I am exhausted (Stylist rant)...

[Artemis]

I really don't want to bash stylists, but some of them can be so dang selfish!!!

Either they are SHS so that you go back to them, or they want your hair to be "cut in a style" so that you are a marketing tool (regardless of your own wishes for your hair). Or they don't ask you the right questions (or any questions at all!), or they're ignorant towards real hair care, and towards preserving the integrity of the hair--just so the hair can "look" good.

I have had to fight for the credit I deserve from all the compliments on the health of my hair thus far. When I go to the salon, people say "Whoever does your hair does a good job". Little do they know I have to spend the entire 4 weeks between visits building up the strength of my hair to be able to withstand the nonchalant handling and excessive heat use (and lack of deep conditioning) at the salon. If I wasn't a religious DC-er, and then went to the salon more often, I do believe I would be bald. And this is a "healthy hair" salon ...

In addition to this, I also have to fight the stylist who is now telling me that I won't look good with long hair, and that I should just cut off 2 inches and keep my hair in a "cute bob style" So why can't we just continue to gradually trim till all the layers grow out a little longer? I just really don't get it.

I also had one stylist friend of mine tell me today that S&Ds "destroy the look of the hairstyle"...Even if I am just snipping one split end---b/c I don't get splits very often anymore. And this person also agreed that my hair won't look good long..."But if you want to wear it like that, it's your choice. If I were your stylist, I wouldn't want anyone to know that I did your hair if you wore it like that". erplexed Well, damn!

I'm just tired of fighting I'm so tired, I don't even know if I want to try to grow this stuff to APL...There's just way too much resistance going on for me.

Anyone feel me?

 

[Simply_Kelz]

I feel you! I just stopped messing with stylists period. Especially since my last one told me not to DC often, not to stretch relaxers, then proceeded tocut 1.5 inches off after I told her not to, and she said she had to or else she wouldn't straighten it.

It gets worse the more comfortable you get with them ..

Go head and get APL girl!

 

[natural2008]

Don't let these negative people get you down. Are your ends healthy?

 

[mscocoface]

Who needs to PAY for all that drama? Can you do it yourself or find someone to do it they way you want with the attitude you like?

Best wishes to you, keep you head up.

 

[Artemis]

Yeah this one doesn't want me to stretch either. I'm sorry but the longer my hair is getting the more I realize that every 8 wks is just too soon I'm so comfortable doing 10 now.

This is my first stylist in years. I chose her b/c she's been doing my BFF's hair for 8 yrs. Looking back, I'm wondering if it took her 8 yrs to get to APL erplexed And I think your right a/b them getting comfortable with you and then it getting worse. My BFF told me that this stylist will only do your hair if you are a referral, so I believe that she thinks I am just like my girl--ignorant in the hair care, and will let her do whatever.

 

[Artemis]

Don't let these negative people get you down. Are your ends healthy?

Yeah, they are! I don't mind getting regular trims at all! I love thick healthy ends But I want thick healthy ends that retain length. Apparently that is too much to ask.

 

[Artemis]

Who needs to PAY for all that drama? Can you do it yourself or find someone to do it they way you want with the attitude you like?

Best wishes to you, keep you head up.

I already do it myself, but I wanted to do the salon thing every once in a while for a break, and to get that occasional "polished", "done" look for like Fotki updates and stuff, or special occasions. And I don't want to self-relax anymore. I don't NEED a stylist but I do want one for these reasons.

Thanks for the love.

 

[Zsugar]

Yes, I feel you. Went to a stylist for years, while natural,for a sew-in. My nape was NOT growing. I asked for direction - she said "don't know, hard water?"
Basically, she had no answers.Found LCHF,started baggying and box-braiding ,stayed away from stylist for 1 year.My hair flourished,nape grew back, hair grew from ears to shoulders.I show up to possibly get tex-laxed.Within ear shot of a new client. She exclaims, " It grew so much, since WE started." Whatever.....

 

[naturalmanenyc]

I have not had a relaxer since 12/30/2007 and my hair can get really big sometimes if its humid. I have had stylist comment that I need a relaxer.....but it's my head so they need to just do as they are asked and keep it moving.

