Irony: Sexual Intimacy and Married and Single Christians

[LoveisYou]

Yesterday, my sister told me about a marriage retreat she attended recently. She said the pastor told the congregation that in counseling married and single Christians he noticed the following:

-single Christians yearn for sexual intimacy. It is one thing they look forward to when they get married (among other things of course). He also said that some of the single Christians he counsels struggle with fornication.
- Married Christians on the other hand struggled to engage in sexual intimacy. Many Christian marriages were really struggling in that area where couples did not engage in sexual intimacy for months or even years.

Why is that? What's going on? Is it an attack on Christians or just.....?

 

[Laela]

I'm guessing b/c the singles yearn for sex and can't wait to marry to do it all... then get married and realize they shouldn't.

Flesh v. Spirit.

I believe sexual sins can occur even in marriage and that the purity of the marriage bed, as relates to Scripture, can be defiled before going in or made impure by perverted fantasies and kinky practices within it. JMHO. So if Tyrone had always loved his kinky fantasies and his wife stopped after spiritual revelation, he'll protest to the minister that she's no longer the woman he married and she's not doing her wifely duties... the thing is his wife is changing.. he isn't. I believe that's what happens a lot in marriages, Christian or not. Someone changes (usually for the better) and the other refuses to. A couple is supposed to be on one accord and grow together... at least that's what we believe.

 

[LoveisYou]

I see your point, but I don't think that's always the case. I think there are case where married Christians are not having sex, period. Now I think there are a plethora of reasons, sometimes there are issues in other areas of the marriage (emotional intimacy etc.)

 

[LucieLoo12]

I heard about this lady who was a virgin before she got married. Well this older lady who was married told her of stories of virgins and how much pain they went through their first time. She told the poor lady of how they tear, rip and bleed and how painful it was. Well it scared the poor virgin to death and she wasnt intimate with her husband for a lloonng time. She was scared. Well thankfully, her husband was understanding, but it did have a affect on their marriage.

 

[LucieLoo12]

my pastor just ministered on this! He said how some men watch certain things on TV they shouldnt be or entertain certain conversations and then they go home wanting their wives to perform certain things they that have seen or heard. Then they feel like their wives are not be pleasing. But its like no nothing wrong with them, the husband just nasty and needs to delievered. .


But seriously, just like LoveisYou said when you lack intimacy(and I dont mean sex) that can affect your sexual relationship as well. I've heard of some women say they felt like a piece of meat because their was no emotional connection to their husband. It seemed like all he wanted to do was "pounce" on them.And that alone can cause someone to not be intimate with their spouse.


You have to connect on ALL areas, not just sexual levels. When their is a breach some where it will defintely show, whether it be in the area of sex, communication etc..

And alot of times...I heard that some women use sex as a way of manipulation, as to where if they husband is not doing what they feel they should, they hold it from....and that can cause alot of issues within itself , but thats another thread.

So if Tyrone had always loved his kinky fantasies and his wife stopped after spiritual revelation, he'll protest to the minister that she's no longer the woman he married and she's not doing her wifely duties... the thing is his wife is changing.. he isn't.

 

[Shimmie]

I see your point, but I don't think that's always the case. I think there are case where married Christians are not having sex, period. Now I think there are a plethora of reasons, sometimes there are issues in other areas of the marriage (emotional intimacy etc.)

It's not just Christian married couples, but it's in most couples. They become caught up with the cares of life, having to care for their children, and being pressured at their jobs. They actually find less and less time to be romantic and to make love with one another.

Look at all of the magazine articles and books which headline, 'Sex' instructions; how to keep him interested, etc. This issue is universal, not limited to Christian couples.

As for singles, of course they struggle with abstaining, it's the forbidden fruit.

 

[Shimmie]

I heard about this lady who was a virgin before she got married. Well this older lady who was married told her of stories of virgins and how much pain they went through their first time. She told the poor lady of how they tear, rip and bleed and how painful it was. Well it scared the poor virgin to death and she wasnt intimate with her husband for a lloonng time. She was scared. Well thankfully, her husband was understanding, but it did have a affect on their marriage.

Now why did she lie to that poor woman like that? I think it was a scare tactic to keep her abstinent prior to marriage.

Le sigh...

 

[Rainbow Dash]

But its like no nothing wrong with them, the husband just nasty and needs to delievered. .

^^This had me . I have had people tell me stuff their husbands wanted them to do and I would and be like "girl I would simply tell him NO."

 

[Rainbow Dash]

Now why did she lie to that poor woman like that? I think it was a scare tactic to keep her abstinent prior to marriage.

Le sigh...

Things like this cause intimacy issues when they do get married. They tell folks stuff such as "Sex is nasty".When it is done in marriage, it is a beautiful thing.

 

[Nice & Wavy]

I'm guessing b/c the singles yearn for sex and can't wait to marry to do it all... then get married and realize they shouldn't.

Flesh v. Spirit.

