nathansgirl1908
Well-Known Member
I don't agree with this at all. Nothing I have ever read indicates that.
I think that's something man has come up with, especially women, to justify their desire for a mate.
The gift of singlehood?
- Thread starter Kinkyhairlady
- Start date
I don't agree with this at all. Nothing I have ever read indicates that.
I think that's something man has come up with, especially women, to justify their desire for a mate.
softblackcotton
Well-Known Member
This is my favorite reply in the whole thread far. Thank you!
dicapr
Well-Known Member
nathansgirl1908
Well-Known Member
It's all in what you allow people to get away with. As for holidays, does your own family not get together? Honestly it sounds as if you are friends with people who may not care about you in general.
But getting married should not be the solution. Marriage is not something to enter into because you are lonely and feeling isolated.
You should take time to make your life more fun and active. Find new friends.
Guitarhero
New Member
With all due respect, some of these girls here have never had sex, have never been married nor even properly dated a guy...true virgins. 44 and sexually experienced versus virgin and young desiring marriage because it's biology are two different things. I'm not trying to be harsh...but if you open your ears just a little wider, you'll hear all types of faith. How? They are going to G-d first and being honest with Him.
Secondly, they are doing what He recommended which is seeking wise cousel. Thirdly, they are open to pray again and are expressing their desire, hoping that a marriage will come about. Faith = hope of that which we cannot see.It's always easier to see a situation from the other side of the fence when you've been on both sides already.
Mis007
New Member
Clearly not you, however, many do desire a spouse also it is possible for one to be happily taken and loving God at the same time.
Guitarhero
New Member
That's fine you don't agree. However, scripture supports the sanctity of marriage all the time...."husbands, love your wives...husbands, respect your wives....husbands....." The church supports the sanctity of marriage as a direct result. Search the scriptures.
But if you don't desire marriage, that has nothing to do with you, it has something to do with those who have chosen the vocation of marriage. There is no mandate that YOU have to get married. G-d provides guidelines for all of us to live by. I don't support telling others they should or should not marry.In general for the discussion:
Sex is a part of marriage. We are naturally geared to procreate. That cannot occur without sex. It's a very sacred part of marriage and if women are wanting to have sex (and men), then we are following the natural order. It basically has nothing to do with religion because there are so many, as well as desire for sex and marriage where there is lack of religious belief. We know that the faith handed down to us is for a more complete life, which is G-d's desire for us all, so that's why our marriages go hand-in-hand with our faith. In other words, there is a higher way.
If there is no desire for sex, people simply would not marry and they would not fulfill that world command in general to be fruitful and multiply. Of course, it's not for everyone, which is understandable. But it is a big part of life. Afterall, we wouldn't have gotten here. It's not wrong to desire marriage to have a physical relationship. Certainly, most people want the relationship going along with it. But it's more commendable for a man/woman to wait to be in holy matrimony to have their first sexual experience, with fidelity henceforth.
dicapr
Well-Known Member
You don't seem to understand that someone's situation is not like your own. I think you and I have had a conversation before about how some christian communities and communities in general (especially in the South) treat single women. But you just cannot comprehend the problem we face.I had a friend with a similar attitude from a supportive community move down to the area in which I live. She ended up moving back home because she couldn't deal with the isolation singles in this area have to live with. My family does care for me but my family will and has told me that they need to have family with their spouses and children during holiday time-which does not include me. They work competing shifts and opposite weekends and sometimes they need time to reconnect with their spouses and children. Many times when siblings get married everyone else becomes extended family while their spouses and children are seen as nuclear family. I don't have a problem with that priniciple because it is biblical. However, that doesn't keep me from scrambling to find somewhere to be on some holidays. Having fun and finding more "friends" is not the issue. You will see that the older you get the less single friends are available to you. With married friends you find that you will sooner or later have to deal with the husband and kids issue. You seem young. The single journey evolves and changes as you get older. There is also the pressure of your biological clock-if you want to have biological children. You do not have forever and some of us know that our time is running out. It was easy to be carefree and single in my twenties. Now that I am nearing the big 40, it is a different set of rules, emotions and opportunities. I believe that you stated that you personally have no desire to marry. I believe that also gives you a different view point on the issue. If you have no desire for that type of lifestyle it will be difficult to understand those who desire to be married. Truthfully, I desire marriage for companionship. I want someone who I can share my life with. I want to travel and would love to have a travel partner for life. But I am also truthful enough to admit it would be nice to have someone to be with during the holidays, someone to check on me when I am sick, and have my church community be more relevant to me than it is now. My point is that the desire for marriage is multifacinated and not just the desire for a man or sex as you seem to simplify it into being. It is a complicated issue.
