"Taking Back the N-word" - Thoughts?
- Thread starter andromeda
- Start date
Anew
New Member
The only time I get upset is when my grandmother refers to my daughters hair.. She needs a perm, her hair is too nappy...
Its not so much her calling her hair nappy, which it really isn't. Its the fact that she thinks she needs her hair relaxed. She hates the shrinkage, she says it looks like she doesn't have any hair. Uhh, we know that ain't true, lol
Its not so much her calling her hair nappy, which it really isn't. Its the fact that she thinks she needs her hair relaxed. She hates the shrinkage, she says it looks like she doesn't have any hair. Uhh, we know that ain't true, lol
DarkVictory
Well-Known Member
Nappy, kinky, fat, Black, short - these are all words that I use to refer to myself that have been used as insults in different contexts. IMO they are neutral descriptive terms, though I do understand others don't feel the same way, so I don't use them to refer to anybody else.
"Curly" is not an accurate description of my hair. My parents, who didn't allow references to "good hair," always called it "wooly," so that's the term I'm used to using.
"Curly" is not an accurate description of my hair. My parents, who didn't allow references to "good hair," always called it "wooly," so that's the term I'm used to using.
andromeda
Well-Known Member
Thanks for linking to these posts. The second one was completely on point in looking at the historical use of the word and how using a neutral word, like nappy,in a contemptuous manner can cause the denotation and connotation of that word to become inseparable in many people's minds. Very insightful.
Thanks for finding this. This etymology is what I was referring to in my original post when I stated the term "nappy" isn't inherently derogatory and is actually a neutral descriptor of a certain texture. As others have said, "curly" doesn't suffice for my texture and I would even go so far as to say that the use of the term "curly" to describe hair that is "nappy" or "kinky" in texture can be a telling euphemism (perhaps with as many connotations as "nappy" itself).
it_comes_naturally
Well-Known Member
I do not like the word and I NEVER use it. I think it has a negative tone and unfortunately I don't think it will ever change. I don't want anyone using the word to describe my hair either.
SouthernStunner
My 13yr old Men
This is just my opinion but you cant change **** into sugar no matter how you flavor it. You cant take a word that meant such bad things and now try to change it and say you embrace the word as good. Nope not gonna happen.
GoldenBreeze
Active Member
I see it as a descriptive word for one of the hair types. No different from straight, wavy, curly, or kinky.
bedazzled
New Member
I personally don't like it. I've heard white girls use it and they use it to describe their hair when its "tangled, dirty, not manageable" and I've heard black girls use nappy whenever they don't have a relaxer. With my type 4 hair its "ooh girl your hair is nappy..you need a perm. You would look so much prettier if you had it straightened..nappy hair takes away from your beauty" <-- a man told me this a few months ago & i hear that from my mother, aunts, cousins + other black women. But when they see a girl with type 3 hair theyre like "Oh she has pretty, good hair. It's not nappy like YOURS so she can wear it natural."
sorry..dont like the word. For me to make it positive I have to use nappylicious as in nappy + delicious.
sorry..dont like the word. For me to make it positive I have to use nappylicious as in nappy + delicious.
Nonie
Well-Known Member
I'm sorry to bump up this thread as it is a difficult topic for some, but I love to share anything new I learn so please bear with me.
Until a few days ago, my understanding of why the word nappy is deemed bad was that it was because those with tightly coiled hair were the ones viewed by Massa as the lowest of the low and not worthy of working close to his family in the big house. I thought that the fact that those with wavy or straight hair got treated better than those whose hair was called nappy was the reason it came to be that "having nappy hair was a bad thing" so no one wanted to hear that word used on them.
But then I got to watch this 6-part movie whose title hit me like a solid brick right between the eyes. DUH!!! I know this sounds ridiculous but it had never crossed my mind that when slaves were taken from their homeland, they never had time to pack one of the most important things to their culture: the comb. Please watch the movie then read on to see my enhanced understanding.
400 Years Without a Comb
Part 1 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cMf1heTa6A
Part 2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=winJvvYCS20
Part 3 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvMvNgFJ8zU
Part 4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRwLkS7W4oM
Part 5 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-FBFIA1Hks
Part 6 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbXLbZhivOM
So without the right tools to groom tightly coiled hair, slaves were forced to neglect it, while those "lucky" to have wavy or straight hair were able to groom it with the tools they found on this land. So everyone with nappy hair had no choice but wear unkempt hair. If you think of how hair sheds and how important it is to detangle and how long that takes and how they had no luxury of time to spend finger detangling...you get an idea of how horrible their hair must've been. Thus being nappy became synonymous with having unkempt, yucky hair.
