Relationship Advice: Christian Edition

[Guitarhero]

I probably should have done this first...but folks are forever asking me advice. I guess I have that type of countenance . Please post your questions on relationships with christian-based responses and seek your advice.

Case of Adultery:
Anyhoo, what should a wife do if the husband has been philandering over and over again and it's causing the loss of a home, job, stability? I know what I would do...but this is another family member. "No divorce" was the response. However, this dear person has moved 3x now because they either lost the apt., home, job...even the kids are advising on walking away. Two times (at least), the job was lost due to this behavior with a co-worker. It's a fine line with those scriptures on G-d hating divorce and there is a provision for adultery cases. What if they confided in you they were raped by the spouse?erplexed Police intervention?

 

[LilMissSunshine5]

It is hard to give answers to others because we never know what God is telling them to do in their specific situation. I mean, He told Hosea (I believe) to marry a prostitute and even told him to stay married to her when she was "tricking" during their marriage! I don't know if I could have done that...granted it was to help illustrate God's relationship with Israel, but my point is that I don't think we ever know what God is instructing anyone to do in response to their life circumstances (beside ourselves).

My advice is very simple: pray. Whether it is someone else (like this case) or your own relationship issues someday, the first response should be prayer. Most times, it is usually my only response unless they solicit my advice or God tells me otherwise. People just don't like it when outsiders advise/comment on their relationships in my experience. For instance, I had a close friend during college who was in an emotionally abusive relationship with her boyfriend. She would tell me everything he did, ask for advice, but still stay with him. One day I could hear him through the phone saying mean stuff to her and I snapped...I grabbed the phone from her, told him he was a jerk(in more colorful terms ) and that if I ever saw him, I would slash his tires, key his car and get my 5 brothers to jump him I didn't behave very Christ-like back then But she grabbed the phone back from me and was apologizing to him for MY behavior! I was absolutely stunned...and learned a valuable lesson that day. I stay out of folks relationships! I then established some boundaries with her about him: I told her I loved her no matter what, but that for my own sanity and emotional well-being, I could not discuss him ever again. I told her that I would talk to her about anything else in her life, but he was off limits. So I just prayed for her during that time. Six months later she left him on her own. People change when the pain becomes too great to bear and maybe she just hasn't reached that point yet. People make their own decisions and I really feel my responsibility is just to pray for them to make healthy ones.

 

[Guitarhero]

It is hard to give answers to others because we never know what God is telling them to do in their specific situation. I mean, He told Hosea (I believe) to marry a prostitute .....

My advice is very simple: pray. ....... Six months later she left him on her own. People change when the pain becomes too great to bear and maybe she just hasn't reached that point yet. People make their own decisions and I really feel my responsibility is just to pray for them to make healthy ones.

Hosea was a prophet, though and that was a specific incidence. I firmly believe that we can mix psychology with christianity or religion as it deals with the whole person. I mean, I tried to advise her...and she prays constantly. He's still doing this crap. I told her in a certain way that it was unacceptable to live under those conditions. For Pete's sake, this man rapes her! If I see him again, I'mma bust him in his mouth and far below that! How a woman could remain in such is way beyond me. I know she'll eventually deal with it...but will she be crazy, further injured, dying of some std? Oh G-d, help her to see!!! She needs and intervention on the realz!

 

[Sharpened]

No, we cannot mix the wisdom of man with God's, for His ways are not our ways (Isaiah 55:8). Read Proverbs and see how it mocks the wisdom of the flesh and mind. In fact, the Bible is loaded with derision of man's corrupt soul apart from Him.

He wants our obedience above all and dependance upon the Guide Jesus sent to us, so we can be in His power to solve many problems and refine us. The question should be do you trust Him to give you the answer you seek?

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

She doesn't have to divorce but why can't she separate? She is not required to live in that environment.

single, never been married, but witnessed/experienced certain situations as a child. I will say that God is awesome and things turned around for the good - you never know how God will change a person, but like I said, she doesn't have to physically live with an abusive spouse.

 

[LilMissSunshine5]

I understand where you are coming from because I have seen firsthand how difficult it is to watch someone you love get treated terribly and victimized. It is a very powerless feeling in my experience. But I think you missed the point of my post. From what you are saying, it seems like you are trying to handle the situation instead of letting God handle it. It is not your battle, it is God's. The same God who takes care of you and I everyday is taking care of your friend! Even in the midst of all the craziness in her life. It sounds like you want the situation resolved in your timing, but God works on His own timing. I think it boils down to if you trust God to work the situation out? Because if you do, He doesn't need any human help to accomplish it. She may already have the consequences you've named and there is really nothing you can do about it. She does need an intervention, but she needs a DIVINE one. I am not trying to judge this situation or your handling of it, but you asked for advice, so I offered it. Do with it what you will, that is the nature of advice (some take it and some leave it). I will keep you and your friend in my prayers. God's will be done will definitely be my prayer for you both! Hang in there!

Hosea was a prophet, though and that was a specific incidence. I firmly believe that we can mix psychology with christianity or religion as it deals with the whole person. I mean, I tried to advise her...and she prays constantly. He's still doing this crap. I told her in a certain way that it was unacceptable to live under those conditions. For Pete's sake, this man rapes her! If I see him again, I'mma bust him in his mouth and far below that! How a woman could remain in such is way beyond me. I know she'll eventually deal with it...but will she be crazy, further injured, dying of some std? Oh G-d, help her to see!!! She needs and intervention on the realz!

