Natural Woes: I LOVE washing my hair BUT......(VENT)

[Crystalicequeen123]

......I absolutely detest detangling, and even more so...I hate the fact that I have to basically style it while it's wet or damp, otherwise....I'll have a huge tangled mess on my hands the next morning....

Now before anyone gets the wrong impression, let me just clarify and say that I LOVE my natural hair, and I LOVE being natural! I actually wish I had gone natural back in college!

However, one thing that I'm finding challenging or a bit of a pain (and maybe some of you fellow natural ladies can relate ) is having to take so much time to style my hair (twists, Bantu knots, etc) after I wash it!

When I was a short haired natural, my hair was so easy! I felt like my hair grew and thrived. But now that my hair is getting longer (it's past collar bone length now), I'm finding that I DREAD spending the time and energy it takes not only to wash but to also style my hair. I HATE wearing wash and go's because they look good for about a day or two, but then the tangles and the SHRINKAGE breaks my hair off.

Therefore, now I'm going weeks sometimes without washing, my hair feels dry at times, and the tangles never seen to get any better.

Idk....Maybe I'm just in a natural funk. I would LOVE to keep my hair washed and motorized, but I'm sick of two stands twists, and I wish I knew how to really do some intricate flat twist styles because I would prob keep my hair like that for 2 weeks at a time.

I'm just so busy these days, and my hair shows it.

Am I the only one who feels this way? How did you overcome this? I want to grow longer, healthier hair, but I feel like I'm at a plateau because I'm in an area that doesn't specialize in black hair....let ALONE natural hair , and I just want something quick and easy I can do in order to keep my hair stretched. (My hair grows better this way, and I retain more length and moisture when it's stretched)

 

[Blackbird77]

This sounds like me for the past couple of years. I've been so busy that hair (gasp!) is the last thing on my mind. I love wash day but the first day after the wash is the worst because my hair looks best days after. I washed and flat ironed my hair last night to see how it looks after not using heat for about 3 years and it doesn't look like how it used to. I'm trying to find ways to style my hair without resorting to a wig.

 

[LivingInPeace]

Detangling is what's kept me from washing my hair for the past two weeks! It's never as bad as I fear but I just hate it. So today, I bought a big bottle of conditioner so when I detangle, I can drown my hair in creamy goodness and slide that comb through.

 

[Leona28]

Have you ever tried Sebastian Penetraitt Deep Strengthening & Repair Conditioner? Use this Deep conditioner with Brahmi-Amla Oil. I deep condition before shampoo with this and then I use the same conditioner as a rinse. It is very softening and makes hair more manageable to detangle.
If your hair dries quickly during the week, either co-wash more often Or if it means simply rinsing with water in the shower and air drying the rest of the day, your hair will be more easy to manage. (moisture, moisture, moisture). I'm guessing your hair dries up very quickly or your moisturizer isn't staying in long enough. You may find shea butter based moisturizers (not lotions) are helpful for your hair concern.

Try these out and let me know how things go.

 

[ManeStreet]

Just sounds like hair styling burn out. Just take a break. Get some braids or kinky twists. A 4-6 week break is a nice treat sometimes.

 

[tuffCOOKiE]

Crystalicequeen123

Girl, I 100% feel you. I have not done a wng in about 3 years, I love washing my hair also but I am now on week 4 of not washing my hair because of this nonsense.

I need an intervention.

I haven't found that product that gives me slip enough to no get angry and then start ripping hair out. And then I have this other issue now where my hair gets tangled at the root Lawd.

I'm planning on trying to do something with it this week because it's just super duper dry at this point and that's never any good!

 

[Foxglove]

Same here. Damned it you do and damned if you don't

 

[faithVA]

I love washing my hair also. And detangling isn't a problem. But styling is horrible because every style I want needs about 2" more hair. If I wear it out, its going to dry out. If I twist it they are going to stick straight up in the air after 2 days. And my flat twist are too short to pin. I want to cowash my hair midweek but I don't have 2 more hours to style my hair. (sigh)

My twists were so ugly yesterday I was embarrassed for my SO. Fortunately I had on a cycling helmet.

I may just have to wig it in April to get a break. I'm not crazy about wigs though.