I have had a few family members tell me that I need a relaxer. Now that they see my hair growing at least one of them is now growing out her hair.

 

[Artemis]

I'm always telling my stylist friend a/b the stuff on LHCF and he listens intently about all the articles and posts I've done on here, and he uses some of these practices on his clients. I even hipped him to Joico, so I'm just so shocked that I would get this kind of resistance, y'know? Edit: He even goes to my Fotki, and said that he's amazed at my progress. It sucks...I guess at the end of the day, they "stylists will always be stylists" and the "hair care professionials" will always be few and far between...

 

[natural2008]

Sometimes stylist crack me up. I would recommend that you continue to do your own hair as well as do a seriou search for a really good stylist. One that does what you want to do. My stylist here in California is good. I love me some scissors and she knows that I want to grow my hair but everytime I go to get me a trim, I tell her to cut it all off and I be serious and she politely tells me, "No" and jsut clips my ends. I have always been in love with scissors. I got my ends cut 2 and a half weeks ago and want them cut again. Girl cazy, uuh.

 

[Reinventing21]

This just makes me want tothen followed by :killlurk:

If YOU want APL hair, GROW YOUR HAIR!!! Start visiting other stylists to check out their methods, or become a DIY. Their comments to you do not have your best interests in mind, and only reflect THEIR own insecurities. Do not let their hangups hinder you, and become your problem.

 

[LeopardLover77]

Your ends do look rather thin. I guess that's why the stylist is suggesting that you trim it to neck-length.

I don't understand how some people are okay with thin see-thru ends and they expect it to grow to something like APL. But then that would mean that not all of your hair is at that length, just pieces of it..... I don't think it looks good. Just my honest opinion.

 

[cmw45]

I feel you! I just stopped messing with stylists period. Especially since my last one told me not to DC often, not to stretch relaxers, then proceeded tocut 1.5 inches off after I told her not to, and she said she had to or else she wouldn't straighten it.

It gets worse the more comfortable you get with them ..

Go head and get APL girl!

You ain't neva lied. The worst mistake I EVER made was becoming friends with my stylist. She no longer treats me like a "REAL" customer.

 

[tada1]

Yup...some stylists dont get it. I wont be surprised that the very people that claim you wont look good with long hair will come back to ask you for advice when you reach your goals.

keep on keepin on sista!

 

[maddywoo13]

lol! I feel you, sister! I hate a stylist whom I love dearly but she's a major hustler. She tells me these things like I shouldn't moisturize my hair, I shouldn't Deep Condition my hair, I shouldn't TOUCH my hair for two weeks until I see her again. I had to limit my visits there cause I've been down that road its the reason why it was so damaged. When I came here, I finally got it back to par, sorta because a year ago I thought my hair was invincible. I thought I didn't have to do squat to it until someone finally told me "Hey, your hair is damaged". Plus I'm surround by traditional know it all African Americans on a daily basis so its a necessity to keep my decisions and opinions to myself. I think that's depressing at times that I have to do that to save myself from getting put down and try new things but my one and only goal is to prove many wrong and shove it in their face every single chance I get. Oooooh the victory will be so sweet!!!

 

[plastic]

not to be too blunt but DIYDS

 

[hurricane]

I do not want to bash any sylist either but I will tell you about what I have gone through. My old sylist would keep me in her shop for 8 hours just like I was working there. Then on one occasion one of her newer clients ( I had been going to her for years ) wanted to get her hair detangled before me. My appointment was before hers. She got mad when I told her no. Then she ( the client ) kept talking about me under her breath and whispering to my stylist. My stylist did nothing to stop this mess from going on after I had been in there for 6 to 7 hours. I got mad and punched that lady in the face.We tusseled for a bit and then somebody broke us up. I sat back in that seat and she finished my head. After that I started going to JC Penny's until I found my hair dresser now. She is in to healthy hair but I don't think she goes to conventions to learn different things.

I made the suggestion that maybe she could have a hair steamer for hair tx's, and hire a person who cares for natural hair. Not everybody wants a relaxer. I'll keep you posted on that.

It is hard to find good service these days.

Oh, yeah PSA: I don not advocate violence.

