Going Natural When "Older"?

[naturalmanenyc]

My mom stopped relaxing due to menopause. Hot flashes didn't mix well with her short, relaxed cut.

I decided to go natural after a long relaxer stretch and realizing that with my current company my natural hair would be far more acceptable than my former, stuffy firm.

I am trying cornrows this week to see the reaction. I don't think it will be a big deal since we once had a woman with afro puffs in the office.

 

[jennboo]

BlackMasterPiece said it best.

Y'all know y'all don't wanna go natural while you're still hot and young and on the prowl for male attention, because after all, wearing your natural texture would completely ruin your sexy. Best leave it to do at a time when everything is going south and getting wider and becoming unnattractive anyway, because at that point it won't even matter what your hair looks like.




Sidetrack but related:

It's funny how some people love to bring up the fact that colorism/preference for lighter skin in the black community came about at the hand of the white man but will argue vehemently that the white man has nothing to do/no influence at all with the reason why a majority of black women prefer to permanently alter and reject their natural hair texture.

 

[suburbanbushbabe]

This type of attitude leads me to believe the women think there's something unfinished or unsexy about natural hair, that they will wait until they're older and noone cares what they look like? I wish I had gone natural much earlier than I did (52)

 

[JFemme]

Late, late forties chica...chiming in....

I've only had one relaxer in my entire life...

Though married for eons, I aint never hurtin' for man attention no where on the globe...

Frankly, this discussion surprises me, on second thought maybe it does not...

Interesting tho...

 

[jennboo]

Also,

I feel cheated. I honestly do.

I feel cheated out of the experience of enjoying my natural hair from birth and allowing it to just BE and thrive and grow like other races have the luxury of doing just because black folks are ashamed of their hair. It is absolutely ludicrous to me that, at age 25, I am now really experiencing my natural hair, the hair that grows out of my head. It's ridiculous, actually.

Do you know what i could do with 25 years of uninterrupted growth (no chemicals/overuse of hot combs and subsequent bc's) of natural hair??? I'd be walking around here looking like a majority of my hair idols RIGHT NOW, LOL.

Folks do themselves a disservice by waiting so long to experience their natural hair, imo. Though better late than never i suppose.

 

[msa]

Do you know what i could do with 25 years of uninterrupted growth (no chemicals/overuse of hot combs and subsequent bc's) of natural hair??? I'd be walking around here looking like a majority of my hair idols RIGHT NOW, LOL.

Well I'm going on 24 years of natural hair and my hair still has a LONG way to go. If only I'd had LHCF...I would be unstoppable right now.

 

[DeepBluSea]

I have to agree with BlackMasterPiece. I know what she said probably sounds haughty, but I think that her assumptions are true for a good percentage of black women. Think about it, we are worried about getting a job with nappy hair or getting a man with nappy hair or being accepted by family and friends with nappy hair. I guess we (in general) feel that once we are older we would be more settled in our careers, we would have snagged our mates and we will care less about winning the acceptance of people in general. Of course, it is not true for everyone. But based on what I read on the boards and hear in real life, the girl got a purnt!

ETA: I've heard a lot of older women say/write they don't want to go natural because the hairstyles (twists, braids, flattwists) are too juvenile. That would make a neat spinoff, but based on the direction of this thread, I don't think it will happen. LOL!

 

[Nova]

I'm one of those "older" over 50 women. I love natural hair however, my hair is relaxed because it's easier for me to manage. Although my hair was never really long, it's very thick (4b). I have friends who feel that once women reach 50, they should wear their hair short and natural. Other friends of mine wear their hair long (shoulder length) and straight (press & curl). Also, I am not experiencing thin, see-through hair because thanks to LHCF, I know how to take care of my hair whether I wear it natural or straight. Too bad I didn't have this information when I was in my 20's.

 

[*Happily Me*]

Late, late forties chica...chiming in....

I've only had one relaxer in my entire life...

Though married for eons, I aint never hurtin' for man attention no where on the globe...

Frankly, this discussion surprises me, on second thought maybe it does not...

Interesting tho...

Hmm, well, maybe i'm giving off a vibe because of the way *i* subconsciously feel about natural hair .

I'm not ignored... but i'm not getting the men I want.

I'll have to take a look at this

ETA -- of course my hair isn't natural, we all know it's texlaxed. But to the outside world my un-straightened hair appears natural

 

[Chaosbutterfly]

Hmm, well, maybe i'm giving off a vibe because of the way *i* subconsciously feel about natural hair .

I'm not ignored... but i'm not getting the men I want.

I'll have to take a look at this

OT, but your hair is beautiful. Don't let anyone make you feel like it's not, because it is. And some men are trifling anyway....you don't want anyone who can't appreciate you.

That is all. *slips back into shadows*

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

Also,

I feel cheated. I honestly do.

I feel cheated out of the experience of enjoying my natural hair from birth and allowing it to just BE and thrive and grow like other races have the luxury of doing just because black folks are ashamed of their hair. It is absolutely ludicrous to me that, at age 25, I am now really experiencing my natural hair, the hair that grows out of my head. It's ridiculous, actually.

