Haircare within Families...(long)

[beana3]

I'm sorry to say this, but my family doesn't know a damn thing about hair!! I think the only reason they have long hair is b/c of genetics, if not for that, they would be bald.
I heard my mom urging my youngest sister with brastrap THICK, but fine stranded hair to get another relaxer after only 3 weeks! She had a lil bump of new growth about .5 inch... I tried to explain what relaxers do to the hair's structure and why its best to wait, I even printed out several articles off the net.My mom still urges my youngest sis to get a relaxer.

The thing that has me smoking is that my mom's hair is fine fine fine, and she has scalp issues. She gets her hair relaxed every 6 weeks and its mid back length. I tried to give her my hair vits, but she only wants to use Nexxus hair vitamins at the recommendation of that /images/graemlins/censored.gif she-devil hairdresser of hers. Those vits dont even have half of what Country Life's maxi hair has AND they cost $30. They lack in esential nutrients like Biotin, and give insufficient amounts of hair growth aids in general. She just doesn't want to listen. She follows the advice of a /images/graemlins/mad.gif who doesn't give a crap about her, and wont even listen to a word i tell her.

I may be overreacting, but this really annoys me! I just ignore people outside of my family that refute what i try to tell them, but when it happens internally I get enraged! I absolutely detest the fact that she seeks hair advice from me, but NEVER listens to ANY of it. I'm just glad i found these boards.. i would be in some deep trouble if i didn't KNOW what i know now.

I guess i just said all that to say THANKS to all the members of these boards. the misinformation within our own families and from different companies trying to sell us products is ENOUGH to make a whole race of people bald. No wonder there is the misconception out there that black people's hair CANNOT grow, the majority of us dont even want to learn how to properly care for our own hair. We would rather be sold a "miracle in a bottle"

 

[Jenai]

This is exactly why I am so glad for hair boards such as this one.

 

[Nanyanika]

Hello Beana3,

I strongly empathise with your statement. My family and friends suffer a similar trait of ignorance, despite my good advice on restoring the health of hair.

My mother especially believes in oiling the scalp, infrequent washing of hair, daily brushing and combing. Rest assured, you are not overreacting.

My hairdresser friend,compliments my long, thick hair then constantly bombards me with questions on how to grow long healthy hair.

however, I willingly educate her on this issue, but she does'nt follow my advice, then she asks, again, again and again Arrgh... very frustrating /images/graemlins/mad.gif.

I told her "what is the point in asking for my advice, when you don't follow it" she says "well i'm busy, i don't have time", Duh, Does this make sense? /images/graemlins/confused.gif I can't be bothered to waste my breath anymore.

 

[Allandra]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
GiGi said:
This is exactly why I am so glad for hair boards such as this one.

[/ QUOTE ]
Ditto!

 

[canuck]

beana,

i feel you. But, sometimes, you gotta leave the people alone. According to a zen proverb - 'when the student is ready, a teacher will appear' - they are not ready, yet girl.

My stepdaughter was. When she came in the summer, her hair was cut off to an ear length bob because of her mistreating it. Did not wash it -ever- no oils (natural), no care. I put her on to some habits from this site, and her hair (when relaxed in november) was to the base of her neck! She is well on the way to bra-strap!

 

[LondonDiva]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
beana3 said:
We would rather be sold a "miracle in a bottle"

[/ QUOTE ]

Ugh so true. I know back in the day I was looking for this miracle. /images/graemlins/nono.gif No more ignorance anymore. For my head of hair it takes hard work and perserverance, something a lot of black women just don't want to go through. I've seen the jacked up heads with the bi monthly done manicures and pedicures, yet they claim they have no time to do their hair.

Please don't feed me any rubbish. /images/graemlins/mad.gif I've seen the grandmothers with X amount of children do the hair of the girls in the same morning and still have to go to work, clean the house and prepare the meals. We have it easier than our grandparents and great grand parents did many years ago. The only thing there wasn't time for was excuses. We have it easy these days, and people want to tell me that they don't have time to wash thier hair. Yeah right. From when I recommend firstly to someone wash your hair once a week at least I get all that BS. That's when I don't go much further in all the "talk" of growing hair. That's when I know it's going to fall on deaf ears.

 

[Integrity]

my family laughed at me when i attempted to explain that lye was better than no lye. the word 'NO' has them thinking it is better for the hair cos it contains NO harmful substances.

i give up... /images/graemlins/mad.gif

 

[azul11]

i think no-lye relaxer is one of the main culprit in many of the ideas of why some people dont do x,y and z to their hair. when wet some no lyes makes the hair look like it reverted. so many women avoided water whether through rain or water from the shower on their heads like the plague. when it was wet it wasnt easy to make it look decent again. highly annoying. and when many stylist use no lye you are stuck with this. also many people give out false info about hair. or believing that only certain people can grow long hair. most of the times these people are mixed or other races other than black. and these ideas get passed down for generations. your mother will have gone to a stylist for years and years and everything she says is like the gospel even if through research you found it out to be wrong. and sometimes you wonder if maybe she is right but you know deep down its not. they put doubt in your head which leaves you back to the same predictament. i always wondered why some people year after year has the same length. unless they purposely want it that length but mostly it is our families not being educated and that damn family stylist who is set in their ways and it seems like they have brainwashed the family. i swear i am going to break all the "rules". i am going to wash my hair now that i use a lye relaxer, i am going to use eo's and trim my ends when needed. i am not going to be afraid of a trim and hold on to raggedy ends for dear life just so i can have length. water is going to be my best friend. and wearing my hair down will be an occassional thing not something i do everyday. God bless you all.

