The Pyschological affect of wearing wigs and weaves

Mahalialee4

Mahalialee4

New Member
I do not mean as an occasional hair style: I mean to the extent that noone would recognize you without one. When NOONE EVER GETS TO SEE YOUR REAL HAIR!!!! I would love to hear your answers to one, some or all of these questions.....you know Maha always got some questions, lolol!!!!
What effect do you think that this has had on black women and men?
What was the real purpose of wearing wigs and weaves?
What kind of damage has this done to our hair in terms of thickness and length?
What kind of psycological prison has this created for some socially?
Have you ever felt like a fraud wearing one? Or that you were not attractive without the wig or weave?

I think initially that it was a "cover up" for something "deemed unsuitable...our own natural hair and then it became a psychological crutch for many who could no longer identify with their own hair and just wanted to totally forget about what was up under that wig or weave.
How do you feel this has held us back from "learning to work with our hair and maximize its beauty?
 
I have been dating the guy that I am seeing now for 8 years on and off and he had never senn my real hair until Dec 15th of last year. I was to ashamed. I was always in some type of wig,weave or braids. Same goes for the people I work with. I came to see that this maybe the guy I will spend the rest of my life with and one day he would have to see it. I told him I had to get my hair cut. When I did, it was through Gods power that gave me strength to show him. He liked it.

It is now starting to grow back, but I still keep it covered. It rolls up as it grows and does not stay combed out. Giving me a rugged look.

I did not want to be one of those women who never has shown her own family how her real hair looks, That is why I decided to show him my real hair, so when we do marry it will not be a shock to him. He knows I wear false hair, but had never seen me without it.
 
I cannot imagine sewing or gluing or pinning hair onto my head. It just feels inherently wrong to me. More power to all the women who do it solely for aesthetics and to change up their look. It saddens me though, to see the women who feel they 'need' the false hair or somehow believe the hair is truly 'theirs.'

I think that's when it becomes a problem deeper than boredom w/ a hairstyle....

.02
 
There's one woman I've been working with for over three years who wear a wig every day. I've never seen her without her wig. :eek: Sometimes it smells. I know that consistently wearing a wig for years can kill your hair follicles. I just wonder what is under her wig. I think wearing a wig, weave or extensions for occasional use is fine or even fun, and can be used as a protective style, but its sad when a person becomes dependent on them, like a crutch because they are ashamed of their own hair. I think this is the case with my co-worker.
 
I had a friend who used to rock a weave every day NO MATTER WHAT. When people used to tell her that she should take it out, she would say "My hair just won't grow; I need the weave." She finally took the weave out, cut off all of her damaged ends, and now has a pretty short do and looks a million times better.

I know of many women who have short, damaged, raggedy looking hair, and not only do they say that their hair won't grow, but everyone around them is like "Her hair just doesn't grow." (But they get a touch up for their NEW GROWTH every 4 weeks... but that's beside the point...:look:

Point is, I think that many people think that there is no hope for their hair, and that might be the reason they wear weaves or wigs all the time. But this is just what I've seen, and I haven't seen everything. :)
 
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At first I did a weave to get a new look. When I took the weave out I had damage and had to cut it. I was embarrassed about showing my hair for almost a year (from Dec 05- August 06). Even when I actually reached BSL I found every excuse why I didn't want to wear my hair out...too thin, not long enough, not shiny enough, not black enough (even after I would dye it). I became so dependent on phonyponies and weaves that I still didn't want to wear my hair out and wore the sock bun because I thought my bun was way too puny to go outside with. After getting sick of the bun I have started to get a lot more comfortable with my own hair and have learned that it isn't that serious and not to stress about how short/long/thin it is. I wish I could say I am fully comfortable but I am not. I figure when I reach my goal length I will be...but Im not embarrassed about my hair anymore just more self-conscious of it. Lately I have been wearing my hair out more often (1x a month) and plan on wearing it down everyday from now on.
 
What effect do you think that this has had on black women and men?
I don't know I think that many people "abuse" weave and wigs by wearing bad ones, I may even be lumped into that category. I think it may cause other cultures to believe that AA women can't grow hair, or that they don't like their hair.