It wasn't until the hair was straightened so the combs of the land could glide through, did the slave who had nappy hair finally get to sport well-groomed hair.
So every time the word nappy was mentioned, the only image it would coin the in the minds of those who had known a time of no combs would be one of dirty, unkempt, gross hair. And understandably so.
While I personally have no problem with the word, this short movie really shed a new light for me on the stigma associated with the word, and gave me a new humility and sensitivity to those who do not like the word. But just like I would like to believe that over time, fewer people are squeezing babies' noses to make them pointed or pressing their lips to make them small (I know friends whose families did that although I didn't know this happened until only a few years ago), I pray that the pain of those days when we didn't have combs and were robbed of our self-respect will slowly ebb away so that the word nappy will cease to be associated with unkempt. After all, given the right tools, no other hair is as versatile or can be worn in any style imaginable the way nappy hair, ie tightly coiled hair, can.
Every now and then, someone will express a wish to have less wavy hair and wish for curls or naps. In fact, someone recently expressed a wish for "carpet hair" and I totally got it. A friend immediately suspected a troll because "why would anyone want nappier hair?" she wondered. I hate to sound full of myself but I totally get nappy-hair envy because I absolutely LOVE my nappy hair. So much so that when a friend with Type 1 hair that cannot hold a curl admires my hair and wishes hers could do all that mine can, I totally get where she's coming from. And I humbly thank her for the compliment. Humbly because I hate to make people feel bad when I'm enriched in a way they aren't, and because I know this fortune of having nappy hair is a God-given gift and not my own doing that I should be proud.
So those who hate the word, please know I get where you're coming from better now. But I still hope you will one day view the word the way I do...and realize nappy hair only became unkempt hair because we were robbed of the means to groom it, not because it is incapable of being as beautiful as any other hair.
Until a few days ago, my understanding of why the word nappy is deemed bad was that it was because those with tightly coiled hair were the ones viewed by Massa as the lowest of the low and not worthy of working close to his family in the big house. I thought that the fact that those with wavy or straight hair got treated better than those whose hair was called nappy was the reason it came to be that "having nappy hair was a bad thing" so no one wanted to hear that word used on them.
But then I got to watch this 6-part movie whose title hit me like a solid brick right between the eyes. DUH!!! I know this sounds ridiculous but it had never crossed my mind that when slaves were taken from their homeland, they never had time to pack one of the most important things to their culture: the comb. Please watch the movie then read on to see my enhanced understanding.
400 Years Without a Comb
Part 1 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cMf1heTa6A
Part 2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=winJvvYCS20
Part 3 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvMvNgFJ8zU
Part 4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRwLkS7W4oM
Part 5 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-FBFIA1Hks
Part 6 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbXLbZhivOM
So without the right tools to groom tightly coiled hair, slaves were forced to neglect it, while those "lucky" to have wavy or straight hair were able to groom it with the tools they found on this land. So everyone with nappy hair had no choice but wear unkempt hair. If you think of how hair sheds and how important it is to detangle and how long that takes and how they had no luxury of time to spend finger detangling...you get an idea of how horrible their hair must've been. Thus being nappy became synonymous with having unkempt, yucky hair.
It wasn't until the hair was straightened so the combs of the land could glide through, did the slave who had nappy hair finally get to sport well-groomed hair. So every time the word nappy was mentioned, the only image it would coin the in the minds of those who had known a time of no combs would be one of dirty, unkempt, gross hair. And understandably so.
While I personally have no problem with the word, this short movie really shed a new light for me on the stigma associated with the word, and gave me a new humility and sensitivity to those who do not like the word. But just like I would like to believe that over time, fewer people are squeezing babies' noses to make them pointed or pressing their lips to make them small (I know friends whose families did that although I didn't know this happened until only a few years ago), I pray that the pain of those days when we didn't have combs and were robbed of our self-respect will slowly ebb away so that the word nappy will cease to be associated with unkempt. After all, given the right tools, no other hair is as versatile or can be worn in any style imaginable the way nappy hair, ie tightly coiled hair, can.