 

[la mosca]

Your ends do look rather thin. I guess that's why the stylist is suggesting that you trim it to neck-length.

I don't understand how some people are okay with thin see-thru ends and they expect it to grow to something like APL. But then that would mean that not all of your hair is at that length, just pieces of it..... I don't think it looks good. Just my honest opinion.

OP stated that she's growing out layers. Lots of people grow their hair to their desired length before doing major trims. OP, of course your stylist should respect your wishes. You're paying the stylist, not the other way around. Opinions and suggestions (within reason) are fine, but there shouldn't be a battle of wills every time you sit in the chair.

 

[Artemis]

Your ends do look rather thin. I guess that's why the stylist is suggesting that you trim it to neck-length.

I don't understand how some people are okay with thin see-thru ends and they expect it to grow to something like APL. But then that would mean that not all of your hair is at that length, just pieces of it..... I don't think it looks good. Just my honest opinion.

Thanks everyone for all of your responses

@Flygirl: My ends look thin for 2 reasons...
1) I had my first setback in my nape area two months ago which I have posted about on a few occassions, and have since begun growing this out, and
2) My hair grows unevenly (and in layers) which I why I have absolutely no problem with regular trims.

In fact, I was shocked that the stylist said I should cut my hair to almost nape length (not neck length), when just before she was saying that regular trims every other relaxers would be sufficient for me to see results over time [mind you, after just cutting 1 inch off at the last relaxer]. I guess perhaps she said that to get me interested in coming to her regularly, since she knew I was shopping around and I was asking lots of questions that day In addition, the way she voiced this new opinion to me seemed as if I should maintain a nape length bob, and divert my attention away from length beyond that point altogether...

Believe me, I'm not one to be in denial about what my hair can and cannot do, which I why I asked her for her opinion, but I really felt like she was hustling me. Esp. since all the women I saw who had long hair when I started going there no longer do And my hair has been thicker than how it currently appears in my siggie (ie, since I've been going to her)...

Hope that clarifies.

 

[Artemis]

I do not want to bash any sylist either but I will tell you about what I have gone through. My old sylist would keep me in her shop for 8 hours just like I was working there. Then on one occasion one of her newer clients ( I had been going to her for years ) wanted to get her hair detangled before me. My appointment was before hers. She got mad when I told her no. Then she ( the client ) kept talking about me under her breath and whispering to my stylist. My stylist did nothing to stop this mess from going on after I had been in there for 6 to 7 hours. I got mad and punched that lady in the face.We tusseled for a bit and then somebody broke us up. I sat back in that seat and she finished my head. After that I started going to JC Penny's until I found my hair dresser now. She is in to healthy hair but I don't think she goes to conventions to learn different things.

I made the suggestion that maybe she could have a hair steamer for hair tx's, and hire a person who cares for natural hair. Not everybody wants a relaxer. I'll keep you posted on that.

It is hard to find good service these days.

Oh, yeah PSA: I don not advocate violence.

Wow! I cannot believe you had to go through that! It is never that serious.

 

[Artemis]

OP stated that she's growing out layers. Lots of people grow their hair to their desired length before doing major trims. OP, of course your stylist should respect your wishes. You're paying the stylist, not the other way around. Opinions and suggestions (within reason) are fine, but there shouldn't be a battle of wills every time you sit in the chair.

I appreciate this, la mosca. I don't expect to even reach APL until at least mid-2009. I just want my hair to thicken back up as it grows. I put all length goals to the wayside after the horrible setback I experienced a couple of months ago In fact I want to focus on my nape, which should be back in the game by Dec.

 

[Cloud06]

Hi Artemis! I totally feel you on the stylists and thin ends. They will tear yo head up. The best way to avoid it is to avoid them. No sense in arguing and second guessing yourself on what to do with your hair. Sometimes a piece of paper doesn't always mean legit-with-commonsense.
From what you've said it seems like the stylist you let up in yo head is killing what thickness you have left. I don't know anything about your texture or hair type but your hair looks fine textured and delicate. IDK. My hair grew this way after an ear length cut and 2-4 inch layers; the back grew longer and then it began to thin out. It happens but patience and trial and error help.

