HELP! My Sister BALD!

[janeemat]

This is no joke! You can see her scalp straight through what strands of hair is left. This is from years of overprocessing her hair. I looked at her hair a couple of weeks ago and told her not put another relaxer in hair. At least until it's healthy again. Here is the story: My sister is what I define as frugal and runs on low energy because she is 42 with a 3 yr old boy. She's never been one to frequent salons much, so she allows my mom to put her relaxer in. Her hair has nice length; pass shoulders, maybe apl. She retains length because she is a bun wearer. Not even realizing she's wearing a protective style. But it is the most unhealthiest head of hair you can lay eyes on. So whenever she drops by I really get a chance to look at it and since last year I've been commenting to her that her hair is sooo thin. She just shrugs it off and comments that she has never had thick hair, which is true. I even explained to her to get some aphogee to strengthen her hair which she claims she did. So, I dropped in on her and my mom applying her relaxer a few weeks ago and with my own eyes I could see exactly why her hair is super thin. My mom was applying it with her fingers and then using the same fingers to part the hair. When she was done relaxer was on the hair from roots to tips. Doing this every 6wks, it's a wonder she still has hair. Of course, I kept quiet since I was just a spectator at the time. So, the drops by house this pass weekend and then I proceed to tell that she has to do something about her hair or she will be wearing a wig. I told her not get another relaxer until at least the end of June. I even told her that I can see why she's going bald because her hair is constantly being overprocessed. She did comment that she wished she could NOT get anymore perms. Yet, when I asked her to give me at least $50 dollars so that I can purchase some hair products for her, she was quick to say she did not have it, which she does have it. Ok, so here are my questions. Should she stop cold duck getting relaxers? Should the hair be cut to get rid of a lot of the processed hair? Should a weekly protein cond be done to get the hair healthy again (keraphix/redken heavy cream), or should twice wkly deep cond be done (every 3 days). These are some of the things I know worked for me when my hair was damaged, but NEVER as bad as her hair is. She does not have any edges, they are ALL gone. Is the bun still a good idea for her at this stage? I willing to help her as much as possible, but Miss Frugal is going to have to get with the program. Where should I start with her?

 

[mzhotniz86]

she def needs to stretch that relaxer she has. As i was reading in another thread, the girl was explaining to alternate protein and moisture. Too much protein leaves the hair hard and eventually breaks and 2 much moisture leaves hair limp and breaks as well. This is what yall need to do, before you start to treat her hair, get a free consultation at a salon that you know does good hair care( go to more than one) . I did this before, so i could get an idea of what was wrong with my hair. When a professional looks at it, they usually tell you about the damage and what THEY would be able to do to help. Pay attention and make a note of everything they say and find the products they suggested, that way ya'll can do it for yourselves at home as well.

 

[CAPlush]

Janee,
Is your sister ready to make any changes in her hair care? It sounds like she wants to lay off the relaxer and you are ready and willing to help her learn to stretch her relaxers. $50 is a lot of money, you should be able to get a clarifying shampoo, moisturizing shampoo, protein reconstructor, deep moisturizing conditioner, and a daily moisturizer for under $25. Go to Sally's or the bss. My rec's are Suave clarifying, Creme of Nature, Aphogee Intensive Keratin, Queene Helene cholesterol, and ORS olive oil moisturizer. Go for the cheapies, it is more likely she will re-purchase on her own.

I think she should wash and deep condition w/ protein at least 1x a week and bun, or if she is willing she should do it ever 3-4 days. Good luck, and work with her on this and accept that she is only going to change what she is willing to change. Stretch in small increments of 2 extra weeks.

 

[caribeandiva]

get her to wash and deep condition every 3 days with a moisturizing shampoo and conditioner. you can't stop her from relaxing that way if she wants too.

 

[naijamerican]

I don't have hair that's relaxed but this story is so sad to me. Since she insists that she does not have $50 to pay for the products that will be needed to restore her hair to health, is there any way that you can meet her halfway or even purchase them yourself? Maybe if she sees the lengths your willing to go to she will take it upon herself to do the same?

I also agree with Mizhotniz. I think I just read what she referred to in the latest Essence magazine. Good luck!

