My mom hates my natural hair..

DigitalRain

DigitalRain

Well-Known Member
The first time she saw it, she backed up like a crawfish with a look of disgust on her face. Made me feel so bad. She is the reason I ended up relaxing after my first big chop, but Im determined to keep my hair natural.

Now I love my mama but she is one of the reasons I went natural. Her hair has almost thinned down to nothing, especially on the crown and the edges. I know that some of that thinning is probably due to natural aging process (she's 67) but I know that frequent relaxing all her life has had its effect too.
 
Yeah my mom has always been a big influence on my hair. And I really am doing my own thing despite her comments. She is a self relaxer and her hair is thin as well but she ignores it. Very stubborn to say the least... I am determined to get my hair right. I used to say I was natural but still relax my edges and my kitchen. Now I just leave it alone and let my hair do what it do.
 
Hang in there. You have ALL of us to support you if you are not getting any love on the homefront.

You are doing this because it is your choice. Just let the results speak for themselves and she and others will take notice. They may not say anything positive but they will notice it is growng.

Stay on your journey, focus on your goals and what you want. :yep:
 
Hang in there luv, I can't imagine how that feels like I was lucky when I BC'd my mum was more shocked becasue my hair was short rather than being natural. I wish you the best and hopefully she'll come around.
 
Co-signing on what the other ladies said. She'll be singing another tune when she sees how far you've come in your journey. give it time. wear your hair with confidence. first few days after my BC I was terrified of my mom and coworkers and thought unendingly about throwing a weave on my head. Now, I don't hear a peep. I keep my TWA neat and experiment with my makeup and outfits until I feel straight fabulous when I walk out the door. It works!!
 
I think that you (and me) are dealing with generational differences. She is not accustomed to seeing you look that way and she for all or most of her life has been led to believe that hair looks best on us when it is straightened. Honestly, it took me awhile to like my tightly coiled hair too. I do my best (while natural) to look extra feminine - I never wanted to be mistaken for a boy:nono:. I make sure to wear make up, jewelry, sometimes adorn my natural with hair candy:yep:. I have support from my brother too so that helps:grin:. Once I even got my hair straightened (flat ironed) and it looked just like it had been relaxed but without chemicals so she now knows that I can go back and forth I just choose not to. She is also noticing the health and growth I'm achieving. She even complimented me on one of my styles (twist-out). Just be you with confidence and she'll come around - she loves you!
 
My grandma is the same as your mom and almost all of her 5 daughters is now natural. She makes it known that she doesn't approve, however. It's something about the older generations who really have a self-hatred going on with our natural hair :nono:
 
You should show your mom the movie "Good Hair", and that will definitely educate her on relaxers and a jist of why you went natural. My SO saw it and said to me that he hopes that I stay natural not just for the health of my hair, but for the overall health of my body.
 
:hug:
My mom had a problem with my natural hair at first too (even though she wore an afro in the 70's) and I have even had customers (black customers, mind you) comment about my natural hair at work. It is hard to deal with all that negativity, but as long as you are taking care of your hair then you are doing great! I would try to find another support system if you can, walk around the predominantly black areas in your town and search out other naturals. Any woman that I have approached and told her how beautiful her hair was was very receptive to my comments.
 
My mom was the same way when I went natural back in 2002. She's natural now. I got the last laugh
 
**Cyber hug** I know it must be hard to have those who love you the most not being supportive of your decision. You have a whole community of sisters who can relate to how you feel. You're not alone. Once I decided to become natural, I refused to let strangers/ co workers/ family members/friends personal beliefs/attitudes/views on natural hair to deter me from achieveing my goals. It's not always been easy, but it has been worth it for me.
 
DigitalRain said:
The first time she saw it, she backed up like a crawfish with a look of disgust on her face. Made me feel so bad. She is the reason I ended up relaxing after my first big chop, but Im determined to keep my hair natural.