I feel your pain OP

 

[bronzephoenix]

Some of these woes are precisely what led me back to twa-ville. But I agree that putting your hair away in a protective style may get you through this slump. At least that way you don't end up making a regretful decision or cause damage due to neglect or frustration. **HUGS** This too shall pass.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[Royalq]

i know! I love my hair i just hate doing it . especially detangling . it takes me about 2 hrs to detangle. I was just in the shower for about 1 hr 45 mins!! ugh... everything after that is fast. And i setting my hair at night. i just want to go straight to sleep

 

[starchgirl]

I get hair washing fatigue a few times per year mostly about detangling too. My hair is BSL, but I have come up with a routine that will let me shower, detangle, condition and rinse in an hour. I also where it in buns mostly to avoid having to style it weekly.

The quickest way for me is to pre poo overnight and let my hair marinate long enough to loosen the tangles. If I forget to plan in advance for wash day, I section my hair into 4 clamps, add my prepoo and detangler (I use Kinky Curly Knot Today), wet each section as soon as I get in the shower to activate the detangler, shower, then start to detangle under the shower stream with the water hotter than normal to soften the hair. It's a little slower, but still works in about 60-70 minutes.

 

[Phoenix14]

I hate washing my hair. Detangling is never a problem, but I never know how to style it. In fact, I'm sitting here right now hair clean and detangled but no idea how to comb it.

 

[uofmpanther]

I hate washing my hair. Detangling is never a problem, but I never know how to style it. In fact, I'm sitting here right now hair clean and detangled but no idea how to comb it.

This is me

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

THANK YOU for all of the responses ladies and the encouragement. I was a little reluctant at first at even making this thread because I didn't want anyone to get the wrong impression lol.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE my natural hair, but I feel like the longer it gets, the less and LESS I know how to manage it or take care of it properly in a healthy way. erplexed

My hair is GROWING (it's always grown like a weed ever since I went natural), but I feel like it's not really RETAINING as much length as it could because I'm just not good at STYLING my hair. After 3 years of being natural I should have found a STABLE way to wash, handle, and style my hair by now. You would think lol!

I TRY to use the tips of Youtubers Kimmaytube, and Naptural85 (I notice they keep their hair STRETCHED in order to get length), but I feel like they must have a TON of time in order to do their hair....time that I just don't have. I can't afford to take out an entire half a day in order to wash deep condition and STYLE my hair I'm busy even on the weekends!

Detangling is what's kept me from washing my hair for the past two weeks! It's never as bad as I fear but I just hate it. So today, I bought a big bottle of conditioner so when I detangle, I can drown my hair in creamy goodness and slide that comb through.

YAAAASSSS.....girl, I feel your pain. erplexed

This sounds like me for the past couple of years. I've been so busy that hair (gasp!) is the last thing on my mind. I love wash day but the first day after the wash is the worst because my hair looks best days after. I washed and flat ironed my hair last night to see how it looks after not using heat for about 3 years and it doesn't look like how it used to. I'm trying to find ways to style my hair without resorting to a wig.

Blackbird77
Yes girl!!! You know how it feels! Plus, you have fine-textured hair like me so we BOTH know how easy it is to get tangles and breakage..


Awww....what did your hair look like after you flat-ironed it?? What do you mean it didn't look like how it used to?? Did you use the right products??

Have you ever tried Sebastian Penetraitt Deep Strengthening & Repair Conditioner? Use this Deep conditioner with Brahmi-Amla Oil. I deep condition before shampoo with this and then I use the same conditioner as a rinse. It is very softening and makes hair more manageable to detangle.

If your hair dries quickly during the week, either co-wash more often Or if it means simply rinsing with water in the shower and air drying the rest of the day, your hair will be more easy to manage. (moisture, moisture, moisture). I'm guessing your hair dries up very quickly or your moisturizer isn't staying in long enough. You may find shea butter based moisturizers (not lotions) are helpful for your hair concern.

Try these out and let me know how things go.

Leona28
I've never tried this! Thanks for the recommendation!



Do most of you all detangle when your hair is already sopping wet? Or, do you spritz a little section, put detangler and conditioner on and THEN start detangling??

@Crystalicequeen123

Girl, I 100% feel you. I have not done a wng in about 3 years, I love washing my hair also but I am now on week 4 of not washing my hair because of this nonsense.

I need an intervention.