I believe sexual sins can occur even in marriage and that the purity of the marriage bed, as relates to Scripture, can be defiled before going in or made impure by perverted fantasies and kinky practices within it. JMHO. So if Tyrone had always loved his kinky fantasies and his wife stopped after spiritual revelation, he'll protest to the minister that she's no longer the woman he married and she's not doing her wifely duties... the thing is his wife is changing.. he isn't. I believe that's what happens a lot in marriages, Christian or not. Someone changes (usually for the better) and the other refuses to. A couple is supposed to be on one accord and grow together... at least that's what we believe.

Laela....you broke it down in this post......yes you did!

 

[Laela]

Carnality....jes' nesty...

my pastor just ministered on this! He said how some men watch certain things on TV they shouldnt be or entertain certain conversations and then they go home wanting their wives to perform certain things they that have seen or heard. Then they feel like their wives are not be pleasing. But its like no nothing wrong with them, the husband just nasty and needs to delievered. .

There has to balance in all areas of the marriage, in addition to love and respect, for it to thrive. Excellent point... a marriage is only as good as the two people in it want it to be.

You have to connect on ALL areas, not just sexual levels. When their is a breach some where it will defintely show, whether it be in the area of sex, communication etc..

 

[LucieLoo12]

Ok, now ladies when I ask this I am not trying to be explict at all. But Laela you said it has to be balance in a marriage. So is it possible to have sex too much in a marriage?

 

[Laela]

^^ OK thanks for putting me on the spot Alicia.. LOL

seriously, I believe it's possible, and this is just my humble opinion... I believe sex can become an addiction/idol --EVEN in marriage. Too much of a good thing can cause problems, as much as a lack of it. If it's to the point other aspects of the marriage are being neglected, yes. Like, too busy sexing, we fail to get children breakfast and they missed the school bus. lol...or it takes over any prayer or scripture time. Too busy sexing to get the bills paid on time. Conversely, too busy taking care of the children or tending to other things, the husband is neglected and he didn't get any love. We've had to deal with this in our own marriage. This imbalance stems from selfishness. It even can happen with church.. we can get all caught up going to church all the time, every day, in everything, looking out for the church family that we neglect to tend to our own family. Neglect is a passive form of abuse and God's Word gives everyone in the family responsibilities.. the wife, the husband, the children.

1 Timothy 5:8
But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.


Benny Hinn found out he was getting divorced areound the time everyone else did.. Church and fellowship is a good thing, but in excess and with the wrong intentions, it can be wrong. Sex is not exempt.

I'd love to hear input from other wives or ex-wives as well... JMHO

 

[LucieLoo12]

, this made me laugh! Aww man

Like, too busy sexing, we fail to get children breakfast and they missed the school bus. lol...

But yea you made some great points!!!

I'm not married but I like to hear about these things so I can be prepared if God does allow me to get married. I guess thats why its good to discuss these with the spouse before you get married. He might think once a day its good, but you may feel that 2-3 times a week a good. Lawd its alot to think about overall. (Not just the sex issue but marriage overall) But then again, how would you even bring that convo up to your fiancee? .


I didnt mean to put you on the spot!! I just like hearing you POV on things, you have alot of wisdom.

 

[Rainbow Dash]

If folks are sexing and not taking care of their kids, I think they might need deliverance. I agree with Laela 's post.

Also, I know this is off topic but what about marriages where people feel that the husband or wife comes first and the kids are pushed aside or vice versa. This is an issue that can happen in the marriage as well.

I personally think that the spouse and kids should not be in competition with one another. Balance is the key.

 

[LucieLoo12]

But it was brought out to me that a husband is before the kids . Not necessarily loved more or paid more attention to though. But the bible says the husband and wife are suppose to be one. It never speaks about the kids and the parents being one?

Health&hair28, which cases do you feel as though the husband should be first and which cases the kids? ( I would like everyone's input on this)

If folks are sexing and not taking care of their kids, I think they might need deliverance. I agree with @Laela 's post.

Also, I know this is off topic but what about marriages where people feel that the husband or wife comes first and the kids are pushed aside or vice versa. This is an issue that can happen in the marriage as well.

I personally think that the spouse and kids should not be in competition with one another. Balance is the key.

 

[Rainbow Dash]

But it was brought out to me that a husband is before the kids . Not necessarily loved more or paid more attention to though. But the bible says the husband and wife are suppose to be one. It never speaks about the kids and the parents being one?

@Health&hair28, which cases do you feel as though the husband should be first and which cases the kids? ( I would like everyone's input on this)

Husband and wife being one is different from raising kids. Husband and wife have a different relationship but it should not take away from taking care of the kids.

I know a couple that whenever the wife would step in when the husband went toO far in discipline, he would get upset and tell her that she cared more for the kids. After that she would try to prove her commitment to him by disciplining the kids like he would or not saying anything when he would go too far.

I can not agree with putting a spouse first when there is no balance, abuse, or neglect. Parents still have an obligation to take care of their children properly.