cocoberry10
New Member
Hi Ladies:
This is a spinoff of the thread How do I stop wanting/craving a relationship and just trust God? http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=114296.
In the past, I have been like Kia, really wanting a relationship, especially in my late teens, early, early 20's (like 20-22). I felt like having a relationship was sooooo important, and if I wasn't dating, I felt awkward. I'm still in my 20's (more mid), but lately I haven't been wanting a relationship and it's because I see so many areas of my life that I want to be better at before I get involved with someone.
One of the things I've thought about is how can I be a good wife? This is the bar I've set for myself. I feel like I don't want to be in a serious relationship again until I feel that I can be a good wife. I'm a little bit of a perfectionist (something God is working on in me), but I do think there are definite qualities a good wife should have. I think a lot of us get so caught up in wanting someone, but we don't always prepare ourselves for the role of wife/significant other, and when someone comes, we were so busy crying and praying for them, instead of preparing ourselves, that sometimes we sabotage what could have been a good relationship. No one take the above personally, I'm not denying that loneliness can be DIFFICULT. I know!
I will list mine, but ask you all...((and some of these I'm working on being better at myself
)
What Makes a Good Wife (What Makes you Good Wife Material)
1) A woman who loves and knows her value is in the Lord, not the man. Because of this, she can compliment the man in many areas of his life. Of course all women want compliments and love from a man, but you will not need this every minute to feel valued, b/c you have a sense of your own value.
2) She can keep house. Now, I know many of us are modern girls, and I am one of them, but I am realizing that men truly appreciate a woman that can keep house. It doesn't mean that he should feel like he can be a messy slob, but I do think it's important for me to be able to keep house. I have a habit of either being a neat freak, or kinda messy (it's one or the other, not usually an in-between. Meaning, my house is either extremely clean (spotless) or it's messy. When I get stressed or really busy, I can let my house get a little messy, which isn't good. I'm working on this one, but usually I'm pretty clean).
3) She can cook. Luckily for me, I can cook, and I actually enjoy it, so it wouldn't be a problem. Again, I know many women feel like it's not their job/role, but I also am finding a lot of men appreciate a woman that can cook. Some of my guy friends say "why would I get married? I am cleaner than most women, and I cook better?" This may sound sexist, but I do think that men appreciate the old fashioned woman, more than we realize.
4) She doesn't compete with her man. I am an ambitious woman, and I come from a line of successful people, but what I've seen is that the marriage is about a love relationship, not a competition to see who can outearn the other, who can get the promotion first, and who can be more successful. Especially in the times we live in, I feel that it's become more difficult for women, b/c we are out in the world "doing the thing." Often even if you are a humble woman, if you are successful, many men are intimidated by this (even those that are successful themselves). BUT, there are women (and I've seen this) who seem to want to upstage the men they are in a relationship with (no one on this forum of course ). It hurts my soul to see women who embarass their men in public by saying things like "since I make more money." Most of my guy friends say they don't care if a woman "outearns" them, but they do want a woman that "makes them feel like a man," meaning someone that makes them feel needed. I think many men want to feel needed.
5) She's "in touch" with her feminine side. There have been many threads on this, so I won't say much. Let's just say, I think guys do like seeing a 'pretty' womanly looking woman.
6) She's kindhearted, but doesn't take no crap from anyone . I am a giving person, but I realized that sometimes I can be too giving. It's something God has been showing me. I am working on balancing being giving with putting my foot down more. I really listen to when the Holy Spirit tells me to do something for someone, versus when the Holy Spirit tells me not to. I'm especially weak to "help out the brothers," and like I said, sometimes God says "go" and sometimes he says "no." I had to bump Brownsugarflygirl's quote...I will not play "helpmeet" with someone* (lol...sad but true)
*This means that even though you may not be involved with someone sexually or romantically, giving them all the emotional support and encouragement that you would if you were..making sacrifices for that person...giving them special treatment...etc.
If there is no commitment involved they gets nothing from now on! No part of my milk will be free without the cow purchase not my time or my emotions... and her thread (http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=99742).
Okay, I think I've said enough for now. I will add more if I think of anything else.
