I need some help.

[mamaore]

"NOTE: I posted this in the relationship forum, but I thought maybe I could get some words from some sisters here. Thanks"

I am a Christian and have been married for 6 years. My DH does not talk down to me nor physically abuse me.

But I have other issues with my DH, and right now I am really very fed up of it.

Everyone I know including my parents keep telling me all men want is Sex, Food and affirmation.

But my experience in the sex category has been very different and really I dont know what to do anymore.

My husband hardly ever asks for sex.. and I mean maybe like 96% in our marriage I have been the initiator. Sometimes we go for 1 month and nothing. When I ask whats going on, I get excuses like.."u've been busy and are tired". I always tell him I am never tired for sex, but nothing has changed. It not fun when its the woman that does the chasing, it just doesnt seem right to me.

And a few months ago, I caught him with Pornography, I really am proud of myself the way I handled that episode, he apologized and we prayed about it and he said it was a mistake. However, I saw a funny charge on his visa early this year, and it really looked suspicous because it was a subscription to a site. On my investigation, it looked like payments made through such sites are for porn subscription. When I talked to him about it, he said it was nothing and I should just forget it.
But after that, I have been very uneasy. I really have this nagging feeling he has a "wite girl fantasy" (no offence to the caucasian ladies)

Not only that, the only time he ever gave me a gift throughout the 6 years was about 3 years ago and it was a pedicure set.

We had issues when we were going out, that I felt was resolved.
But after we got married it was like poof... At the moment, I am not sure he ever loved me. If he does, he really has a weird way of showing it.

To his credit he does stuff with the kids, washes the dishes once a while, irons and picks me up and drops me off at the station. But really thats about it. I take care of all finances (we have a joint account), planning travel..everything other thing.

I dont think he has ever said I looked good in anaything I wear or whatever. I aam just plain looking but at least a compliment once in a while will be encouraging.

Sometimes I wish I could just work part time and have more time with my boys, but I know I will be living slightly above the poverty line if I try that.

I earn about 35-45% more and it has always been like that.

Right now I feel so lonely, living in another country with no friends or family close by to at least take my mind off things. (I moved from Nigeria to Canada a few years ago)


I know I am not the best wife, I am very independent and aggressive and I am working on that. There is soo much going on, Its really killing me. I'm trying hard not to be resentful but this is hard.

I seriously doubt my husband will go for counselling, if he does he probably will smile through it and say nothing.

Despite all of this, I still feel I made the right decision in marrying him. I hope I still feel the same way 1 year from now.

I will appreciate your advice. I am at my wits end.

 

[envybeauty]

Is your husband Nigerian too?

Even if he was not into porn, I believe you would still have problems in your marriage. I get the feeling that a lot of what you are doing today, you did before you got married (chasing him, planning stuff, etc.). That said, I would not/could not expect him to change after marriage those things he did before marriage.

Folks always suggest counseling. I'm sure some will.

 

[mamaore]

He is Nigerian as well. Before we got married, thinking about it now I will say no. He did the chasing, he didnt need to work too hard though cos we had known each other for years in school.

On planning stuff, we did stuff together, I would even say he took charge of stuff more than I did.

 

[kayte]

I'm so so sorry...
sounds like you are needing...and lacking intimacy ..romance...appreciation..tenderness

are you talking about this with him?
is there any way to get his attention....
so he can get...how badly...you are hurting?

 

[mamaore]

Kayte,

You really must be in my head! lol.

I have actually discussed the lack of initimacy etc with him severally, but nothing changes. It can be really very disheartening. Marriage is supposed to be more than friendship.

Sigh!.

 

[Shimmie]

"NOTE: I posted this in the relationship forum, but I thought maybe I could get some words from some sisters here. Thanks"

I am a Christian and have been married for 6 years. My DH does not talk down to me nor physically abuse me.

But I have other issues with my DH, and right now I am really very fed up of it.

Everyone I know including my parents keep telling me all men want is Sex, Food and affirmation.

But my experience in the sex category has been very different and really I dont know what to do anymore.

