are transitioning. Shouldn't it be that most of us wear our hair without chemicals, extensions and wigs? Don't you think that would be more healthy. I'm all for freedom and choices. I don't have a problem with anyone personally chosing to do it but I think it speaks to a deeper issue when most of us permanently straighten our hair when clearly most of us do not have naturally straight hair.

(I don't included naturals who temporarily straighten unless they are ashamed to wear it natural nor do I include those who wear wigs/weave as temporary protective styles - even that is questionable - nor those that just want to do something different on occasion.)

This is what will start the inevitable natural vs relaxed debate. You have an issue with the amount of black women who relax their hair, but what you must remember is that that group is still comprised of individuals with reasons why they relax their hair. I, for example, have been getting relaxers since I was very young, before I could make an informed decision about my hair. So now when my NG comes in, compared to my relaxed hair, it's just a little more difficult to maintain, and I have hair breakage. Not everyone wants to BC and start over (especially not me). It's not that I want to conform to western standard of beauty, I just want my hair to be more manageable; relaxing does that for me.

I could give a who haw about western standards vs natural hair. I don't think most Black women wear weaves or relax to have straight flaxen hair. Its sort of a "this is the way my mom did it and it works for me". The same goes for weaves. I also wear weaves, not because I'm thinking I want non-natural hair. It gives my hair a break, and also gives me alternative hair styles. I work in public service, meaning I see the slum of the slums, and Black women don't have access or even the knowledge to take care of their relaxed hair. Before I came to LHCF, I thought I knew a lot about hair care, but I didn't know nearly as much as I know now. For poorer Black women, budgets are tight, so hair care is not quite at the top of the list of priorities. If longer hair, even if it's instant or naturally grown is something admirable, people will take what route they see fit to get there. Just like those who want to lose weight, don't want to work hard at it and want to see immediate results, they choose diet pills. Choice is choice.

 

[msa]

I, for example, have been getting relaxers since I was very young, before I could make an informed decision about my hair. So now when my NG comes in, compared to my relaxed hair, it's just a little more difficult to maintain, and I have hair breakage. Not everyone wants to BC and start over (especially not me). It's not that I want to conform to western standard of beauty, I just want my hair to be more manageable; relaxing does that for me.

Is it really an individual choice if you weren't the one who made it? Your mother made the decision to relax for you. It's not like you weighed both sides, having experienced both, and then decided relaxed was easier/better for you.

And as far as the bolded, how do you know that your hair is more manageable relaxed if you've haven't ever experienced a head full of natural hair? You said your new growth is "just a little more difficult to maintain" but that definitely doesn't mean having a whole head of natural hair would be. It could just mean that having both at the same time is difficult.

Anyway, the relaxed/natural debate is going to continue on as long as the overwhelming majority of black women continue to relax.

I personally think it's sad (and quite telling) that there are hordes of grown women who don't know/remember their natural texture or think that nappy hair is so disgusting that they have to get in my face and tell me how ugly they think my hair is. I guess when that stops happening, I'll stop being a natural advocate. Then I'll know it's just another hairstyle, not a community wide problem with self-acceptance.

 

[Nayna]

why cant black women just be who they are and have it not come down to our hair? If it falls off tomorrow then there wouldnt be jack to talk about. So if a woman shaves her head off is she not accepting of herself, i mean hair grows and she chopped it off, its easier to maintain right? is she now ashamed of her natural hair? women of all colors alter their hair, its our right as women to be diverse

 

[msa]

why cant black women just be who they are and have it not come down to our hair? If it falls off tomorrow then there wouldnt be jack to talk about. So if a woman shaves her head off is she not accepting of herself, i mean hair grows and she chopped it off, its easier to maintain right? is she now ashamed of her natural hair? women of all colors alter their hair, its our right as women to be diverse

I think everyone has the right to do whatever they want with their hair. And, I'd be completely ok with relaxing if it were just a hair style choice, but it's not.

I constantly hear comments like...

"why don't you comb your hair?"
"why do you leave the house looking like that?"
"you need to get that nappy s*** relaxed"
"you would be so pretty if your hair were relaxed"
"I would put a relaxer on my baby's hair if it were nappy, I don't care how old she is, good thing she has good hair and doesn't need one"


...so I know relaxing isn't just a style choice. For a lot of people it's a way to fix, what they consider, a problem. Relaxed hair is pretty, desirable, and better...nappy hair is ugly, undesirable, and a curse. I will be against relaxers until natural/nappy hair is looked upon just as positively as relaxed hair by a majority of the black community.

 

[Digital Tempest]

No, I don't look down on women with relaxers. It's their hair, and people can do whatever they want with it. I can admire a beautiful head of hair whether it's natural or relaxed. And honestly, I relaxed for years, so there's no reason for me to act all siddity and brand new now because I was there once upon a time.