 

[janeemat]

Ladies, all of you are sooo helpful. That's why I love this forum. Well, the one thing I do know about my sister is that she will not go to the extremes of what I do for my hair. Not yet anyway because she is loving what I'm doing to my hair. I was thinking about offering her to come over to my house on Sat morning and give her a hair doo using all of my products. This will include a poo, aphogee treatment, deep moist cond with heat, leave in cond, rollerset and finishing products. Of course, I'm not expecting her to purchase no way near the products that I have, because I could open a store. But she could substitute as the poster stated some cheapy ones. I think she's willing to stretch her relaxer because of her comment, but as we all know you have to be real careful when doing this. I just know that her hair need some serious care. I was also thinking about just directing her to my stylist at least for a 3 months or so (weekly).

 

[Bint Yusef]

Send her the link to this board and some of the hair albums you admire here.

 

[tatiana]

Why don't you go to your sister's house and find out what products she owes. She may have Creme of Nature but is just not using it. From taking stock of what she owns, you may be able to determine what she can use, what needs to go in the trash, and what needs to be brought. Also find out what is her daily hair routine and weekly routine from there make suggestions and refer her to this board. I would imagine she is losing a quite a bit of hair brushing her hair back into a bun. Is she wearing her pulled back because it is easy?

You need to have a talk with your mother and sister about relaxers and how they should not be applied to root to end. Try to convince both of them that a relaxer should be applied to new growth. If possible, can you give her a touch-up. If possible, wait at least 8 weeks before another touch-up, even though, 3 months would be more ideal. i am assuming that she getting her hair relaxed bone straight. Is it possible to use a mild perm? Is it possible to leave the relaxer in for less time?

I would try the wig for a week or two. She needs a style where she not combing and brushing often. Her hair sounds too weak for braids. Hope this helps.

 

[klb120475]

Such a sad story...I hope she receives your help.

 

[guesswho]

Such a sad story...I hope she receives your help.

yep it's really sad, I feel bad for her

 

[janeemat]

Why don't you go to your sister's house and find out what products she owes. She may have Creme of Nature but is just not using it. From taking stock of what she owns, you may be able to determine what she can use, what needs to go in the trash, and what needs to be brought. Also find out what is her daily hair routine and weekly routine from there make suggestions and refer her to this board. I would imagine she is losing a quite a bit of hair brushing her hair back into a bun. Is she wearing her pulled back because it is easy?

You need to have a talk with your mother and sister about relaxers and how they should not be applied to root to end. Try to convince both of them that a relaxer should be applied to new growth. If possible, can you give her a touch-up. If possible, wait at least 8 weeks before another touch-up, even though, 3 months would be more ideal. i am assuming that she getting her hair relaxed bone straight. Is it possible to use a mild perm? Is it possible to leave the relaxer in for less time?

I would try the wig for a week or two. She needs a style where she not combing and brushing often. Her hair sounds too weak for braids. Hope this helps.

Tat, that's a good idea bout talking stock of her products. As far as her bun goes, she pulls it back while wet and dries it in a bun. She does not take it down until the next wash which is weekly. I could give her a touch up, but my busy work schedule hardly permits that. That's one reason I get professional relaxers. I am going to suggest she get a mild relaxer because she has somewhat fine hair. I may do her next one for her. Honestly, her hair is such as mess that shaving it off and starting over might be better. Oh, and by the way, she's not coming on no kind of board. She checks her email once a month if that.

 

[Str8~Curly]

Something very similar has happened to me before. When I was in high school, the relative with whom I was living has hair that is pretty much type 1. She had no idea what she was doing and applied the relaxer from root to tip the ENTIRE processing time. No one could understand why my hair looked so bad. It was not like how your are describing your sister’s hair, but breakage was the main issue. When I moved down south I started going to a stylist and got mild relaxers and wore updos all of the time. I took vitamins, Vitol’s Hair and Silica, both bought at GNC. I also got regular trims. I don’t really know/remember what products she used but I know I got many deep conditionings. I have a completely new head of hair anyway now since I BC’d but my old head of hair (shown below) came a long way- so it is definitely possible. HTH.

 

[Lady Esquire]

teach her everything!

stretching relaxers, frequent co-washes and deep conditioning, continue to wear protective styles, daily moisturizing. but first she has to WANT to change and she may have to start off with a fresh cut and clean ends...to start off with healthy-ish strands.