Vanity has always been my Favorite Sin...(Long)

I must say the movie The Devil's Advocate has way too much nudity and sex, but it is one of my favorite of all time. This is because of the devil saying, "Vanity has always been my favorite sin." The first time I saw it I remember staying up all night wondering what sin I keep getting snagged in that the devil would look at me and say "____ has always been my fave sin when it comes to this here human" I figured out what mine was/is, but I'm not ready to share it in public yet.

I was talking to my friend the other night and I recognized that we Christians fall prey to vanity of a whole other level, and we often gloss over it or label it so that we don't see it for what it is. My friend Sera has always been misunderstood. Even by me. I went to religious schools all through life, and always wondered what she was doing there. She was one of those girls who always wore her uniform too short, so she could tease the boys, and rumor had it that she was sleeping around with everyone and his daddy. She'd admitted it to me that she wasn't a virgin, but not the nature of her sexual activity or lack of theorof.

I enjoyed talking to her and she was a really sweet girl, very pretty, but I couldn't help thinking she was a ho. I would look at her and thank God that I wasn't like her, that I was "pure" and good, not dirty like her. I remember my 6th grade teacher telling us "Imagine going to a shop to buy bottle coke, and then on the shelf, you find one coke that has a broken seal, but all the soda is still in it, one that is perfectly sealed and full, and one that not only has a broken seal, but someone has drank out of it already" Then she went on to explain that women who weren't virgins were like the broken coke, virgins were the full coke and girls who were "technically" virgins, were the broken seal but full coke. I remember thinking to myself, I'm so lucky I'm worth more, and that mentality stuck with me.

Every girl I talked to that wasn't a virgin I looked down on her. Even though I kept telling myself that "I just know what's important," or "She made a mistake but she's great." Deep down I felt like I was better than she. I realized I had turned the issue of virginity into a matter of how great I was rather than a matter of honoring God.

I realized that every time someone came to school to talk to us about premarital sex, the person just hammered the notion of how valuable virginity makes you, rather than the idea that virginity is a choice that spares you a lot of heartache, and honors God. They would always throw in the one-liner about secondary virginity and then go on to exemplify the virgin as if she were Mary in the Catholic church.

So back to talking to Sera. She made mistakes in like the 6th grade. She didn't feel like fixing her mistakes because in her words, "I am already damaged goods. I'm the half-drank, or in my case, almost empty coke." She said she feels she has nothing of value to offer a man, so why bother? She gets judged by Christians everywhere. She feels like she cannot redeem herself, because even if God forgives her, she cannot restore her virginity. She will never be a whole person again. I was so pained talking to her , knowng I was partly responsible for her pain. I tried to comfort her, but didn't really know what to say. I realised that sexual immorality is always elevated to being such a horrible sin. Especially that of gay people, yet the bible says we are all as bad in the eyes of the Lord. Everytime, she tried to talk to someone about it, they'd say, 'Girl, God forgives you. I am so glad I am still a virgin, I will have something special to give my husband. This is why Im glad I didn't make that mistake.' How does this make someone feel better, rubbing it in her face?

I told her that her heart is in the right place, because she feels bad, it means the conscience is still there. I told her (no offence to anyone), but a piece of skin doesn't make anyone in anymore special, valuable and loveable than she, and that she has way more to offer a man than sex. That if a man would not see past her past mistakes, then that was his fault, not hers.

Don't get me wrong, I believe in the importance of purity and all, but I think we need to revisit how we are stressing this message out there.

Wow interesting post and story. I guess we all have something about ourselves that we can associate with the "I think I'm better than" feeling and look down on others for that certain thing/situation.
I looked down on my sister for having sex and getting preggars as a teen. I was quite traumatized and embarrassed by her actions as I attended Catholic school for quite a few years of my life and was raised in the church.

For me it wasn't holding onto virginity. It was many other worldly and spiritual things I felt truly blessed and looked down on others for. I was afraid to have sex more so than being defiled or viewed less than by God or others. I wanted to get the deed done because I got teased unmercifully for being a virgin. Not long after getting the deed done I was with child, ran off and got married. Now thats a whole nother story there.

My grand vanity lied in not overindulging and having self control in regards to food, exercise and being grateful I wasn't overweight/fat.

We all fall short in Gods eyes but most of us were raised to revere and hold onto our crown jewel/virginity let alone being view as unattractive.

There are a host of sins that many of us forget that we are induldging in outside of holding tight to our prized jewel. Its a great thing when you can go outside yourself and own up to those shortcomings.