 

[jennboo]

I try not to look down on anybody for anything, but I am most definitely an advocate of natural hair.

And i will be honest, i strongly believe lots of women relax their hair in an attempt to hide what they deem unsatisfactory to society...it's not always an active thing either, its subconscious.

It's pc for women to say "I like my natural hair just as much as my relaxed hair OR I like my natural hair, but it's just soo difficult to manage Or your natural hair looks good on you, but i could never do it". Women go to great lengths to be "beautiful". If natural hair were really looked upon as beautiful by people, women wouldn't give a flying hoot about the upkeep and tons of women would in fact be wearing their natural hair. 80% of black women would NOT be relaxed if folks didnt have a problem with natural hair.

The truth of the matter is, it's not considered beautiful to LOTS of people. I'd rather folks start admitting that they don't think their natural hair is pretty/acceptable, and that this is the reason they wear it straight 100% of the time.

Like others have stated, the day people stop referring to natural African hair as nappy(in a negative connotation), unkempt, unacceptable in the work place, undone, disheveled-looking..,is when i will be more inclined to think of relaxed hair as a STYLE-choice rather than as a mechanism to hide natural hair and escape censure in a society dominated by white aesthetics

 

[peppers01]

Is it really an individual choice if you weren't the one who made it? Your mother made the decision to relax for you. It's not like you weighed both sides, having experienced both, and then decided relaxed was easier/better for you.

And as far as the bolded, how do you know that your hair is more manageable relaxed if you've haven't ever experienced a head full of natural hair? You said your new growth is "just a little more difficult to maintain" but that definitely doesn't mean having a whole head of natural hair would be. It could just mean that having both at the same time is difficult.

Anyway, the relaxed/natural debate is going to continue on as long as the overwhelming majority of black women continue to relax.

I personally think it's sad (and quite telling) that there are hordes of grown women who don't know/remember their natural texture or think that nappy hair is so disgusting that they have to get in my face and tell me how ugly they think my hair is. I guess when that stops happening, I'll stop being a natural advocate. Then I'll know it's just another hairstyle, not a community wide problem with self-acceptance.

Regardless if mama made the initial decision, as a grown woman I always have the decision to go natural. Although my hair was relaxed as a young child, I remember my natural hair, and it was no parade believe me. I remember crying my eyes out cause my mama had to detangle my hair, and til this day I'm still tender-headed. Granted all she had to work with was blue magic and some water. I was old enough to remember my natural hair. Relaxing doesn't permanently alter your hair type, so one can always change their mind, if that's their choice.

You mean to tell me that when Black women stop having a problem with you natural hair, you will stop having a problem with their relaxed hair. It has stop somewhere and with someone. This community promotes hair care with whatever you want to do with your hair. You or no other natural is better because you don't chemically alter the texture of your hair.

I didn't know relaxing was a community wide problem. I just can't understand for life of me why other women have a problem with the way someone else chooses to do their hair. Even if it looks a hot mess, if they're comfortable with it, let that person be. You see atrocities daily whether it be hair, style, or whatever. I feel like this, if almighty, omniscient God gave me free will to make decisions affecting my life, then no man on this Earth can tell me or try to force their viewpoint on me.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I'm not advocating for relaxed hair, rather freedom of choice. Hair is beautiful when taken care of regardless if it's relaxed or natural. Appreciate that basic right that whatever you see fit to do with your hair, you're allowed to do that without anyone forcing you to do otherwise.

 

[spinspinshuga]

Regardless if mama made the initial decision, as a grown woman I always have the decision to go natural. Although my hair was relaxed as a young child, I remember my natural hair, and it was no parade believe me. I remember crying my eyes out cause my mama had to detangle my hair, and til this day I'm still tender-headed. Granted all she had to work with was blue magic and some water. I was old enough to remember my natural hair. Relaxing doesn't permanently alter your hair type, so one can always change their mind, if that's their choice.

You mean to tell me that when Black women stop having a problem with you natural hair, you will stop having a problem with their relaxed hair. It has stop somewhere and with someone. This community promotes hair care with whatever you want to do with your hair. You or no other natural is better because you don't chemically alter the texture of your hair.

I didn't know relaxing was a community wide problem. I just can't understand for life of me why other women have a problem with the way someone else chooses to do their hair. Even if it looks a hot mess, if they're comfortable with it, let that person be. You see atrocities daily whether it be hair, style, or whatever. I feel like this, if almighty, omniscient God gave me free will to make decisions affecting my life, then no man on this Earth can tell me or try to force their viewpoint on me.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I'm not advocating for relaxed hair, rather freedom of choice. Hair is beautiful when taken care of regardless if it's relaxed or natural. Appreciate that basic right that whatever you see fit to do with your hair, you're allowed to do that without anyone forcing you to do otherwise.