I haven't found that product that gives me slip enough to no get angry and then start ripping hair out. And then I have this other issue now where my hair gets tangled at the root Lawd.

I'm planning on trying to do something with it this week because it's just super duper dry at this point and that's never any good!

tuffCOOKiE

YES Girl....I feel you 100%.

After this last wash n go, I think I'm going to eliminate it COMPLETELY from my regimen lol It's SOO counterproductive to my hair now! I think that after a certain length, wash n go's can actually HARM to natural hair...

 

[Ogoma]

It gets better I promise! .

I finger detangle when I put my conditioner in and finger detangle again under the shower head. My wash day routine does not take me longer than 30 minutes and this includes a shower and face scrub.

As my hair got longer, styling got easier. I put my hair in one braid, either center or side part, to stretch. I do mostly up-dos or buns for work, and if I am doing something or going somewhere after work and want my hair down, I just take down the bun/up-do for a nice stretched style. At night, it is either one or two braids or one high bun with a satin scrunchy. I moisturize during the week as needed. Being able to put all my hair in one low braid, wet or dry, really makes things so easy for me.

On the occasions, I feel like playing with my hair and doing something different, I stretch with Curlformers and try various styles. While Curlformers affords me a greater stretch, it also looks blow dried so it is frizzier than when my hair is in its coily state.

 

[beauti]

*prior to washing, detangle with product that gives you slip (serum)
*wash in loose plats or braids, something that gives access to scalp
*after washing, wait until hair is 80-90% dry before detangling
* wear buns or wigs when you get tired of styling your hair

 

[faithVA]

It gets better I promise! .

I finger detangle when I put my conditioner in and finger detangle again under the shower head. My wash day routine does not take me longer than 30 minutes and this includes a shower and face scrub.

As my hair got longer, styling got easier. I put my hair in one braid, either center or side part, to stretch. I do mostly up-dos or buns for work, and if I am doing something or going somewhere after work and want my hair down, I just take down the bun/up-do for a nice stretched style. At night, it is either one or two braids or one high bun with a satin scrunchy. I moisturize during the week as needed. Being able to put all my hair in one low braid, wet or dry, really makes things so easy for me.

On the occasions, I feel like playing with my hair and doing something different, I stretch with Curlformers and try various styles. While Curlformers affords me a greater stretch, it also looks blow dried so it is frizzier than when my hair is in its coily state.

I'm not going to ever be able to finish a wash day in 30 minutes, but it sounds so good But I do believe it will be better when it is longer to style.

 

[southerncitygirl]

it will get better Crystalicequeen123

there is a learning curve with natural hair. i can wash, condition, detangle and style in 45-60 minutes and i usually do so before bed.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

It gets better I promise! .

I finger detangle when I put my conditioner in and finger detangle again under the shower head. My wash day routine does not take me longer than 30 minutes and this includes a shower and face scrub.

As my hair got longer, styling got easier. I put my hair in one braid, either center or side part, to stretch. I do mostly up-dos or buns for work, and if I am doing something or going somewhere after work and want my hair down, I just take down the bun/up-do for a nice stretched style. At night, it is either one or two braids or one high bun with a satin scrunchy. I moisturize during the week as needed. Being able to put all my hair in one low braid, wet or dry, really makes things so easy for me.

On the occasions, I feel like playing with my hair and doing something different, I stretch with Curlformers and try various styles. While Curlformers affords me a greater stretch, it also looks blow dried so it is frizzier than when my hair is in its coily state.

Thanks for the tips @Ogoma!!

How do you put your hair all in one big braid?? Your hair must be SUPER long, because after my hair is wet, it SHRINKS! I don't think I would be able to get my hair in one big braid and my hair is at least shoulder length.

I think my hair would have to be way past BSL for me to even attempt to do that. erplexed

I just get at a loss of what to do after I jump out of the shower after I've washed my hair. I'm SICK and tired of two-strand twists...



I think what I'll do is watch some more YouTube tutorial Videos tonight....

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

it will get better @Crystalicequeen123

there is a learning curve with natural hair. i can wash, condition, detangle and style in 45-60 minutes and i usually do so before bed.

southerncitygirl

REALLY???? GIrl, WHAT is your secret!??!? I don't think I can even wash and detangle in that amount of time. Shoot.......deep conditioning ALONE takes me 30 min. AT LEAST!

