"You can transition, cuz you got good hair...I can't..." RANT!!!

Diva_Esq

Diva_Esq

New Member
I am soooooooooo sick of people telling me I can transition b/c I have "good hair." I don't walk up to people and say, "Hi, I'm transitioning from relaxed to natural, do you want to give me your opinions?" People (friends, fam, sorors, strangers) ask me questions and I answer them honestly. I am transitioning from relaxed to natural. I have not relaxed my hair since May 2, 2009 and don't plan to relax anymore in life. I enjoy the beauty and versatility of black hair, and especially of natural hair b/c I can rock big, wild waves and curls (once I am completely transitioned or now with the help of twist/ braidouts) or I can be sleek and straight without commitment to permanency of any 1 particular look. My hair and scalp thrive without relaxer. Relaxing was burning and damaging my scalp, causing severe headaches and thinning my ends. So I made the decision on my own to stop. I don't try to "convert" anyone and don't advise anyone in an unsolicited manner to transition. I think that black hair is beautiful and versatile and I am glad that we have so many options. Dread it, weave it, wig it, shave it, chop it, grow it to the floor, wave it, curl it, relax it, fro it, natural it, braid it, hell, rock a fabulous BAPS movie hairstyle if you want. That's the beauty of our hair! ALL HAIR IS GOOD and GORGEOUS if it's healthy and loved!

I'm so sick of people demeaning our hair and my transition. It just makes me want to not answer ANYONE'S questions b/c I don't need the unsolicited comments, advice and negativity. :wallbash:

Anyone transition and have people tell you it's easy for you? Are these people crazy...this is a real commitment to keep my hair healthy, not get frustrated with 2 textures and practice DIY healthy hair habits.

Thanks for letting me vent. :ohwell:
 
Just ignore them.

Everyone was telling me to get a perm because I have "bad hair" so I cant relate.

Whenever someone tries to ask me about my hair, I just quickly change the subject.
 
Haha I have had people say the same thing and It's nerve racking and get this Both of my sisters are transitioning and almost done and my mom loves both of their hair and told me I need a relaxer because they have better hair than me :<
 
My sister used to tell me I needed a perm right away cuz my hair was crazy nappy and I shouldn't go so long (4 or 5 months) without one. Now that I've decided to transition, she says she can't do it cuz she don't have "good hair". Wow, now that I don't texlax I've got "good hair", but when I texlaxed I had "nappy hair" .

HUH???????
 
I've never transitioned but I have had good hair comments before. One girl told me that I couldn't tell her anything about hair because I had that 'good hair that don't need no grease'. :/ It always frustrated me.
 
lawdy lawdy lawdy.... girl Rant on!!!.... When I was transitioning... my sister use to tell me all the time.. "dont cut your hair, it's too long and beautiful...dont go natural" ... wah wah wah...Iono what it is, it's like people think when u go natural your hair will never look like it did before... IT'S HAIR!! smh.. What you do to your hair is yours mama! you know why your doing it and quiet frankly everyone else can buzz off...soon as they start talkin hit that igg button and continue about ur day.. ..BTW your hair is rather goregous, can't wait to see the natural :yep:
 
Don't you just hate that?

I just ask them what good hair is? Then they give me the expected answer, and I retort back "So do you/or a loved one have "bad" hair? Why isn't their hair good?"

I usually win that argument, but I'm starting to get tired of explaining and just starting to ignore.
 
Truth said:
lawdy lawdy lawdy.... girl Rant on!!!.... When I was transitioning... my sister use to tell me all the time.. "dont cut your hair, it's too long and beautiful...dont go natural" ... wah wah wah...Iono what it is, it's like people think when u go natural your hair will never look like it did before... IT'S HAIR!! smh.. What you do to your hair is yours mama! you know why your doing it and quiet frankly everyone else can buzz off...soon as they start talkin hit that igg button and continue about ur day.. ..BTW your hair is rather goregous, can't wait to see the natural :yep:
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Thanks. This avatar pic is when I was about 50% natural from my first 11 month attempt to transition in 2007. I was just flat ironed. Siggy pic is now flat ironed, haven't had a relaxer since 5/2/09. I can't wait until I am all natural so I can do all the textured styles I want! :)
 
babyb900 said:
Don't you just hate that?

I just ask them what good hair is? Then they give me the expected answer, and I retort back "So do you/or a loved one have "bad" hair? Why isn't their hair good?"

I usually win that argument, but I'm starting to get tired of explaining and just starting to ignore.
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I don't even want to go into the whole heavy good hair/ bad hair issue with them. I just wish people didn't say ignorant stuff to me. I don't impose my choice on them, don't dump your baggage on me.

Like everyone says, maybe it'll just have to be an off-limits topic for me with certain people. :ohwell:
 
I was told the same thing by a hairdresser who was transitioning then she relaxed. She said "I couldnt deal with it, i had to relax. But u dont have anything to worry about because ur hair is good"
 
& when I went to Jamaica I was asked "your hair is very pretty, is ur dad an indian?" I started laughing. My dad is black and he has curly hair that I guess it would b typed 3c.
 
I do understand, it's hard when you realize you can't talk to certain people about something as common as HAIR. I grew up my whole life getting that "you have good hair" thing, and I was devastated when they started telling my little sister she had bad hair. These same people (my aunt and cousins) who said I had good hair coerced me into making my mom think she was neglecting me by not putting a relaxer in my hair, and of course they worked on her about my sister till they got their way. When my sister's hair fell out, they still encouraged my mom to put a relaxer on the bit of hair she had left until SHE, at 10, said she was tired of it. Now that my mom, my sister and I are all natural again, I still get the "it's ok for you to do that, you have good hair" speech, and each and every time I ask them how that could be the case when my sister's hair is just as long and healthy as mine.