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hair_rehab
New Member
The fact that we live in a fallen world that is moving farther and farther away from God causes things like finding a quality mate to become very difficult, not to mention that people who are single are looked down upon in society. The women we see in the bible who were barren and wanted children is no different from today's women who want to get married and have children. See Hannah: http://www.wordlibrary.co.uk/article.php?id=161
It seems that the best thing for single women to do is to remain content in their current state and still express their desires to God without becoming bitter.
It seems that the best thing for single women to do is to remain content in their current state and still express their desires to God without becoming bitter.
Iwanthealthyhair67
Well-Known Member
Actually no, I have not been on both sides already, I have never been married…
Are you saying because I’m 44 (almost) and have had sexual experience I don’t desire marriage and my biological clock has stopped ticking, it’s good for me then I do not believe in biology clocks, society/the world will not dictate to me which age is appropriate for me to marry..
I disagree with you my ears are wide opened, I just don’t hear what you hear, I hear selfishness and though the voice is whispering I also hear; ‘ I want to have sex ‘, I even hear a bit of anger towards God…
Are you saying because I’m 44 (almost) and have had sexual experience I don’t desire marriage and my biological clock has stopped ticking, it’s good for me then I do not believe in biology clocks, society/the world will not dictate to me which age is appropriate for me to marry..
I disagree with you my ears are wide opened, I just don’t hear what you hear, I hear selfishness and though the voice is whispering I also hear; ‘ I want to have sex ‘, I even hear a bit of anger towards God…
With all due respect, some of these girls here have never had sex, have never been married nor even properly dated a guy...true virgins. 44 and sexually experienced versus virgin and young desiring marriage because it's biology are two different things. I'm not trying to be harsh...but if you open your ears just a little wider, you'll hear all types of faith. How? They are going to G-d first and being honest with Him.
It's always easier to see a situation from the other side of the fence when you've been on both sides already.
StarScream35
Well-Known Member
I'm confused...............there are plenty of women who have lots of sex and still desire marriage. Are you saying many women who desire marriage, want so only to have sex? I think there is more to it than that but then I could be misunderstanding the argument. I know for me, I want to love and be loved. Unconditional love (family, friends. Christ) is wonderful but I think conditional love must be intoxicating and that is something I desire. In fact its so intoxicating, it causes people to write poems, sing and write songs, people's hearts skip beats etc so conditional love is a powerful thing and I think many us are biologically programmed to want that. The situation becomes intense when you want it and aren't getting it and the odds are stacked against you. Not saying that it won't happen but if you are nearing lets say 45 and something that is biologically programmed into you is not given the opportunity to develop or serve its biological purpose, you probably will hear some moaning and groaning and b*tching. Just my two cents. I could get into biology and survival of the fittest and so forth but it will just drag on and on. Hope I made sense though.
LucieLoo12
Well-Known Member
I guess the bottomline of it all is this....."Nevertheless, let your (God's) will, be done and not mine.." Thats the mindset we have to have about EVERYTHING, not just marriage...
2 Timothy 2 v 3-4
3Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ.
4No man that warreth entangleth himself with the affairs of this life; that he may please him who hath chosen him to be a soldier.
Entangle means
1. Cause to become twisted together with or caught in.
2. Involve (someone) in difficulties or complicated circumstances
We shouldnt be bogged down with NOTHING...He said "Cast your care upon me"....you got to cast it upon him and LEAVE it with him...
All of this is doubt and worry all stems from a lack of Trust in God.
Trust:a : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something b : one in which confidence is placed
: dependence on something future or contingent : hope
(1) : a charge or duty imposed in faith or confidence or as a condition of some relationship (2) : something committed or entrusted to one to be used or cared for in the interest of another
Once again, its not wrong to desire marriage, but dont let it bring you into despair if you are not married. True faith is believing when u dont see..and just having the mindset "God if you dont bless me with that husband, I will still serve You"
2 Timothy 2 v 3-4
3Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ.
4No man that warreth entangleth himself with the affairs of this life; that he may please him who hath chosen him to be a soldier.
