My SO kinda hurt my feelings today.....Kinda long

[IMFOCSD]

Me, my 2brothers and my SO were having a conversation about why people spend so much time on the internet. I told him I spend so much time on LHCF because I feel a connection to the members of LHCF. Even though most of us are so far apart we still communicate with each other everyday. So he goes on and on about.....something, I forgot (I started tunning him out because he was annoying me a little).

Anyway, So I remind him that my hair has been growing since I have been a member of LHCF. He had the nerve to say, "you have been doing the same thing to your hair for six months and it has not grown that much! " My feelings were hurt and I wanted to I could not believe that comment came out of his mouth. I swear I wanted to turn to him and I know he feels that I do too much to my hair but now I know he feels that all my hard work is really not helping any.
So I try to explain to him about finding the right products, regimen etc and I tell him that it takes time. So he says, "it takes six months"? Yall, I am like so down right now! When I began taking care of my hair it was nape length and now it is at the end of my neck. I was starting to feel good about myself and my hair, now he has flushed all that self esteem I finally built down the drain. He did not say it in a mean way....but he said it and that must be how he feels so....I don't know...maybe I am being too sensitive. Should I let him know that he has hurt me? or should I just let it go? Even though I know this will pass and I'll get over it...It is still bothering me.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.




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[itsmeme]

You should tell him if it hurts your feelings that much. I do understand this a very sensitive subject so you have every right to tell him that it is important to you, and that its not just something you do to pass time. Another thing i mos def see your progress , plus boys dont really pay attenion to stuff like that anywayz With that said you know you've made progress you have the pictures to prove it

 

[naturallylovely]

men aren't that observant...especially when it comes to things like hair.

 

[malibu4590]

I agree that you should tell your SO that he hurt your feelings. He probably didn't think before he spoke so I honestly believe he didn't say it maliciously. Let his words give you that extra motivation to acheive your hair goals. You are clearly on your way. Good luck and HHG ((huggs))

 

[tld723]

Some men really are sooo insensitive. I definitely see a difference. Is that your baby in your sig? ( litttle darlin ) If so, hormones definitely play a part in why or why not certain things are going to work for you. You should tell him how you feel about what he said. He didn't have a problem telling you

 

[1Specialk]

Me, my 2brothers and my SO were having a conversation about why people spend so much time on the internet. I told him I spend so much time on LHCF because I feel a connection to the members of LHCF. Even though most of us are so far apart we still communicate with each other everyday. So he goes on and on about.....something, I forgot (I started tunning him out because he was annoying me a little).

Anyway, So I remind him that my hair has been growing since I have been a member of LHCF. He had the nerve to say, "you have been doing the same thing to your hair for six months and it has not grown that much! " My feelings were hurt and I wanted to I could not believe that comment came out of his mouth. I swear I wanted to turn to him and I know he feels that I do too much to my hair but now I know he feels that all my hard work is really not helping any.
So I try to explain to him about finding the right products, regimen etc and I tell him that it takes time. So he says, "it takes six months"? Yall, I am like so down right now! When I began taking care of my hair it was nape length and now it is at the end of my neck. I was starting to feel good about myself and my hair, now he has flushed all that self esteem I finally built down the drain. He did not say it in a mean way....but he said it and that must be how he feels so....I don't know...maybe I am being too sensitive. Should I let him know that he has hurt me? or should I just let it go? Even though I know this will pass and I'll get over it...It is still bothering me.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.




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From your siggy, I can tell that your hair has grown and you know that it has grown, so don't let anyone accomplishment away. Talk to your honey and actually show him what average growth in 6 months actually looks like (measuring tape 3in).

On a side note, he should be agreeing with everything you say ( with in reason ) since giving him a beautiful baby!

 

[CaribbeanQueen]

Girl, a similar thing happened to me.

When I first decided I wanted to grow my hair, I had a baby fro. I changed my regime from washing once a week and barely moisturizing to baggying, moisturizing, deep conditioning, washing, using stinky Aphogee, reading books, not to mention practically living on this site (well I still do lol)

Anway, DH was like 'You are obsessed with your hair. You are becoming vain. You are doing too much, yada, yada, ya"

But eventually I went from having that baby fro to the length that you see in my avatar. Its not where I want to be, but it is a far cry from where I used to be.

