In desparate need of some guidance...Homosexual friend

Blessed626

New Member
So, last night my best friend finally came out and told me that he’s gay. I was not surprised, as I’ve felt this was the case since the first day I met him. However, he always denied it and I did not feel that our friendship was based on his sexuality so I never pressured him to admit anything. He’s always caught a lot of flack because of his effeminate ways, and I never wanted to be one of those people who judged him. I love him and know him like the back of my hand. Because we’re so close I always get a feeling when something’s not right with him (I guess it’s like female intuition). For the past 1.5 years or so I noticed a difference in his behavior and I knew that he had finally come to terms with his homosexuality. Honestly, I grew frustrated and bitter towards him because his behavior led him to lie and made me feel like he couldn’t trust me. But I knew that this situation was not about me…it is about him. I knew that eventually he would come to grips with everything and come out and tell me. So yesterday that time came.

Our conversation started with him stating that he knows he’s not where he needs to be with God. He’s a pastor’s son, so that brings a whole different level of pain I suppose. I was explaining to Him that God knows all about Him and loves him regardless. I told him that he just needs to let God know everything that’s on his heart…to become completely transparent. That was when he came clean. He told me that he does not want to be this way. He knows that this is not of God, but the desires are still there. He says that he wants to fight it because he wants to live a life that is pleasing to God. He wants to feel at peace with himself and with God.

I’ve never encountered anything like this personally. All I knew to do was to tell him that I have enough faith to believe that God can deliver him. I also told him that he needs to start reading the Word so that when Satan comes against him, he can fight with some power.

However, as I was talking to him I realized that I have some doubt myself. I believe that honesty is important in order to grow to be where you need to be. So I’ll be honest and share my thoughts in the hopes that someone can help both me and him get through this.

Here goes:

1. I don’t have that much faith in this area. It’s easier for me to believe that God can truly deliver someone from lying or alcohol addiction or fornication, than homosexuality. I know this is wrong but that’s what I feel.

2. I feel so much pain because I want my friend, whom I love like myself, to live a happy life where he doesn’t have to question himself in such a way.

3. Did God create him this way? If so, why? Why would He allow his children to struggle with this? Again, I know this is wrong as well.

4. Where do I begin to help him? I have never had homosexual urges and I can’t pretend to understand where he’s coming from.

5. What are some steps he can take towards wholeness? I believe he wants to be saved…and I believe in the power of the Holy Spirit, but what are some day-to-day steps he can take to overcome this?

All of this is so overwhelming. I really want my friend to feel whole and to know and believe that God does love him. Does anyone have any advice for the both of us to cope with this? Thanks in advance.
 
I commend you for posting these questions. Perhaps some of the information listed here from other discussions we have had pertaining to homosexuality will help you and your friend receive answers. After you read them you continue to have questions please post again here. You should also do a search within the CF on homosexuality as there are other threads you may find informative. These are very important questions to God. He desires you to have crystal clear understanding. God is not the author of confusion and desires us to have a sound, focused minds. God does love your friend but he HATES sin. He will not tolerate it but for so long. You and your friend must use the same tools we all use regardless as to the specific sins we struggle with. A constant cycle of prayer, fasting, meditation on his word, fellowship with those of like faith, praise and worship, etc is what will get you both the answers you desire. Go at it like your life depends on it because it does. Generally speaking when you have to lie or be deceptive about something God is not in it:nono:. Now if you keep ignoring the correction of God, he will leave you to your own devices. IOW, you can receive a reprobate mind and be truly convinced that you are ok when you are far from it! God will not force you to do anything against your own will ever. Even if doing the things will eventually result in your death or the death of others you are responsible for. First physical, then eternal.
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=437736&highlight=homosexuality
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=406792&highlight=homosexuality
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=373251&highlight=homosexuality
1 Cor 6:18
18Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.
 
I don't post here much, but for some reason your story has compelled me to respond, so here goes...

1.) Faith cometh by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. Need faith in this area? I encourage you to get in the Word every day. Here's a scripture to start you off: Ephesians 3:20. It reminds us that God is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above anything we could ever ask or think. Don't think God can deliver someone from homosexuality? That's not what my bible tells me!

2.) It may feel like questioning right now, but if he continues in the truth (God's word) that he knows, he will find complete, unquestionable identity in HIM. He needs to know who he is in Christ, and that knowing will only come from reading and meditating on the Word day in and day out.

3.) God did NOT create him this way. God and his word are one, and he would not create something that goes against His word, thus going against his very nature.

I've learned that sometimes God allows trials in our lives because he's trying to get us on the right path to our destiny. People don't get saved just to benefit their own souls. God may just be developing him for something that he cannot yet see coming. You never know - your friend could end up being a powerful testimony that will bring others out of darkness into the light.

4.) You may not have ever struggled with homosexuality, but I'm sure you have struggled with other things in your life. Maybe you can share stories about your own struggles and victories with him. You may not be able to completely relate, but ask God to show you how one of your testimonies can help him with his struggle.