My husband hardly ever asks for sex.. and I mean maybe like 96% in our marriage I have been the initiator. Sometimes we go for 1 month and nothing. When I ask whats going on, I get excuses like.."u've been busy and are tired". I always tell him I am never tired for sex, but nothing has changed. It not fun when its the woman that does the chasing, it just doesnt seem right to me.

And a few months ago, I caught him with Pornography, I really am proud of myself the way I handled that episode, he apologized and we prayed about it and he said it was a mistake. However, I saw a funny charge on his visa early this year, and it really looked suspicous because it was a subscription to a site. On my investigation, it looked like payments made through such sites are for porn subscription. When I talked to him about it, he said it was nothing and I should just forget it.
But after that, I have been very uneasy. I really have this nagging feeling he has a "wite girl fantasy" (no offence to the caucasian ladies)

Not only that, the only time he ever gave me a gift throughout the 6 years was about 3 years ago and it was a pedicure set.

We had issues when we were going out, that I felt was resolved.
But after we got married it was like poof... At the moment, I am not sure he ever loved me. If he does, he really has a weird way of showing it.

To his credit he does stuff with the kids, washes the dishes once a while, irons and picks me up and drops me off at the station. But really thats about it. I take care of all finances (we have a joint account), planning travel..everything other thing.

I dont think he has ever said I looked good in anaything I wear or whatever. I aam just plain looking but at least a compliment once in a while will be encouraging.

Sometimes I wish I could just work part time and have more time with my boys, but I know I will be living slightly above the poverty line if I try that.

I earn about 35-45% more and it has always been like that.

Right now I feel so lonely, living in another country with no friends or family close by to at least take my mind off things. (I moved from Nigeria to Canada a few years ago)


I know I am not the best wife, I am very independent and aggressive and I am working on that. There is soo much going on, Its really killing me. I'm trying hard not to be resentful but this is hard.

I seriously doubt my husband will go for counselling, if he does he probably will smile through it and say nothing.

Despite all of this, I still feel I made the right decision in marrying him. I hope I still feel the same way 1 year from now.

I will appreciate your advice. I am at my wits end.

Hmmmmmm, :scratchch:

Okay, first let's take care of the porn. In the name of Jesus' we curse the unclean thing which has come into your marriage and into your husband's spirit and into your home. In Jesus' Name, it not only has to go, but it is commanded to go and it shall.

Fast and pray for a few days and allow the Lord to lead and guide you further in your marriage.

Take some oil (Olive Oil) and hold it before the Lord to bless and annoint it and to bless everything that the oil touches.

Annoint your husband with the Oil. Pray over him. Apply the Oil to some cotton swabs, and use it to cover your husband's computer and entire keyboard and mouse and pray the Blood of Jesus' over it and curse the porn and it's stronghold over your husband.

This is all Biblical.

Lemme tell you something. I annointed my children with oil every single night of their lives and made it plain to the devil that he did not and could not have my children. I prayed Ephesians chapter 6 (the Full Amour of God and Psalm 91 and Psalm 89) over them EVERY night when they were sleeping. I wasn't playing with the devil, I fully dedicated my children unto the Lord and annointed them each and every night.

Let's just say, my children follow God and not satan.

The Bible says that the Husband nor the Wife are to withhold themselves (sexually) from one another. It's a sin. Unless there's an illness or they have been calling to sanctification through prayer and fasting, there are no excuses to withhold sex from one another.

It's time to kick this pron spirit out of your home and marriage and don't even think twice about it. It's trespassing against your marriage.

I would also ask God if He wants you to remain married to this man. Becasue if he's not going to comply and satisfy your needs for love and affection, and willingly at that, then..... ask God if you should stay with him. Only God will tell you the truth about this. No one should have to be unhappily in marriage. No one.

I pray and wish you all of God's best.

The oil and prayer does work though No joke, it really, really does.

