Have any Naturals experienced any negativity from other Naturals?

Priss Pot

Priss Pot

Makeup + Bench Pressing
This has been on my mind for a while. After reading threads on another site (one that most naturals are extremely familiar with), I've noticed that a lot of the ladies on there have strong views of what being natural is.

Here's an example: There was one thread with a woman pissed off because a sales person at an Aveda salon asked her if she wanted to define her curls. This natural lady got upset because of that....I don't get it. This certain lady feels that defining your curl/coil pattern is I guess "un-natural" and that to be natural, you need to just shampoo and condition your hair only. It seems that a lot of other women agreed with her also.

Another example: This has to do with heat styling. Many of the women think that heat styling is like the devil. This one girl straightened her natural hair with a straightening tool. The iron was too hot, so that ended up damaging some of the ends of her hair by straightening them some. She got quite a few responses to her thread, but most of the responses were mean ones like "I don't feel sorry for you, you should have known better." They felt it was wrong for her to straighten her hair.

I mean, I know that heat can be damaging, but I don't want to be criticized for flat-ironing my hair (when I go natural). As long as I moisturize properly and protect my hair from the heat, then straightening my hair every once in a while is fine. I do believe that putting a scorching hot iron on un-protected, dry hair would be very damaging, no matter if you're relaxed or natural. I don't think that applying heat to my hair every once in a while (in a safe way) would damage my natural curl/coil pattern, but it seems that a LOT of the women on that site think that it will. And it seems that they look down on people who do it.

Honestly, when I go natural, I don't want to be looked at as being militant and anti- everything that Europeans started. If I want to define my curls and temporarily straighten my hair, does that make me any less natural than the person who doesn't?

ETA: This is why I won't stray from LHCF, I love you guys :)
 
I am not natural yet but I can say for sure that defining your curls or using heat every once in awhile does NOT make your LESS natural. Some people just take things overboard and try to impose their strict views onto others. I don't even know people like that in real life. I only read about these militant naturals on certain websites..I have yet to have met one in person who feels this way.
 
That is the "culture" or "philosophy" of that particular forum. It certainly does not have to be YOUR philosophy. :)

To answer the question: Yes, I have experienced negativity from other naturals. It usually revolves around whether I belong in the club or have anything of value to say since my hair is curly. But for the most part, I have gotten great advice and support from other naturals.
 
Many of those women are extreme.
If you want to define your curls/ enhance the beauty of your natural texture without using chemicals then there shouldn't be an issue.
Also, I read that Aveda thread that you are referring to & they weren't saying that you should only wash & condition- you can moisturize too.

As far as heat is concerned, there is NO safe amount of heat. You can burn your hair straight permanently with any amount of heat & any amount of "protectant".
If you read their sticky on heat damage you will see that.
There are many naturals here that can tell of their personal experiences with heat damage.
 
I've seen naturals on this board and in real life that straighten their hair sometimes and don't lose any curl pattern. I agree that heat can be damaging to a certain extent, but I don't think that it all results in the loss of curl pattern. Think of Alicia Keys, she has naturally curly hair and she wears it both straight and curly (assuming that she doesn't have a weave in or anything).

Mecca, thanks for the clarification.
 
Hey, I've experienced negativity when I went natural from other naturals and relaxed heads. I got the "oh you don't get what it is to be a real natural" because of the texture of certain parts they see. Or even "why bother being natural when you straighten it anyway". In the end none of that matters it's your hair. You live and you learn, some things work well on some.

For the record though it wasn't alot of negativity, just some bad apples out of a whole bunch kinda thing...:look:
 
I do go on the other site from time to time. I try to stary away from certain threads. Some are extreme and try to impose their viewpoints on others. It is important to point out that it is their opinion on how hair should be but ultimately the person with question/concern makes the decision for their own hair.
I use heat from time to time. I have learned to apply heat myself because I can control the amt of heat used and I know which areas are more sensitive to heat application. I also think if you like a certain style with curl def, do your thing. It's your hair.
Some naturals look down on that, but honestly it doesn't matter much to me. I'm grown. I just keep on moving and doing what I want to do. I do appreciate the natural ladies on that site though who do their own thing without regard to what others may say. But LHCF will always be my first stop. ;)

ETA: I also agree wit babyanjel- it's just a few bad apples
 
Plan to be natural on your terms and nevermind the rest. Let that be your hair philosophy and you'll enjoy the journey. It's your hair and you get to define what qualifies as natural for you. I have love for this website and the other, but honestly, I spend more time on non-hair related topics. And lately, I spend more time here because it's easier to have open discussions.

p1
 
I have never experienced any negativity from other naturals in real life. Sure, there are people that have strong opinions about what constitutes natural...in the confines of their home...via a computer keyboard...on a site that values embracing your kinky/nappy hair as it is. I have no quarrel with that. I also have no issue with sharing the real possibilities of heat damage--for every three people that heat straighten for years with no issue, there might be a person who used heat once and it permanently damaged their hair. Some people's hair reacts differently to heat than others.