Entangle means
1. Cause to become twisted together with or caught in.
2. Involve (someone) in difficulties or complicated circumstances
We shouldnt be bogged down with NOTHING...He said "Cast your care upon me"....you got to cast it upon him and LEAVE it with him...
All of this is doubt and worry all stems from a lack of Trust in God.
Trust:a : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something b : one in which confidence is placed
: dependence on something future or contingent : hope
(1) : a charge or duty imposed in faith or confidence or as a condition of some relationship (2) : something committed or entrusted to one to be used or cared for in the interest of another
Once again, its not wrong to desire marriage, but dont let it bring you into despair if you are not married. True faith is believing when u dont see..and just having the mindset "God if you dont bless me with that husband, I will still serve You"
LivingDoll
Well-Known Member
Guitarhero
New Member
B
No, not at all. Biological clocks meaning, related to wanting children. But you have had sexual experience...that's the side. It doesn't do a single woman with no sexual experience any good to poo-poo and minimalize the marriage and/or sexual experience when you have already had it. My thing is this, unless christians are going around with a face masque of "happy-go-lucky," then they feel guilty about it. If they are unfulfilled in some area, then they feel like a traitor to G-d about it cuz too many have been erroneously taught that to express their pain is anti-G-d. That's not the christian walk, imho and in my camp. The christian walk is a human walk and the only difference truly between believers and non-believers is Jesus. We are all the same and our psychology doesn't go away.
Talking about it and working through the issues, the fear, the pains, the joys, uncertainty...they are all a part of that christian walk. They are saying, "it hurts G-d, I don't understand it, I feel scared despite my knowledge that I am trusting you. Can You help me through it?" They are real but the test is the source they are seeking...Him!!
For someone who has experienced it to say, "it's not much, you can keep going on without or pass," is kinda horrible, particulary given their age difference. 
We are individuals. What I'm saying is that it's not a sin to recognize where, who and what you are in life. Know thyself...tis the key to growth. Exploring it is not distrust in G-d because anyone truly honest is going to see his own shortcomings. I say that the people who openly admit what they feel and fear are closer to Him than those who mistakenly feel that concealing true inner feelings are a demonstration of the best christian walk. No. G-d requires honesty and there are many here honest with how they feel. I also suspec there to be many who hide these desires deep within because they have lost faith or have given up or been hurt.
If one is dissing G-d, then they wouldn't ask for counsel. The very fact they they are looking into scripture, praying, seeking His will and openly confessing their g-d-made humanity reveals much about their character. The easy life of few troubles is great...but the one wrought with many troubles is often walked by those who are closest to Him.
I'm not talking about sin. This is similar to my previous post about the senior citizen who advised to stay single cuz she's tired of her husband even though he's a great man. She's in her older years with companionship telling a much younger woman to go it alone because of how SHE feels. 
Two separate lives and desires.
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LivingDoll
Well-Known Member
You don't seem to understand that someone's situation is not like your own. I think you and I have had a conversation before about how some christian communities and communities in general (especially in the South) treat single women. But you just cannot comprehend the problem we face.I had a friend with a similar attitude from a supportive community move down to the area in which I live. She ended up moving back home because she couldn't deal with the isolation singles in this area have to live with. My family does care for me but my family will and has told me that they need to have family with their spouses and children during holiday time-which does not include me. They work competing shifts and opposite weekends and sometimes they need time to reconnect with their spouses and children. Many times when siblings get married everyone else becomes extended family while their spouses and children are seen as nuclear family. I don't have a problem with that priniciple because it is biblical. However, that doesn't keep me from scrambling to find somewhere to be on some holidays. Having fun and finding more "friends" is not the issue. You will see that the older you get the less single friends are available to you. With married friends you find that you will sooner or later have to deal with the husband and kids issue. You seem young. The single journey evolves and changes as you get older. There is also the pressure of your biological clock-if you want to have biological children. You do not have forever and some of us know that our time is running out. It was easy to be carefree and single in my twenties. Now that I am nearing the big 40, it is a different set of rules, emotions and opportunities. I believe that you stated that you personally have no desire to marry. I believe that also gives you a different view point on the issue. If you have no desire for that type of lifestyle it will be difficult to understand those who desire to be married. Truthfully, I desire marriage for companionship. I want someone who I can share my life with. I want to travel and would love to have a travel partner for life. But I am also truthful enough to admit it would be nice to have someone to be with during the holidays, someone to check on me when I am sick, and have my church community be more relevant to me than it is now. My point is that the desire for marriage is multifacetedand not just the desire for a man or sex as you seem to simplify it into being. It is a complicated issue.