 

[Kiadodie]

Hmmmmmm, :scratchch:

Okay, first let's take care of the porn. In the name of Jesus' we curse the unclean thing which has come into your marriage and into your husband's spirit and into your home. In Jesus' Name, it not only has to go, but it is commanded to go and it shall.

Fast and pray for a few days and allow the Lord to lead and guide you further in your marriage.

Take some oil (Olive Oil) and hold it before the Lord to bless and annoint it and to bless everything that the oil touches.

Annoint your husband with the Oil. Pray over him. Apply the Oil to some cotton swabs, and use it to cover your husband's computer and entire keyboard and mouse and pray the Blood of Jesus' over it and curse the porn and it's stronghold over your husband.

This is all Biblical.

Lemme tell you something. I annointed my children with oil every single night of their lives and made it plain to the devil that he did not and could not have my children. I prayed Ephesians chapter 6 (the Full Amour of God and Psalm 91 and Psalm 89) over them EVERY night when they were sleeping. I wasn't playing with the devil, I fully dedicated my children unto the Lord and annointed them each and every night.

Let's just say, my children follow God and not satan.

The Bible says that the Husband nor the Wife are to withhold themselves (sexually) from one another. It's a sin. Unless there's an illness or they have been calling to sanctification through prayer and fasting, there are no excuses to withhold sex from one another.

It's time to kick this pron spirit out of your home and marriage and don't even think twice about it. It's trespassing against your marriage.

I would also ask God if He wants you to remain married to this man. Becasue if he's not going to comply and satisfy your needs for love and affection, and willingly at that, then..... ask God if you should stay with him. Only God will tell you the truth about this. No one should have to be unhappily in marriage. No one.

I pray and wish you all of God's best.

The oil and prayer does work though No joke, it really, really does.

I really believe the bolded. Please pray on whether you should stay married to this man.

 

[mamaore]

Right now I know without a shadow of doubt that this is where I should be. Its a long story how we even got together, but this is where I should be. Except he wants out, I am staying. I just dont want to run mad while sticking with my decision

 

[mamaore]

Shimmie,

I have used the oil previously, but I never thought about using it now. But will work on it and will start using it on my kids as well.

 

[envybeauty]

These videos should help:

He talks about his own addiction to porn later in this video.
http://www.comeaya.com/video/jun09-cayavideo.htm

This one is about marriage:
http://www.comeaya.com/video/jul09-cayavideo.htm

 

[kayte]

I know this is going to sound radical...but as long as you are committed no matter what
you might consider...ways to increase your own sense of intimacy...
within the marriage ..without depending on his response
that's the uncondtional love part..you'd need to commit to it
someone posted in my blog some beautiful passages on love to help with my
issues with a man I'm involved with....they really touched me deeply...I'll post them


so prepare to love! ...really love him...with no strings
right now you have (legitimate) resentments
you might consider making a decision to let that go
forgiveness

BUT
it's also imperative you get ..counseling or some strong support to give to yourself in this process and allow tears and anger and grieving if you need to
and more importantly to deal with the tougher issues of porn ...there must be free 12 step support groups for wives and SOs of porn or sex addicts but I don't know the info for Canada... but maybe google?
12 step is a spiritually based program and
those women will be such a resource of experience strength and hope
some of them may well be on the OTHER side of this!
they WILL have tools..such phone numbers..journaling...coffee get togethers
reading/online material to lend solidarity & strength & serenity

you must GIVE to yourSelf..you cannot sacrifice that
you must not....or you will feel like a martyr...
I know it's lonely but right now think of it as temporary
do nurturing things for you ..buy fresh flowers for your self
bubble bath with candles
anything sweet for you
and of course .....for him and you together
create new rituals of love.....
read the entire book of the Song of Songs
one chapter each night.. at a time... as prayer before bed...

even if it's seems silly contrived..do it!
ALWAYS see your husband as fully loving
keep that in your mind as your vision

though this relates to a sibling relationship ..the principle is the same
someone once said to me..when my younger brother was somewhat estranged from me ..not talking to me...someone wise said send him a card every month with just with the words thinking of you....expect nothing back ..not even a thanks!


