Dating Check-In!!

[brownsugarflyygirl]

I made myself accountable to you all in "my dating resolutions" post...so I wanted to share a recent development.

Recently, I started having phone conversations with this young man that I went to elementary school with. He has a heart for God and is working on his relationship with Him, family-oriented, educated, and just an all-around nice guy, and it doesnt hurt that he's fine. My standards are so high that I usually dont "like" people but I can feel myself being drawn to him....I can tell that he is becoming interested in me as well.

I am nervous about the situation because I only want God's will for my life and I dont want to be distracted from focusing on my relationship with Him. I also have learned the lesson in Jeremiah 17 the hard way. (The heart is deceitful above all things...who can know it) I have historically not been the best at guarding my heart. So I want to operate in wisdom.

I am committed to only becoming involved in a God-honoring courtship...but I understand that it has to start somewhere. I dont want to close off the possibility but I dont want to just be open and available. I have prayed and submitted the friendship to God and asked him to order our steps in accordance with Proverbs 16:9 (A man's heart deviseth his way; but the LORD directeth his steps) Your prayers for my situation are welcome as well

He lives in a different state so right now its just the phone....but next summer I will be going back home and interning there....

I wanted to ask you all for practical advice. Thoughts, comments, concerns? How should I proceed? How best can I guard my heart in this situation? TIA Ladies

 

[Zeal]

I can't give any advice because I an kind of in the same boat.

 

[prettywhitty]

Continue praying for wisdom in this situation. When you go home, try to do things in group settings, and just focus on being friends. Do you pray together? How devoted to the Lord is he? Is he saved? If you decide to date, start with daytime activities, not just movies and stuff so you;ll be able to see if it works. The Lord will reveal to you if this young man is His will for your life.

 

[ritzbitz78]

Please don't settle on your standard of spirituality! It is NEVER worth it to settle. You see, it the dating part of life, we are putting our best foot forward, and then its downhill from there (most of the time)

Now to figure out how spiritual he is, you need to see if he brings up God on his own volition, and also does he give you deep and reflective thoughts on how God is impacting his life?

Praying together is good, does he recognize his God-given role of being a leader? Does he lead out in praying with you?


Talk about physical boundaries that you would have in your next relationship (no kissing on lips or body parts except hand and cheek pecks, and no touching body where shorts and tank top cover, and of course no sex until married)

If he balks at this, move on... If he says yes to this, but then makes up excuses or puts himself in situations where y'all are tempted, then keep on moving, he's not the one

Ask questions about his experiences in church, who he looks up to, how he wants to raise kids, if he wants them, what are his financial goals and the steps towards them, mistakes/sins he has made in his life and what he has done about it...

This friendship time is the time to understand who he is....


Hope this helps sweetie, and keep it before the Lord...

ALWAYS look for red flags and bring every flag, red, green, white or blue to the Lord...

 

[prettywhitty]

Please don't settle on your standard of spirituality! It is NEVER worth it to settle. You see, it the dating part of life, we are putting our best foot forward, and then its downhill from there (most of the time)

Now to figure out how spiritual he is, you need to see if he brings up God on his own volition, and also does he give you deep and reflective thoughts on how God is impacting his life?

Praying together is good, does he recognize his God-given role of being a leader? Does he lead out in praying with you?


Talk about physical boundaries that you would have in your next relationship (no kissing on lips or body parts except hand and cheek pecks, and no touching body where shorts and tank top cover, and of course no sex until married)

If he balks at this, move on... If he says yes to this, but then makes up excuses or puts himself in situations where y'all are tempted, then keep on moving, he's not the one

Ask questions about his experiences in church, who he looks up to, how he wants to raise kids, if he wants them, what are his financial goals and the steps towards them, mistakes/sins he has made in his life and what he has done about it...

This friendship time is the time to understand who he is....


Hope this helps sweetie, and keep it before the Lord...

ALWAYS look for red flags and bring every flag, red, green, white or blue to the Lord...

SO AWESOME!!! I read this and it really helped me. Thanks.

