Supergirl
With Love & Silk
Hi Sisters,
It is winter in my life right now. I had all these plans of when I wanted to have a baby, how I would coordinate it with the school year so that I could have the baby right in time for the last few weeks of the school year (I'm a teacher) and then sail into the summer, which I would have off. Also, was coordinating it around my own academic schedule so that I could get a spring class in right before baby was due. With that plan in mind, I figured I should try and get pregnant some time around late summer, early fall.
But then out of no where, the desire to be a mother just HIT and I mean hard. I had never been one of *those * type of women. ooooh, aaaahh, I want a baby but I seemingly turned into one almost overnight. I knew that God must have placed this desire in my heart according to His plan. I'd always said that He was probably laughing at the way I had things planned out to the T as far as conceiving and having my first baby. I knew that His plan would always prevail and I was seeing that happen with me suddenly wanting a baby at a time that would make the baby due *right* at the beginning of a new school year which, as a teacher, I never wanted!
In November, my hubby and I gave it a try and to my delight, surprise, and great thanks to God, we got pregnant that first month. I felt so blessed and so special to be chosen to carry out such a miracle. But my hopes and heart were dashed when I lost the baby very early in the pregnancy. I was heartbroken. It's a different kind of hurt than other disappointments like breakups, loss of loved ones, and so on. Okay Lord, I guess now I have paid for the abortion I had in college. I know You have a plan God. Your strength is made perfect in weakness. You'll work this out for my good. You'll get the glory. I was a soulja! Even though it hurt, I could feel His strength and peace on me.
The doc said we could try again as soon as we wanted. Being very familiar with my fertile signs, I noticed that I was in my fertile phase less than 2 weeks after the loss. So we went for it again and about 5 days after ovulation, I knew in my heart (and with the physical symptoms I was feeling) that the Lord has blessed our conception efforts once again. I told myself, okay this must have been the right time rather than the last time. But low and behold, this next pregnancy did not get off the ground either.
I don't know what's wrong. Since the first loss, I had been confessing that I am fearfully and wonderfully made over my body but for some reason my body is getting pregnant but not holding on to them for long at all. This time, the "soulja" has gone out of me. I am sure that one day I will look back and realize what God was doing, but this second time has knocked the wind out of my sails. This time I feel like I don't want to try anymore. This time I feel like I would rather remain childless than to go through this again. Maybe my feeling will change as I start feeling better, but right now
So if you would take a moment to lift me up in prayer, I could really use it.
I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow with a new doc--I feel like my doc was being too passive about this and I want/need help.
Please pray that the new doc will treat this with the level of seriousness that I believe it deserves.
Please pray that we will find out what the issue is or that enough tests/observations will be done to rule out issues so that we will know that this really did just happen by chance.
It's my understanding that one early loss like this is very common, often suffered by a woman who never knew she was pregnant and just thinks she got a bad period that was a little late. But, with two, it may not be so random/by chance.
And if there is an issue, please pray that it is one that has a simple remedy.
And lastly, please pray that the medical bills from the testing or whatever will be manageable for us and that we will not have to go into debt to pay them.
I just want answers. I feel like in order to feel peace, I just need to know something.
[size=+1]SEE POST #38 FOR UPDATE[/size]
It is winter in my life right now. I had all these plans of when I wanted to have a baby, how I would coordinate it with the school year so that I could have the baby right in time for the last few weeks of the school year (I'm a teacher) and then sail into the summer, which I would have off. Also, was coordinating it around my own academic schedule so that I could get a spring class in right before baby was due. With that plan in mind, I figured I should try and get pregnant some time around late summer, early fall.
But then out of no where, the desire to be a mother just HIT and I mean hard. I had never been one of *those * type of women. ooooh, aaaahh, I want a baby but I seemingly turned into one almost overnight. I knew that God must have placed this desire in my heart according to His plan. I'd always said that He was probably laughing at the way I had things planned out to the T as far as conceiving and having my first baby. I knew that His plan would always prevail and I was seeing that happen with me suddenly wanting a baby at a time that would make the baby due *right* at the beginning of a new school year which, as a teacher, I never wanted!
In November, my hubby and I gave it a try and to my delight, surprise, and great thanks to God, we got pregnant that first month. I felt so blessed and so special to be chosen to carry out such a miracle. But my hopes and heart were dashed when I lost the baby very early in the pregnancy. I was heartbroken. It's a different kind of hurt than other disappointments like breakups, loss of loved ones, and so on. Okay Lord, I guess now I have paid for the abortion I had in college. I know You have a plan God. Your strength is made perfect in weakness. You'll work this out for my good. You'll get the glory. I was a soulja! Even though it hurt, I could feel His strength and peace on me.
The doc said we could try again as soon as we wanted. Being very familiar with my fertile signs, I noticed that I was in my fertile phase less than 2 weeks after the loss. So we went for it again and about 5 days after ovulation, I knew in my heart (and with the physical symptoms I was feeling) that the Lord has blessed our conception efforts once again. I told myself, okay this must have been the right time rather than the last time. But low and behold, this next pregnancy did not get off the ground either.
I don't know what's wrong. Since the first loss, I had been confessing that I am fearfully and wonderfully made over my body but for some reason my body is getting pregnant but not holding on to them for long at all. This time, the "soulja" has gone out of me. I am sure that one day I will look back and realize what God was doing, but this second time has knocked the wind out of my sails. This time I feel like I don't want to try anymore. This time I feel like I would rather remain childless than to go through this again. Maybe my feeling will change as I start feeling better, but right now
So if you would take a moment to lift me up in prayer, I could really use it.
I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow with a new doc--I feel like my doc was being too passive about this and I want/need help.
Please pray that the new doc will treat this with the level of seriousness that I believe it deserves.
Please pray that we will find out what the issue is or that enough tests/observations will be done to rule out issues so that we will know that this really did just happen by chance.
It's my understanding that one early loss like this is very common, often suffered by a woman who never knew she was pregnant and just thinks she got a bad period that was a little late. But, with two, it may not be so random/by chance.
And if there is an issue, please pray that it is one that has a simple remedy.
And lastly, please pray that the medical bills from the testing or whatever will be manageable for us and that we will not have to go into debt to pay them.
I just want answers. I feel like in order to feel peace, I just need to know something.
[size=+1]SEE POST #38 FOR UPDATE[/size]
Last edited: