Christians can't stay married

[LucieLoo12]

[SIZE=+1]Statistics new show MORE Christian couples get divorced than atheists and other religions[/SIZE]

Posted on Sunday, August 01, 2010 2:24:10 PM by geraldmcg


A recent study released by the Barna Group—a leading research company focused on the intersection of faith and culture—has been the spark plug for a surge of editorials around the country because of the study’s eye-opening, statistical revelations regarding Christianity and divorce.
Among the findings, divorce rates among conservative Christians are not only counter to Christian ideals, they are significantly higher than that of other faith groups, including atheists and agnostics.
George Barna, the director of the study observed, “There no longer seems to be much of a stigma attached to divorce. (Instead), it is now seen as an unavoidable rite of passage. Interviews with young adults suggest that they want their initial marriage to last, but are not particularly optimistic about that possibility.”
Offering a unique insight into the depths of modern-day Christian marriages is minister and author, Rodney Winters, who’s new book, Go Into the House, much like the Barna study, has Christians talking.
Winters explores a wide range of marital mysteries among Christians, particularly when held up against the chasm between the sexes.
Why do Christian men choose to commit adultery? Why don’t men share their fears and emotions with women? Why do women want and need to hear the man’s perspective on “when a wife cheats”? Further, Winters writes about the other side of Christian marriage, when a spouse is facing the aftermath of divorce. Barna pointed out in his company’s report that, “(our) research also raises questions regarding the effectiveness of how churches minister to families. The ultimate responsibility for a marriage belongs to the husband and wife, but the high incidence of divorce within the Christian community challenges the idea that churches provide truly practical and life-changing support for marriages.”


Anyone can reply to this, single or married..What are your thoughts on this? Is it the "church" fault?

 

[Shimmie]

On my side of the 'Altar', I see more and more Christian couples holding Marriage all the more sacred and dear, staying together, growing closer and honouring one another.

WHAT I do believe is that the folks who wear the 'Christian Label' and deny the power of God thereof, in their hearts are the ones mentioned in this article.

Err' body is saying they L U V Je'dus' and yet their walk is contrary to the talk. To far too many, Jesus has become an 'accessory'.

And let me be clear. I truly believe that people do indeed acknowledge God and have asked Jesus into their hearts. But the committment to the WALK is being compromised. In other words, they want to be 'Saved' but not make the sacrifices which inconvenience them. They want the benefits but not the worship time of a grateful heart.

It's back to 'Labels' and the reality is that labels fade and then peel off.

 

[LucieLoo12]

@Shimmie

In other words, they want to be 'Saved' but not make the sacrifices which inconvenience them.


THIS IS IT!!!

 

[Laela]

Christians CAN stay married.

When my mom visited us a few weeks ago, we (she, DH and I) had a discussion about Christian divorces. I'm talking about couples in non-abusive relationships, who say they love God and just decide to call it quits, cause they're 'not in love' with each other or outgrew each other..those are excuses, IMHO. I don't care to be PC, but this is free will at work here. I'm glad God doesn't operate like we do....to just walk away, give up and quit on us. Like they say, don't tell me you love me... just do.

Abusive relationships are another ball game, but there still was a covenant and a vow made by the abuser. I'm of the persuasion that there is nothing that God can't fix, even a dull or abusive marriage, but that's only IF the two people are willing. God does hate divorce, but I believe that the couple has to be on one accord to allow Him to work things out for their good. Just like God won't force Himself on anyone, we can't and shouldn't 'force' someone to love us. I believe prayer can change things. I pray for my DH all the time. There are days I anoint his head with oil while he is still sleeping, (literally, ya'll don't laugh)... before I leave for the day. He prays for me. We have our ups and downs, arguments and disagreements but I know it is God who keeps us together. Without God as head of our marriage, my DH would have 'disappeared' mysteriously and I'd be living in a different country under an assumed name. J/K

I'm sorry to rant on... to answer your question:

No, the 'church' is not at all at 'fault'. . that's taking away the accountability from the verytwo people who say they love God and each other. No, ma'am...

 

[Shimmie]

Christians CAN stay married.

When my mom visited us a few weeks ago, we (she, DH and I) had a discussion about Christian divorces. I'm talking about couples in non-abusive relationships, who say they love God and just decide to call it quits, cause they're 'not in love' with each other or outgrew each other..those are excuses, IMHO. I don't care to be PC, but this is free will at work here. I'm glad God doesn't operate like we do....to just walk away, give up and quit on us. Like they say, don't tell me you love me... just do.

Abusive relationships are another ball game, but there still was a covenant and a vow made by the abuser. I'm of the persuasion that there is nothing that God can't fix, even a dull or abusive marriage, but that's only IF the two people are willing. God does hate divorce, but I believe that the couple has to be on one accord to allow Him to work things out for their good. Just like God won't force Himself on anyone, we can't and shouldn't 'force' someone to love us. I believe prayer can change things. I pray for my DH all the time. There are days I anoint his head with oil while he is still sleeping, (literally, ya'll don't laugh)... before I leave for the day. He prays for me. We have our ups and downs, arguments and disagreements but I know it is God who keeps us together. Without God as head of our marriage, my DH would have 'disappeared' mysteriously and I'd be living in a different country under an assumed name. J/K

I'm sorry to rant on...

to answer your question:

No, the 'church' is not at all at 'fault'. . that's taking away the accountability from the verytwo people who say they love God and each other. No, ma'am... :nono:

Love your entire post...

The bolded is definitely on point...

 

[Shimmie]

@Shimmie

In other words, they want to be 'Saved' but not make the sacrifices which inconvenience them.


THIS IS IT!!!

I love that 'gif'...

 

[LucieLoo12]

Amren! So many people say they fell out of love? Im like if you 'fell" out of love, that means you never loved in the first place..You cant fall in and out of love..its something you grow into..The bible says love ENDURE all things, BEARS all things, and HOPES all things.It's not a"feeling" at all, its a action and a mindset..its says all things will pass away but charity never fails!

People look for a excitement and a feeling...they have no idea what love is...

 

[hair_rehab]

^^^ITA. Your relationship with Christ should be evident by the way you treat and interact with other people, especially your spouse. Why else would the Bible tell us to love our spouses like Christ loved the Church? I guess some people have forgotten that they made vows.

 

[Laela]

I was looking forward to one of her gifs.. still reeling from this one

I love that 'gif'...

 

[LucieLoo12]

^^^^^

 

[LucieLoo12]

Are Pastors still preaching against divorce still?? I wonder

But then again your big "celebrity" gets them all the time..which gives a fasle impression that its right

 

[Prudent1]

^^^That's why you must study to show thyself approved you know(2 Tim 2:15)? As previously stated there are pastors (think of the Gaga thread ) who are no more pastors than Pookie and 'nem on the corner. All ppl have to do is say they are Christian and it is widely accepted as the truth. Very few bother to look at their fruit. You know the tree by its fruit y'all-period. Every 'marriage' is not of God no more than every human being is god's child. Therefore he is not obligated to recognize/bless unholy unions. Also, lazy Christians, baby Christians, lukewarm Christians, are looking to satisfy their flesh just like their wordly counter-parts. Marriage is hard, heart pounding, life changing, WORK but, for those who made up their minds to stick it out and followed through there are no words to describe the rewards of a true biblical marriage.

So, it's not the church's fault. Should your local pastors and churches be teaching and equipping ppl for courtship, marriage, and family life- YES but it was you + he that took those vows ( see Ecc 5:5 & Deut 23:21) before the living God. So, the buck stops with you b/c we fellowship and get strength/teaching from numbers but your individual, intimate relationship or lack thereof with God transcends all. The buck stops with you and your spouse. I'm tired of ppl (IRL) running down the aisle with 3 things on their minds- sex, material gains, and babies. Marriage is a lot more than that.

 

[Iwanthealthyhair67]

Amen to all y'alls post ...

 

[aribell]

I think younger Christians in particular are a lot more likely to marry thinking that all it takes is faith, but they lack wisdom. Or, they get married for sex.

Also, who knows how they're defining Christian and whether they were Christians before getting married.

I have been hearing more about stepfamilies on Christian radio, and it rubs me the wrong way. Yes, there are very legitimate circumstances where Christians will have blended families; but it just seems like they're conceeding the fact that Christians are divorcing so often and remarrying that they have to start helping people manage those situations.