Now I love my mama but she is one of the reasons I went natural. Her hair has almost thinned down to nothing, especially on the crown and the edges. I know that some of that thinning is probably due to natural aging process (she's 67) but I know that frequent relaxing all her life has had its effect too.
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That doesn't seem right to me. Geneticcaly, your mom is the reason why your hair texture is the way it is. She should love you the way your are and respect your decision to wear your hair natural.
 
my mom isnt too happy with my hair either but i have learned to accept that - after all it aint im dishonoring her by wearing the hair God gave me and the hair is on MY head in MY house lol....I feel see might come around when it gets longer....but if she doesn't :shrug: it's just hair....
 
DigitalRain said:
The first time she saw it, she backed up like a crawfish with a look of disgust on her face. Made me feel so bad. She is the reason I ended up relaxing after my first big chop, but Im determined to keep my hair natural.

Now I love my mama but she is one of the reasons I went natural. Her hair has almost thinned down to nothing, especially on the crown and the edges. I know that some of that thinning is probably due to natural aging process (she's 67) but I know that frequent relaxing all her life has had its effect too.
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Hang in there. I had to go through the same thing with my parents. My father outrightly said he refused to be seen in public with me unless I decided to "fix it" (ie straighten it, tie it up, etc).

Four years later he has come to accept it and my mother is now a natural herself. I was her inspiration :grin:

I'm sure with time and patience you will inspire her too and she would either follow your example and/or be more accomodating to your new look. Let the hair and its progress do the talking. ;)
 
Nothing but the Truth here...

:lachen:

My sisters (who refuse to go natural, for whatever their hangups are) had been my motivators all these years.. God bless them. lol


tailormade84 said:
my mom isnt too happy with my hair either but i have learned to accept that - after all it aint im dishonoring her by wearing the hair God gave me and the hair is on MY head in MY house lol....I feel see might come around when it gets longer....but if she doesn't :shrug: it's just hair....
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I'm sorry that she made you feel your hair is unaccetable. My mom got upset when I told her I was going natural. It has been 3 years, but my Mom still makes little comments to my sister and I.
I went home for a class reunion a few months ago; my Bff and mother start talking about hair. My mom told my bff that her hair looked nice, even though it is far from healthy, she said nothing about mine. My Bff implied that people would think something was wrong with her, if she wore her hair natural or stopped relaxing(she works for the school system). I was so mad she would say something like that infront of me. I told her and my mother that "God does not make mistakes so the way your grows is the way God intended for it to be, and ANYBODY that has a problem with a person hair in its natural state has a problem with God's design." Shut them both right up!

Logic has nothing to do with it, my mom and my BFF both have that same thinking even though it is that old school of thinking.

Oh and I might not always update my fotki, but I definatley send my mother pics of my length checks.
 
I understand what you are going through. My mom was fine with my hair natural but some of my other family members hated it and would make comments. Even if she never does come around just remember that you are the only one who is wearing the hair on your head. Do whatever makes you feel beautiful and after a while other's opinion of your hair won't matter.
 
my grandma who puts the stamp of approval on everythang in our family--does not like to see my hair in any other style except long and relaxed and bone str8---

that def doesnt work for me...she got use to my textlax and luvs it!!!

they get over it and further more its your hair--as long as its not a bun and a promotion your good..lol
 
lol sounds like my mother .. she let out a disgusted laugh and told me that I looked like my brother. Two months before she said she hates to see short hair and natural hair ... well up yours mum ! I have both !
 
I'm so sorry! I saw how excited you were when you did the BC.
It just goes to show you how deep this subject is for us. Its sad that we are so programmed to hate & detest what God has given us.
 
I really don't understand this. Aren't mothers supposed to be loving and supportive? I mean, maybe i've been watching too many "feel good" movies or the Brady Bunch, but i can't fathom backing up from my daughter especially when she needs my support the most.

I think i'd have one hell of a resentment with her after my hair would grow out. If she'd walk up to you, and get ready to put her hand in it, you should have a gigantic, custom made boxing glove complete with push-button, spring-action.
 
don't worry about it, girl. your hair is pretty... and just wait until you get some length! :) she won't know what to do
 
I completely understand where you are coming from. My mother hates my natural hair. Everytime she see it she calls me "village girl" mind you we are african. I just ignore it b/c I know what I'm doing is for me not her.
 