Also, remember that 1st Corinthians 10:13 says that nothing has ever come upon anyone that is not common to man. God will not put more on us than we can bear, and with every temptation will come a way of escape. I would encourage him to pray that, in every homosexual temptation he finds himself in, God shows him the way of escape.

5.) I recommend he read "8 Steps to Create The Life You Want" by Dr. Creflo A Dollar (Pastor at World Changers Church International). It really breaks down the process necessary to change things around in our lives. The whole premise is that everything starts with words.

Words shape your thinking. Your thinking shapes your emotions. Your emotions then determine your decisions. Once you decide on something, that determines your actions. Those actions then become your habits. Your habits, over time, shape your character. From there, it is your character that determines your destiny.

If he wants to change his life, it's all going to start with his words - not only the words he hears from others, but those he speaks over his own life. Remember that life and death is in the power of the tongue...

I hope that something I've said here can be of help to you in some way. There's a reason the bible calls it the "good FIGHT of faith". Please encourage your friend not to give up on God, because God is not going to give up on him!
 
Prudent1 is correct. God loves your friend but hates the sin that he is committing.

Barnardbaby027, you need to post more often.

1. I don’t have that much faith in this area. It’s easier for me to believe that God can truly deliver someone from lying or alcohol addiction or fornication, than homosexuality. I know this is wrong but that’s what I feel.

2. I feel so much pain because I want my friend, whom I love like myself, to live a happy life where he doesn’t have to question himself in such a way.

3. Did God create him this way? If so, why? Why would He allow his children to struggle with this? Again, I know this is wrong as well.

4. Where do I begin to help him? I have never had homosexual urges and I can’t pretend to understand where he’s coming from.

5. What are some steps he can take towards wholeness? I believe he wants to be saved…and I believe in the power of the Holy Spirit, but what are some day-to-day steps he can take to overcome this?

All of this is so overwhelming. I really want my friend to feel whole and to know and believe that God does love him. Does anyone have any advice for the both of us to cope with this? Thanks in advance.

1. God is the God of impossible. I have seen people (who have claimed to be born as homosexuals) get delivered from it.

2. The devil is a liar and a cheat. The relationship between a man and a women is the second most important relationship that anyone can have right after the relationship with God. The devil will try any tactic to destroy that. Homosexuality may not work on you but it works on others.

3. God did not create him this way. Everyone on this planet has their own struggles which is used to help shape them into the person they are suppose to be.

4. The best thing to do is to help him to keep his eyes on the Lord.

5. Since his dad is a pastor I would go to him for help. If he doesn't feel comfortable going to him, the other ladies gave great advice on what to do.

Remember God is not the author of confusion. If you are battling with yourself about something that is the devil trying to get you to second guess yourself. Stand firm on God's word.
 
Help him find a counselor or religious community that consists of gay ministry. Only they can offer the help he is looking for because they are living it.
 
He should focus on walking with Christ, not on his sexuality. He should seek ministries that may help him, but in the meantime remember that who he is is a man before God who is called to respond to Christ's sacrifice and Lordship in his life. If he focuses on "how can I not be gay anymore, or I have these feelings so I cannot approach God," then he may very well end up giving up altogether. But if he keeps living as a Christian and seeking God in all areas of his life, his faith will not be derailed as he works through his sexuality. God knows who he is inside and out, and Christ died for him knowing everything in him--before he knew it himself. Tell him to run toward the Lord rather than away from Him.
 
Thanks so much everyone for your responses! I have read all of it multiple times and will be back later to thoroughly respond (I'm very sleepy right now lol). :)
 
Keep loving him as a friend like you are now and pray for guidance and open doors for him to be in a receiving spirit and for you to minister to him, ya'll are already pretty close apparently so keep doing the natural and let God add his Supernatural. And its going to be a progressive change so you'll definitely have to exercise patience. ;)
 
Well the first thing I thought of when I read this is that Satan is really trying to attack him because of his father's status with the Lord. Since he sees that your friends father has a close relationship with God, and has his house in spiritual order, it is apparent that the enemy will do anything and everything to ruffle that up.

See, when people choose to be Christian, they automatically have a bullseye directly on them. Satan sees it and goes for the target. Being a Christian means that you are suddenly worth Satan going after. He hates it.

COntinue to pray for your friend. Have your friend pray to God and read the scripture. Recently I had a dream that I know was from God. It showed a building that had many windows. OUt of the windows, water was pouring out, and sticks were trying to "patch" up the leakes that were gushing out water. But no matter how many sticks there were, nothing held back the water. God was trying to show me that the building was like my body, and the sticks were distractions...and that no matter how life tries to distract my walk with Him, the Holy Spirit which was represented by water, will continue to pour out of me. It's the same way with your friend. Just because he has this distraction, doesnt mean the Holy Spirit isn't with him.

God loves your friend, and He will never leave him.
 
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