Oneday when I was finished washing, deep conditioning and flat ironing my hair DH was like . Now, when I say I want to grow my hair to my bra strap or waist, he doesnt make any silly comments and he doesnt doubt me.

My advice: Dont say anything to him now, just do your thang... you are making progress. And when your hair is flowing and blowing in the breeze remind him of his words. He will surely eat them

 

[misskris816]

Awww, sorry your hubby hurt your feelings! Absolutely, I think you should tell him that he hurt your feelings. If nothing else, it might prevent him from running his mouth in the future.

 

[PuffyBrown]

Hug Hug

Men can be so insensitive sometimes.
I agree that you should let him know it was an issue.
Keep growing your hair out and the first time he acknowledges the length, just remind him how insentive he was at first. He will come around....I am sorry you had to put up with male BS...they can be such BUTTHEADS!

 

[disgtgyal]

awww i'm sorry but to avoid this happening in the futre i think u shud tell him (after u beat him down... j/k)but at the same time men will b men they don't and probably wont eva understand how much out hair means to us

 

[Monilove122]

I agree, men aren't observant at all and although we see a difference and you see a difference for a man, it would have to be a lot more for them to notice. I know that our SO's hurt us sometimes with things they say but, I subscribe to the belief that you should pick your battles. Personally, this isn't one I would pick cause I wouldn't want him to label me as overly sensitive then not tell me anything for fear he was hurting my feelings.

Just keep doing your thing and when your hair is swinging and guys are looking or he's running his hands through your hair. Turn to him and say, "Remember that time..."

Girl, a similar thing happened to me.

When I first decided I wanted to grow my hair, I had a baby fro. I changed my regime from washing once a week and barely moisturizing to baggying, moisturizing, deep conditioning, washing, using stinky Aphogee, reading books, not to mention practically living on this site (well I still do lol)

Anway, DH was like 'You are obsessed with your hair. You are becoming vain. You are doing too much, yada, yada, ya"

But eventually I went from having that baby fro to the length that you see in my avatar. Its not where I want to be, but it is a far cry from where I used to be.

Oneday when I was finished washing, deep conditioning and flat ironing my hair DH was like . Now, when I say I want to grow my hair to my bra strap or waist, he doesnt make any silly comments and he doesnt doubt me.

My advice: Dont say anything to him now, just do your thang... you are making progress. And when your hair is flowing and blowing in the breeze remind him of his words. He will surely eat them

 

[MsJellie]

First off, girl you are beautiful and don't you forget it! And, your hair is GROWING!!!! Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise...the proof is in the pics!!! I agree with the other ladies in telling him that it hurt your feelings. Don't let this discourage you on your journey to healthy hair. If anything, let this be something that encourages you more to strive for that goal!

 

[Energist]

Sweetcoco, I'm sorry that he was so insensitive. Some men have a "way with words" He may not know much about the anatomy of hair and how it works for different people. The important thing is that you realize a difference and hopefully with even more encouragement and help from the ladies here it will grow even more until you reach your goal. Don't give up or give up on feeling wonderful about yourself. I have noticed lhcf to be a very uplifting and empowering site, it would be a shame for 1 comment to thwart your view of your possibilities

 

[Desert Skye]

Aww sweetcoco I am so sorry to hear that. I know you SO would never want to hurt you that way, but I think he didnt realize just how seriously you took your hair. I know he should have taken a hint by seeing all you do, but you know how dense guys are.

 

[bklynLadee]

{{hugz}} I am so sorry girl...I can only imagine how that feels. I think you should do what you know would be best. You of all know how your SO would respond to you saying how you feel. I would love to say girl...you need to tell him how you feel, but what if he makes another silly comment? If you feel that you can tell him, and he'll listen, I would suggest you tell him. Let him know that this is something you are doing for you, and it makes you feel good about you and we he said really did get to you because you care how he feels about you. If he's not the type to understand or you think it would be a problem...I would suggest what another member suggested. Don't say a word ...Let this be your thang, and love you, and take care of you...sooner or later he will be runnin his fingaz through ya hair and he is gonna be . That's when you give him the look like I told you so (you know that look im tryna make ).

You are beautiful, and we are here for you. Love ya!

 

[Kimberly]

Hey...I agree with the other poster who said to let this motivate you even moreso. You can let him know now that what he said hurt your feelings but I wouldn't hold on to it until later to throw it back as a "remember that time last year" or whatever. I'd tell him now and let it go.