There's GOTTA be an easier way to deal/handle/style/wash natural hair.....

I refuse to believe that it's THIS hard alllll the time if you want LONG natural hair.


I need your secrets

 

[Mjon912]

Aww... I understand your frustration! Don't give up on stretching your hair, I am a stay at home mom to a 3yr old and 9month old and 18 months into my transition. Keeping my hair "stretched" in a straight style has kept it manageable when washing, sounds kind of crazy but I'm serious but I think it has to be a continual thing.
Also add a little honey to your deep conditioner, it helps your hair hold in moisture and makes detangling a breeze!
Good Luck =)

 

[Ogoma]

Thanks for the tips @Ogoma!!

How do you put your hair all in one big braid?? Your hair must be SUPER long, because after my hair is wet, it SHRINKS! I don't think I would be able to get my hair in one big braid and my hair is at least shoulder length.

I think my hair would have to be way past BSL for me to even attempt to do that. erplexed

I just get at a loss of what to do after I jump out of the shower after I've washed my hair. I'm SICK and tired of two-strand twists...



I think what I'll do is watch some more YouTube tutorial Videos tonight....

It did get easier to do as my hair got longer (my hair is somewhere between BSB and MBL), but I had workarounds when my hair was shorter, especially with side parts. I braid what will fit and then braid/twist the ends of what would not fit and pin it into the top of the other hair. Sometimes, I put it in a ponytail holder, braided it, and took the ponytail holder off. I like low braids because I could fold them up and make a bun.

I can't afford to have long wash "days". I needed to find a routine that allowed me to jump in the shower, wash my hair, and still make it to brunch one hour later, for example. I didn't want to feel trapped in the house, plus it wouldn't fit the type of life I like to live.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Aww... I understand your frustration! Don't give up on stretching your hair, I am a stay at home mom to a 3yr old and 9month old and 18 months into my transition. Keeping my hair "stretched" in a straight style has kept it manageable when washing, sounds kind of crazy but I'm serious but I think it has to be a continual thing.
Also add a little honey to your deep conditioner, it helps your hair hold in moisture and makes detangling a breeze!
Good Luck =)

Thanks! Wow...I wouldn't think that Honey would actually HELP with detangling I don't know why I envision a sticky mess lol.

But I'll start trying some new products/techniques.

It did get easier to do as my hair got longer (my hair is somewhere between BSB and MBL), but I had workarounds when my hair was shorter, especially with side parts. I braid what will fit and then braid/twist the ends of what would not fit and pin it into the top of the other hair. Sometimes, I put it in a ponytail holder, braided it, and took the ponytail holder off. I like low braids because I could fold them up and make a bun.

I can't afford to have long wash "days". I needed to find a routine that allowed me to jump in the shower, wash my hair, and still make it to brunch one hour later, for example. I didn't want to feel trapped in the house, plus it wouldn't fit the type of life I like to live.

YES!! This is how I FEEL! If I start to wash my hair, there is NO way I would be able to meet someone for lunch in an hour. That's why I usually have my wash days during the evenings when I'm about ready to go to bed. But then I get upset because I don't know how to manage my hair so that it's dry by the time I want to actually go to sleep.

Sleeping w/wet-head = No bueno

Okay, so when you washed in an hour, HOW did you wear your hair for brunch so that it looked "presentable" to wear out??

Maybe that's my whole dilemma. I HATE wearing twists (I feel they make me look juvenile at times, and I don't think they're the most "flattering" style on me unless my hair is blown out and twisted ), and I don't know of any QUICK styles that I can do on my natural hair right after I wash that will have me looking presentable. erplexed

 

[tuffCOOKiE]

What? Jeezuus.

What part of my soul do I have to sell to get just my detangling routine to 30 min?

 

[Holla]

If I wash, I can leave in less than one hour if I do a high bun with ecostyler gel for my edges and a donut to give my hair shape.

 

[Ogoma]

[...]

Maybe that's my whole dilemma. I HATE wearing twists (I feel they make me look juvenile at times, and I don't think they're the most "flattering" style on me unless my hair is blown out and twisted ), and I don't know of any QUICK styles that I can do on my natural hair right after I wash that will have me looking presentable. erplexed

A center part really works well for my face so I just roll up my low braid and use you-pins similar to the one below to create a nice bun. A little aloe gel on my edges and to smooth down some frizz and I am good to go.