 

[Guitarhero]

Thank you and I appreciate it. I didn't miss it at all. I just think that a good friend obeys G-d in preserving life, not standing back and seeing someone else attack your friend/family. If a train is coming and your friend is standing on the track, you don't necessarily push her off, you tell her she's in danger. If I stand there and say nothing, I'm guilty of omission. Well, sometimes, you have to push because some people do not have the common sense to avoid obvious danger.

I cannot remove her from her marriage but I definitely won't stand there and not offer sound advice on what is acceptable behavior and what is not. My goal is not being her Holy Spirit. She seems to think it's okay and G-d's will that she be abused just to avoid divorce. On top of that, she feels that she's being the best christian possible. She's missing the point about her own personal safety. Worrying about divorce should be secondary.

What good is it to follow Jesus if I'm not compelled to act toward justice? I just had to say something! No coercion, but sometimes people, particularly women, do not like hearing the truth.

 

[Guitarhero]

Oh, when I said her answer to the abuse she's suffering was "no divorce," I wasn't suggesting divorce to her. This is her excuse to continue being abused meaning that she will put up with all of it and not leave him for a time or give an ultimatum. They have sought counseling, supposedly. I think she's afraid of living alone since her mother was a single parent and her step-mom divorced her dad. Well, when children are in the middle of that, it's actually abuse of them as well. Shall we say, mind control? Plus, he's like 15 years older than her. She's not dealing with it and worrying the heck out of the rest of us and nobody is willing to give her the 411 that she's disrespecting her own humanity...besides me. Take it or leave it...that's her choice but honestly. That's not being a good "christian." You are getting your *** beat and sexually abused and thinking it's G-d's will. I am just not at all convinced not to say something.

Incidentally, in the thread on the Muslim father who murdered his daughter for dishonoring the family by living as an independent western woman, I find many parallels where religion restricts human freedom. Where do we draw that line as believers in Jesus? Are we sure we interpret His word the right way? That's what I'm saying.

 

[Ladybelle]

Although I am not one to tout Tyler Perry movies as profoundly wise, I must agree that the line in one of his movies that stated : "sometimes the very things we hold on to the most are the very things God wants us to let go."

Marriage is a covenant, one of the most sacred covenants there are. With every covenant, there are certain obligations that must be upheld. In marriage, one of these obligations (along with several others) are to keep the marriage bed undefiled. Once the marriage bed is defiled, the covenant is broken. The betrayed spouse has the option to walk away or not.


God loves us and treats us well, I can only assume he would want our spouses to do the
same.

 

[Guitarhero]

Although I am not one to tout Tyler Perry movies as profoundly wise, I must agree that the line in one of his movies that stated : "sometimes the very things we hold on to the most are the very things God wants us to let go."

Marriage is a covenant, one of the most sacred covenants there are. With every covenant, there are certain obligations that must be upheld. In marriage, one of these obligations (along with several others) are to keep the marriage bed undefiled. Once the marriage bed is defiled, the covenant is broken. The betrayed spouse has the option to walk away or not.


God loves us and treats us well, I can only assume he would want our spouses to do the
same.

What makes so many of blind to the love that Christ has of the individual? For instance, when Jesus was in the fields on Shabbat, He was picking wheat berries with the disciples and was charged with breaking the Sabbath. But His response was that the law was made for man and not the other way around. What takes precedence? Salvation of the soul but nothing for this present life? What makes christians disregard this, particularly those in minority communities? Is it truly culture...church culture? Just what? Of course, obey the L-rd but would G-d actually say it's His will that His child is in harm's way?

 

[Ladybelle]

What makes so many of blind to the love that Christ has of the individual? For instance, when Jesus was in the fields on Shabbat, He was picking wheat berries with the disciples and was charged with breaking the Sabbath. But His response was that the law was made for man and not the other way around. What takes precedence? Salvation of the soul but nothing for this present life? What makes christians disregard this, particularly those in minority communities? Is it truly culture...church culture? Just what? Of course, obey the L-rd but would G-d actually say it's His will that His child is in harm's way?

I wish i knew the answer to that, I think it is church culture especially in minority cultures where some women were bought up seeing women "suffer" for their marriages & families and comparing it to suffering for Christ.. your joy is in heaven sorta speak, while I may not be able to elaborately explain it, I know that God meant for me and all of us to have joy on earth. It seems quite contradictory to become saved only to go through hell. Sure we will have trials & tribulations but there are some things that we CHOOSE to go through & stay in haphazardly & I don't believe God is telling us to repeatedly be abused or cheated on in any form or fashion by anyone - including our spouses.

 

[nissi]

Definitely divorce him:

Matthew 5:32
But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.
Matthew 5:31-33 (in Context) Matthew 5 (Whole Chapter)

Matthew 19:9
And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

Pretty cut and dried for me. Now I have the option to keep him, but thank the Lord I would be free to release him into his own desires. God is a good God!

People need to read the Word thoroughly so they can function intelligently and live the abundant life Christ purchased for us with His own precious blood. I hope someone gets to her with the report of the Lord so she doesn't waste any more time on such an ungrateful individual! Enough said!

 

[Guitarhero]

I hate divorce,too. But seeing her suffer like this...please prayer for her!!! Thanks. I just wished to bring up the topic. You never know.