Many of us come here for our support and encouragement...at least in the beginning until the people around us start seeing the differences we make with our hair and jump on board.

You'll be alright.

Also, your sweet little baby is only a couple of months old so there is the possibility that you have some hormones raging... You'll be okay. We all see the progress that you made in only one month and "we" as people who know think that is awesome!

 

[bravenewgirl87]

I've never had this problem. Most of the guys i am with are interested in testing what I know about hair! They ask me, "how can I grow my hair? Why is hair like this? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?" But, I've never had anyone be so insensitive. Are you married to him? If not, you might want to bookmark this page in the history books, bc why should he care about what you do to your hair, spend your money, or the time spent on your hair? ITS YOURS. Just, let him know thst this is something you two cannot discuss. LHCF is very difficult for many people to understand and believe because it forces them to question all their beliefs about black wm's hair, beauty and feminity. Maybe he is insecure that you might look so nice when all the hair is grown out that you might leave? i dunno... maybe i am just too young to understand relationships... Sorry about what happened.

 

[IMFOCSD]

Hi everyone

Ladies, thank you so much for your kind words! I was so upset that as soon as I started this thread I went to sleep. I feel alot better after reading what everyone had to say. You all are the best!

I think it bothered me so much because the last month or two of my pregnancy I would wear my hair in four buns and keep my hair moisturized everyday. A couple of weeks after my pregnancy I flat ironed my hair and it was so nice. He was not with me when I did it so I was anxious to see the look on his face. When he finally did show up he sits down on my mother's couch while I make a entrance. When he saw my hair he paused and the look on his face was and it made me feel good. He then asked me if it was my hair and told me it looked good. So last night when he said those things to me it just made me feel like okay, do u not remeber telling me my hair was really growing and getting thicker?

Anyway, I am not going to say anything to him about it because you ladies have made me feel alot better. I do not wear my hair down that much anyway. The last time I wore my hair down me and him were not on speaking terms so he was not really paying me any attention (but everyone else was) I am going to continue doing what I do because I know it is going to pay off even more!!

You ladies are the best! :wink2:

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Men DO NOT like anything that takes your attention away from them. That is all. Don't take it personal. He's being insensitive because he's sensitive to the fact that you have a major interest that you devote your time to outside of him. So he want's you to feel it's useless and unimportant so you can divert all your free attention back to him and what he wants you to be interested in, which is probably his own interests.

 

[IMFOCSD]

Men DO NOT like anything that takes your attention away from them. That is all. Don't take it personal. He's being insensitive because he's sensitive to the fact that you have a major interest that you devote your time to outside of him. So he want's you to feel it's useless and unimportant so you can divert all your free attention back to him and what he wants you to be interested in, which is probably his own interests.

I never looked at this way. You could be right because I do spend lots of time on my hair and on this board. I don't know where I would be w/o you all. Me and him will be together 7 years on july 6 and all these years we have been together my hair was in bad shape and it stayed one legnth.

I am so determined to prove to people (myself included 1st and foremost) that I can grow my hair long and they can too.

sweetcoco

 

[Radianthealth]

My SO said some similar things, I know he wasn't trying to be mean. When I tell him I am going to have hair that touches my bra strap I might as well be telling him that I was abducted by aliens. I have never had hair that long and he is not used to seeing women like me with hair that long. This is why he makes these statements...in his mind he is trying to give me a reality check but truthfully he don't know what the **** is going on, he is a guy

My advice to you is to not involve him too much, just let him see the results for himself. This is what I did with the DH...he thought I was wearing a weave back in December

I am always telling him "I told you so" this will just be another opportunity.

In the end accept him and know that he speaks out of ignorance and just move on and do your thang girl

 

[tnorenberg]

You keep doing your thing girl. We are all here to support each other because it is hard to feel good about our acomplishments among all the haters, naysayers, green eyed monsters, and family/friends who don't support our efforts. Including our SO/DH. I have just learned to tune mine out because whenever he opens his mouth something negetive and non supportive comes out. Some men deliberately try to undermine our efforts, confidence and self worth, even SO/DH. You have to be headstrong and confident in all aspects of your life. Just hang in there . He'll be kissing your butt when you get to APL and then jealous from all the attention you're getting from other men. That's usually when they straighten up.