Thanks for this. I couldn't have said it any better. WE ARE >>>HERE<<<. Especially the bolded points.
BTW, i'm 37.
Guitarhero
New Member
I've edited my post a billion times, as usual....but I will say that how and what we hear is often based upon our outlook toward life and how we view others. Is that glass 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? Is that person nearly fabulously dressed or are they mostly disheveled because of an imperfection? Could the grass be greener or the flower still beautiful or are they 1/2 dead? I disagree that dissatisfaction is anger and accusation towards G-d. Maybe the person is angry they are in this situation while remaining prayerful and hopeful? There are plenty of cool cucumbers out there absolutely seething with true anger internally. I think it's best to get it on the outside and explore it, talk about it and find solutions.
makeupgirl
Well-Known Member
Definitely gave me something to think about. I may need to evaluate some things.
StarScream35
Well-Known Member
SuchMagnificance
I looooved your post cause like you said, it's real talk. I have no prob going out to the movies alone, going out to eat alone but it does get lonely sometimes and I do long for someone and the minute I vocalize this, here come all that extra stuff..........be happy with yourself, travel, concentrate on you...........really? What do you think I have been doing all this time? And I love the whole thing about travel and see the world. My God that one is seriously overrated!! I have to wonder if people give such repetitve answers to single women because they really don't want to deal with what's going on or if deep down they think you might steal their man so they tell you all this stuff like don't worry be happy? I dunno, it makes me wonder though. And you are right, it's always the women who have mates who are like be patient, stay calm.............etc. Bottom line, for sistas dating is difficult and finding a mate is EXTREMELY difficult. It's sad!!
I looooved your post cause like you said, it's real talk. I have no prob going out to the movies alone, going out to eat alone but it does get lonely sometimes and I do long for someone and the minute I vocalize this, here come all that extra stuff..........be happy with yourself, travel, concentrate on you...........really? What do you think I have been doing all this time? And I love the whole thing about travel and see the world. My God that one is seriously overrated!! I have to wonder if people give such repetitve answers to single women because they really don't want to deal with what's going on or if deep down they think you might steal their man so they tell you all this stuff like don't worry be happy? I dunno, it makes me wonder though. And you are right, it's always the women who have mates who are like be patient, stay calm.............etc. Bottom line, for sistas dating is difficult and finding a mate is EXTREMELY difficult. It's sad!!
nathansgirl1908
Well-Known Member
I agree. That's exactly what it seems like to me.
God is not stupid. He cannot be fooled. People need to examine their true reasons for wanting marriage and truly examine their approach to God on the matter. Most of the posts I have seen have definitely displayed anger towards God. I'm not saying that humans never feel frustrated with God, but they also should be honest with themselves about their feelings. Trying to stay in denial about it doesn't help.
nathansgirl1908
Well-Known Member
I'm 31. I can be honest and say I have no desire for children. So I don't have that biological clock ticking. I also live in the South. I just don't see what you are talking about on a regular basis. The only time I see behavior like that is with women who are so hung up on a man that in their eyes not having one is akin to not having much of an existence. Where I am, single women are too busy going on trips, shopping, building great careers, to be focused on this type of thing.
What I can say is that the statement: "insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results" is very true. Wallowing in misery and blaming your single state for your social problems is a waste of time and energy. Your life is what you make of it. If you continue trying to be around the same people, and they continue to shut you out, then you DO need to move into a different circle. I recognize that family traditions on holidays are different. But I can't really picture family telling someone not ot come over on a holiday because they want to be alone with their families. There's more to that in my opinion. But you can only blame yourself for allowing it to get you down. Make plans to go somewhere nice for the holiday. You don't have to stay at home. Or invite people to YOUR place and cook a big holiday meal. God is not standing in the way of you making choices that help you to feel less lonely and isolated.
As for kids, even though adoption isn't for everyone, and it is sometimes a complicated process, it IS an option. I firmly believe that God wants more people to be willing to pursue that option instead of just automatically assuming they have to have their own biological child. If yu truly love children, you have other avenues in which to nurture and love a child.
