Why are men like this about HAIR!!!!!

[atlien]

Okay I was in the store yesterday buying me a phoney pony and (that reminds me /images/graemlins/think.gif Question does anybody use the comb in the phoney pony or do you guys take it out) this lady was trying on some wigs so when she took her hat off her hair was all braided and whatever so she was like excuse my hair I am trying to go natural, I wanted to do something drastic like just cut it all off but my husband is so against it that I have to wear these wigs until it grows a little longer. I just got irritated and her husband was there making a smirk /images/graemlins/smirk.gif like that's right. She was obviously a pretty girl and her natural hair was nice and her with natural hair would be beautiful short or long. How come I could notice this but he couldn't? /images/graemlins/confused.gif I just don't understand why men are so brainwashed with this long flowing hair thing gosh darnit /images/graemlins/angry2.gif beauty comes in many forms.

 

[Mariaat40]

To answer your phoney pony comb question Atlien, my sister wore a phoney pony with the comb everyday for a while and it broke her hair off. She had to get quite a bit cut off to even it up. /images/graemlins/frown.gif As far as the man thing goes...let me know when you figure it out. /images/graemlins/smirk.gif

 

[belleza]

My late husband was white, and he loved me for me. When I cut all my hair off and went natural he was ooh baby, that looks so good. Then he said wait a minute, it took you 9.5 years to show me what your hair is really like? I said to him that I thought he liked it longer and straight.

He said, "Honey, I didn't marry a white girl, I married you!" I was so shocked. I was like, did I just get checked by "THE MAN" This white man, was telling me to love myself, and my own beauty.

That happened June'03, and three months later he died. I wish I hadn't wasted so much time, disliking myself. I'll never forget that lesson. /images/graemlins/rosebud.gif

 

[Mariaat40]

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband Belleza. /images/graemlins/frown.gif Sounds like he was a wonderful man. I've heard other women say this: that white men were more appreciative of their natural texture than some of the black men they knew.

 

[GoingBack]

Belleza,

I sorry that your husband passed away /images/graemlins/kiss.gif

 

[atlien]

Sorry about your husband /images/graemlins/Rose.gif. Very sweet story

 

[LondonDiva]

Awwww Belleza,

I'm so sorry to hear about your husband /images/graemlins/kiss.gif

 

[ms_kenesha]

Men (esp. BLACK men) are a product of their environment and culture. We already know what our culture thinks about short nappy hair. /images/graemlins/down.gif And what our culture thinks about long flowing hair. /images/graemlins/up.gif But there are some black men who don't care either way and there are those that have a preference for black women wearing their natural hair (whatever the type).

 

[chanou]

Well that ladies' husband is stupid. when I told my SO that my aspiration was for my hair to be bra length, he said How you are going to do that if you're relaxing every month???(and that's before I was found LHFC)- Everytime, I applied surge or something to get my hair to grow, he would say you need to stop relaxing your hair and it would grow.

Now that I'm transitionning, he's all over my naps. This morning he asked if I couldn't spray surge all over my hair to convert the relaxed part into nappy/curly hair. I had to explain to him the whole "once you relax you have to grow your natural hair back".

 

[MizAvalon]

Long hair, along with other things, is a symbol of femininity. Men can't be faulted if that's what they like and/or prefer. But they certainly shouldn't be making any short-haired woman feel bad.

 

[EbonyEyes]

Belleza,

I'm very sorry about your loss. {{hugs!}} I'm just happy that your husband taught you a valuable lesson that will stay with you forever....

Now, it's unfortunate but it is true that men's preference (in general) for hair type and length come from cultural values. All, I can do is show the beauty that is in both short hair and natural hair. I'm just lucky that I have a boyfriend who at least appreciates my natural hair, both short and long.

-Ebony

 

[Divastate]

belleza what a sweet story- you brought tears to my eyes I'm so sorry for your loss.

I hope that man can recognize her beauty regardless of her hair length or type. The hair thing is a tough call for me- though I do believe your spouse should support you regardless of what your hair looks like (what will that man do if his wife ever has to go through chemo and loses all her hair?) hair has such an extensive connection to our culture its just not easy to determine clear cut right/wrong when someone has an ideal of what hair should/should not look like. I love my hubby to death but if he told me he wanted to grow his hair and get a jheri curl I'm not going to lie I might have an issue with that /images/graemlins/rofl.gif No that's no where near the same thing as returning to what naturally grows out of your head and no longer exposing it to chemicals- but in that man's mind it just might be the same thing if he's too ignorant to know any better.

That being said I am blessed to have married a man who finds natural hair to be the norm. His mother and sister have never relaxed so he always found my need for that rather strange- and honestly I don't remember him complimenting my hair before it was natural. He definitely loves my naps though especially since I'll actually let him play in my hair he'd happily wash it every day if I let him- before that was simply not an option.

 

[KAddy]

Belleza that was a beautiful story. I am sorry for your loss.

My husband likes my hair when it is out, but really doesn't mind if it is braided either. I have entertained the idea of going natural and eventually loc-ing my hair. He was like it would look nice. Yet, I know I am not ready for that change right now. As long as I look put together it is not a problem (this is how I feel).