What was the real purpose of wearing wigs and weaves?
I wear falls, braids, and phony ponies as protective styles

What kind of damage has this done to our hair in terms of thickness and length?
My current regimen has not done any damage, but weave glue has damaged my hair, and the strand by strand weave has damaged my hair, as well as sew in weaves, treebraids, and microbraids. I have suffered from extreme breakage, scalp sores, and traction alopecia as a result of improper care and unhealthy styles

What kind of psycological prison has this created for some socially?
This is a leading questions...I do think that some people get into the mindset that they can't go out without some sort of fake hair, they feel like they won't be as attractive with their own hair.

Have you ever felt like a fraud wearing one? Or that you were not attractive without the wig or weave?
Yes, for both, but I am over it. Right now I wear falls and phony ponies that are the same length or shorter than my regular hair. I actually think that my hair looks better than some of my falls but I like to wear them because they are convenient and they allow me to wear my baggy and protect my hair and ends from heat damage.

How do you feel this has held us back from "learning to work with our hair and maximize its beauty?
It has postponed me even dealing with my own hair. When it was shorter I didn't even bother to experiment with styles because I always assumed that the weave would look better, or that to style my own hair I would have to do to many damaging things to it (heat, unhealthy styling products). I am over this, I just opened up a thread showing a style that I did on my own hair, and I am happy to say that this style looks fuller and sexier and just nicer than any fall that I own. I won't be wearing it often though because I prefer to baggy my ends and protect my hair from the elements.

Bottom line, I wear "fake hair" but I am no longer afraid of my own hair and I appreciate how the "fake hair" has allowed me to protect and grow out my own beautiful hair.
__________________
 
Mahalialee4 said:
I do not mean as an occasional hair style: I mean to the extent that noone would recognize you without one. When NOONE EVER GETS TO SEE YOUR REAL HAIR!!!! I would love to hear your answers to one, some or all of these questions.....you know Maha always got some questions, lolol!!!!
What effect do you think that this has had on black women and men?
What was the real purpose of wearing wigs and weaves?
What kind of damage has this done to our hair in terms of thickness and length?
What kind of psycological prison has this created for some socially?
Have you ever felt like a fraud wearing one? Or that you were not attractive without the wig or weave?

I think initially that it was a "cover up" for something "deemed unsuitable...our own natural hair and then it became a psychological crutch for many who could no longer identify with their own hair and just wanted to totally forget about what was up under that wig or weave.
How do you feel this has held us back from "learning to work with our hair and maximize its beauty?
Click to expand...

I think the potential to use a weave, braids, wig, or phoney pony as a crutch is the same as a woman who thinks she NEEDS to relax to manage her hair!

White women wear weaves - and don't get the backlash (or should I say BLACKlash) that we get.:confused:
 
Before my hair journey I had been wearing wigs from 1997 to 2004. In 2004 I had braids. After i took my braids off in late 2004, I started wearing my wig.. Again! I know.

But as soon, as I knew how to take better care of my hair, i started wearing my real hair and to my surprise No one noticed, that I didn't have a wig on no more.:lol: So for those of you who thought that people will be shocked of the difference... don’t jump the gun... The difference might actually be none, since you have either the same length of hair or even longer hair.

Wearing no extensions, no phony ponies is the most liberating thing in the world and I love it. I love walking out on a windy day and not worrying about my tracks showing because I have no extensions on. I’m not worried about being in the rain anymore because I know water is my friend. I don't do gyrating head movements when someone's hand come near my head anymore. I'm free and liberated.

Living a weave/extension/ phony pony free life is liberating, its like a big weight has been taken off my shoulders. I love it!!!
!!
 
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Playing devils advocate ( because i do think the maj of women IRL do use Extensions of whatever means as a crutch)

If your gonna rag on weaves/extensions you'll have to lump colour and relaxers in there too, cos the all those questions could be focused on those people who do these things as well. I don't do either but why pick on weave/braid people? What about colour/relaxers?
 
Well relaxers and perms have been beat to death already. I was personally interested in this because at one time, I got in the habit of wearing long extensions. It got to the pitiful point that I could not leave home without them. I became psychologically dependent on them. My reason. # 1. I did not know what the heck to do with my hair.
#2. I thought I would look bald and I felt NAKED WITHOUT THE extensions!
# It developed to the point that I got HAIR ANOEREXIA, ya'll!

It was pitiful. I wanted to believe it was my own hair...I am not lying! It became a total psychological crutch.
After I learned how to take care of my hair, my mind did a 360 degree turn, and now I no longer feel normal in "extensions.