 

[IMFOCSD]

My SO said some similar things, I know he wasn't trying to be mean. When I tell him I am going to have hair that touches my bra strap I might as well be telling him that I was abducted by aliens. I have never had hair that long and he is not used to seeing women like me with hair that long. This is why he makes these statements...in his mind he is trying to give me a reality check but truthfully he don't know what the **** is going on, he is a guy

My advice to you is to not involve him too much, just let him see the results for himself. This is what I did with the DH...he thought I was wearing a weave back in December

I am always telling him "I told you so" this will just be another opportunity.

In the end accept him and know that he speaks out of ignorance and just move on and do your thang girl

This is too funny but yeah I agree with you.

 

[sareca]

Sorry your feelings were hurt sweety, but I think you've just learned another LHCF lesson. You have to carefully pick who you share your LHCF experience with. My DH (as someone else pointed out) is a little jealous of "the girls" too. I don't share anything but my progress pics with him.

 

[IMFOCSD]

Sorry your feelings were hurt sweety, but I think you've just a learned another LHCF lesson. You have carefully pick who you share your LHCF experience with. My SO (as someone else pointed out) is a little jealous of "the girls" too. I don't share anything but my progress pics with him.

Hi Sareca

Thank you and yes I have learned a lesson. From now on when I feel like talking about hair (which is my fav subject) I will turn to my LHCF sistas (like I always do) instead of the outsiders.

 

[Mahalialee4]

Girl, a similar thing happened to me.

When I first decided I wanted to grow my hair, I had a baby fro. I changed my regime from washing once a week and barely moisturizing to baggying, moisturizing, deep conditioning, washing, using stinky Aphogee, reading books, not to mention practically living on this site (well I still do lol)

Anway, DH was like 'You are obsessed with your hair. You are becoming vain. You are doing too much, yada, yada, ya"

But eventually I went from having that baby fro to the length that you see in my avatar. Its not where I want to be, but it is a far cry from where I used to be.

Oneday when I was finished washing, deep conditioning and flat ironing my hair DH was like . Now, when I say I want to grow my hair to my bra strap or waist, he doesnt make any silly comments and he doesnt doubt me.

My advice: Dont say anything to him now, just do your thang... you are making progress. And when your hair is flowing and blowing in the breeze remind him of his words. He will surely eat them

I agree with this: Otherwise it could be come and out and out "bone of contention" and could lead to more discouragement for you. What can help is to keep measurements and a diary of hair progress. That is what I did for the first three years of hair growing out. I measured different sections and kept a record and I was even impressed. The proof was there in black and white as well as pictures. Men are more impressed by numbers than being told "My hair is growing....getting thicker....etc. It's a man thang! bonjour

 

[chica_canella]

men aren't that observant...especially when it comes to things like hair. [/quote

child aint that the truth.

 

[CAPlush]

Yeah, don't take it to heart. The changes you feel are dramatic seem subtle or maybe even unnoticeable to him. Honestly, my DH does not remember when my hair was the length it was in the first pic in my siggy, and he also does not see much of a difference between the two pics, whereas my sisters think I must've been hit with a super hair grow stick. Over the course of 6 months of growing out my hair, I see dramatic changes, whereas I can remember each of 2 comments he has made "Did you dye your hair" and "did you use gel to slick your hair down." That's it. Guys also don't really know how fast hair is supposed to grow either, maybe he thinks that if you've been growing your hair for 6 months it should be down to your butt by now.

 

[guesswho]

awww I understand what you are saying but don't let it get you down I wish I could hug you, don't try to understand the male sex they are retarded lol, my husband recently told me after so long of doing this hair thing, how full and bouncy my hair is I nearly pass out lol, they don't mean anything, but you should tell him how you feel, he has to understand this hair thing is very important to you, he must no that! this rose is for you feel better hun

 

[preciousjewel76]

I agree with what everybody here has said already.

My experience:
I just recently started sharing bits and pieces of my LHCF life with my SO. I told him about the Atlanta LHCF Meeting - after the meeting! He thought it was kind of strange that random women would get together to talk about hair stuff. Which is why I didn't tell him where I was going beforehand. To him, it seems like I'm forever washing/conditioning my hair. He hasn't seen my hair "out" very much because I'm on a Hide Your Hair Challenge, but he has noticed that it is very soft and healthy-looking. Basically, I told him that we each have our own distractions - mine is hair, his is tools (this man loves Home Depot like it's one of his children). He agreed.