 

[belleza]

Ya'll are really amazing women. Long - short / kinky wavy coiled - a man is really a man when he can love his woman - every curve, every coil - I have my preferences too, but that shouldn't prevent me from loving myself and others.

I grew up always hearing about my "kitchen", people saying "why don't you relax that 'mess'", and it was always men saying this crap. Unfortunately, I brought all that negativity into my adulthood. So I had to get schooled to love myself first. That took a long time.

This site, and the incredible women here, my sisters, are helping me to fall in love with my hair, and to love myself. Screw what the men have to say! I have daughters, if I don't have self love, how can I teach them?

 

[buffalosoldier]

AAAAhhh Beellezza what a sweet story !!!! sounds like you really had a jewel.

As far as my hair my SO likes it both short and long but when its longer he always complains that I need to do more to it. My friends bf's were the same.
I think that he would like for me to go to the shop every week and constantly sport different styles.
He is very into my hair and always has something to say. Although the fact that he has worn the same boring fade for the last 12 years is acceptable /images/graemlins/angeldevil.gif
Youre right Atlien, cos I find black men in general to be really into our hair.

In the past I never used to give a **** and so many black men would say to me 'why dont you do your hair?' like it was personally offending them.
I used to tell them to kiss my /images/graemlins/moon.gif

 

[Supergirl]

It seems that since the dawn of time, a woman's hair with some length to it has been associated with femininity and sexuality... so much so that women in some cultures are required to cover their hair up (as it is the norm for us to cover up our sexual parts) And since men are so sexual by nature, well...

But of course this doesn't speak for ALL men.

Belleza,

Bless your heart my dear. I am so sorry to hear about your husband. It sounds like he loved you very much.

 

[TBird]

As mentioned before (by Ms Kenesha I think) society has convinced the general population that long flowy silky hair is a must have for a beautiful woman. Anything other than that is unattractive. In some ways I can't blame our men. People tend to absorb the opinions of those they idolize. So if someone you look up to says long silky hair is beautiful you may tend to agree, and vice versa. How often do you seen women with short natural hair dropping it like its hot in videos? You don't. We as black women have a formidable enemy---T.V. and the media. When you find a man who can see past just the physical you've truly found someone special. Because he'll recognize that the woman you are on the inside makes you that more beautiful on the outside. But a shorter version of what I just said is that men are stupid.

 

[itismehmmkay]

[ QUOTE ]
Long hair, along with other things, is a symbol of femininity. Men can't be faulted if that's what they like and/or prefer. But they certainly shouldn't be making any short-haired woman feel bad.

[/ QUOTE ]

ITA, It's that long-haired, exotic-look beauty thing. And especially since not everyone has long hair, it becomes an eye-catcher. But I don't think it matters so much what texture it is...a good example is Amel (the singer).

And, I do believe that men still like short hair (um..Halle?), they're just worried about the woman not looking as feminine while it's short. Annnnnnnnd, men do like to run there hands through alot of hair.

I think that lady in the store was already feeling iffy about cutting her hair, and her husband just didn't help make it better.

 

[ms_kenesha]

I LIVE by this quote!

[ QUOTE ]
As mentioned before (by Ms Kenesha I think) society has convinced the general population that long flowy silky hair is a must have for a beautiful woman. Anything other than that is unattractive. In some ways I can't blame our men. People tend to absorb the opinions of those they idolize. So if someone you look up to says long silky hair is beautiful you may tend to agree, and vice versa. How often do you seen women with short natural hair dropping it like its hot in videos? You don't. We as black women have a formidable enemy---T.V. and the media. When you find a man who can see past just the physical you've truly found someone special. Because he'll recognize that the woman you are on the inside makes you that more beautiful on the outside. But a shorter version of what I just said is that men are stupid.

[/ QUOTE ]

 

[Poohbear]

I have wondered about this as well. When I had a boyfriend, I would ask him "would u still love me even if I cut all my hair off?" and he would say "probably but dont count on me still being your boyfriend" but i knew he was being sarcastic about it.

I think most (not all) guys are like this about women's hair because men have been socially conditioned to think that women should long hair and men should have short hair. A woman having longer hair than a man gives women that distinction from men. Plus, that is their perspective of a beautiful women... to have long hair or hair long enough that makes them look like a woman; Im not saying short haired women look like men because I know women can look beautiful with short hair...we just gotta get these men to realize it! /images/graemlins/wink.gif

 

[Leigh]

I'm glad you had time with a wonderful man who loved you for you and who helped you to love yourself. I''m sorry he passed away. /images/graemlins/rosebud.gif

Leigh

 

[Netta1]

I don't think my hair choices really matter to my husband. He's too busy thinking about (gutter type things) lol. When I BC'ed he was like ummmm ok. When I was discourgaged he told me that my hair was just fine. AND my husband is black. I think it just depends on the person... sometimes.

 

[WaterMoccasin]

Aww Belleza /images/graemlins/cry3.gif- u brought tears to my eyes as well...I'm so sorry for your loss but I'm glad you were graced with his companionship for however long! /images/graemlins/kiss.gif

 

[DelightfulFlame]

men are men...people are people.