Every now and then, someone will express a wish to have less wavy hair and wish for curls or naps. In fact, someone recently expressed a wish for "carpet hair" and I totally got it. A friend immediately suspected a troll because "why would anyone want nappier hair?" she wondered. I hate to sound full of myself but I totally get nappy-hair envy because I absolutely LOVE my nappy hair. So much so that when a friend with Type 1 hair that cannot hold a curl admires my hair and wishes hers could do all that mine can, I totally get where she's coming from. And I humbly thank her for the compliment. Humbly because I hate to make people feel bad when I'm enriched in a way they aren't, and because I know this fortune of having nappy hair is a God-given gift and not my own doing that I should be proud.
So those who hate the word, please know I get where you're coming from better now. But I still hope you will one day view the word the way I do...and realize nappy hair only became unkempt hair because we were robbed of the means to groom it, not because it is incapable of being as beautiful as any other hair.
discodumpling
Well-Known Member
I'm very comfortable with the word nappy. No other word comes close ot describing my hair...it ain't curly, coily, or kinky. It is as soft as the napp on a lamb...
I think it may have something to do with my cultural background...i'm not an American.
I think it may have something to do with my cultural background...i'm not an American.
mscocoface
Well-Known Member
I'm sorry to bump up this thread as it is a difficult topic for some, but I love to share anything new I learn so please bear with me.
Until a few days ago, my understanding of why the word nappy is deemed bad was that it was because those with tightly coiled hair were the ones viewed by Massa as the lowest of the low and not worthy of working close to his family in the big house. I thought that the fact that those with wavy or straight hair got treated better than those whose hair was called nappy was the reason it came to be that "having nappy hair was a bad thing" so no one wanted to hear that word used on them.
But then I got to watch this 6-part movie whose title hit me like a solid brick right between the eyes. DUH!!! I know this sounds ridiculous but it had never crossed my mind that when slaves were taken from their homeland, they never had time to pack one of the most important things to their culture: the comb. Please watch the movie then read on to see my enhanced understanding.
400 Years Without a Comb
Part 1 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cMf1heTa6A
Part 2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=winJvvYCS20
Part 3 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvMvNgFJ8zU
Part 4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRwLkS7W4oM
Part 5 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-FBFIA1Hks
Part 6 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbXLbZhivOM
So without the right tools to groom tightly coiled hair, slaves were forced to neglect it, while those "lucky" to have wavy or straight hair were able to groom it with the tools they found on this land. So everyone with nappy hair had no choice but wear unkempt hair. If you think of how hair sheds and how important it is to detangle and how long that takes and how they had no luxury of time to spend finger detangling...you get an idea of how horrible their hair must've been. Thus being nappy became synonymous with having unkempt, yucky hair.
So every time the word nappy was mentioned, the only image it would coin the in the minds of those who had known a time of no combs would be one of dirty, unkempt, gross hair. And understandably so.
While I personally have no problem with the word, this short movie really shed a new light for me on the stigma associated with the word, and gave me a new humility and sensitivity to those who do not like the word. But just like I would like to believe that over time, fewer people are squeezing babies' noses to make them pointed or pressing their lips to make them small (I know friends whose families did that although I didn't know this happened until only a few years ago), I pray that the pain of those days when we didn't have combs and were robbed of our self-respect will slowly ebb away so that the word nappy will cease to be associated with unkempt. After all, given the right tools, no other hair is as versatile or can be worn in any style imaginable the way nappy hair, ie tightly coiled hair, can.
Every now and then, someone will express a wish to have less wavy hair and wish for curls or naps. In fact, someone recently expressed a wish for "carpet hair" and I totally got it. A friend immediately suspected a troll because "why would anyone want nappier hair?" she wondered. I hate to sound full of myself but I totally get nappy-hair envy because I absolutely LOVE my nappy hair. So much so that when a friend with Type 1 hair that cannot hold a curl admires my hair and wishes hers could do all that mine can, I totally get where she's coming from. And I humbly thank her for the compliment. Humbly because I hate to make people feel bad when I'm enriched in a way they aren't, and because I know this fortune of having nappy hair is a God-given gift and not my own doing that I should be proud.
So those who hate the word, please know I get where you're coming from better now. But I still hope you will one day view the word the way I do...and realize nappy hair only became unkempt hair because we were robbed of the means to groom it, not because it is incapable of being as beautiful as any other hair.
Nonie this was really enligthening. Did you ever find the ending?
*Muffin*
New Member
I agree, it depends on how it's said. I like to joke around and say "Let me take my nappiness out of here" or "I've got to tame these Kuntah's", but I'm just saying it to joke around and it's all in good humor. I think the term is used very loosely today. I've heard people who's hair is anything but "nappy"to me (straight, loose curl pattern) refer to their hair as naps. So, long story short, nappiness is in the eye of the beholder. I personally like the term and don't find it derrogatory if not spoken in a derrogatory manner.
NitaChantell
New Member
I think it depends on the context it's being used in. I also agree that it's a double standard, whereas our race can say it to each other with no problem, but if someone outside of our race says it, it becomes derogatory and offensive. It is what you make it.
chosen07
New Member
i have only come to accept it as an "ok" term because I've changed my thinking about natural hair as a whole after being introduced to various hair forums/blogs. however, I don't think it can ever be fully accepted within the black community...at least not on the islands where the term is still the most derrogatory hair descriptors. a verbal meltdown almost broke out between 2 coworkers (good friends too) because one referred to the other's daughter's hair as nappy. it wasn't used in a bad way, but the mother couldn't separate the weight of the word from the heart of what was being said and got really offended. the other coworker used "nappy" to describe the tightly coiled versus the looser curl often called "curly" but the mother's response to it was so serious, you would have thought the daughter's character was being attacked...this confirmed for me, that we are just going to have to find a new term because the amount of hurt/pain/negativity associated by some are so strong, it can't be 'fixed'. and I can understand and respect that. so for that I typically [not always] shy away from the n-word even though I myself aren't offended when its used...
Vonnieluvs08
Well-Known Member
I don't know if I will ever be comfortable with the word nappy. Just with how I grew up with cruel white ppl and sometimes black ppl that felt the need to fling that word around to inflict pain and demonstrate a level of hate a child shouldn't have to witness. I was called nappy by students, teachers, etc. since I was one of the few if only black girls without a relaxer. So I don't see myself using it but won't knock others who do and hope one day I can get over the stigma I have with it.
andromeda
Well-Known Member
Interesting. Southern Tease of the Mane and Chic blog actually did this post recently asking for suggestions for a new word to describe our hair. I think it would be great for LHCF members to be a part of this brainstorming session!
New Word for Natural
The other day I posted a statement to my twitter basically saying that we need a new word for natural hair that doesn't contain derivatives of the word nappy. Why? Well, I just think more women are no longer relaxing and we need more words to describe being natural that includes women that get highlights, keratin and even silkeners. It also needs to be a word that everyone can say and anyone can hear without being offended. It needs to be neutral. It needs to describe Type 3b-4b hair. I think we are progressive and innovative enough to come up with a new word to end the debate about who is "natural" and who is not. I mean a whole new word that's never been used before using derivational morphology. The same way they came up with the word "naptural". Oh, I hate the word kinky too. I use it on the blog, but I don't really like it because of the sexual undertones. I don't say it in real life. It does make since to talk about hair in terms of hair types on Mane & Chic I am focused on Type 3-4 hair but I need a more inclusive term to group all of my readers. I want to get etymological with it (lol)!
Here are some suggestions from readers that are a good start...
So once we figure out the word we want. We're just going to say it, tweet it, post it on our facebooks. We're going to make t-shirts. It's going to be crazy and let's see if it catches on.
- Coiled
- Highly Textured
- Fluffy
- Afro-textured
- Coily
- Textured
- Naturally Textured
Leave your suggestions in the comments.
Nonie
Well-Known Member
I never did find a different ending. Maybe I'll leave a note asking what it is we miss at the end.
The movie did make me understand that the dread with the word wasn't just a misunderstanding of what it meant, but more than that: In reality, if you had natural 4B hair then you were by default unkempt because you never groomed it. Even to me, who loves 4B hair, I agree it wasn't a blessing to have that hair type in slavery days. (Now before y'all jump on me, watch the movie and you'll get where I am.)
There was no way to groom natural 4B hair in the US in the 1600's so it naturally became unkempt. And anyone with natural 4B hair was automatically messy and had hair that needed to be kept hidden in the presence of "important people" like Massa and his guests. So natural 4B hair aka nappy hair was something YOU didn't wish on your worst enemy back then.
Straightening the hair made it easy to comb with white folks' combs and so that you could FINALLY have well-groomed hair. It wasn't better because it was straight. It was better because it was groomed. And thus it came to be that you fixed your nappy hair by making it straight enough for the tools that were on hand to work on it. As the right tools were finally made available, then having natural 4B hair slowly ceased to be a curse.