 

[ms_kenesha]

Beana3,

I feel as if I could've written this post except my mother and sister do not have long hair. I have always had the longest hair in my immediate fam and you'd think that might make them listen to me, but no way.

My mom teases me about how many times I wash my hair and never listens to any of my advice and it pisses me off so much ! /images/graemlins/swearing.gif My mom has had cancer and all her hair fell out with the chemo. when her hair grew back I told her do not get a relaxer, do not, her hair was weaker, it was curly a 3C, and she just shouldn't have got one if she wanted healthy hair. But oh no she got one anyway. I told her that as her hair grew out the curls would lengthen, but could she wait oh no! So now she's never happy with her hair. Why? She uses the curling iron EVERY DAY so her hair is always damaged and she WILL NOT let you trim off the damaged ends so it just gets worse and worse.

My lil sis has dry hair and my mom is always telling her to grease her hair. I bought my sister some hair oil and my mom asks her, "Did you grease your hair?" and she says no I oiled it, my mom says well you need to GREASE it too.

My mother will make fun of my hair if it's not done the way she likes, she's a MESS and it pisses me off /images/graemlins/mad.gif all the time. You're right that it's harder when your own family doesn't listen to you or holds these wacko beliefs about hair. I feel your pain!

 

[UmSumayyah]

So, how will we pass on good hair habits to the next generation? I realized recently that although my daughters hair is "easier" than mine (she's 3A) I'd better start now with instilling good hair habits. I've been using a light spray oil and the infusium for fine hair. I just tried the S-curl on her today and it worked great.
One thing I think I should do, is keep it real simple while she is young so she doesn't get the idea that hair is a chore.
What do you think? Any of you with kids out there instilling good hair habits in the younger generation?

 

[ms_kenesha]

<font color="blue">Most certainly lead by example. This way healthy hair habits will be second nature. Make sure she knows how to handle her natural hair and if a time comes when she wants to chemically alter it make sure she knows all of the options and the pros and cons and how to manage chemically altered hair. A chem. major friend of mine does not recommend chemically altering the hair until after puberty though.

Make the simplest things like combing her hair the right way second nature and she'll always remember it and be more likely to keep the healthy hair habits that her wonderful mother has passed on. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[Lindy]

My daughter is 13 and her hair is relaxed. It broke off all around the edges terribly last summer because she was in the pool every day at camp, and during the day she would use the brush to put it in a ponytail. Even though she would come home and wash and condition it every night, that brush still did her in!!! I didn't even realize what was going on until it was too late. So, as a result, her hair is now around 3 inches long all around her hairline, and even in the back behind her ears!! The rest of her hair is about 6 or 7 inches long (about to the back of her neck).

She's really depressed about it, but I tell her that all we can do is treat it well, and it will come back! So I give her moisturizing treatments, protein, etc. and always roller-set, never blow-dry, and her touchups are done at the salon.

It's coming back, slowly... I'm even doing a picture trail for her, so we can keep track of how her hair is doing. I'm trying to keep her encouraged and motivated, even though some days she gets really frustrated when she tries to style it up and the hairs all around the sides have to be pinned down.

**sigh** Sometimes caring for our hair can seem like a long road, but I think we have to just keep on going, and not give up... /images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[ms_kenesha]

Lindy,

It's great that you are encouraging her and giving her hope. If she frequently wears her hair in ponytails I recommend that she uses some S Curl and then wraps a scarf around her head so that the shorter part will lay down and blend with the longer hair. When she does have to pin down the sides encourage her to use colorful boby pins or clips to add some flair to her hair. /images/graemlins/smile.gif
You're doing all the right things and you are correct in saying "Sometimes caring for our hair can seem like a long road, but I think we have to just keep on going, and not give up..."

 

[Lindy]

Thanks Ms Kenesha,

I actually just 'introduced' her to my S-curl activator (which I just got) earlier this week, and she loves it!! It really does a good job of keeping those short ends down, and she also uses those new 'clip pin things' the kids are wearing now, so at least it looks stylish even though the pins are there for a purpose, not just to look cute!! /images/graemlins/wink.gif

 

[ngaa]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
azul11 said:
i swear i am going to break all the "rules". i am going to wash my hair now that i use a relaxer, i am going to use eo's and trim my ends when needed. i am not going to be afraid of a trim and hold on to raggedy ends for dear life just so i can have length. water is going to be my best friend. and wearing my hair down will be an occassional thing not something i do everyday.

[/ QUOTE ]

preach azul preach!! /images/graemlins/smile.gif but seriously tho, its these lil things that we can do to make an improvement in the length of our hair that make all the difference!!