That doesn't mean that they share those same views with you while walking down the street, or at a hair gathering. I try to compliment other natural women, but it's not like I strike up a debate with them about hair acceptable hair techniques, nor do I do it with relaxed women.

On the Aveda thread, I thought she was implying something else--that your hair can be beautiful WITHOUT wanting to further define your curl pattern, with which ITA. I think the OP felt a little insulted that the only way the Aveda rep thought she'd want to wear her natural hair is as curly as possible.

I like to enhance my hair texture, and eventually I might heat straighten (carefully). Doesn't mean that I have an issue with militant nappies because their issues don't affect my own hair philosophy, but I can still understand and respect their POV.
 
I agree with Cichelle - it's just the culture of that board - and it's stated pretty blatantly that they are 'extreme' about their definition of natural. With that understanding, I take a LOT of things that are said on there with a grain of salt.
With that said, I have to admit I can feel them on the heat - ONLY because personally, I KNOW that heat damages my hair from the first use (ultra fine & ultra soft) - and sometimes, I'm kinda jealous that I simply CANNOT rock a straight style without developing nasty, nasty ends.
Do I think that sista's who press their hair are any less natural? Nope - but, they aren't 'napptural' because their hair isn't nappy anymore - and I think that is the difference that folx have to understand about the other board....they aren't really focused on having NATURAL hair. They are focused on having natural AND nappy hair.
 
I agree re. the range of philosophies and approaches w/regard to natural hair, thus the range of hair forums across the Internet.... I also agree with the few bad apples in the whole bunch. It's not everybody that's at the extremes, or else there would be no extremes, yes?

Now I will say this: NO ONE CAN DENY ANOTHER PERSON'S EXPERIENCE. So in the case of hair straightening and return to curl, one person says that can use heat to straighten and have no problem going back to their curl. Another person says that they used heat and had major problems going back to their natural curl. There are many factors that could contribute to the opposing experiences.

One thing that we all can agree on is that heat can have a negative effect on the hair...because what is heat? A form of fire that can burn ANYTHING that cannot resist the higher temperatures.... Hair, in its thickest state, cannot fully resist the properties of heat/fire. But that's another convo! ;)

My final point: as with anything, you gotta learn how to take the meat and spit out the bones. On that website, there's some very informative information, including that one post about heat damage. So take what you can use, and drop the stuff that isn't useful.
 
I haven't experienced any negativity, but on the other hand I don't meet many black people IRL, especially women. And most of the women I meet have relaxed hair. I could care less what people think of me and my hair and what I do with it. It's my body, right?:perplexed
I'm natural because it's easier that way, I like it and it's healthy for my hair and body. If I choose to relax, color and weave at the same time, that's my problem LOL :lol:
 
To me, natural hair is free of chemicals and free of permanent alteration in any way, form, or fashion. Nothing wrong with defining your OWN hair texture as long as your not trying to make it look like something it's not. For me, DIRECT heat is the devil. The difference in me and some of the mean naturals you have seen is that I don't put down the people who do it. I'm just against the usage of relaxers and heat.

To answer your question, I've gotten negativity from both naturals and relaxed ladies. You talk about Nappturality being all mean and militant, well let me tell you about my experience. When I had heat damage, yes, some naturals had that "you know better" speech with me. Not too bad. But the worse was when I got my hair shaved off down to less than 1/2 an inch, I had a few relaxed ladies here calling me bald headed with no hair in private messages (one was a transitioner at the time). I left LHCF for almost a year and came back after all that mess here went away.
But outside the forums, I've had some negativity with a few relaxed heads. The naturals that I got negativity from were my dad, brother, some male cousins, and an uncle...no natural women.

Besides all the negativity, the positives have greatly outweighed all the negativity. I also didn't let the negativity get to me from Nappturality and from Long Hair Care Forum because I'm happy with my natural hair and am grateful for all the experiences I've had with my hair.
 