Except over the generations, people just jumped on the bandwagon that nappy was bad without really knowing why it was bad. Heck, if in those days our vocabulary had been as wide as it is now to describe my type of hair, then all the words we use now (coily, tightly curled, fluffy, textured,...you name it) would have been derogatory terms. Why? Because back then this type of hair, no matter what name you gave it, was a yucky, tangled mess that was could not be groomed. You all cringe and wanna gag when this photo is posted. But it probably isn't so different from how the hair on those with natural 4B hair in the US in the 1600's looked, just maybe it was never allowed to get that long.
However, hooray for us, natural 4B hair doesn't have to be ugly anymore because we are no longer without the tools make to make nappy hair look snappy. In other words being nappy is no longer a cause to be unhappy.
suburbanbushbabe
New Member
How about, "I know some people dont consider it a negative word and are okay with using it and I respect that. I don't use it because I consider it a negative."
jennboo
Well-Known Member
I use it to describe my hair. *shrugs* What else would I say? Like Mwedzi said, curly doesn't fit. I say kinky sometimes, but I prefer nappy.
When people around me use it in a negative way, I usually say, "so what's wrong with nappy hair?", and they get to stuttering and trying to think of something to say. I like that because it forces them to ask themselves that question.
ITA. I don't find the word offensive. To the bolded, I employ this same tactic, LOL.
Long-n-Strong_Naturally
Active Member
I heard the word "nap" growing up all the time, but that was because my mom was a designer and I was always around textiles. I've also heard it used to describe the texture of paint and paint rollers etc. I found this information just now:
nap 2
Noun
the raised fibres of velvet or similar cloth [probably Middle Dutch noppe]
2. nap - a soft or fuzzy surface texture
texture - the feel of a surface or a fabric; "the wall had a smooth texture"
3. nap - the yarn (as in a rug or velvet or corduroy) that stands up from the weave; "for uniform color and texture tailors cut velvet with the pile running the same direction" pile
thread, yarn - a fine cord of twisted fibers (of cotton or silk or wool or nylon etc.) used in sewing and weaving
I'm not from the U.S. originally and even though I came here while I was very young, english was not my first language. I don't remember when I first heard it in terms of hair description but for the longest time I assumed it referred to hair texture of the actual cuticle follicle (laying down flat as opposed to up). So imagine you are looking at a piece of velvet the "nap" runs usually in one direction, if you run your hands along it in the opposite direction you'll change the direction of the nap (and it will seem to almost change the color of the fabric because of the way the light hits it). It reminds me of why hair when it is in a curly state doesn't look as shiny as hair that is straight. They can both be healthy and shiny but the light won't have the opportunity to reflect off the curly as it does off of the straight.
It wasn't until much later that I found out that sometimes (depending on who said it and how it was said) it was considered an insult. But I've also heard it said affectionately and I mean that seriously. Stevie Wonder uses it to describe himself in his song "I Wish". Please note that I'm not saying that just because Stevie uses it that makes it "okay" for everyone to use. One person cannot and should not represent a whole race.
Some days my hair is so frizzy I look like I was on the short end of an electrical wire, but I like it. It looks different from other days when for lack of a better term considering what we are talking about, it looks "nappy" and my curls are super tight. I dig that look too and will encourage it by avoiding a brush or comb and just rock that for a while. When I think of "nappy" I can't separate it from the context I heard while growing up- which wasn't insulting. I can also understand how when someone else hears it they can't separate it from the context they heard it in while they were growing up and respect that as well. I love the fact that when I braid my hair to the end it stays (even if I blow dry/flat iron it for a different look). The curl refuses to be tamed. I admire that. It reminds me of a beautiful wild garden as opposed to a perfectly manicured planned out yard. There's something soothing and powerful in an elemental sort of way about letting nature take its course.
CG
andromeda
Well-Known Member
Your explanation was well thought out and quite beautiful, esp the bold.
BrownSkinQT
Active Member
I don't like the word either because of the negative connections it has and people, white or black, are so quick to use it in an offensive manner. I really cannot stand when white people think it's cool to use the two words nappy or ghetto. These words are completely overused and not only that used out of context. It's like when have you ever experienced "naps" or the ghetto for that matter?
I personally refer to 4a and beyond hair as being NUBIAN.
I personally refer to 4a and beyond hair as being NUBIAN.
washize
New Member
I for one don't like it. maybe if the deffinition was changed, like *****- Never ignorant getting goals accomplished. Then My attitude would be diffrent. The word itself doesn't sound nice, and too many women use it as a way to describe their hair when it is not behaving. My hair isn't nappy, it is not unkept, and it is not difficult to manage.
I just call my hair curly, becuase that is what it is.
I just call my hair curly, becuase that is what it is.
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