Backlash against relaxed hair?

[nikolite]

Wow, Meridian, did you just compare a deformity to natural hair?

People say that we all should just love the hair we were born with because God gave it to us. My point is, people are born with deformities and other disorders that cause them to look a certain way, but they shouldn't just give in to it because God made them that way.

How about this, plenty of small chested women get surgery to get bigger ones because it makes them feel better and plenty of larger chested women have surgery to reduce them because it makes them feel better. I wasn't hating on natural hair. I've got no problem with it. Just saying what's wrong with change if it makes someone feel better. You may not agree with it, but in the end it's their choice.

Lawd, lawd... You actually are comparing it...

But they shouldn't HAVE to do any of that. They shouldn't have to go under a knife or put chemicals in their hair to feel better about themselves. No one's attacking those individual women for their choices, we're attacking the system that has set it up where they feel they have to do any of this. It'd be different if it was just an option/style choice, but that isn't an option AT ALL.

 

[Chaosbutterfly]

I haven't seen that type of sentiment at all. Ive only heard one or two people say something like that online. But it probably does have to do with your surroundings, because I've never heard of witnessed this IRL, especially not from naturals. We all generally understand relaxing because we've done it ourselves for years. I'd be taken aback if I heard some of that too.

Still, I doubt that will become a widespread thing at all. Like someone else said, that's an unlikely fear akin to "the Mexicans are taking over." In that case, I guess you might live in New Mexico so I understand why you might get that feeling from your area.

lol, but clearly, not all naturals generally understand relaxing. Some people who were relaxed for years were doing it for the wrong reasons (fear/hatred of their natural hair, because everyone else was doing it, trying to fit the traditional beatuy ideal, etc). So when they stop, they assume that everyone else is doing it for those same reasons, and suddenly think that they are so much better for "unplugging" themselves. I think that's where those comments come from.

lol, I never said I was scared of it. I like natural hair, so it becoming widespread is not a "fear" for me. It's just an expectation.
As for the Mexicans taking over...what?!
I fear no Mexicans. And I'm clearly not from New Mexico...my location says NYC. I go to school in DC. I've never even been to New Mexico, and don't know where I gave the impression that I'm afraid of Mexicans.

 

[HauteHippie]

I've definitely noticed the negativity. I'm chemical-free, but I really don't care about what other adults do to their hair. I mostly notice the negativity regarding relaxers (and heat use) on "natural-only" hair boards. The thing is, you're not even aware that you're on some militant hair board until you come across some bullskit. They should have a banner that reads, "We're all about further dividing Black females!" I mean, then I would know right off the bat.
In reality, it is possible to have healthy relaxed hair, just as it is possible to have damaged chemical-free hair. It's their perogative to promote whatever they choose to, but they should consider what they're REALLY doing.
In general, I frown upon anything that steps on the necks of those who aren't like them. It is just NOT that serious!

 

[Meridian]

Lawd, lawd... You actually are comparing it...

But they shouldn't HAVE to do any of that. They shouldn't have to go under a knife or put chemicals in their hair to feel better about themselves. No one's attacking those individual women for their choices, we're attacking the system that has set it up where they feel they have to do any of this. It'd be different if it was just an option/style choice, but that isn't an option AT ALL.

That's the thing. I choose to relax my hair like many others here, for myself, not because someone is forcing me to do it. Not because someone else likes it, but for ME. I don't hate my natural hair, I just like my relaxed hair better (I'm not a fan of using flat irons often to achieve that look). Natural hair isn't for everyone and this relaxed vs natural arguement will continue until people realize that.

 

[Foxglove]

OT but I don't see that other board as militant. They just are upfront about their mission and that's about welcoming your texture as it is. There's no need for them to discuss chemicals, defining curls, or heat bc their goal is managing your hair as it is. I still don't know why they get so much flack for this and to my knowledge they are the only board that does this. What's wrong with saying you don't need all this extra stuff your hair is beautiful just the way it is? Also the membership is high (which shows it's clearly needed and welcomed). If people want to talk about chemicals and heat there are plenty of sites (this one, BHM, NC, a bunch more) in which to do this

 

[nikolite]

lol, but clearly, not all naturals generally understand relaxing. Some people who were relaxed for years were doing it for the wrong reasons (fear/hatred of their natural hair, because everyone else was doing it, trying to fit the traditional beatuy ideal, etc). So when they stop, they assume that everyone else is doing it for those same reasons, and suddenly think that they are so much better for "unplugging" themselves. I think that's where those comments come from.

lol, I never said I was scared of it. I like natural hair, so it becoming widespread is not a "fear" for me. It's just an expectation.
As for the Mexicans taking over...what?!
I fear no Mexicans. And I'm clearly not from New Mexico...my location says NYC. I go to school in DC. I've never even been to New Mexico, and don't know where I gave the impression that I'm afraid of Mexicans.

