ajoyfuljoy
Well-Known Member
I was browsing the web and I came along some thoughts from a white sista. She has black daughters with kinky hair and she was talking about how she takes care of it. I was blown away and impressed by her thoughts and what she said. It really made me think:
This is going to be long! I never have anyone to talk to about my girls' hair who understands! Yes I have helped both of my daughters transition from relaxed to natural, at different points in their lives. They are only 12 and 14, but hair, no matter what the texture, is always about more than hair! It can be so emotional.
First off, we live in a melting pot. It's awesome. I have a 4a daughter whose hair is pretty easy to care for. Now it doesn't look like the white girls, or most of the Trinidad or Puerto Rican, South American, or even white/black biracial hair. It's far more curly. It's less curly than her Jamaican and Haitian and some AF. Am. friends' hair -- they ALL relax.
This daughter was natural for her whole life. She was starting to bug me, because everyone either had "boingers" that laid down their backs, or they relaxed. My parenting style tends toward "natural consequences" so after much pestering, I told her that she could do a texturizer. My friend does an easy one on her daughter -- who has two Af. Am. parents and still has hair less curly than my daughters. So I did her.
It was long after texturizing -- about BSL, and you know what -- she hated it from the first minute it was dry because the texture changed and felt bad to her. Gone was the softness. It broke off like mad. She immediately realized that it wasn't a good thing and we began growing out from there. That day! It made me sad, but she now has no desire to relax her hair. She's all about how stuff feels.
We transitioned a half an inch at a time, doing a big chop about six months into it. Cut to just about shoulders when the curls were pulled down. She's now growing out from that. Asks if "it is all gone yet" and would I "please take off another 1/8 of an inch all over."
I cut her hair all the time now. She is gaining length still, but not a lot. What is good is the fresh growth is so nice, no breakage, that her boring old styles that she hated -- two puffs, two strand twists, french braids, and now pleasing to her because she works so hard not to break off the hair.
She's thinking about Sisterlocs.
I've also done my older daughter. Sadly, she hates her hair. Everyone in her school with her hair texture relaxes. There are just a few girls with locs, and a few who wear twists regularly.
Her hair texture was more challenging than her 4A sister's.
I don't think there are only two type 4 hair types, by the way.
She's 4B and had a hard time even keeping her scalp healthy as she would wear NO styles that were good for her hair type-- refused to twist, or braid it, or otherwise protect the hair from breakage, while opening up the scalp to sun and air. She would only wear one ponytail back. Not flattering to her. Never dried. Honestly -- it was so dusty up under there, I thought it was mold. She also didn't trust me to do her hair with natural products, probably because we had tried so many things and so many things had not worked.
She was addicted to Pantene Relaxed and Natural.
She had so much breakage -- all the time, because she wouldn't let me care for her hair the way it needed to. At 14 I was still sectioning her hair out for sleeping and showering, she hadn't learned to do it herself. Wanted nothing to do with it. She never has appreciated her curls. So she relaxed professionally in January. Her hair looks pretty good, and the stylist did an amazing job. She will only take her every three months, as she is very conservative with the chemicals.
She can do her own hair now, which pleases her. She does a nice job.
Funny thing is when it was natural she had people crazy for it -- she models. All the agents told her -- wear your hair out for auditions and castings. Now that she relaxed, she looks like everyone else -- just a pretty girl with hangy hair. Kind of blah, but she feels good, and her scalp is healthy. So it's an esteem thing when you are a teen, I guess.
She is now letting me do ACV rinses, and uses no-poo, and natural conditioners. I pried the Pantene from her claws and she uses Whole Foods 365, Vitaki oil, coconut, and once in a blue moon, Eluscence, which has cones, but works when we ACV once in a while. I think her relaxed hair is holding up better with natural care products.
It would be better if more girls wore natural hair down here. She is not into standing out at all, where as her sister is. We henna her sister and she wears her hair out -- red and wild --in public, just not to school.
I love doing my daughters' hair.
My favorite way to transition to natural is to cut! Something about the relaxed hair, lifeless and limp hanging by a thread to a bunch of fresh springy, shiny growth makes me want to snip!
My daughters are not really bully-able, and they are instructed to defend a bully victim -- and they come home with a whole range of insults of "things she said, and then she said, and then she did this....." They make Don Imus sound like Mister Rogers. It's rarely white vs. black either, or hispanic vs. white, or hispanic vs. black. I guess people tease their own hair types....
I know girls have tried to tease my baby about her afro puffs (that look awesome by the way!) but she not easy to tease, so it doesn't go far.
I have read a lot of books on black hair, the media, societal stuff, and it makes me very sad.
The only "bad" black hair I see is the fried, dyed and lied to stuff -- hairlines halfway back on the head from chemicals since age 5. Little girls with baby relaxers.
The most beautiful thing I have ever seen is when my girls are freshly washed, combed through, and oiled, before I style. I made them walk around like that for a while. I told them I needed a break to cook or something, but really, I just want to see them walk around. They have halos of sheer beauty. Now only my one girl has it. The other is fried and lyed, but she's happy for now. I'm sure it will swing the other way sometime.
I want to burn magazines, shoot my tv, and bomb Hollywood and the NY fashion world.
It's a bad message the world gets about black hair. STILL. It is not black hair that needs to be beaten into submission to be "good." It's mostly everyone else creating the media.
White women torture themselves about hair, too, but not in the same way -- there's an element of hair not being good enough which translates into "us not being good enough" -- so we seek to color, trim, chop, curl, straighten -- and we do it emotionally -- but there is not this hair hatred that I see.
I know when I have had terrible emotional upsets I have taken it out on my hair in rash ways -- drastic cuts, bad drugstore color. In moments of extreme despair, I've fantasized about cutting all my hair off -- kind of a keening and wailing thing, but it makes me wonder constantly about the emotional connections all of us women have with our hair.