I totally agree with this. I didn't want to post it here since it's so long, but I just posted a thread about my own reasons for relaxing (http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=338667). I didn't know this was all taken so seriously!

 

[peppers01]

One more thing. There are naturals that flat iron or press their hair. So I guess they're not accepting their natural state of hair. Although it's a temporary alteration, it changed. So what then?

 

[peppers01]

I think everyone has the right to do whatever they want with their hair. And, I'd be completely ok with relaxing if it were just a hair style choice, but it's not.

I constantly hear comments like...

"why don't you comb your hair?"
"why do you leave the house looking like that?"
"you need to get that nappy s*** relaxed"
"you would be so pretty if your hair were relaxed"
"I would put a relaxer on my baby's hair if it were nappy, I don't care how old she is, good thing she has good hair and doesn't need one"


...so I know relaxing isn't just a style choice. For a lot of people it's a way to fix, what they consider, a problem. Relaxed hair is pretty, desirable, and better...nappy hair is ugly, undesirable, and a curse. I will be against relaxers until natural/nappy hair is looked upon just as positively as relaxed hair by a majority of the black community.

I totally agree with this. I didn't want to post it here since it's so long, but I just posted a thread about my own reasons for relaxing (http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=338667). I didn't know this was all taken so seriously!

Neither did I. But I'm through with this debate. On to learn how to care for my hair. Bye ladies.

 

[Junebug D]

I think everyone has the right to do whatever they want with their hair. And, I'd be completely ok with relaxing if it were just a hair style choice, but it's not.

I constantly hear comments like...

"why don't you comb your hair?"
"why do you leave the house looking like that?"
"you need to get that nappy s*** relaxed"
"you would be so pretty if your hair were relaxed"
"I would put a relaxer on my baby's hair if it were nappy, I don't care how old she is, good thing she has good hair and doesn't need one"


...so I know relaxing isn't just a style choice. For a lot of people it's a way to fix, what they consider, a problem. Relaxed hair is pretty, desirable, and better...nappy hair is ugly, undesirable, and a curse. I will be against relaxers until natural/nappy hair is looked upon just as positively as relaxed hair by a majority of the black community.

ITA. This is so very much the truth, for the Black American community as a whole. Not talking about individuals with their own unique histories, but this is so much the truth in the community as a whole. It would be deep denial to try to claim otherwise for us a whole. The vast majority of us grew up either hearing or KNOWING that nappy= bad, unmanagebale, ugly, beadebead, and all this other negativity; and straight & curly hair were "good", manageable, pretty, sexy, desirable. It's a mindset that's been passed on through generations, and has been reinforced through standards of beauty that consider other cultures superior, and that has warped our view of our own selves.

I think it is definitely becoming more acceptable now to wear natural hair, but even yet, people are just going for the "natural look" and getting texturizers and silkeners just because they are still afraid of their own natural hair, or think it will be unattractive or unmanageable without "just a bit" of the relaxer in it. And the worst part is that we are more comfortable with & more knowledgeable about our hair in these altered states than we are with our hair in its natural state. Just look around here at all the women who go natural and proclaim that they can't do "anything" with it and feel they want to relax again. Not blaming them at all, and I feel for them, just because that's how foreign our own hair is to us. If you can't see that there's something wrong with that... I'm not militant, but I recognize that we still have a long way to go.
-------------------

But on the other hand, and to respond to the OP, I don't look down on anyone. It would be hypocritical to try to turn my nose up when I've done the same thing myself for x,y,and z reasons. I went through my "militant" stage already (I think every natural goes through it at some point). I feel strongly about everything that I wrote above, but I do agree with what peppers01 said, people are individuals with their own backgrounds and their own stories and preferences. If I see a good-looking head of hair, then I'm admiring it. I can admire natural hair, relaxed hair, weave, wigs, all of it. I'm finished with "holier than thou" because the truth is a lot of people just may not know any differently. Or maybe they had been natural for even longer than you have and just decided to relax for x,y,and z reasons. You never know who you're turning your nose up at, and (at least for me) that goes for people with jacked-looking hair too. Maybe they have bigger problems in their life than worrying about their weave being raggedy. You never know. I knew a (white) girl who always rocked a bird's nest, just because she was a crazy free spirit and you know... just because I knew her personality, that style did indeed suit her. I don't believe people have to walk around looking like carbon copies of a "good hair" ad.

(But of course all of that goes out the window if said person is giving me crazy looks, then I'll give it right back. )

 

[sylver2]

I think everyone has the right to do whatever they want with their hair. And, I'd be completely ok with relaxing if it were just a hair style choice, but it's not.