I thot it was silly but I did it nearly every month
no word no acknowledgement
on January 1, a year after I'd been doing this, with no response
I get a call from my brother
"I just wanted to wish you Happy New Year."..I was FLOORED
he does not even celebrate holidays...I was in shock!
All I could do was stammer Happy New Year ...we made small talk and then my brother said somewhat awkwardly... "well..okay....gotta go...have a good day"
I said ...yes! you too..thanks it was good to hear your voice
my brother said "yours too"....then he said..."um...I LOVE YOU"

when I hung up I cried for almost an hour...lol
saying to God over and over.... I did not need ANYTHING else that year
that was all the present I needed
I adore my little brother

so it's the same idea.... love "in action" without expectation since he's not in a reciprocal
place for TODAY...one day ..you affirm....he will be
put a love letter in his lunch on the first Monday
making a date for the two of you Saturday night
gettig prettied up
do a makeover
an unexpected romantic massage
that is NOT to say brush off the issues ..
but to try some visonary forward moving options
I found this to be true in my life

although this is usually the chronology
sometimes you ..cannot.. wait for right feelings or right thinking to just evolve
and then subesquently expect future actions of change... no..
sometimes you have to right-action your way into right-thinking right-feeling
even when you don't feel like it..do it anyway that's the faith part
WITH God on your side

so
try to drop the role playing
ie:yourself as the aggressor or intiator anymore
& release your identification of him as the passive

just think of yourself as Rose of Sharon
THE LOVER....your gift of love from God is a gift
not a resented service ....
and hopefully relations will begin to take on that beautiful energy

God bless you
you are courageous for saying divorce is not an option

 

[kayte]

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 1 Corinthians 13:4-5

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32

 

[Shimmie]

Right now I know without a shadow of doubt that this is where I should be. Its a long story how we even got together, but this is where I should be. Except he wants out, I am staying. I just dont want to run mad while sticking with my decision

Shimmie,

I have used the oil previously, but I never thought about using it now. But will work on it and will start using it on my kids as well.

I am in total support of whatever decision you make regarding your marriage. This is your life, that of yours and your husband's and I can only support what is in your heart to keep your marriage alive and well.

As for the oil, it's serves as dedicating that which is the Lord's back to Him. Dedicate your husband and your marriage unto the Lord.

I stand in full and total agreement with you in prayer:

Annoint and dedicate every form of media and technology in your home. For you are serving notice on those spiirits of darkness and pornograpy, letting the devil know that your husband is not their property, neither is his mind or his soul created for their destructive measures.

Your husband's Destiny, is under God's design and purpose, and no other god shall rule in your husband's heart, body or soul. Your computer, television, radio, reading material, are there to glorify God, not the works of satan.

Pray in the Spirit, let the Holy Spirit fill the rafters of your home, encompass your entire home's foundation. Annoint the steps and the hallways, the chairs and your marriage bed. Annoint your husband as he sleeps. Kiss your husband's eyes which are the window of his soulish realm.

Oh devil is a liar! There is no truth in him! And he is not allowed any further passage into your marriage nor your husband. I curse every plan, every activity, every thought, every unclean desire, every unclean spirit which has tried to overtake the union of you and your husband, whom God hath joined together.

I cast down my original thoughts of doubt and impatience and align my heart with the prayers of your heart to save and heal your marriage.

Praise the name of Jesus! Praise Him! Praise Him and Bless His Holy Name. Praise Him! For only God shall have the glory in this and the glory He is and the Glory He will always be.

Thank you Lord Jesus for taking over and destroying the works of the devil. For he is not allowed to expand his boundaries. What he has planned, shall not stand, neither shall it come to pass. (Isaiah 7:7-8).

Praise God All Mighty!