I'm sorry but the pity party doesn't work. Everyone's situation IS different, but there are also things you can do to hange. But you (and others) can't be mad because your life isn't as fulfilling as you would like because you have put it on hold waiting for God to do your bidding. He's not on your time table.
makeupgirl
Well-Known Member
nathansgirl1908
How can you say that marriage is draining and it divides your heart from God? Have you ever been married before or you're just basing it off your friends experience. Unless you experienced marriage for yourself, your friends experience means nothing, because it's not your experience and your knowledge.
As for your disagreement that Marriage isn't God's plan. I'm sorry but our opinions doesn't not matter to the word of God. Scripture trumps human mind each time. Man cannot understand why the union of marriage is so important to God. Ok all of the plans that God has for us is not understood by man. It's not about us, everything that was done from beginning to end; from genesis to revelation is about Jesus Christ, the bright and morning star.
Marriage represents the covenant relationship between Christ being the head and the body of Christ (believers in Christ) being the bride.
Read Ephesians 5:24-27; 2 Corinthians 11:2; Revelation 19:7-9, 21:1-2, 22:20
makeupgirl
Well-Known Member
Ladies, once you have accepted and received Christ as your Lord and Savior, you're engaged spiritually. We're going to be married regardless because we're apart of the bride/body of Christ.
As the bride, we're waiting with great anticipating to be reunited with our groom who is Jesus Christ. Do you ever feel an impatient moment where you wish Jesus would come and get us now? Well, that's because we're aching to be reunited with him spiritually.
If we're not faithful to him, who is our spiritual bridegroom, while here on earth; then how can God entrust us with our earthly husband?
It's not about, what we think. God's way, his plan, his purpose, his design is for his glorification; but as his kids, his lets us in on it according to his will.
Why marriages or anything fail? Because they haven't let Christ in on the plan. Everything now has to be Christ-centered, because he knows how everything works and how to make it successful. But also they failed because of impatience. I mean, we're selfish creatures, we got some issues.
I sit back and think what if this or that about marriage but I don't think I ever thought about whether or not I included God in those plans. That's definitely a dis-service to him as our creator.
Romans 1:25 (KJV) "Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen."
If we worship and serve the act of marriage more than God who created marriage, then we have a serious problem here.
As of right now, I am happy to let go my obssesiveness with being married because I need time to get to know my God first and foremost. (i've been saved almost 10 years and I'm just figuring that out, wow) I believe in my heart that God has a plan for me to be married but there is a difference between me being ready and him knowing that I'm ready. I may still need to grow a lot first. Even now, at home I'm still without cable and internet, but it's letting me appreciate what I have more because I didn't have it before technology really took over. Sometimes we just got to stop and think about what God has for us instead of what we want him to have for us. Then everything else will click into play, so to speak. (lets hope I keep this mindset when the cable and internet do come back on)
Matt 6:33 says point blank "see ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you"
So ladies, I challenge you that we all do this together.
1) confess unconfessed sin
2) tell God how you feel about marriage and the guy and then leave it alone
3) restart or renew your relationship with Christ
4) take care of yourself, physically, spiritually, mentally
5) get to know yourself
6) also love yourself
7) learn how to be content in your current season of singleness
As I type this, I am not thinking of this of my own accord (i'm not that smart when I have too much caffeine, lol) Which allows me to believe that this is God's message for all of us, including me. Let's just continue to cheer each other on and be supportive to each other.
More importantly we just trust and believe God, without that it's just an empty canvas without the paint.
Ok ladies, I gotta go because I only have 7 mins left on my lunch break.
Love ya!!!!!!
As the bride, we're waiting with great anticipating to be reunited with our groom who is Jesus Christ. Do you ever feel an impatient moment where you wish Jesus would come and get us now? Well, that's because we're aching to be reunited with him spiritually.
If we're not faithful to him, who is our spiritual bridegroom, while here on earth; then how can God entrust us with our earthly husband?
It's not about, what we think. God's way, his plan, his purpose, his design is for his glorification; but as his kids, his lets us in on it according to his will.
Why marriages or anything fail? Because they haven't let Christ in on the plan. Everything now has to be Christ-centered, because he knows how everything works and how to make it successful. But also they failed because of impatience. I mean, we're selfish creatures, we got some issues.
I sit back and think what if this or that about marriage but I don't think I ever thought about whether or not I included God in those plans. That's definitely a dis-service to him as our creator.
Romans 1:25 (KJV) "Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen."