Do you know what i could do with 25 years of uninterrupted growth (no chemicals/overuse of hot combs and subsequent bc's) of natural hair??? I'd be walking around here looking like a majority of my hair idols RIGHT NOW, LOL.

Folks do themselves a disservice by waiting so long to experience their natural hair, imo. Though better late than never i suppose.

I used to feel this way and was a little bitter about it for awhile. Then I tried to look on the bright side and realized that I wouldn't be nearly as proud and in love with my hair if I'd always been natural. I'm also thankful for its health, because I know how bad it could be (and has been).

 

[SouthernStunner]

I honestly feel this thread has taken a turn for the worst. I have said this in another thread but I will say it again. So many "naturals" feel that if we "relaxed" heads dont or wont go natural that we are denying our heritage or who we are. A lot of naturals are so self righteous. I should not have to defend why I choose relaxed but time and time again I am put in a situation that I feel I have to.

Most "naturals" are not completly natural (I say most not all). Ok so they dont put a relaxer in there hair but what about all the other things they put in there hair from shampoo to dye.

I wish we would just put this conversation to rest and let everyone decided what they want to do for themselves. I cant change the naturals and they cant change me.

Note- I do that this a little personal because though someone did not quote me they did in fact use my words. I am not offended but a little dissapointed cause I thought the situation was resolved but I guess it was not.

 

[JFemme]

Dsylla, you are so beautiful, natural hair or no....:Rose:

(I think its makes you look younger, not that you need too)

 

[msa]

I honestly feel this thread has taken a turn for the worst. I have said this in another thread but I will say it again. So many "naturals" feel that if we "relaxed" heads dont or wont go natural that we are denying our heritage or who we are. A lot of naturals are so self righteous. I should not have to defend why I choose relaxed but time and time again I am put in a situation that I feel I have to.

Most "naturals" are not completly natural (I say most not all). Ok so they dont put a relaxer in there hair but what about all the other things they put in there hair from shampoo to dye.

I wish we would just put this conversation to rest and let everyone decided what they want to do for themselves. I cant change the naturals and they cant change me.

Note- I do that this a little personal because though someone did not quote me they did in fact use my words. I am not offended but a little dissapointed cause I thought the situation was resolved but I guess it was not.

If you really wanted the conversation put to rest you wouldn't have created your thread the other day.

 

[Tene]

The ignore list is such a beautiful thing ...

That's so sad of you to even announce you're going to even do that. [/QUOTE]


I agree it ain't even that serious.

 

[jennboo]

Ahh, the ol' 'naturals who use shampoo and dye their hair aren't really natural' rhetoric. Gets funnier every time i hear/read it .

 

[ceebee3]

You guys never disappoint, I love you all!

I just wanted to say that it's very sad that a lot of you didn't know anything about your natural texture until you stopped relaxing.

My hair was natural, then relaxed for a few years in my teens and natural again in my twenties.

Before I came to these boards I had not experienced anything like that. I didn't know it was a common experience.

Right now I'm loving my relaxed hair and when I transition, I'll be loving my natural hair.

 

[BostonMaria]

I honestly feel this thread has taken a turn for the worst. I have said this in another thread but I will say it again. So many "naturals" feel that if we "relaxed" heads dont or wont go natural that we are denying our heritage or who we are. A lot of naturals are so self righteous. I should not have to defend why I choose relaxed but time and time again I am put in a situation that I feel I have to.

Not all people with natural hair feel this way. You do what you think is best for your hair. We haven't had a relaxer vs natural thread fight in a while so it was bound to happen LOL

Also,

I feel cheated. I honestly do.

I feel cheated out of the experience of enjoying my natural hair from birth and allowing it to just BE and thrive and grow like other races have the luxury of doing just because black folks are ashamed of their hair. It is absolutely ludicrous to me that, at age 25, I am now really experiencing my natural hair, the hair that grows out of my head. It's ridiculous, actually.

My sister, who is a lurking member here, and I were talking about this today. We both transitioned and did the BC a few years ago. My hair has thrived without a relaxer and even when I straighten it wow I'm just so amazed at how awesome it is. I wish I had done this years ago! Just glad I finally have my hair back

 

[msa]

Real talk...I wish lhcf were like bhm sometimes. They have thread there asking the die hard relaxed heads why they'll never go natural and folks gave real answers. LHCF can't handle that kind of honesty, that's for sure.

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

I honestly feel this thread has taken a turn for the worst. I have said this in another thread but I will say it again. So many "naturals" feel that if we "relaxed" heads dont or wont go natural that we are denying our heritage or who we are. A lot of naturals are so self righteous. I should not have to defend why I choose relaxed but time and time again I am put in a situation that I feel I have to.

Most "naturals" are not completly natural (I say most not all). Ok so they dont put a relaxer in there hair but what about all the other things they put in there hair from shampoo to dye.

I wish we would just put this conversation to rest and let everyone decided what they want to do for themselves. I cant change the naturals and they cant change me.

Note- I do that this a little personal because though someone did not quote me they did in fact use my words. I am not offended but a little dissapointed cause I thought the situation was resolved but I guess it was not.