 

[Ladybelle]

I know this is going to sound radical...but as long as you are committed no matter what
you might consider...ways to increase your own sense of intimacy...
within the marriage ..without depending on his response
that's the uncondtional love part..you'd need to commit to it
someone posted in my blog some beautiful passages on love to help with my
issues with a man I'm involved with....they really touched me deeply...I'll post them


so prepare to love! ...really love him...with no strings
right now you have (legitimate) resentments
you might consider making a decision to let that go

BUT
it's also imperative you get ..counseling or some strong support to give to yourself in this process and allow tears and anger and grieving if you need to
and more importantly to deal with the tougher issues of porn ...there must be free 12 step support groups for wives and SOs of porn or sex addicts but I don't know the info for Canada... but maybe google?
12 step is a spiritually based program and
those women will be such a resource of experience strength and hope
some of them may well be on the OTHER side of this!
they WILL have tools..such phone numbers..journaling...coffee get togethers
reading/online material to lend solidarity & strength & serenity

you must GIVE to yourSelf..you cannot sacrifice that
you must not....or you will feel like a martyr...
I know it's lonely but right now think of it as temporary
do nurturing things for you ..buy fresh flowers for your self
bubble bath with candles
anything sweet for you
and of course .....for him and you together
create new rituals of love.....
read the entire book of the Song of Songs
one chapter each night.. at a time... as prayer before bed...

even if it's seems silly contrived..do it!
ALWAYS see your husband as fully loving
keep that in your mind as your vision

though this relates to a sibling relationship ..the principle is the same
someone once said to me..when my younger brother was somewhat estranged from me ..not talking to me...someone wise said send him a card every month with just with the words thinking of you....expect nothing back ..not even a thanks!


I thot it was silly but I did it nearly every month
no word no acknowledgement
on January 1, a year after I'd been doing this, with no response
I get a call from my brother
"I just wanted to wish you Happy New Year."..I was FLOORED
he does not even celebrate holidays...I was in shock!
All I could do was stammer Happy New Year ...we made small talk and then my brother said somewhat awkwardly... "well..okay....gotta go...have a good day"
I said ...yes! you too..thanks it was good to hear your voice
my brother said "yours too"....then he said..."um...I LOVE YOU"

when I hung up I cried for almost an hour...lol
saying to God over and over.... I did not need ANYTHING else that year
that was all the present I needed
I adore my little brother

so it's the same idea.... love "in action" without expectation since he's not in a reciprocal
place for TODAY...one day ..you affirm....he will be
put a love letter in his lunch on the first Monday
making a date for the two of you Saturday night
gettig prettied up
do a makeover
an unexpected romantic massage
that is NOT to say brush off the issues ..
but to try some visonary forward moving options
I found this to be true in my life

although this is usually the chronology
sometimes you ..cannot.. wait for right feelings or right thinking to just evolve
and then subesquently expect future actions of change... no..
sometimes you have to right-action your way into right-thinking right-feeling
even when you don't feel like it..do it anyway that's the faith part
WITH God on your side

so
try to drop the role playing
ie:yourself as the aggressor or intiator anymore
& release your identification of him as the passive

just think of yourself as Rose of Sharon
THE LOVER....your gift of love from God is a gift
not a resented service ....
and hopefully relations will begin to take on that beautiful energy

God bless you
you are courageous for saying divorce is not an option

ITA. I think this sums up what marriage should be.

 

[Shimmie]

I know this is going to sound radical...but as long as you are committed no matter what
you might consider...ways to increase your own sense of intimacy...
within the marriage ..without depending on his response
that's the uncondtional love part..you'd need to commit to it
someone posted in my blog some beautiful passages on love to help with my
issues with a man I'm involved with....they really touched me deeply...I'll post them


so prepare to love! ...really love him...with no strings
right now you have (legitimate) resentments
you might consider making a decision to let that go