I had to chill out from the other forum for a while. I often felt like I wasn't 'napptural' enough because I am more curly than kinky. I do color my hair, so I am not 100% natural in that respect. There are defiantely stong opinions over there, that is why I never mention the 1 or 2 times a year that I do straighten my hair. Can't say that I have recieved a lot of negativity though otherwise.
 
TSUprincess04 said:
This has been on my mind for a while. After reading threads on another site (one that most naturals are extremely familiar with), I've noticed that a lot of the ladies on there have strong views of what being natural is.

Here's an example: There was one thread with a woman pissed off because a sales person at an Aveda salon asked her if she wanted to define her curls. This natural lady got upset because of that....I don't get it. This certain lady feels that defining your curl/coil pattern is I guess "un-natural" and that to be natural, you need to just shampoo and condition your hair only. It seems that a lot of other women agreed with her also.

Another example: This has to do with heat styling. Many of the women think that heat styling is like the devil. This one girl straightened her natural hair with a straightening tool. The iron was too hot, so that ended up damaging some of the ends of her hair by straightening them some. She got quite a few responses to her thread, but most of the responses were mean ones like "I don't feel sorry for you, you should have known better." They felt it was wrong for her to straighten her hair.

I mean, I know that heat can be damaging, but I don't want to be criticized for flat-ironing my hair (when I go natural). As long as I moisturize properly and protect my hair from the heat, then straightening my hair every once in a while is fine. I do believe that putting a scorching hot iron on un-protected, dry hair would be very damaging, no matter if you're relaxed or natural. I don't think that applying heat to my hair every once in a while (in a safe way) would damage my natural curl/coil pattern, but it seems that a LOT of the women on that site think that it will. And it seems that they look down on people who do it.

Honestly, when I go natural, I don't want to be looked at as being militant and anti- everything that Europeans started. If I want to define my curls and temporarily straighten my hair, does that make me any less natural than the person who doesn't?

ETA: This is why I won't stray from LHCF, I love you guys :)
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To be perfectly honest...you should stay over here when you go natural. The naturals on "that board" are very militant and have nothing else better to do than chastise someone for what they do to their own hair.

I actually used to be a member there when I was natural. I didn't like the atmosphere or the fact that grown women were being talked to like children.
 
I don't go on that site anymore. I used to lurk there when I was thinking of going natural, but their views were too strict. It kind of seems hypocritical to say that you should'nt want to change your curl pattern/natural hair, but they seem to like to band their hair a lot....
 
I actually used to be a member there when I was natural. I didn't like the atmosphere or the fact that grown women were being talked to like children.
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ITA. I used to lurk there when I was transitioning. It was a scary, scary place! I'm so glad I found this board, (for one because I was able to give my relaxed hair another chance), but mainly because mostly everyone here is supportive.

I would stay here too if you plan on ever straightening your hair.
 
Poohbear said:
To me, natural hair is free of chemicals and free of permanent alteration in any way, form, or fashion. Nothing wrong with defining your OWN hair texture as long as your not trying to make it look like something it's not. For me, DIRECT heat is the devil. The difference in me and some of the mean naturals you have seen is that I don't put down the people who do it. I'm just against the usage of relaxers and heat.

To answer your question, I've gotten negativity from both naturals and relaxed ladies. You talk about Nappturality being all mean and militant, well let me tell you about my experience. When I had heat damage, yes, some naturals had that "you know better" speech with me. Not too bad. But the worse was when I got my hair shaved off down to less than 1/2 an inch, I had a few relaxed ladies here calling me bald headed with no hair in private messages (one was a transitioner at the time). I left LHCF for almost a year and came back after all that mess here went away.
But outside the forums, I've had some negativity with a few relaxed heads. The naturals that I got negativity from were my dad, brother, some male cousins, and an uncle...no natural women.

Besides all the negativity, the positives have greatly outweighed all the negativity. I also didn't let the negativity get to me from Nappturality and from Long Hair Care Forum because I'm happy with my natural hair and am grateful for all the experiences I've had with my hair.
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I'm sorry to hear about your bad experience! Your hair is beautiful, and the most important thing is that YOU love your hair. I know I do!:)
 
i think there are just a few bad apples. the other board has helped and educated me so much that i feel inclined to help support its cause financially. but i must agree- the atmosphere at times is just too much

i dont post up there any more because i think ive learned all that i could learn and read all that i could read but that doesnt mean im not going to support it.
 