You should go for APL and beyond if you want to. Continue your research and keep inspired to have healthy, whatever-length-you-choose hair! God Bless!

 

[Irresistible]

girl how is someone gonna say that you wont look good with long hair

I mean really

your just going to have to make the way to do things how you want to with YOUR hair

 

[MrsQueeny]

Man fug them seriously. I shut mess like that down quick, fast and in a hurry. This is MY HAIR. If you can do what I require then your services will no longer be needed. I am not here to feed your ego, build your clientele, or do what YOU think looks good on MY head. Heck if I want a mullet then you need to shut the heck up and get to mulleting my hair. Folks really tick me off with that mess. Sorry you have to go through this OP. I suggest you find someone who will do the job for you or just set your stylist straight from jump. She can talk about you after you leave but while you are there, she needs to do her job and KIM. Q

 

[LadyKaypnyc]

Sounds like they are hating to me, who are they to tell you to keep your hair short, that's your decision, Don't listen to them OP If you wanted a baldie, they should shut up and do it, that's what you are paying for! They have some nerve

 

[Artemis]

Y'all are right. I've been thinking about this more and more. Instead of getting pissed off at them, I'm just going to show and prove.

So basically I'm going back to my old reggie, only go to a stylist [it might still be this one for a little while, haven't decided yet] for my touch-ups/trims, stretch however long I want to stretch, and keep my hair talk to my stylist friend to a minimum...By December they both will be all up my *** trying to figure out how I got through this drama...

 

[SUPER SWEET]

Sorry to hear this....But I really feel you've been a great DIYer. And stylist sometimes feel imtimidated by clients that know about products and haircare. If you feel like chemicals aren't something you want to deal with find a chain salon to do them for you. Most times they are used to clients not coming often. I've had great experience from a stylist at Hair cuttery and Regis. No flack...just doing what I asked.

 

[d-rock]

I really don't want to bash stylists, but some of them can be so dang selfish!!!

Either they are SHS so that you go back to them, or they want your hair to be "cut in a style" so that you are a marketing tool (regardless of your own wishes for your hair). Or they don't ask you the right questions (or any questions at all!), or they're ignorant towards real hair care, and towards preserving the integrity of the hair--just so the hair can "look" good.

I have had to fight for the credit I deserve from all the compliments on the health of my hair thus far. When I go to the salon, people say "Whoever does your hair does a good job". Little do they know I have to spend the entire 4 weeks between visits building up the strength of my hair to be able to withstand the nonchalant handling and excessive heat use (and lack of deep conditioning) at the salon. If I wasn't a religious DC-er, and then went to the salon more often, I do believe I would be bald. And this is a "healthy hair" salon ...

In addition to this, I also have to fight the stylist who is now telling me that I won't look good with long hair, and that I should just cut off 2 inches and keep my hair in a "cute bob style" So why can't we just continue to gradually trim till all the layers grow out a little longer? I just really don't get it.

I also had one stylist friend of mine tell me today that S&Ds "destroy the look of the hairstyle"...Even if I am just snipping one split end---b/c I don't get splits very often anymore. And this person also agreed that my hair won't look good long..."But if you want to wear it like that, it's your choice. If I were your stylist, I wouldn't want anyone to know that I did your hair if you wore it like that". erplexed Well, damn!

I'm just tired of fighting I'm so tired, I don't even know if I want to try to grow this stuff to APL...There's just way too much resistance going on for me.

Anyone feel me?

Wow @ the bolded...that was rude. I agree with your general feelings toward most, not all, so-called stylists. I don't get compliments much, just mean looks from women trying to figure out if my APL hair (when flat ironed) is real or a weave and stylists approaching me about cutting it into layers - been there done that, never again.

 

[Artemis]

Sorry to hear this....But I really feel you've been a great DIYer. And stylist sometimes feel imtimidated by clients that know about products and haircare. If you feel like chemicals aren't something you want to deal with find a chain salon to do them for you. Most times they are used to clients not coming often. I've had great experience from a stylist at Hair cuttery and Regis. No flack...just doing what I asked.

That's a great idea! Thanks chica