I agree. And I know you're not from New Mexico, LOL. It was a bad joke off of another poster's earlier comment.

 

[sylver2]

I think its eerie that many black women are offended that natural hair is being praised recently. Calling it a phase and the "in" thing, seriously? Its like people are threatened by it, you'd think that their hair naturally grows straight like that.

I think you're being paranoid, people are more pro natural now and its freaking out a lot of black women. Don't know why though, there are very very very few people that are anti-relaxed hair.

I am no way offended that natural hair is being praised. I'm actually ecstatic that so many woman are embracing their natural hair. I've even convinced a few irl to BC and go natural. But.. to put me down calling me all sorts of names because i relax my hair is a nono! I damn sure know about my history. I was the original militant, back to Africa, proud black woman for years. I was a member of Nation of Islam and preached constantly. People don't know me coming at me making ridiculous assumptions because of how i choose to wear MY hair. You do you and if you are so passionate in spreading the word why not write some articles, visit some schools and teach to the uninformed young black girls coming up.
I'm fine, i'm well informed and my hair is doing grrreat! (reaches behind back to grab full thick hair)..yup..grreat! You can uplift us and our need to embrace natural hair without so vehemently putting down the ones who choose other hairstyles.
insults like relaxer chemicals killing brain cells don't help either...

 

[LovelyNaps26]

And for those that use the "I was born this way" argument, does that mean that someone BORN with a cleft palate/lip shouldn't do anything about it because they were born with it...

maybe it's just me but this comparison rubs me the wrong way.

 

[Southernbella.]

I agree with you at the bolded. But I think that the second part regarding broken off relaxed hair is based in black folks basing their hair care practices on folklore instead of science. The same people with broken off relaxed hair who believe that "dirt makes their hair grow" and rubber bands being adquate pony tail holders would have the same amount of breakage and busted-ivity in a relaxer free world.