You're right about showing compassion. There is really no way around it.

The problem is that in the midst of the hurting lives who want to do right; there are a host of others who will continue to enforce that wrong is right and will not set standards upon their lives.

This is where we have to be lead of the Holy Spirit when ministry and love is needed or when a serious 'stand' must be presented. Each person is an individual and needs to be ministered to accordingly. Some need open loving arms that say, 'Baby, it's okay, I've been there, you're not alone in this and we can fix this together." Other times, we have to put the devil in his place and take a stand for what is right.

I personally prefer to 'love' than to chastise. For who am I to judge or condemn...I can't for I am not God and I am not free of sin, let alone vanity. My choice is to choose love 'first' and foremost. But there are times when God does call us to take a firm stand against sin.

There's an old saying, "Don't take my kindness for weakness.' Being a Christian means we have to walk in tough love as well and tender.

As for your friend Sera, she was a hurting soul and the Holy Spirit convicted you of this and you chose to 'love' her and to stop judging. Being a virgin or a person of 'abstinence' is not a pedestal for perfection in character. Without love, it is simply a state of being...no different than a pillar of salt, a cold statue.

If the truth be known, most women who are sexually active are the most loving persons of all, for they are giving and seeking love by way of sex. I know this personally, because I lived it. Sexual intimacy for me is the highest expression of love for me to give to a man...I give him the best of me because I love him.

Such as your friend Sera and women like her...a loving person, looking for love in return. But all the more reason to cherish the gift of herself for the one man who will love her enough to marry her and cherish who she is.

To be Vain in Virtue...yes it's wrong. But to Cherish Virtue is honorable.

I admire your spirit. God lead you here to put peace into the hearts of those who have been condemned. God bless you.

"If the truth be known, most women who are sexually active are the most loving persons of all, for they are giving and seeking love by way of sex. I know this personally, because I lived it. Sexual intimacy for me is the highest expression of love for me to give to a man...I give him the best of me because I love him. "


Wow. I really like this paragraph. I have never looked at it this way and it is definitely something to share. A lot of times we don't think about what is really behind sin. I saw a story about this girl who was sexually active because she was raped as a young girl and she just wanted to "erase" that negative sexual experience.

Ya, Sera is a very loving person, which is why i've been friends with her to this day, and even when I used to look down on her. This made me think of that old Out of Eden song, "Looking for love in all the wrong places just to find someone who can erase the hurt, if you could get a portion the love of God goes deeper than an ocean"

very enlightning...

i enjoyed reading your post, especially the part about the issue of virginity being about how good and better you are than others instead of honoring god. I know some one who does this, and she doesnt even realize it.

vivmaiko said:

"If the truth be known, most women who are sexually active are the most loving persons of all, for they are giving and seeking love by way of sex. I know this personally, because I lived it. Sexual intimacy for me is the highest expression of love for me to give to a man...I give him the best of me because I love him. "


Wow. I really like this paragraph. I have never looked at it this way and it is definitely something to share. A lot of times we don't think about what is really behind sin. I saw a story about this girl who was sexually active because she was raped as a young girl and she just wanted to "erase" that negative sexual experience.

Ya, Sera is a very loving person, which is why i've been friends with her to this day, and even when I used to look down on her. This made me think of that old Out of Eden song, "Looking for love in all the wrong places just to find someone who can erase the hurt, if you could get a portion the love of God goes deeper than an ocean"

Click to expand...

When I was a teenager and in my early college years, I thought a lot like you. I'm in my 20's now, and still a virgin, but I've changed my opinion about it. I feel very much like Shimmie, in that many women who give men sex are very loving. I've also come to realize that there are many women who don't have sex, and it's out of fear, not empowerment. There are a lot of virgins/celibate women who don't know how to relate to others, especially those of the opposite sex, and that's not necessarily Godly. We have to love our neighbors, whether they are "good" or "bad" for we have no real right to judge others, b/c we are all sinners, and our best is no better than a "filthy rag."

Whatever decision one makes is personal, and I believe that sometimes God allows us to go the wrong way, b/c He must teach us a valuable lesson, that without the mistake, there could be no miracle.

Also, I've learned a lot of women (and men) that sleep around have either abuse in their past, or definitely a high level of pain (maybe a parent abandoned them, or someone hurt them very badly), and they use sex like a drug...to relieve themselves.

Vivmaiko, thank you so much for your insightful post. I had never really thought of that as being vanity so much as it is pride. Thanks very much again. You have really given me food for thought...

Take care and Happy New Year!