I have had lots of black men express a liking for my hair at all of its short stages thus far. A few white men too, but more black than white.

Sorry about your husband Belleza.

 

[EXSQUISIT]

[ QUOTE ]
My late husband was white, and he loved me for me. When I cut all my hair off and went natural he was ooh baby, that looks so good. Then he said wait a minute, it took you 9.5 years to show me what your hair is really like? I said to him that I thought he liked it longer and straight.

He said, "Honey, I didn't marry a white girl, I married you!" I was so shocked. I was like, did I just get checked by "THE MAN" This white man, was telling me to love myself, and my own beauty.

That happened June'03, and three months later he died. I wish I hadn't wasted so much time, disliking myself. I'll never forget that lesson. /images/graemlins/rosebud.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Wow! What a powerful story! Thanks for sharing that. You have put me in check today!

 

[jellynote]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Long hair, along with other things, is a symbol of femininity. Men can't be faulted if that's what they like and/or prefer. But they certainly shouldn't be making any short-haired woman feel bad.

[/ QUOTE ]

ITA, It's that long-haired, exotic-look beauty thing. And especially since not everyone has long hair, it becomes an eye-catcher. But I don't think it matters so much what texture it is...a good example is Amel (the singer).

And, I do believe that men still like short hair (um..Halle?), they're just worried about the woman not looking as feminine while it's short. Annnnnnnnd, men do like to run there hands through alot of hair.

I think that lady in the store was already feeling iffy about cutting her hair, and her husband just didn't help make it better.

[/ QUOTE ]


I agree with most of everything that has been said. My husband prefers me with long hair because that's what he likes, but he also liked my hair when it was short. I think most men like to run there fingers through your hair. Some men also feel like there shorter the hair the women start to look like men. /images/graemlins/mad.gif I couldn't believe my ears when my DH's friends said that mess, but to each is own. It also depends on the shape of your face because I have girlfriends that look really good with short hair and some that don't. I also say whatever makes you happy the bottom line you have to be happy with the style you chose regardless of what someone else thinks. /images/graemlins/wink.gif

 

[Xerxes]

[ QUOTE ]
How often do you seen women with short natural hair dropping it like its hot in videos? You don't. We as black women have a formidable enemy---T.V. and the media. When you find a man who can see past just the physical you've truly found someone special. Because he'll recognize that the woman you are on the inside makes you that more beautiful on the outside. But a shorter version of what I just said is that men are stupid.

[/ QUOTE ]


You've got that right! And I have just had to talk about this subject with my SO. I just cut off all of my hair 3 weeks ago without giving him any warning and then I began to stress out when he didn't compliment my 'fro! LOL I'm glad we talked about this silliness and now I don't feel like I have to avoid him.

What were we talking about? Oh, yeah, men are great! /images/graemlins/grin.gif

 

[Tru_Mind]

That's a beautiful story belleza. Thanks for sharing it with us.

 

[Tru_Mind]

[ QUOTE ]
Okay I was in the store yesterday buying me a phoney pony and (that reminds me /images/graemlins/think.gif Question does anybody use the comb in the phoney pony or do you guys take it out) this lady was trying on some wigs so when she took her hat off her hair was all braided and whatever so she was like excuse my hair I am trying to go natural, I wanted to do something drastic like just cut it all off but my husband is so against it that I have to wear these wigs until it grows a little longer. I just got irritated and her husband was there making a smirk /images/graemlins/smirk.gif like that's right. She was obviously a pretty girl and her natural hair was nice and her with natural hair would be beautiful short or long. How come I could notice this but he couldn't? /images/graemlins/confused.gif I just don't understand why men are so brainwashed with this long flowing hair thing gosh darnit /images/graemlins/angry2.gif beauty comes in many forms.

[/ QUOTE ]

For some reason men (not all men) think that if a woman gets her hair cut really short and natural she will look like a boy standing next to him. We as women know that's not always true. If she's feminine she will always look like a woman because she feels like a woman. She wears perfume, earrings, etc. to show off her femininity.

I remember my mother's uncle begging my aunt not to get her relaxer cut off to her natural hair, but when he finally saw her he thought that it looked nice "on her."

Just think, before Halle Berry men didn't think that women should have short hair. Now things have change. I believe it just ignorance and control. BTW I have seen many women work a natural and it was obvious that they were women (no mistaking them for men).

Also, there are a lot of women that are attached to long hair and will never cut the hair short they will cry or become depressed (they're still beautiful). They feel that long hair is what makes them beautiful. Maybe if us women stop thinking this way about our hair our men will have no chose but to learn the love short and natural hair.

 

[Sweetyb]

[ QUOTE ]
Long hair, along with other things, is a symbol of femininity. Men can't be faulted if that's what they like and/or prefer. But they certainly shouldn't be making any short-haired woman feel bad.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree. I'm in love with long hair myself, hence my addiction to LHCF. If my b/f decided to grow out his short hair because he wants to press it and wear it past his shoulders, I'd probably feel a bit, um, weird about it.

Note--to me, long hair doesn't = "straight" hair either. Lengthy hair of all types look good to me.