You make a good point. It's not just about hair health when it comes to the children. Even if all relaxed toddlers had BSL healthy hair, I'd still feel sad that they were not given the option to choose. I'd feel bad that they were being sent the message that their natural hair is not good enough.
~~~~~~~~~~

Not necessarily directed at SB, but the missing part of the puzzle is letting people know how to work with what they have instead of trying to push an agenda on them that they may not have.



Because we as a group are used to being discussed as a monolith. Everything is either or with no room for both. This is why the arguement becomes based in either "relaxing due to self hatred" or "not relaxing because of self love". What about not relaxing just cuz you're tired of relaxing? There's no room in the discussion for people who may be part of the group that don't also subscribe to the popular agenda.

Agreed.

 

[southernchocolate]

Are folk really up in here comparing natural hair to deformaties???? Fo' serious son ?!?!?!?!

 

[dymondgurl]

OT but I don't see that other board as militant. They just are upfront about their mission and that's about welcoming your texture as it is. There's no need for them to discuss chemicals, defining curls, or heat bc their goal is managing your hair as it is. I still don't know why they get so much flack for this and to my knowledge they are the only board that does this. What's wrong with saying you don't need all this extra stuff your hair is beautiful just the way it is? Also the membership is high (which shows it's clearly needed and welcomed). If people want to talk about chemicals and heat there are plenty of sites (this one, BHM, NC, a bunch more) in which to do this

Thank you!!! I was content to lurk and hit the thank you button,until I read your response. @ the underlined portion : Not a damn thing

Back into the shadows I go.

 

[belldandy]

I wish people would stop yakking about this and just post some hair porn instead...i don't care if you are relaxed or natural. It doesn't matter.

 

[Yoshi3329]

I think its eerie that many black women are offended that natural hair is being praised recently. Calling it a phase and the "in" thing, seriously? Its like people are threatened by it, you'd think that their hair naturally grows straight like that.

I think you're being paranoid, people are more pro natural now and its freaking out a lot of black women. Don't know why though, there are very very very few people that are anti-relaxed hair.

@Bolded

*whispers* It's called insecurity/denial. It makes people good feel about themselves.

 

[Lenee925]

All I know is that it bothers me that I feel I need to do "relax my naps" and to hear that natural hair is masculine.

Personally I feel like I'm breaking out of a mindset. Yes, it's just hair but for some people like myself, it's the ultimate challenge and discipline to accept your hair for the way your DNA coded it. At the same time I think a woman should do what makes her happy and have nothing against relaxed heads.

 

[LittleLuxe]

I'm not sure why the concept of some people's decision to become natural as being part of a trend is so baffling or why it suddenly eliminates the power of deduction.

Do people really not understand how trends work?

I'm not saying hair growing out of your head is a trend but the motivation and decision to be natural can certainly be motivated by it being a trend. For instance some women wear their hair naturally because they feel they look good that way, some women do it for some spiritual or personal reason, others do it because they can no longer use chemicals in their hair.

However some women will do it only because some hot celebrity is doing it, or all their friends are doing it, or because they want to be able to rock a cute jumbo 'fro. These women rarely last as naturals (as already commented by a few hairstylists responding to this thread) and more importantly don't really care about it past however long the trend lasts. Now will some women who start that way keep it up? Sure.

But let's not act like we're suddenly clueless as to how trends work, lol. When Rihanna chopped her hair off and shaved the sides it was a personal decision. When everyone from grandma's to 14 yr olds started rocking it - it was a trend.

 

[tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT]

no justice....no peace!!!​

 

[Lenee925]

no justice....no peace!!!​

....................

 

[Netta1]

. Again, it's just. hair. Sheesh.

It may be "just hair" to you, however historically it has been anything but just hair.

May I suggest you read the following:

Byrd, A. D., & Tharps, L. L. (2001). Hair Story, Untangling the Roots of Black Hair in America. New York: St. Martins Press.

African American Hair culture is VERY interesting AND deep. It has never just been about hair note the following from my own research and a direct quote from Byrd and Tharps in the middle.


In Africa, hair not only served as a means of displaying style; twisted within each coil and spring laid the culture and soul of Africa. Hair defined marital status, age, religion, ethnic identity, attracted the opposite sex, and identified wealth and rank within a community

"One of the first things slave traders did to their new “cargo” was to
shave their heads if they had not already been shorn by their captors. The shaved head was the first step the Europeans took to erase the slave’s culture and alter the relationship between the African and his or her hair. Arriving without their signature hairstyles, Mandingos, Fulanis, Ibos, and Ashantis entered the New World, just as Europeans intended, like anonymous chattel" Byrd and Tharp, 2001, pgs. 10-11.

This desire for straight hair became an obsession for the slaves who eventually were awarded “time off” on Sundays to do their hair. Men used axle grease to slick their hair straight while women would load their hair with butter and/or fat and smooth a heated butter knife wrapped in cloth across their naps.

 

[locabouthair]

A majority of black people look at natural in disdain and this will continue in the foreseeable future.

I agree. Sad to say but I think people will always look down more on natural hair then relaxed hair. As much as it bothers me, I dont think the good hair, bad hair thing will ever go away. But I am very happy to see more women going natural.

There are a few women who think relaxers are evil, yadda, but when I was natural a few years ago, more people tried to convince to relax than to stay natural

Anyway, I love both natural and relaxed as long as it's healthy.

ETA: Even if going natural is a trend it would be a good thing because maybe a few of us can let go of the negative things were we told about our hair.

 

[tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT]

....................

sorry....eh
thought we were staging a protest....simply wanted to support the causeerplexed

I'M BLACK & I'M PROUD!!!!​

backs out to find other causes.......

 

[Sianna]

Okay, I am going to start with a warning/disclaimer and say right now that the comment I am about to leave will probably be somewhat controversial. Having said that, I will also say that I personally have nothing against women who, for whatever reason, relax their hair. It simply was not for me, and for reasons I shall not list here, I decided to stop.

Okay. First of all OP, no offense, but I strongly disagree that "it's just hair." If I was not a black woman I might feel that way, but since I am black, I just cannot agree with that. I won't go into why.

Second: Natural hair is still not widely accepted, lauded, or embraced in many areas of the world, and in many minds of blacks and other races alike. Yes it is becoming more popular, but it is by NO MEANS mainstream. That being the case, those with relaxed hair have many recourses where they can glean information, tips and whatever else they might be looking to find. Because natural hair is just now gaining popularity, it is not as easy for the women who have/want it to gain information, inspiration, and hair care tips. When I first BC'd, I had no clue what I was going to do with my hair, whereas if I had continued to relax it, hair care would have been second nature for me.

Sometimes there has to be a tipping of the scales as new ideas grow and become more and more accepted, and I think this is an example of this.

While it seems that relaxed heads are being slighted, I don't believe that it is being done with any level of malice. For the most part. In my mind, its simply that room is now being made for an alternative that had been previously ignored.

Oh, and if anything I said here has already been mentioned, please forgive! I did not read through all the comments!

 

[Lenee925]

sorry....eh
thought we were staging a protest....simply wanted to support the causeerplexed​

I'M BLACK & I'M PROUD!!!!​

backs out to find other causes.......

I love it! Please don't go!

 

[Gleek]

TBH, I only noticed this argument on the internet.

 

[SleekandBouncy]

I agree with you at the bolded. But I think that the second part regarding broken off relaxed hair is based in black folks basing their hair care practices on folklore instead of science. The same people with broken off relaxed hair who believe that "dirt makes their hair grow" and rubber bands being adquate pony tail holders would have the same amount of breakage and busted-ivity in a relaxer free world.
~~~~~~~~~~

Not necessarily directed at SB, but the missing part of the puzzle is letting people know how to work with what they have instead of trying to push an agenda on them that they may not have.