Forget those fools...either they will come around one day, or they will wallow in that ignorance forever. What kind of self hate is that...these people we know saying that about THEMSELVES?!
 
It's a wall of ignorance that surrounds our community. But we just gotta take those moments to educate people because if we, who know the truth (that good=healthy), dont challenge them, then that mentality will continue to permeate our culture.

I never really thought about the fact that some people may get frusterated by being told they have "good" hair. It's much more common to hear about girls with 4b hair being criticized about NOT having "good" enough hair to be natural. (And to be honest, everyone I know with type 3 hair accepts it as their due to recieve compliments on their hair texture-some modestly, others not so much)

It's refreshing to know that this is not the case with everyone.
 
jasminestar said:
I've never transitioned but I have had good hair comments before. One girl told me that I couldn't tell her anything about hair because I had that 'good hair that don't need no grease'. :/ It always frustrated me.
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Yes I had the "good hair" comments as well.

One lady told me that if her natural hair looked like mine, then she would go natural :nono:

My own grandmother also told me that "now, you got good hair" :nono:
 
CoilyFields said:
It's a wall of ignorance that surrounds our community. But we just gotta take those moments to educate people because if we, who know the truth (that good=healthy), dont challenge them, then that mentality will continue to permeate our culture.

I never really thought about the fact that some people may get frusterated by being told they have "good" hair. It's much more common to hear about girls with 4b hair being criticized about NOT having "good" enough hair to be natural. (And to be honest, everyone I know with type 3 hair accepts it as their due to recieve compliments on their hair texture-some modestly, others not so much)

It's refreshing to know that this is not the case with everyone.
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Right, some people think that there's no negativity or frustration if you're light-skinned. Or that if people think you have "good hair" that's a compliment. My mother is 1 of 16 children, including 11 girls who range from very light to very dark (grandpa is dark-skinned, grandma was light skinned) and have every hair texture in the book. Some are relaxed bone straight, some wear sister locks or braids, and some were a variation of natural hairstyles. None of them criticize or belittle each other for having good or bad hair, being relaxed or natural. It's all beauty. So, no, everyone isn't impressed by being told they have "good hair." And I especially don't like the connotation that accompanies the back-handed compliments like good hair, pretty for a big girl, pretty for a dark girl, etc.

Thanks for your comments and for understanding my point of view. :)
 
Caychica said:
I was told the same thing by a hairdresser who was transitioning then she relaxed. She said "I couldnt deal with it, i had to relax. But u dont have anything to worry about because ur hair is good"
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Girl that is some "good hair" in that pic!:grin::grin::grin::grin: Your hair is beautiful. OP, pay them no mind. A lady recently asked me if I was natural and I'm not. I told her that I stretch my relaxers so of course she quoted that you have that "good hair". I promise you, I have never been in that catergory.:nono:
 
I'm sorry you're being faced with all this ignorance. Your hair looks pretty in your siggy and I'm sure it will look lovely too once natural. Imo, "good hair" comes out of properly caring for your hair.

I didn't hear I had "good hair" when I was transitioning. In fact, people were shocked when they asked me if I was going to texturize or loc and I said, "NO!" Once I actually BC'd folks were saying I had "the hair" (the actual terms "good hair" and "bad hair" aren't really used here) to go natural. However, they claimed they could never do it and that it doesn't suit them (a statement I find quite strange). Someone even told me that only I and one other person they knew could look good wearing their natural hair (only two black women could rock their God-given hair texture, seriously?!). As if everybody else has no choice but to relax if they wanted to look nice.

I found it irritating at first but learned to just ignore it. I wish more people who complimented my hair could see that maybe they could go natural too instead of thinking it was unattainable to them.
 
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tocktick said:
I'm sorry you're being faced with all this ignorance. Your hair looks pretty in your siggy and I'm sure it will look lovely too once natural. Imo, "good hair" comes out of properly caring for your hair.

I didn't hear I had "good hair" when I was transitioning. In fact, people were shocked when they asked me if I was going to texturize or loc and I said, "NO!" Once I actually BC'd folks were saying I had "the hair" (the actual terms "good hair" and "bad hair" aren't really used here) to go natural. However, they claimed they could never do it and that it doesn't suit them (a statement I find quite strange). Someone even told me that only I and one other person they knew could look good wearing their natural hair (only two black women could rock their God-given hair texture, seriously?!). As if everybody else has no choice but to relax if they wanted to look nice.

I found it irritating at first but learned to just ignore it. I wish more people who complimented my hair could see that maybe they could go natural too instead of thinking it was unattainable to them.
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:nono::nono: smdh!!!
 
I'm trying to get my sister to transition and she's like "I can't, I don't have that hair like yours."
Puh-lease. I love how people see curl on your head (as if BLACK PEOPLE CANNOT HAVE CURLS, HELLO? Comes with the territory) FAMILY who have known you for YEARS and forget the days of your hair breaking combs and you sitting at the stove for a press and curl. :/
 
It's annoying and doesn't make any sense. I get that a lot and it just makes me sad that all these beautiful women think they have ugly hair just because it doesn't come out of their heads in loose waves.

I also feel like people think it's okay to say that to me because I'm mixed, that somehow my hair is "better" because I'm "less" black. When anyone with eyeballs can see that my hair is unmistakably nappy! But I get that attitude from a lot of my family, that I can wear my hair "like that" because I'm mixed, and they have no choice but to wear relaxers. Even though my mom has worn her hair natural practically her whole life - they choose to ignore the fact that she's not mixed.
 
I've gotten that- its not the texture that allows it to be healthy. I wish people knew hair doesn't maintain itself!
You'll be fine, do what you intended, and if you've got the patience, tell them they got good hair too.
 
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