If we worship and serve the act of marriage more than God who created marriage, then we have a serious problem here.
As of right now, I am happy to let go my obssesiveness with being married because I need time to get to know my God first and foremost. (i've been saved almost 10 years and I'm just figuring that out, wow) I believe in my heart that God has a plan for me to be married but there is a difference between me being ready and him knowing that I'm ready. I may still need to grow a lot first. Even now, at home I'm still without cable and internet, but it's letting me appreciate what I have more because I didn't have it before technology really took over. Sometimes we just got to stop and think about what God has for us instead of what we want him to have for us. Then everything else will click into play, so to speak. (lets hope I keep this mindset when the cable and internet do come back on)
Matt 6:33 says point blank "see ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you"
So ladies, I challenge you that we all do this together.
1) confess unconfessed sin
2) tell God how you feel about marriage and the guy and then leave it alone
3) restart or renew your relationship with Christ
4) take care of yourself, physically, spiritually, mentally
5) get to know yourself
6) also love yourself
7) learn how to be content in your current season of singleness
As I type this, I am not thinking of this of my own accord (i'm not that smart when I have too much caffeine, lol) Which allows me to believe that this is God's message for all of us, including me. Let's just continue to cheer each other on and be supportive to each other.
More importantly we just trust and believe God, without that it's just an empty canvas without the paint.
Ok ladies, I gotta go because I only have 7 mins left on my lunch break.
Love ya!!!!!!
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Guitarhero
New Member
Not talking about anyone here, but I've often wondered in my own life if those several individuals were worried that I'd find a better situation than them?
.............I'll address it in the other thread.
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nathansgirl1908
Well-Known Member
Um it's clear from scripture that marriage can be considered as something that divides your heart from God. Look around at these posts. The bitterness towards God just because He hasnt sent a mate is palpable. Once that mate comes, it is likely that the focus will be on that mate. Just the process of desiring a mate has caused hearts to be divided from God.
And I can say marriage is draining because I see SEVERAL people going through. Marriage is WORK. And women bear the brunt and weight of marriages. That's just reality. You don't have to be married to see that.
Also, I said that I disagree that marriage is an important Part of God's plan. My reading of the Word has never given me that feeling. Ever. People can find scriptures that appear to make it that way, but that's because they want to be married.
And I can say marriage is draining because I see SEVERAL people going through. Marriage is WORK. And women bear the brunt and weight of marriages. That's just reality. You don't have to be married to see that.
Also, I said that I disagree that marriage is an important Part of God's plan. My reading of the Word has never given me that feeling. Ever. People can find scriptures that appear to make it that way, but that's because they want to be married.
nathansgirl1908
Well-Known Member
Not talking about anyone here, but I've often wondered in my own life if those several individuals were worried that I'd find a better situation than them?
.............I'll address it in the other thread.
No, it's because they either had to learn patience themselves or because they know the reality of marriage. REAL marriage. Not the fairy tale marriage being desired in here.
CandiceC
.
I agree with you that marriage is work and at times it can be draining. It's been six years for me and my marriage has actually drawn me closer to God for strength and to trust Him to work out certain conflicts. And what I've learned has spilled over into other areas of my life as well. I can seek to draw closer to God in other circumstances of course, but I'm just saying to share my experience. I had things pretty easy growing up so conflict within my marriage made me realize life isn't all roses and I need God more than anything regardless of what's going on.
As for the other part. Marriage is an important part of God's plan. It's a part. Not His complete plan. I don't think anyone is saying that. Otherwise there wouldn't be a such thing as people having the gift of singleness like Paul. That's an important part too.
I agree with what makeupgirl says about marriage symbolizing God's covenant with the church.
It also fits in with God wanting us to reproduce more people to love, worship and fellowship with Him starting with Adam and Eve. The bible says fornication is a sin so those that follow along with that and wish to reproduce can get married, have sex and reproduce within that union.
Of course people are born outside of wedlock, but God designed sex for marriage and it is a way reproduce without sinning.
Marriage also is a way to avoid fornication (and good for those that choose to be faithful and avoid adultery as well.) Paul said for those that can't contain themselves it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
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I believe that asking for wisdom in all aspects of our live is paramount. This verse keeps popping in my head while reading this thread:
7 Wisdom is the principal thing;
Therefore get wisdom.
And in all your getting, get understanding.