I'm sorry, but not using a relaxer is exactly what natural means when pertaining to African Americans' hair. That is what we have made the word mean. I really hate it when that argument comes up because if I say someone has "natural hair" you would more than likely know what exactly what I meant.

As far as I know, everyone is deciding what they want for their own hair. However, there is no harm at all in looking into why we make the decisions we make and learning about other alternatives. I am certainly not trying to change anyone's mind about relaxing their hair with this thread.

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

Hmm, well, maybe i'm giving off a vibe because of the way *i* subconsciously feel about natural hair .

I'm not ignored... but i'm not getting the men I want.

I'll have to take a look at this

ETA -- of course my hair isn't natural, we all know it's texlaxed. But to the outside world my un-straightened hair appears natural

You are beautiful, those men must have some kind of vision problem.

 

[JFemme]

Real talk...I wish lhcf were like bhm sometimes. They have thread there asking the die hard relaxed heads why they'll never go natural and folks gave real answers. LHCF can't handle that kind of honesty, that's for sure.

Can you give us a sampling of those answers....

I have no dog in this fight, my reasons for remaining natural were borne of convenience, thinning due to hot combing, and I thought I looked hella sexsay once my hair began to finally thrive.....

 

[msa]

Can you give us a sampling of those answers....

-I would go natural if I had type 3 hair
-natural hair is ugly
-natural hair is not sexy
-I won't be able to get/keep a man
-I don't have time
-I don't look good with short hair
-I don't like my natural hair

 

[SouthernStunner]

If you really wanted the conversation put to rest you wouldn't have created your thread the other day.

Your right maybe I should not have made a thread about how so many naturals try to talk me out of my decision. But again my thread and so many on this forum prove my points. I am not turning my back on who I am simply because I want to realx. I cant run away from being black that is who I am.

U know what................I am being sucked in again so I will drop it. Blessings to you all, natural and relaxed.

 

[vivEz daNs lamouR]

I didn't decide to transition until just over a year and a half ago, and that mostly was because I had seen my mother BC because of a horrible chemical burn caused by a salon (so bad that she actually sued them and won) and then I witnessed my best friend's transition.

Before that, I was comfortable with relaxed hair... although it wasn't as healthy, I was comfortable with it the way it was.

Why does ANYONE go natural or relaxed? The reasons are and will forever be their own, some of which the outside world might understand, and some of which they won't.

Either way, I will say this... I truly am sick and tired of the self-started threads proclaiming why someone will NEVER go natural or NEVER relax (although, I definitely see more of the "No to Natural" posts), I truly don't get it.

Is someone bullying you? Is someone peer pressuring you? These threads, whether meant to or not, always come off to me as a subtle way of defending your beliefs while bashing those who do it.

This whole "Not me. Not now. Why Relaxed Heads Won't Go Natural." thread sounds like something straight out of a campaign. No one is checking your Blackness, no one is turning their nose up at you, no one... cares.

 

[jcdlox]

I'm 47 and I have been relaxed since my 20's. I anticipate going natural when I'm at the point that it is more difficult to maintain the health of my hair in a relaxed state. I assume that will be as I get closer to or enter menopause, due to hormonal changes and the effect on your hair. And BTW I fully intend to be just as hot AND sexy AND fine AND fit when I'm "older" as I am now, relaxed AND natural!

 

[finickyone]

Interesting discussion! I really hope ladies don't buy into the, "It will be hard for me to get a man with natural hair." I have always loved natural hair & when I did relax, it was 2-3 times a year. I never did like my hair bone straight. To me it looked best when my girls reminded me that it was time for a touch up. I'm not rocking type 3 hair either. I think I am a 4b. I even wore weaved dreadlocks that were in a shoulder length type bob for a long time. The men found me interesting & trust, my phone was ringing off the hook. I am a professional & during that time I got a promotion & then moved on to a new company. I also don't live in a big city. I'm in NC. I know that everyone experiences are different, so this is for the ladies that are reading, but not commenting & still on the fence.

The door is also creeping open for me to join the 40 club but age had nothing to do with my decision to transition. I'm fit & fab & still give most a run for their money. I have had to tell plenty young men that I am probably old enough to be their mother or definitely their auntie. Just don't buy into the hype ladies. All of you know that black don't crack, so waiting until you're older to go natural for vanity reasons is just.........!

 

[finickyone]

Happily Me, you're a stunner, so I can't imagine a man being turned off by the texture of your hair. You have a head full of beautiful hair!

 

[J Hazel]

I'm sorry, but not using a relaxer is exactly what natural means when pertaining to African Americans' hair. That is what we have made the word mean. I really hate it when that argument comes up because if I say someone has "natural hair" you would more than likely know what exactly what I meant.

As far as I know, everyone is deciding what they want for their own hair. However, there is no harm at all in looking into why we make the decisions we make and learning about other alternatives. I am certainly not trying to change anyone's mind about relaxing their hair with this thread.

I couldn't have put it better myself KCcurly. It is so obvious what was meant when you say natural regarding how we wear our hair.

 

[J Hazel]

Someone left the bridge unattended....now the trolls are on the loose!!!

Takes one to konw one!!!!!

Bye bye honey!!!