 

[brownsugarflyygirl]

Please don't settle on your standard of spirituality! It is NEVER worth it to settle. You see, it the dating part of life, we are putting our best foot forward, and then its downhill from there (most of the time) I would not have even posted this if I felt that he did not meet my standard of spirituality. Been there, done that, aint making that mistake no more. That is the first criteria that gets 99% of men thrown out of the running.

Now to figure out how spiritual he is, you need to see if he brings up God on his own volition, and also does he give you deep and reflective thoughts on how God is impacting his life? He does and that has really impressed me. He has said some really sincere and profound things about his experiences with God. I am still going in with my eyes open. I want to see if he sustains this over time or if he is just saying these things because He knows how impt God is to me.

Praying together is good, does he recognize his God-given role of being a leader? Does he lead out in praying with you? I am not willing to pray with him yet. I have two prayer partners (a male and a female) right now. I would prefer to pray with him on a consistent basis if God deems it appropriate to pursue something romantic...as I find prayer to be very intimate. However, I will be checking for his thoughts about the role of prayer in a relationship...or I may suggest touching and agreeing about things occassionally.

Talk about physical boundaries that you would have in your next relationship (no kissing on lips or body parts except hand and cheek pecks, and no touching body where shorts and tank top cover, and of course no sex until married) We talked about this in our first conversation. He told me that sex was one of the things he gave up when he got serious about his relationship with God. I told him me too and that now I didnt want to even kiss my husband until the altar. So he has been sufficiently forwarned

If he balks at this, move on... If he says yes to this, but then makes up excuses or puts himself in situations where y'all are tempted, then keep on moving, he's not the one He still calls after my no kissing confession so I guess thats a good sign...I found that its impt for a guy to have a desire to stay pure before God with his body...because if he just does it out of "respect" for you then that only lasts so long. He said the sex thing before I even brough it up, so I am hoping that this wont be an issue. If we pursue something, we will just have to set some serious boundaries...b/c he is fine

Ask questions about his experiences in church, who he looks up to, how he wants to raise kids, if he wants them, what are his financial goals and the steps towards them, mistakes/sins he has made in his life and what he has done about it... Amen, amen, amen. Those are very good topic suggestions. We have started discussing some of these things but I will definitely be bring up more. You brought up some things I hadnt thought of...thats why I love yall!

This friendship time is the time to understand who he is.... Yep, trying to keep it neutral. If the shoe dont fit, I am not trying to force it.

Hope this helps sweetie, and keep it before the Lord...It does help, and I will.

ALWAYS look for red flags and bring every flag, red, green, white or blue to the Lord... That I will do too...all them colors! [/quote]

 

[brownsugarflyygirl]

Miz Jackson - You are definitely right about the group settings and public places thing. I have a rule about not being alone one-on-one with a guy...unless its in the most kosher of circumstances....so this guy would be no exception. Yes he is saved Girl, he wouldnt be an option otherwise.

 

[cocoberry10]

I can't give any advice because I an kind of in the same boat.

Me too. I am going to scroll down and see what words of wisdom others had to say Good luck Brownsugarflygirl and Zeal!

 

[brownsugarflyygirl]

For those of you interested in the answer to this question

I created the thread "6 Ways to Guard Your Heart While Exploring the Possibility of a God Honoring Romance" http://http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=105916

I had to sit back and listen to the Holy Spirit, I found that the answer was within me Its how I plan to proceed, but hopefully it will be a blessing to others as well.

 

[charmingt]

Hi, brownsugarflygirl,

You raise some interesting questions about this young man. Are you a young adult? I would get opinions of him from other trusted family members. See how he treats his female family members. Watch him in as many different social settings as you can. These actions may seem over-cautious but you are maybe thinking about making a venture. As time passes you will be able to "see" more and more where he is at and you yourself. God in His Wisdom may reveal things to you about him at the proper times. Some things will become more clear to you as you go along.

 

[SUPER SWEET]

I read First Class Single by Cheryl Martin, It was an easy and enjoyable read for the single Christian woman.

 

[Shimmie]

"You will know..."