Because we as a group are used to being discussed as a monolith. Everything is either or with no room for both. This is why the arguement becomes based in either "relaxing due to self hatred" or "not relaxing because of self love". What about not relaxing just cuz you're tired of relaxing? There's no room in the discussion for people who may be part of the group that don't also subscribe to the popular agenda.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just a rant,


And yes, it is within the realm of possibility for ones natural hair to not be complimentary to a persons face. Can we stop acting like it ain't a whole lot of faces in the world that need all the help they can get and hair that grows out and away from the face is not going to be their friend?

I find it frustrating that this is dismissed. If you put the exact same Afro, twistout or braid out wig on 10 chicks, some will look fierce and some will look foolish, with the rest being varying levels in between and the outcome depends on the head it's placed on. Wearing your hair the way it sprouts outta your head does not automatically make you magically delicious.

I'm sorry but I nearly choked on my peach ice tea when I read that

I have no comment on the larger issue being discussed.

Carry on ladies.

 

[tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT]

Wow. So if u "ain't" pretty.... Or possibly "slightly" the contrary

U need all the help u can get.... And relaxed hair becomes the upgrade? Pretty's u up (if u will?)

Nice! Lmao

 

[tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT]

totally reaching for my flat iron!

 

[DeepBluSea]

To answer the OP: I have not noticed a backlash against relaxed hair, but I have noticed more black women with natural hair in the media spotlight. I think more black women are curious about their natural hair. Why? Because most of us haven't seen it or don't remember it. The problem with this topic is that people get their feelings hurt because they feel convicted about relaxing their hair. But if you think about it logically, count the number of women you encounter with relaxed hair vs natural hair. If you live in a small town like me, you won't see many twist outs, twists (unless they are kinky twists with extensions), twas, etc. Think about all the kids that are relaxed. My DD is one of 2 natural girls in a class of 10 girls (and this is in kindergarten). People are exposing children to chemicals at a young age without a thought. Why? Because that is all most of us know. Think about the threads regarding professional hair styles and being natural or transitioning. Or will my man still find me attractive if I'm natural. Have you ever seen any of those threads in regards to relaxed hair?

I have no problem with what anyone else does to their head. But I would love to see more people in general who have experienced both relaxed and natural hair. People that truly got the chance to do what's best for them and not just do what they have always known.

Another thing that "bothers" me is the undercurrent that there are too many threads geared toward naturals. Why aren't you (in general) starting a thread. Where are the threads about rollersets, how to properly relax your hair, updos for relaxed hair? Why don't you (in general) jump in and participate? Stop all the whining and complaining (and posting ateyya/kimmay threads and natural vs relaxed threads to start drama) and keep some threads about relaxed and natural hair going. I vote for more pics and education, less drama.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Wow. So if u "ain't" pretty.... Or possibly "slightly" the contrary

U need all the help u can get.... And relaxed hair becomes the upgrade? Pretty's u up (if u will?)

Nice! Lmao

There is no place in my post where I said relaxed hair was an upgrade.

But I stand 100% behind facially challenged people needing all the help they can get.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

No ones saying everyone looks good with an Afro,

Actually, yes that is exactly what is being implied if not said outright. And I am speaking very specifically on the claim that we should "embrace our hair as it grows out of our heads", since the phrase is tossed around in every nappy discussion.

I am sure that there is no questioning that hair does not grow in twist, braid or puff formation. The default natural hair style is an afro whether it is a TWA, BAF or somewhere in between. So if a fro is the universal starting point and common denominator with nappy hair, then it's a fair place to determine whether it is a universally flattering style. Which I don't believe it is. It's hard to live up to universal standards, whether they be pre-determined by Europeans or Africans.

 

[mango387]

I don't where this fits in, but I'll throw this out there...

I grew out my healthy, relaxed hair in college. I wore my hair natural for two years. I LOVED IT, and I received compliments from a lot of people. The only thing that was difficult for me is that I have mostly 4B hair, and it seems that my two-strand twist would almost start to lock after a few days. It sounds like I am exaggerating, but I am not. Also, I liked to wear my hair straight occasionally, and my press wouldn't last even four days here. Therefore, I began relaxing again. To make a long story short, I have received no "hate" from the naturals I know. I believe that a lot of people realize that it's all about choice.

On a side note, I didn't go natural for any serious before, but I do want to be a natural by the time I have children. I want them to see me loving myself as God created me, so they will know that there is nothing wrong with their hair, etc. Then, I'll slap on the creamiest crack I can find once they get the point.