Sent from my LS670 using LS670

 

[Mis007]

I disagree, most people who are divorced had no business getting married in the first place. There clearly were red flags before these people got married. If you follow what the Bible encourages you will be equally yoked with someone?

 

[LucieLoo12]

Alot of time their lust and desire blinded them so much, they ignored the signs..

I disagree, most people who are divorced had no business getting married in the first place. There clearly were red flags before these people got married. If you follow what the Bible encourages you will be equally yoked with someone?

 

[Laela]

^I'm tired of ppl (IRL) running down the aisle with 3 things on their minds- sex, material gains, and babies. Marriage is a lot more than that.

 

[Shimmie]

I was looking forward to one of her gifs.. still reeling from this one

That's just how I was feeling with that 'Senate' thread with the 'animals' ...

 

[Shimmie]

I disagree,


most people who are divorced had no business getting married in the first place. There clearly were red flags before these people got married.
If you follow what the Bible encourages you will be equally yoked with someone?

Very true about the 'Red Flags' and being Equally Yoked ...

 

[ktykaty]

I'm talking about non abusive relationship. I have two points.

First, I was looking at a documentary about a famous priest in France whose ministry is pre-marital/marriage/relationship counselling. He was saying that in his opinion about 30% of marriage celebrated by the church were invalid, meaning people enter marriage without full knowledge of what marriage is and without being fully committed to the relationship.

Second, I had a discussion with my priest about divorced people in the church. To make a long story short, I ended up telling him that people who didn't want to go through the process of getting an annulment shouldn't complain about being excommunicated after their divorce. In other word, they refuse to submit to the word of God or to the teaching of the church about marriage / divorce but they still want the church to bless their "situations". They are OK with Jesus being their savior and blessing them but they refuse to accept Him as their Lord. They want to be their own ultimate authority.

 

[Rainbow Dash]

I'm talking about non abusive relationship. I have two points.

First, I was looking at a documentary about a famous priest in France whose ministry is pre-marital/marriage/relationship counselling. He was saying that in his opinion about 30% of marriage celebrated by the church were invalid, meaning people enter marriage without full knowledge of what marriage is and without being fully committed to the relationship.

Second, I had a discussion with my priest about divorced people in the church. To make a long story short, I ended up telling him that people who didn't want to go through the process of getting an annulment shouldn't complain about being excommunicated after their divorce. In other word, they refuse to submit to the word of God or to the teaching of the church about marriage / divorce but they still want the church to bless their "situations". They are OK with Jesus being their savior and blessing them but they refuse to accept Him as their Lord. They want to be their own ultimate authority.

The bolded is nothing but the truth. These two points are the main reasons we are seeing so much divorce in the Church. A few weeks ago, we discussed marriage and convenant and it is nothing to enter into lightly.

Also, I have seen a lot of divorce with seasoned saints. It shook me, I'm like "God, what happened?". These were people I looked up to as a babe Christian. Now they are divorced, some are dating and some remarried.

 

[JayAnn0513]

Lots of good post in here.... Carry on!

 

[ktykaty]

Also, I have seen a lot of divorce with seasoned saints. It shook me, I'm like "God, what happened?". These were people I looked up to as a babe Christian. Now they are divorced, some are dating and some remarried.

It takes two to tango. Both person in the marriage must be committed to it for them to stay married. I know a Christian woman who wanted to stay married for religious reason and her husband wanted a divorce. So after some time, the law (secular) divorced her against her will.

And we shouldn't forget that the devil is busy trying to destroy marriage in the christian community, because God compares our relationship with him to a marriage.

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

As many have posted already most are trying to get married so they can have a horizotial workout partner under the confines of marriage.For some its so they can say I'm not a misfit someone wanted to marry me.Some want a sugar daddy.Others use it as a crutch.Some never want to grow the heck up so they get married to be cared for on so many levels.Its really sad how marriage has been made a fool of.