BUT
it's also imperative you get ..counseling or some strong support to give to yourself in this process and allow tears and anger and grieving if you need to
and more importantly to deal with the tougher issues of porn ...there must be free 12 step support groups for wives and SOs of porn or sex addicts but I don't know the info for Canada... but maybe google?
12 step is a spiritually based program and
those women will be such a resource of experience strength and hope
some of them may well be on the OTHER side of this!
they WILL have tools..such phone numbers..journaling...coffee get togethers
reading/online material to lend solidarity & strength & serenity

you must GIVE to yourSelf..you cannot sacrifice that
you must not....or you will feel like a martyr...
I know it's lonely but right now think of it as temporary
do nurturing things for you ..buy fresh flowers for your self
bubble bath with candles
anything sweet for you
and of course .....for him and you together
create new rituals of love.....
read the entire book of the Song of Songs
one chapter each night.. at a time... as prayer before bed...

even if it's seems silly contrived..do it!
ALWAYS see your husband as fully loving
keep that in your mind as your vision

though this relates to a sibling relationship ..the principle is the same
someone once said to me..when my younger brother was somewhat estranged from me ..not talking to me...someone wise said send him a card every month with just with the words thinking of you....expect nothing back ..not even a thanks!


I thot it was silly but I did it nearly every month
no word no acknowledgement
on January 1, a year after I'd been doing this, with no response
I get a call from my brother
"I just wanted to wish you Happy New Year."..I was FLOORED
he does not even celebrate holidays...I was in shock!
All I could do was stammer Happy New Year ...we made small talk and then my brother said somewhat awkwardly... "well..okay....gotta go...have a good day"
I said ...yes! you too..thanks it was good to hear your voice
my brother said "yours too"....then he said..."um...I LOVE YOU"

when I hung up I cried for almost an hour...lol
saying to God over and over.... I did not need ANYTHING else that year
that was all the present I needed
I adore my little brother

so it's the same idea.... love "in action" without expectation since he's not in a reciprocal
place for TODAY...one day ..you affirm....he will be
put a love letter in his lunch on the first Monday
making a date for the two of you Saturday night
gettig prettied up
do a makeover
an unexpected romantic massage
that is NOT to say brush off the issues ..
but to try some visonary forward moving options
I found this to be true in my life

although this is usually the chronology
sometimes you ..cannot.. wait for right feelings or right thinking to just evolve
and then subesquently expect future actions of change... no..
sometimes you have to right-action your way into right-thinking right-feeling
even when you don't feel like it..do it anyway that's the faith part
WITH God on your side

so
try to drop the role playing
ie:yourself as the aggressor or intiator anymore
& release your identification of him as the passive

just think of yourself as Rose of Sharon
THE LOVER....your gift of love from God is a gift
not a resented service ....
and hopefully relations will begin to take on that beautiful energy

God bless you
you are courageous for saying divorce is not an option

This is beautiful Kayte and it does work.

My sister did all that she could to alienate my son from me. All I could do was love him. Pray scriptures of love for him; send messages of love to him; and after a year that wall came crushing down.

"Many waters cannot quench love..."

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

"NOTE: I posted this in the relationship forum, but I thought maybe I could get some words from some sisters here. Thanks"

I am a Christian and have been married for 6 years. My DH does not talk down to me nor physically abuse me.

But I have other issues with my DH, and right now I am really very fed up of it.



And a few months ago, I caught him with Pornography, I really am proud of myself the way I handled that episode, he apologized and we prayed about it and he said it was a mistake. However, I saw a funny charge on his visa early this year, and it really looked suspicous because it was a subscription to a site. On my investigation, it looked like payments made through such sites are for porn subscription. When I talked to him about it, he said it was nothing and I should just forget it.
But after that, I have been very uneasy. I really have this nagging feeling he has a "wite girl fantasy" (no offence to the caucasian ladies)

You do realize that this is a very serious situation and that your marriage is greatly harmed, right? There needs to be counseling. He's not having sex with you because he's having it with himself and his fantasies. That's very serious. There are a host of organizations and programs helping christian men with this very serious addiction. It's killing your marriage and you are right to address this issue rather than let it slide under a rug.

http://www.google.com/#hl=en&q=chri...with+pornography&aq=f&oq=&aqi=&fp=Xmf0jJ9P_V0

I wish you the best but you must confront it with help. Are there groups at your church or locally that can help him with this?