I have about 8 you-pins of different colors and about 10 different flexi-clips. I love them. I always get compliments on my hair whenever I use them and they make styling fun.

 

[SheenaVee]

Last year, around this time, my hair had gotten past bra strap and was very near, or possibly even waist length and I just could not be bothered with washing and styling it.

I don't do twist outs and things like that, usually just a wash and go, but even that I couldn't be bothered with. After i washed my hair I just used to leave it product less and just tie it in a ponytail.

So I just decided to cut it all off. I cut it so it was neck length straight and a sort of curly bob when curly and I loved it so much! I totally got back into styling it again. I think I just really needed a change.

I'm growing my hair back out now and it's a little past armpit length at the moment. I'm not suggesting you cut your hair OP lol I'm just saying that you're probably just going through a phase where you're bored and/or tired of your hair and need a change. Maybe switch it up, get a weave, wig or braids or something. That might help.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

A center part really works well for my face so I just roll up my low braid and use you-pins similar to the one below to create a nice bun. A little aloe gel on my edges and to smooth down some frizz and I am good to go.

I have about 8 you-pins of different colors and about 10 different flexi-clips. I love them. I always get compliments on my hair whenever I use them and they make styling fun.

Thanks Ogoma!

I'll have to try this technique some time. I always get so tired of the drying and styling process AFTER I wash my hair.... I keep telling myself, there HAS to be an easier way. erplexed

I guess, I'm just scared of my hair knotting up even FURTHER.... ugh...

Idk, maybe I need to watch more YouTube tutorials and learn how to do more styles on my hair lol.

Last year, around this time, my hair had gotten past bra strap and was very near, or possibly even waist length and I just could not be bothered with washing and styling it.

I don't do twist outs and things like that, usually just a wash and go, but even that I couldn't be bothered with. After i washed my hair I just used to leave it product less and just tie it in a ponytail.

So I just decided to cut it all off. I cut it so it was neck length straight and a sort of curly bob when curly and I loved it so much! I totally got back into styling it again. I think I just really needed a change.

I'm growing my hair back out now and it's a little past armpit length at the moment. I'm not suggesting you cut your hair OP lol I'm just saying that you're probably just going through a phase where you're bored and/or tired of your hair and need a change. Maybe switch it up, get a weave, wig or braids or something. That might help.

Thanks for the advice!

Yea Idk what it is. It's not that I'm "tired" of my hair per se (I actually hate wearing braids sometimes even though they give my hair a MUCH needed break, simply because I just LOVE having my hair free and washing my hair, etc.) but I think I'm getting more "hair fatigue" when it comes to knowing what to do AFTER washing. Styling (and even WASHING at times )has become a "chore" to me, and so I don't even look forward to it like I used to.

I think you're right though....I need to do SOMETHING differently. I think I'll look up some more tutorials on YT and see what some of the ladies do on there in order to keep their hair manageable and stress-free.

 

[Blackbird77]

@Blackbird77
Yes girl!!! You know how it feels! Plus, you have fine-textured hair like me so we BOTH know how easy it is to get tangles and breakage..


Awww....what did your hair look like after you flat-ironed it?? What do you mean it didn't look like how it used to?? Did you use the right products??

It seems like after my surgery, my hair has become drier and the curl pattern is off. Now I'm living in NO SHINE CITY. I think because of the anesthesia my hair has stopped growing for a while. After I flat-iron, I wear my hair in a half up/half down style. Girl, my hair looked SICK! I mean, no volume at all.

I've been using Cathy Howse's products for about 8 years and always get great results. I don't know if she changed the formula or what, but I can't the lush locks I used to with these products. It may just be my hair. I just wish my hormone levels (or whatever it is) would just get back to normal so I can grow some hair again. I used to have below bra strap length my left side and because it kept growing so fast I would trim it so that the other side would catch up. Now, there is no growing going on. On another note, my fingernails are growing fast but I don't particular care for long nails so I'd gladly trade fast-growing nails for fast-growing hair.

 

[Blairx0]

I hate detangling. Then I met yogurt and the detangle was done for me. As long as keep my hair stretched shed hair mostly slide outs. Detangles takes me about 10 mins. I only really have to work with my crown as it refuses to get with the program.