Proverbs 4:7
The bible says we can ask God for wisdom and he will give it, we can also ask God to give us wisdom to prepare to receive dreams and desires we have on our hearts in practical terms. Be specific in your prayers and act on the practical things you feel God drops in your spirit. Sometimes we get it wrong but acting in faith is important for spiritual growth.
. I've always felt that marriage and children stretches one's spiritual maturity in ways that being single and childless do not. There's definitely pros and cons to each situation.
In general we get the most testing and blessing through other people IMO (not just in marriage and family but through all of our relationships) and that's all part of God's plan for His children and His church.
I'm glad you brought up the role of sex within marriage, previous comments in this thread seem to dismiss sexual desire as something shameful or irrelevant but to deny the validity of the sexual urge is a mistake IMO. Of course making an idol out of lust is wrong but it is perfectly normal to want to have sex and wanting to get married and have great sex with your covenant partner. We are all created with emotional and biological/sexual desires .. what I'm learning in every aspect of my life is that God wants us to trust Him with our worries, desires, dreams and that His grace truly is more than enough, not just a welfare plan for those who can't get what they want.
7 Wisdom is the principal thing;
Therefore get wisdom.
And in all your getting, get understanding.
Proverbs 4:7
The bible says we can ask God for wisdom and he will give it, we can also ask God to give us wisdom to prepare to receive dreams and desires we have on our hearts in practical terms. Be specific in your prayers and act on the practical things you feel God drops in your spirit. Sometimes we get it wrong but acting in faith is important for spiritual growth.
Insightful comments CandiceC
. I've always felt that marriage and children stretches one's spiritual maturity in ways that being single and childless do not. There's definitely pros and cons to each situation. In general we get the most testing and blessing through other people IMO (not just in marriage and family but through all of our relationships) and that's all part of God's plan for His children and His church.
I'm glad you brought up the role of sex within marriage, previous comments in this thread seem to dismiss sexual desire as something shameful or irrelevant but to deny the validity of the sexual urge is a mistake IMO. Of course making an idol out of lust is wrong but it is perfectly normal to want to have sex and wanting to get married and have great sex with your covenant partner. We are all created with emotional and biological/sexual desires .. what I'm learning in every aspect of my life is that God wants us to trust Him with our worries, desires, dreams and that His grace truly is more than enough, not just a welfare plan for those who can't get what they want.
dicapr
Well-Known Member
I''m glad you have everything figured out. Actually, I am more content in my singleness than I have been in years. At this time in my life I am holding out for what I want in a mate. I am working on my persoal goals that have nothing to do with marriage. However, I am not going to pretend that the emotions that these women are expressing in this thread do not have merit or that a change in the way they view thier lives would help them get over their lonliness and isolation. I've been there. I am also honest enough with myself to admit that being busy does not equal not being lonley. You can work, socialize, evangalize, babysit, feed the hungry, ect but you still have to go home alone. I have gone back to school, I socialize on campus, and with friends from work. But I know that doesn't mean that I am not lonely for a mate. It just means that I have found other ways to occupy my time. Even if I have a house full of people every weekend and holiday they will go home to thier own families leaving me alone. If you think that surrounding oneself with others solves the issue of loneliness you are mistaken.
dicapr
Well-Known Member
Your friend seems to be having difficulty in her marriage and is painting a very poor picture of marriage for you. My sister who is separated has told me that she enjoyed being married-it was just the person she is married to that was the problem. I think it is individual. Some people like the institution of marriage while others dream about what they think single life is like.
Afrobuttafly
Well-Known Member
Because while you are single you can enjoy doing the things married people cannot or are harder for married people to do. You can have more freedom to do things like just travel on a whim, whereas when you're married you have to discuss it with you mate first and you have other obligations to worry about. The gift of singleness does not imply that one has to remain single, it is just saying enjoy your singleness while you have it. A lot of people would benefit by using this time to better themselves so that when they do find a worthy suitor they will be a good catch for that person also.
Your feelings about being single for years are understandable though. Have you actually prayed and asked God to help you find (not to just put into your lap) a good man? You have to do this continually not just once or twice. It shows God that you are really serious about your request. And then work in harmony with your prayer by being social and putting in a little effort.
Your feelings about being single for years are understandable though. Have you actually prayed and asked God to help you find (not to just put into your lap) a good man? You have to do this continually not just once or twice. It shows God that you are really serious about your request. And then work in harmony with your prayer by being social and putting in a little effort.