 

[kayte]

I saw this in today's Upper Room ..I'm going through some hurtful stuff with a man
and knew it was for me but I also immediately thought of you..OP
I hope you don't mind my sharing?

Persistent in Prayer
Read Luke 11:5-13
Jesus said, "I tell you, though he will not get up and give him the bread because he is his friend, yet because of the man's boldness he will get up and give him as much as he needs."

-Luke 11:8 (NIV)
ONE day as my friend and I sat eating by a lake, a family and their lovely black Labrador retriever appeared. They had come to enjoy the beauty of the lake too. Their dog found a stick and then made it very clear that he wanted it thrown into the lake so he could fetch and have a swim at the same time.

The dog kept following the man and placing the stick at his feet.
Then the dog would run back and forth between the man and the lake. When that did not work, the dog stood on his back legs and gently placed his front paws on the man's legs. In desperation, the dog began to bark, and finally his master responded. Boldness and persistence worked.

As the scripture passage tells us, boldness also works in human relationships.
The persistent friend finally gets what he needs. Watching the dog's persistence and boldness that afternoon made me think: Should I not be just as persistent and bold when praying for friends and family? Verse 9 of Luke 11 says, "Knock and the door will be opened to you." The model that scripture offers is being persistent and bold in our praying.

Dear Father God, help us to keep praying and to keep reaching out in love to those around us. Amen.
Thought for today
Never, never, never give up. Keep praying.
Someone always in my prayers

There are a host of organizations and programs helping christian men with this very serious addiction.

that's right ..there ARE Christian organizations as well as the 12 steps
groups that can help
I remember reading stories of victory from both husbands and wives
OP..I just feel there is hope for you....avail yourself of all you can

the bible says ....
Put on the FULL armor of God
be encouraged...

 

[mamaore]

Thank you Ladies.

Kayte,

I am a long way off but not expecting anything back requires selflessness. Maybe thats what I should be learning through this experience. Your post really ministered to me.

 

[kayte]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
take it easy.....be gentle with yourself
so so gentle

y'know..it's only one day........
one day at a time...
if you think in terms of a month a year..ten years..it's hard
and maybe ...veer away from the s word..or labels
it might create more distance

I know some one married 25 years to a recovered alcolholic
and on her anniversary and her husband STILL sober
for all those years I asked her ..how did you do it
she said the only way... I knew how....was taking it one day... at a time

Jesus says to do that!

But also first things first...You MUST take care of you
first...get support ...love ...enough sleep..counseling
good food ..sweet acts of love ..for you.....
professional help....grieve cry get angry if you have to ..dont repress your feelings
journal....talk with other Christian woman on a regular basis
you need every bit of armor ..if you are still committed to staying
& affirm it will get better...

it's like in the airplane when they demonstrate in crisis
you put your own oxygen mask on first..then you can help
others
maybe this is part of how you will have the strength to give to your husband,too
and to see him as Beloved
and through that... loving...giving.... God willing... he will start to do for you,too...genuinely
givng in kind...as your Beloved..


God bless
Praying for you
(((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

I pray and wish you all of God's best.

The oil and prayer does work though No joke, it really, really does.

Not to make light of this serious thread but this occurred to me....."Shimmie Oil!" Nothing like it...it's annointed. Amen.


But to OP, I surely hope you don't have to walk this road alone, you need good counseling, for yourself and the loneliness....as well as him for the addiction. May G-d heal your marriage and return you as one...if that is His will.

 

[mamaore]

I want to thank all of you ladies for your prayers, encouragement and advice; I wil be re-reading this thread repeatedly so I can get all the nuggets of wisdom.

I have decided to start with dealing with me first and asking God to show me areas that I can improve on.
I have started with meditating on some scriptures especially 1 Peter 3:1-9 and Romans 12.

I will still have a chat with my husband, but I will do that after my emotions are under control and I can be more objective.

One thing that has become very clear to me during this time of reflection is that I love my husband very very much and I will do everything within me to make this marriage work, my hope is that he feels the same.