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Yep like Ms.Cocoface and others said[/B]...Keep your head up b/c staying natural maybe the best thing you ever done for you and your hair.[/B] And you won't know if you dwell on how your Mom and others who have an obvious negative outlook on natural BLACK hair
have to say/and act about it.(hope that made SOME sense)


I feel you actually (kinda diff. i think) but my mom was a keep perms off my kids hair
 type mother. I was natural til' 13..i'm 33 and started going back natural just b4 the 20yr. mark.

And my mom ( who is SO diff. than the Mother who raised me) is always making comments about some other natural who has a looser texture as if that's supposed to make me run a slap a perm on my hair! HA! NOT!


ETA: BTW her crown (moms & mine) is/was VERY thin and is one reason i tried to bring her on the journey w/ me..to no avail...oh well. I mean our hair line had receded to the point of (plz dn't laugh)j/k making our foreheads look ALOT bigger. But almost 2yrs. later :not mine anymore.
 
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Oh girl, I so know what you mean. When I told my mom that I was going natural, she was all supportive and said hey I might do it too. But as my hair has begun to grow out, she looks at it differently as though it has to always be on point or else it's not good enough. I shouldn't have to feel as though my hair needs to always be fixed like I'm stepping out for an outing or something. So I know that when I do BC, she probably will not be accepting of it either. But it is my hair. So take it or leave it. But keep the negatives to yourself.
We're here for you. You made the best decision for you. Know that! As your hair continues to grow long and healthy, she'll come around. If not, what does it matter? It's your hair!
 
It's great that you're natural! My mom is kind of the same way she has a very short cut (like .5 in) and she is natural and I said I want to to stay natural and she told me I could only be natural if my hair was as short as hers, but through LHCF I am learning how to manage my natural hair which is SL! Just be positive and as soon as they see your hair growing long and strong they will jump on the band wagon
 
DigitalRain said:
The first time she saw it, she backed up like a crawfish with a look of disgust on her face. Made me feel so bad. She is the reason I ended up relaxing after my first big chop, but Im determined to keep my hair natural.

Now I love my mama but she is one of the reasons I went natural. Her hair has almost thinned down to nothing, especially on the crown and the edges. I know that some of that thinning is probably due to natural aging process (she's 67) but I know that frequent relaxing all her life has had its effect too.
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Girl, if this ain't my mother, I don't know what is! Her hair is thin, wispy, fly-away, thinning at the crown (you can see the scalp), and she STILL insists on TU every 4 wks! OMG. She abhores natural hair, and IDK what she will look like when she's only 67, cuz right now her hair is like that and she's 48. My surprise is that she went to cosmetology school for a while, so she knows about hair care. My thing is that I think she is too darn stuck in her ways to do anything really different that would help her hair. Oh well.

I've gone natural once, and this is my second transition. Soon as I got past 3mos post, she was talking bout I need to go to the salon and let so and so press it. Then, when I chopped, she was talking bout when am I gonna put a relaxer in it! I mean, did she really think I transitioned for 13 mos to turn around and slap a relaxer in it?

I did end up lightly texlaxing about 5 mos later due to convenience issues..I had a newborn at home and didn't have the extra time to devote to dealing w/my natural hair. Nowadays, she KNOWS I could care less about what she says about hair, so she don't even say nothing to me. She can continue the brainwashing on my sisters, who have to deal with her daily. Love moms, but also glad I live in another State! If I wanna be happy nappy, then damn, let me be! :lachen:
 
1. You could press when you are around her (if you aren't around her all the time.
2. You could say that you've developed an allergy to the chemicals.

I don't know. Good luck. My mom and dad were the opposite. They were always saying, "You let those people put that stuff in your hair?"
 
Girl MY mother is the same way, when she first saw my TWA
she asked my DH "Where did you get that thing?" and pointed at me.
Now she thinks it's funny to call me fluffy.

I call her scraps that's all she has on her head is scraps!!!
MOTHERS I swear!

Your Hair Journey is about you and for you not her!
 
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