I constantly hear comments like...

"why don't you comb your hair?"
"why do you leave the house looking like that?"
"you need to get that nappy s*** relaxed"
"you would be so pretty if your hair were relaxed"
"I would put a relaxer on my baby's hair if it were nappy, I don't care how old she is, good thing she has good hair and doesn't need one"


...so I know relaxing isn't just a style choice. For a lot of people it's a way to fix, what they consider, a problem. Relaxed hair is pretty, desirable, and better...nappy hair is ugly, undesirable, and a curse. I will be against relaxers until natural/nappy hair is looked upon just as positively as relaxed hair by a majority of the black community.

i could care less if you were completely ok with relaxing..u have no clue why most relax. u have a lot of hangups and seem to get offended at the least slightest thing and turn everything into a lightskin vs darkskin, relaxed vs natural, etc vs etc. are u on the right board since so much here disdains u and offends u...
go ahead and take your stand ..start at the malls, the BSS, and salons. u sitting on the hairboard being mad against the relaxed is doin nothing.

 

[spinspinshuga]

Neither did I. But I'm through with this debate. On to learn how to care for my hair. Bye ladies.

I think that's the way to go. I'm right behind you!

:sees herself out:

 

[msa]

i could care less if you were completely ok with relaxing

I didn't ask you or anyone else to care about my opinion. I was just expressing how I felt about this topic. I don't know why that's a problem.

..u have no clue why most relax.

I just go by the reasons that have been given to me in person and that I've read on this board. So no, I'm not making anything up or projecting explanations onto anyone, I'm just going by what they say/post.

u have a lot of hangups and seem to get offended at the least slightest thing

1. Any "hangups" I have/had are part of what makes me who I am. Posting and reading this board has actually given me a lot of knowledge and I've been able to learn a lot from some very intelligent women. I've been able to expand my views in many ways just by being here. I'm sure you have a lot of "hangups" as well, but no one is faulting you for them because you're human.

2. I'm not offended by anything anyone on here posts, unless they directly insult me. I happen to be opinionated about many different subjects though. But then again, so are many other people including yourself. Maybe you thought I was offended because of my vehemence when talking about certain subjects? I go hard, what can I say, that's just me.

and turn everything into a lightskin vs darkskin, relaxed vs natural, etc vs etc. are u on the right board since so much here disdains u and offends u...

This thread was a natural v. relaxed thread from the first post. That had nothing to do with me. And, everyone's posts reflect their own experiences, so as a natural, dark skinned black woman it probably appears that I turn everything into those debates. But really, I talk about the things I know about and that have affected me daily since I've been on this earth...doesn't matter if it's about natural hair or poverty or foster care.

go ahead and take your stand ..start at the malls, the BSS, and salons. u sitting on the hairboard being mad against the relaxed is doin nothing.

I'm not mad at anyone for being relaxed. And, I take my stand everywhere I go...I'm always about action because words are useless without it.


Did I do something to you Sylver? You appear to be a little, um, ...maybe I stepped on your toes or something?

 

[Platinum]

Oh lawd. Not another relaxed vs. natural debate.

Why does everyone get so heated about this? I guess I'm one of few that could care less if a sista chose to be relaxed or natural. I usually compliment anyone that has a beautiful head of hair (relaxed, natural, braided, etc.) If I don't have anything good to say, I K.I.M.

 

[Loves Harmony]

Oh lawd. Not another relaxed vs. natural debate.

Why does everyone get so heated about this? I guess I'm one of few that could care less if a sista chose to be relaxed or natural. I usually compliment anyone that has a beautiful head of hair (relaxed, natural, braided, etc.) If I don't have anything good to say, I K.I.M.

i with u on that one...
Nise

 

[PhoenixRose360]

I think a lot of black women believe that it has to be all or nothing. Meaning that it has to be all of us natural or all us relaxed, black women run the gamut on everything, so we can be both, all, or neither. I was a relaxed chick for most of my life. About 2 yrs ago, I decided to stop relaxing and take better care of my hair, which was the best decision I made. But once again it was my decision. Everyone has their reasons for relaxing or being natural or texlaxing, or whatever, who cares really? Do what makes you happy!!!

PS.. it's funny nowadays, when I see a beautiful head of relaxed hair, I get a lil jealous, cuz I miss it, but I'm not looking down on her, I'm admiring her hair

 

[sexylonglegs]

I think relaxed hair is beautiful when taken care of. Eitherway it has grown out your scalp and you just use name brand products to change the texture, that is all. The versatility of having a relaxer is the way to go for me. Taking care of my natural texture is a lot of work and those who have the patience I take my hat off to you. Hair is Hair and you do what works for you. My professional and athletic life requires that I keep it simple so I do just that....... Just my opinion...The haters know what they can do