So, if you feel you were being picked on, or that I was berating the wig and weave wearers, not at all. Just wanting to know what your experience was.
So, now what do you ladies feel most comfortable in now that you know how to take care of your hair? bonjour
 
When I wore weaves in college over 10 years ago it was because I figured it was the only way to have my desired length. I abused my hair and resigned myself to the belief that it wouldn't grow past a certain length. In '02 I started wearing the occasional weave again and got sick to my stomach after I took a good look at what my hair looked like underneath all of that mess.

Since being on my journey to healthy hair, I don't knock weaves but, I don't ever think I'll wear one again.

As far as weave wearers being on some self hatred trip I guess it would depend on why they're really wearing it.
 
Mahalialee4 said:
Well relaxers and perms have been beat to death already. I was personally interested in this because at one time, I got in the habit of wearing long extensions. It got to the pitiful point that I could not leave home without them. I became psychologically dependent on them. My reason. # 1. I did not know what the heck to do with my hair.
#2. I thought I would look bald and I felt NAKED WITHOUT THE extensions!
# It developed to the point that I got HAIR ANOEREXIA, ya'll!

It was pitiful. I wanted to believe it was my own hair...I am not lying! It became a total psychological crutch.
After I learned how to take care of my hair, my mind did a 360 degree turn, and now I no longer feel normal in "extensions.

So, if you feel you were being picked on, or that I was berating the wig and weave wearers, not at all. Just wanting to know what your experience was.
So, now what do you ladies feel most comfortable in now that you know how to take care of your hair? bonjour
Click to expand...

Interesting. I used to be that way about makeup. When I realized what I was doing I forced myself to stop wearing it. Now I hate to wear it at all! Go figure.
 
Wow, this is an awsome thread. I do think that wigs, weaves and braids are a physcological crutch for many of us (black, white,young,old, ect).I am actually going through an experience simular to this currently. I just removed some twist extension and I feel almost inadequet with out them. My real twist, although they look fine or so I've been told are sub par to me.They are not long enough, shiny enough, they do not lay right;you name it I find something wrong with it!
I have seen this sort of behavior in other women as well. I for one have not seen my mother's real hair (for longer than a week) in years.

But if these wigs and weaves can be used as a phycological crutch to be used to cover up our insufficentcies I agree that the same can be said of relaxers.
 
What effect do you think that this has had on black women and men?
I think the fact that so many black women wear wigs/weaves can make us and others think that our real hair is not beautiful and not good enough. I also think that it creates a domino effect with generations and peers. The continuing idolization of european hair (from all races/ethnicities...at least in the states) can subconsciously cause some black men to be attracted to women with long straight hair, whether its permed of fake hair. But on the flipside, there are black men who appreciate and prefer women simply because they wear their natural hair.

What was the real purpose of wearing wigs and weaves?
It depends on who you ask. For some it is a protective style, for others its just a temporary style they can create without altering their real hair, for others it a covering for damaged hair or baldness, for others it is a means to hide their hair in its natural state from themselves and others.

What kind of damage has this done to our hair in terms of thickness and length?
Depends on the persons and their techniques in applying and maintaining the wigs/weaves. I have worn 3/4 wigs and weaves for several years and have not have any significant damage from them (since I learned how to properly care for my hair underneath). As a matter of a fact the less manipulation has led to increased thickness and the protective styling has led to increased growth.

What kind of psycological prison has this created for some socially?
As someone has mentioned this is a leading question, but I do to an extent agree with its assumptions....of course, the key word being SOME.
I think for those who've worn wigs/weaves for years and years and never show their natural hair can find themselves being a prisioner in their own weaves and will be afraid to show their natural hair since in most situations their natural hair is drastically different from the false hair. For me, a year or so ago I would have been afraid. Since being on this site I realized that I can grow my real hair long (relaxed or natural). Once my hair became healthy and retained some length, I was not afraid to show it. The main thing that I was afraid to show in the past was the condition/health and length of my hair. Once the health improved, I began to retain length and although my hair is not what most would consider long right now (shoulder length) I am not afraid to show it.

Have you ever felt like a fraud wearing one? Or that you were not attractive without the wig or weave?
Yes, but my hair was so jacked up that I didnt care about being a fraud, since at least my "hair" looked good. :lol: :look: And yes about the not being attractive part too. But that was because my hair was unhealthy and damaged. I feel attractive when I wear my real hair out now. Actually moreso than I do with weave.
 
I love weaves/braids/kornrows BUT it was truely a challange from me to break from the "long hair" look. but when i went natrual and cut it all off! OMG i loved it.. I didn't like the comments i heared from my freinds but I was like bump 'em if you cann't deal then you can leave!