This is going to be long! I never have anyone to talk to about my girls' hair who understands! Yes I have helped both of my daughters transition from relaxed to natural, at different points in their lives. They are only 12 and 14, but hair, no matter what the texture, is always about more than hair! It can be so emotional.
First off, we live in a melting pot. It's awesome. I have a 4a daughter whose hair is pretty easy to care for. Now it doesn't look like the white girls, or most of the Trinidad or Puerto Rican, South American, or even white/black biracial hair. It's far more curly. It's less curly than her Jamaican and Haitian and some AF. Am. friends' hair -- they ALL relax.
This daughter was natural for her whole life. She was starting to bug me, because everyone either had "boingers" that laid down their backs, or they relaxed. My parenting style tends toward "natural consequences" so after much pestering, I told her that she could do a texturizer. My friend does an easy one on her daughter -- who has two Af. Am. parents and still has hair less curly than my daughters. So I did her.
It was long after texturizing -- about BSL, and you know what -- she hated it from the first minute it was dry because the texture changed and felt bad to her. Gone was the softness. It broke off like mad. She immediately realized that it wasn't a good thing and we began growing out from there. That day! It made me sad, but she now has no desire to relax her hair. She's all about how stuff feels.
We transitioned a half an inch at a time, doing a big chop about six months into it. Cut to just about shoulders when the curls were pulled down. She's now growing out from that. Asks if "it is all gone yet" and would I "please take off another 1/8 of an inch all over."
I cut her hair all the time now. She is gaining length still, but not a lot. What is good is the fresh growth is so nice, no breakage, that her boring old styles that she hated -- two puffs, two strand twists, french braids, and now pleasing to her because she works so hard not to break off the hair.
She's thinking about Sisterlocs.
I've also done my older daughter. Sadly, she hates her hair. Everyone in her school with her hair texture relaxes. There are just a few girls with locs, and a few who wear twists regularly.
Her hair texture was more challenging than her 4A sister's.
I don't think there are only two type 4 hair types, by the way.
She's 4B and had a hard time even keeping her scalp healthy as she would wear NO styles that were good for her hair type-- refused to twist, or braid it, or otherwise protect the hair from breakage, while opening up the scalp to sun and air. She would only wear one ponytail back. Not flattering to her. Never dried. Honestly -- it was so dusty up under there, I thought it was mold. She also didn't trust me to do her hair with natural products, probably because we had tried so many things and so many things had not worked.
She was addicted to Pantene Relaxed and Natural.
She had so much breakage -- all the time, because she wouldn't let me care for her hair the way it needed to. At 14 I was still sectioning her hair out for sleeping and showering, she hadn't learned to do it herself. Wanted nothing to do with it. She never has appreciated her curls. So she relaxed professionally in January. Her hair looks pretty good, and the stylist did an amazing job. She will only take her every three months, as she is very conservative with the chemicals.
She can do her own hair now, which pleases her. She does a nice job.
Funny thing is when it was natural she had people crazy for it -- she models. All the agents told her -- wear your hair out for auditions and castings. Now that she relaxed, she looks like everyone else -- just a pretty girl with hangy hair. Kind of blah, but she feels good, and her scalp is healthy. So it's an esteem thing when you are a teen, I guess.
She is now letting me do ACV rinses, and uses no-poo, and natural conditioners. I pried the Pantene from her claws and she uses Whole Foods 365, Vitaki oil, coconut, and once in a blue moon, Eluscence, which has cones, but works when we ACV once in a while. I think her relaxed hair is holding up better with natural care products.
It would be better if more girls wore natural hair down here. She is not into standing out at all, where as her sister is. We henna her sister and she wears her hair out -- red and wild --in public, just not to school.
I love doing my daughters' hair.
My favorite way to transition to natural is to cut! Something about the relaxed hair, lifeless and limp hanging by a thread to a bunch of fresh springy, shiny growth makes me want to snip!
My daughters are not really bully-able, and they are instructed to defend a bully victim -- and they come home with a whole range of insults of "things she said, and then she said, and then she did this....." They make Don Imus sound like Mister Rogers. It's rarely white vs. black either, or hispanic vs. white, or hispanic vs. black. I guess people tease their own hair types....
I know girls have tried to tease my baby about her afro puffs (that look awesome by the way!) but she not easy to tease, so it doesn't go far.
I have read a lot of books on black hair, the media, societal stuff, and it makes me very sad.
The only "bad" black hair I see is the fried, dyed and lied to stuff -- hairlines halfway back on the head from chemicals since age 5. Little girls with baby relaxers.
The most beautiful thing I have ever seen is when my girls are freshly washed, combed through, and oiled, before I style. I made them walk around like that for a while. I told them I needed a break to cook or something, but really, I just want to see them walk around. They have halos of sheer beauty. Now only my one girl has it. The other is fried and lyed, but she's happy for now. I'm sure it will swing the other way sometime.
I want to burn magazines, shoot my tv, and bomb Hollywood and the NY fashion world.
It's a bad message the world gets about black hair. STILL. It is not black hair that needs to be beaten into submission to be "good." It's mostly everyone else creating the media.
White women torture themselves about hair, too, but not in the same way -- there's an element of hair not being good enough which translates into "us not being good enough" -- so we seek to color, trim, chop, curl, straighten -- and we do it emotionally -- but there is not this hair hatred that I see.
I know when I have had terrible emotional upsets I have taken it out on my hair in rash ways -- drastic cuts, bad drugstore color. In moments of extreme despair, I've fantasized about cutting all my hair off -- kind of a keening and wailing thing, but it makes me wonder constantly about the emotional connections all of us women have with our hair.
erplexed 
I still have the scar!