My only comment is that when you go natural, please do whatever YOU feel like with your hair. Of course, through being on the boards, you'll be educated about 'proper ways' to use heat IF you choose, as well as other important techniques. In real life and off the boards, it's your hair, so I wouldn't put too much weight on the perceptions that people have about the way you style your hair. It's harmful to relax or go natural when trying to do so for anyone's agenda but your own. When you go natural, just define your own journey and have fun with it.
 
patient1 said:
Plan to be natural on your terms and nevermind the rest. Let that be your hair philosophy and you'll enjoy the journey. It's your hair and you get to define what qualifies as natural for you.
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Totally agree.

Don't get all worked up over other people's opinions. In my experience of having been through 6 different hair sites since 2000, if someone was negative, judgemental and petty when they had relaxed hair, trust, they will still be negative, judgemental and petty when they go natural.
 
OneInAMillion said:
My only comment is that when you go natural, please do whatever YOU feel like with your hair. Of course, through being on the boards, you'll be educated about 'proper ways' to use heat IF you choose, as well as other important techniques. In real life and off the boards, it's your hair, so I wouldn't put too much weight on the perceptions that people have about the way you style your hair. It's harmful to relax or go natural when trying to do so for anyone's agenda but your own. When you go natural, just define your own journey and have fun with it.
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Great post!
 
My visits to NP, generally involve reading Catsuga's posts. I go into the hair threads to find new Fotki's to look at and make the occaisional post. There are alot of former LHCF members over there whose opinions/advice I find valuable and there are some folks that I wouldn't spit on if they were on fire. You take the good with the bad. :ohwell:

TSU P. - If you go natural, don't worry about what this one and that one has to say about what and how YOU deal with YOUR hair. If you want curl definition - go get it. If you want to press your hair - press your hair. In the end, it is YOUR business to mind, nobody else's.
 
wow.. that is some hair board. can you tell me their address so i can cuss, i mean, thank them. how dare they make that girl feel bad cause she used heat on her hair? that's her choice. thank god for lchf!
 
I dont care what anyone has to say about my hair. I straighten my hair whenever I feel like it and I get my naps right back when I wash my hair AND if I want to put something in my hair that aint permanent to make my hair curl up so be it. Its not permanent so whatever. Now on the other hand if you are damaging your hair with heat or said products then Id think that was kinda stupid. Nothing is worth damaging your hair and if you cant use heat correctly (she probably had it up way to high) then leave it alone or deal with the consequences.
 
From my experience, each board provides a different experience and point of view. They serve different purposes as well. I go there but I would not talk about certain things there because I respect what the owner of the site is providing for those of us who are natural or contemplating going natural. Doesn't mean I agree with all of it (obviously) but I still support the general purpose of the board.

With that being said, I don't get much crap for too many ppl....I probably would get more but I don't try to force my beliefs on anyone and if anyone tries to force thier beliefs on me...I just click on another post.

That's the beautiful thing about the internet, you ain't got to be nowhere you don't want to be :D
 
That summed it up..
JCoily said:
My visits to NP, generally involve reading Catsuga's posts. I go into the hair threads to find new Fotki's to look at and make the occaisional post. There are alot of former LHCF members over there whose opinions/advice I find valuable and there are some folks that I wouldn't spit on if they were on fire. :lachen: You take the good with the bad. :ohwell:

TSU P. - If you go natural, don't worry about what this one and that one has to say about what and how YOU deal with YOUR hair. If you want curl definition - go get it. If you want to press your hair - press your hair. In the end, it is YOUR business to mind, nobody else's.
Click to expand...
 
I agree that you can do what you want to your hair.

I do get my hair pressed every blue moon and yes! (1-2 times a year) it has damaged my natural hair.:mad: There are some parts that are straight and some that are coily.

I don't down any one who decides to do various things to there hair. Because that is one of the reasons I went natural was the versitilaty.;)

But i just want to warn you any kind of heat can damage your hair. I knew it when I did it and sometimes I regreat it.:ohwell:

Remember the decission is yours
nap2bfree
 
I do frequent that board every once and a while for "more specialized" information regarding hair similar to my own and the way I take it, the philosophy of the board is focus on appreciating your hair without altering the texture (whether if it is permanent or natural). If its asked, expect the thread to be closed. Each board has its own philosophies and rules (just like this one) and even though we don't have to agree, unfortunately, we must follow them.

However, if I do over take the plunge to do something drastic to my hair such as flat ironing or lightening, I know where to seek out my information. I agree with the other posters, there are tons women on this board who are natural who do things that are not "acceptable" according to that board, such as enhancing texture, straightening or blow drying. When your ready, I'm sure there will be plenty of them to assist you with whatever you are trying to achieve. Good luck!!!:)
 
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