But i do love my hair and its been so hard for me to love all of it...
I'm learning and getting there
God give me the strength :)
 
After a highlights disaster, I wore a homemade phony pony (weft pinned around ponytail) in a bun for two years straight! No breaks in between. It looked very real and it was an easy look. I did become quite dependent on it and no longer appreciated my own hair. One time, I was visiting family and one of my sisters who never wears weaves saw my real hair and said to me, "Now why are you wearing somebody else's hair when you have all of that hair?" I didn't even see my own hair anymore. A few months after joining LHCF, I bravely marched it over to the trash chute in my building and dropped it down the chute, saying goodbye to it forever. My daughter, then 4 years old, said to me, "Mommy, why are you throwing your hair away?" I had kept it in way too long. I got rid of it cold turkey, because I realized that I was starting to feel like I wasn't pretty or that my hair wasn't pretty without it. It was beginning to define my look as well as my concept of how I looked. I knew that I would never get my hair to the lengths that I wanted if I did not love and respect it where it was at that time. I now love my own hair and wear my own hair. I have been tempted to get a phony pony for those bad hair days, but they can be addictive, so I'll pass.

My sister wears weaves constantly. She has been wearing them so long that she thinks that she is not attractive without a weave. She has a beautiful afro under her weave, I've been told, but refuses to do anything with her natural hair not because of the effort, but because of reliance on the weave. I am working on her to change that. I haven't seen her hair in years. It has to have grown under there, but she denies it! She looks at my hair and says, "If I had hair like yours, I would wear my own hair." I always tell her that she probably has more hair than me under there. I do think that extensions can become a crutch for some. The phony pony certainly was for me, and my sister is still holding on.
 
delta_gyrl said:
When I wore weaves in college over 10 years ago it was because I figured it was the only way to have my desired length. I abused my hair and resigned myself to the belief that it wouldn't grow past a certain length. In '02 I started wearing the occasional weave again and got sick to my stomach after I took a good look at what my hair looked like underneath all of that mess.

Since being on my journey to healthy hair, I don't knock weaves but, I don't ever think I'll wear one again.

As far as weave wearers being on some self hatred trip I guess it would depend on why they're really wearing it.
Click to expand...

Very funny, delta_gyrl. I looked at your fokti after opening your other thread. I can't believe that you wore weaves because your hair displeased you so. As another 4b, your fokti gives me hope!!!
 
i wore a weave for the first time recently --it was a curly short afroish one--because i had some breakage and i was extremely busy. i needed a break from having to make my hair look nice every time i went out. why are people so hard on what other people do with their hair? its a strange sanctimoniousness that i don't understand. i prefer to wear my natural hair, but i also would prefer to spend my time reading and writing (my profession, which i love) rather than fiddling with my hair all of the time so i have to strike a balance. if i cut it off it wouldn't take 2 years to get back to where i started. 10 weeks of a weave or braids a couple of times a year is a great break. i will definitely do it again if i get too busy. it wasn't that different looking from my real hair except that i didn't have to do things to it every day and night, so i say it all depends on why you do it.
 
I always like my hair -- I remember liking it as I was growing up and even into my 20's. In my 30's, a close friend of mine got a weave and said I should just try it out to see what longer hair would look like. I went and got strand by strand extensions (also called fusion). The stylist did a really good job and it was beautiful and after a couple of months, instead of just taking it out and going back to my own hair that I grew up loving, I kept putting in the weave for nearly two years. It got to the point that I didn't want to be seen without the extra hair.

I am so glad to be finally liberated from all of that. I definitely felt a "psychological effect." I am now back to loving my own hair.
 
Mahalialee4 said:
I do not mean as an occasional hair style: I mean to the extent that noone would recognize you without one. When NOONE EVER GETS TO SEE YOUR REAL HAIR!!!! I would love to hear your answers to one, some or all of these questions.....you know Maha always got some questions, lolol!!!!
What effect do you think that this has had on black women and men?
What was the real purpose of wearing wigs and weaves?
What kind of damage has this done to our hair in terms of thickness and length?
What kind of psycological prison has this created for some socially?
Have you ever felt like a fraud wearing one? Or that you were not attractive without the wig or weave?