This is a spinoff of the thread How do I stop wanting/craving a relationship and just trust God? http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=114296.
In the past, I have been like Kia, really wanting a relationship, especially in my late teens, early, early 20's (like 20-22). I felt like having a relationship was sooooo important, and if I wasn't dating, I felt awkward. I'm still in my 20's (more mid), but lately I haven't been wanting a relationship and it's because I see so many areas of my life that I want to be better at before I get involved with someone.
One of the things I've thought about is how can I be a good wife? This is the bar I've set for myself. I feel like I don't want to be in a serious relationship again until I feel that I can be a good wife. I'm a little bit of a perfectionist (something God is working on in me), but I do think there are definite qualities a good wife should have. I think a lot of us get so caught up in wanting someone, but we don't always prepare ourselves for the role of wife/significant other, and when someone comes, we were so busy crying and praying for them, instead of preparing ourselves, that sometimes we sabotage what could have been a good relationship. No one take the above personally, I'm not denying that loneliness can be DIFFICULT. I know!
I will list mine, but ask you all...((and some of these I'm working on being better at myself
)What Makes a Good Wife (What Makes you Good Wife Material)
1) A woman who loves and knows her value is in the Lord, not the man. Because of this, she can compliment the man in many areas of his life. Of course all women want compliments and love from a man, but you will not need this every minute to feel valued, b/c you have a sense of your own value.
2) She can keep house. Now, I know many of us are modern girls, and I am one of them, but I am realizing that men truly appreciate a woman that can keep house. It doesn't mean that he should feel like he can be a messy slob, but I do think it's important for me to be able to keep house. I have a habit of either being a neat freak, or kinda messy (it's one or the other, not usually an in-between. Meaning, my house is either extremely clean (spotless) or it's messy. When I get stressed or really busy, I can let my house get a little messy, which isn't good. I'm working on this one, but usually I'm pretty clean).
3) She can cook. Luckily for me, I can cook, and I actually enjoy it, so it wouldn't be a problem. Again, I know many women feel like it's not their job/role, but I also am finding a lot of men appreciate a woman that can cook. Some of my guy friends say "why would I get married? I am cleaner than most women, and I cook better?" This may sound sexist, but I do think that men appreciate the old fashioned woman, more than we realize.
4) She doesn't compete with her man. I am an ambitious woman, and I come from a line of successful people, but what I've seen is that the marriage is about a love relationship, not a competition to see who can outearn the other, who can get the promotion first, and who can be more successful. Especially in the times we live in, I feel that it's become more difficult for women, b/c we are out in the world "doing the thing." Often even if you are a humble woman, if you are successful, many men are intimidated by this (even those that are successful themselves). BUT, there are women (and I've seen this) who seem to want to upstage the men they are in a relationship with (no one on this forum of course
). It hurts my soul to see women who embarass their men in public by saying things like "since I make more money." Most of my guy friends say they don't care if a woman "outearns" them, but they do want a woman that "makes them feel like a man," meaning someone that makes them feel needed. I think many men want to feel needed.5) She's "in touch" with her feminine side. There have been many threads on this, so I won't say much. Let's just say, I think guys do like seeing a 'pretty' womanly looking woman.
6) She's kindhearted, but doesn't take no crap from anyone
. I am a giving person, but I realized that sometimes I can be too giving. It's something God has been showing me. I am working on balancing being giving with putting my foot down more. I really listen to when the Holy Spirit tells me to do something for someone, versus when the Holy Spirit tells me not to. I'm especially weak to "help out the brothers," and like I said, sometimes God says "go" and sometimes he says "no." I had to bump Brownsugarflygirl's quote...I will not play "helpmeet" with someone* (lol...sad but true) *This means that even though you may not be involved with someone sexually or romantically, giving them all the emotional support and encouragement that you would if you were..making sacrifices for that person...giving them special treatment...etc.
If there is no commitment involved they gets nothing from now on! No part of my milk will be free without the cow purchase not my time or my emotions... and her thread (http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=99742).
Okay, I think I've said enough for now. I will add more if I think of anything else.
, but it was just ironic that you said it, b/c that's what she used to always say to my mom and her siblings when they were growing up)!