Many people need to study marriage hell I will roll back they need to study singleness,dating properly etc.Many can't be single they go from bed to bed to bed.They can't stay still.Many have a addictive persona which means they must be under someone at all times take that how want it.For a while I desired marriage bc I was and still to a degree am lonely.No friends nothing.But now if I ever marry it will have to be for the proper reasons and if its a calling that will glorify God more than me being single.Just my 2 cents spend them wisely.

 

[Sarophina]

Personally, I believe God ordains true Christian marriages. If you seek the Lord and lean not on your own understanding, you will have a successful marriage. Before I meet my FH, I want to be sooo close the Lord God that he will tell me directly if this is of his will or not. I'm not leaving nothin' up to chance.

 

[Mis007]

I'm talking about non abusive relationship. I have two points.

First, I was looking at a documentary about a famous priest in France whose ministry is pre-marital/marriage/relationship counselling. He was saying that in his opinion about 30% of marriage celebrated by the church were invalid, meaning people enter marriage without full knowledge of what marriage is and without being fully committed to the relationship QUOTE]

I believe many enter marriage when one has problems with the "rules" of Christianity. The premise of being equally yoked has more to do with maintaining a strong faith. When one gets married, their spouse has a lot of influence. When one spouse has no, or a differing faith, it make it difficult to remain strong spiritually because the person is torn between their spouse and their God.

 

[Laela]

^^^ well, said and so true. Don't forget people do/are supposed to grow in marriage, much like they grow and mature in Christ. It's a parallel to His relationship with man set in place from the beginning of our time!

 

[Rainbow Dash]

^^^ well, said and so true. Don't forget people do/are supposed to grow in marriage, much like they grow and mature in Christ. It's a parallel to His relationship with man set in place from the beginning of our time!

Good point especially for newly married couples. I have noticed divorces in christians that have been saved for many years and married for many years. You would think that after 20 years of marriage and walking with the Lord they would have grown into the marriage.

 

[Guitarhero]

First, I was looking at a documentary about a famous priest in France whose ministry is pre-marital/marriage/relationship counselling. He was saying that in his opinion about 30% of marriage celebrated by the church were invalid, meaning people enter marriage without full knowledge of what marriage is and without being fully committed to the relationship.

Second, I had a discussion with my priest about divorced people in the church. To make a long story short, I ended up telling him that people who didn't want to go through the process of getting an annulment shouldn't complain about being excommunicated after their divorce. In other word, they refuse to submit to the word of God or to the teaching of the church about marriage / divorce but they still want the church to bless their "situations". They are OK with Jesus being their savior and blessing them but they refuse to accept Him as their Lord. They want to be their own ultimate authority.

I am so glad a fellow catholic chimed in. He's right. Qui c'est ce pretre? Not only full knowledge of what marriage itself it, what the other person has up his sleeves. I can vouch totally!

Now, maybe it's different in France, but in the U.S., you are not excommunicated after a divorce. YOu simply are not able to have a sacramental marriage until granted an annulment. My ex has finally sent me the papers after holding onto them, promising, reneging, acting stupid...he sent them to me. Now I can get my representatives signed off and be granted a nullity for invalid and move on with my life. And actually, he was automatically excommunicated in the Orthodox (lawd knows this man is Jewish...but their family converted to save properties etc....maybe the grandmother had faith...but not the family...lawd!) church by having a civil marriage. That didn't apply to me...but I was confused for years on what to do. I didn't know if it were deemed valid before I entered the RCC, whether Jewishly invalid and we should go through the rabbis or whether it were true he was considered excommunicated via the Orthodox. Either way I looked at it, it needed some kind of nullity, dispensation etc. What a mess! Figured out now...and I'm keeping my eyes open. At the time of my marriage, neither of us were religious. This next time around...it's gonna be permanent cuz I'm purposefully going to be entering in full knowledge into a valid marriage.

 

[Mis007]

Good point especially for newly married couples. I have noticed divorces in christians that have been saved for many years and married for many years. You would think that after 20 years of marriage and walking with the Lord they would have grown into the marriage.

But did they initally seek God regarding whether they should date the person or not. Remember God never sends an incomplete package. While no one is perfect...God never sends people who aren't ready or looking to hurt someone. We are usually hurt when we dont seek him and make our own choices which usually ends in disaster, this could be years later.