I think initially that it was a "cover up" for something "deemed unsuitable...our own natural hair and then it became a psychological crutch for many who could no longer identify with their own hair and just wanted to totally forget about what was up under that wig or weave.
How do you feel this has held us back from "learning to work with our hair and maximize its beauty?
Click to expand...
LOL it is not that serious!
I haven't worn a full wig in a while. When I started wearing them, it was to give my hair a rest--i was doing protective styles and also stretching. It got to a point that my new growth was too long to match the half wig texture that I'd been using, so I started wearing wigs. I did feel a little funny at first, and when I'd get compliments on 'my hair' i would openly say it was a wig. Now, I just say "thank you", and move on :look: .

I've since discovered that my hair works better without the stretching, thus haven't had to cover up for a while but I am addicted to how much easier getting dressed is when you can slap a wig on your head, so I still wear them from time to time. I dont' feel like a "fraud" b/c my own hair is long enough and healthy. I would like to get a lacefront wig at some point b/c I want to experiment with color without damaging my own hair.
 
I never felt like a fraud wearing my weave, but there have been times when I felt unattractive without it. Only because my hair is so incredibly damaged from years of wearing glued in weaves and not knowing how to care for my hair. But now that I found LHCF, that's a thing of the past :D
 
Really happy to receive all the supplies ladies. This post was never to be a post "judging or comparing or even questioning the right to the choice of...." just really wanting to know what others are or were thinking.
Anyway, I once went and had a weave sewed in and I kept it for about 3 weeks. That was over 10 years ago. I felt so uncomfortable. I only had it done at the lower back half, and it looked real, because of my texture and it was jet black, like I had my hair at the time. That was some Big Hair. Anyway, it started to grow out of course and it was loose and I could not deal with that. I took it out myself and that was the end of my experiment with the weave. But my reason for doing it at the time was I wanted more length. Would I do it now.? No. I would be uncomfortable and feeling like a fraud ( because I have some length of my own and people would always be questioning if it really is my hair etc...so I leave no room for confusion... plus, I am concerned about hair damage to follicles etc. I do not wear a phony pony either, and my reason is, I feel more and more challenged to see what I can do with my natural hair and pass that knowledge on to others. I guess I just do not feel a need for it at this time in my life. I think at different points in people's lives, they do feel a need for something extra, something different. Will they still be doing it 10 years from now,...not necessarily. Some ladies are using them to grow their hair out successfully, the same as with extensions. I do not consider that any kind of crutch, but a means to an end or protection.
Thanks for participating in the thread. Happy Hair Growing. bonjour
 
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I have on a wig right now :)

Its funny because when I first wore it last week it was because I washed my hair so late and threw in about 4 braids to get my braid out on, the next morning I was afraid my hair may not be fully dry and I really didn’t feel like dealing with it from the bad weather on the east coast so my solution was simple slap on one of my cute neck length wigs

Anyway at work everyone seriously thought I had cut all my hair off, I had a bunch of compliments and I had to let them know I really didn’t cut all my hair off this is just a wig.
One chick who constantly wears a weave to about my natural length told me I look cute with short hair and I should just cut my hair like that, I told her its not a style I would be content with forever and growing my hair back would take too long so that’s why I wear wigs when I want my hair that short. After the convo I had to wonder if it was some secret hair backstabbing or did she really think I should cut all my hair off? I guess I need to stop over thinking things. I should post pics of my short pixy cut wig.
 
I first started wearing wigs when I got serious about exercise and was pressing my hair. 40 min on a treadmill will give you serious shrinkage:lol: It was easier to look professional when traveling. When a stylist "balded" me it was effortless to slip back into my wig.
When a co worker started making pointed remarks about my hair I knew it was time to leave it behind - at least on a full time basis. I now alternate one week on, one week off after I hit the 8 wk post mark.

It is invaluable for stretching, and while I waiting to color:D :D
 
Weaves are my protective style of choice and my hair has been growing leaps and bounds since I discovered the necessity of taking care of the hair underneath. When it's not in weave then I have healthy hair care practices that I use, but I've found that I flip out when I see any shedding or any short hairs on my shirt or brush, and I constantly have my hands in my hair if it's not put away.

So for me, the joy of taking the hair down and seeing 1-1.5 inches of new growth underneath the weave and knowing I'm getting to my hair goal without the drama of messing with my hair everyday is well worth it for me.

So I think the only problem I have dealing with all of the "new hair" I have is that I don't feel entirely comfortable with having it and being gentle with it after being able to treat my weave any kind of way.

Reniece's weave regimen has worked for me! lol
 
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