Man of God <VENT>

[brownsugarflyygirl]

I am very close friends with this guy I met two yrs ago. He is truly a Man of God. We live in different parts of the country, but have become very close through phone and online conversations. Last summer I began to develop "feelings" for him and have since felt that he is the only real possibility for a potential mate. I have had a lot of guys try to "wife" me up, but they were always lacking...usually in their walk with God. He has everything. We have sooo much in common and even have very similar calls on our life. We pray and study the Word together consistently and talk about any and everything under the sun. We have similar backgrounds, passions, and are very spiritually connected..

However, he doesnt see me as potential "wife" material at all....he prides himself on the fact that we actually have a friendship with "no funny stuff." Both of us are pursuing God right now and have chosen not to date while we are pursuing our professional degrees. I have never said anything about how I feel and I am confident he has no clue as we often discuss other "prospects" and our run-ins.

The dilemna comes in that sometimes it just get really hard to hold it all in. I know that he who finds a wife finds a good thing and the importance of courtship, so I remain silent. The more I talk to him though, the more my feelings grow. It become tortuous sometimes. I have prayed to God several times and asked that if my feelings did not align with His will for my life to please free me of them. Nothing has changed. I feel like its unfair for me to have to go through this while he is oblivious...sometimes I feel CRAZY to have such deep feelings for someone who doesnt even look at me like that.

I have contemplated just cutting off our friendship but he helps me grow spiritually, he is the only one that really gets me b/c hes just like me, and we are truly best friends so his absence would leave a gigantic hole in my life. What should I do? I really need Godly words of advice and encouragement.

 

[brownsugarflyygirl]

Rereading the post I decided that this added comment wasnt as important so I removed it....TIA for your repsponses to my above dilemna...

 

[dreamer26]

After reading your post this is what I felt.

Continue to do what you're doing, do not say anything about your feelings. You both are persuing God right now and God has the feelings on his part on lock down because God wants this time for himself right now. Keep loving on God and putting God first, BUT when the time is right these are the words I believe you will here.

You know we've been friends for a long time and I really never looked at you as a wife or a girlfriend but lately I find myself thinking of you more and more. I was hestiant about saying this because I didn't think you would feel the same since we've been friends so long but you are everything I want in a wife.

Then You ....SCREAM AND SAY YES,,, AND HE HASN'T ASKED THE QUESTION YET BUT YOU KNOW IT'S COMING.

Hang in there because I believe when your destiny collides with God's timing /season you will be glad you did.

 

[Sweet C]

Has he actually said that he doesn't see you as potential wife material or did he just say he enjoys the fact that he has a genuine friendship with you? If its the latter, that is a good thing. A lot of people start off as friends and later it develops into something more, b/c you have a solid communication and trust already built in the friendship that grows in a romantic relationship.

You have both stated that you want to wait on rlps until after professional degrees, so I would suggest that you fast and pray about this situation further. First, that God directs your path and that you fulfill his will for your life on the Earth. Second, if this is not the one for you, then to completely remove these feelings. Third, if it is the one for you, then to show you how to put these things under subjection of the Holy Spirit so that these things won't be stirred up until it is the proper season for such matters according to the will of God.

 

[pebbles]

Hi bsfg,

I agree with the other ladies. Say nothing at to him. Wait and see what the future will bring.

Consider this a test. I think you're being tested on two fronts.

Clearly, one of the things that this man respects about you is your godly countenance. True men of God want to know that they've found a woman who's really after the heart of God, and one of the things they do observe outside of a woman's prayer life is how that woman conducts herself with other people around her, particularly other men. Your interaction with him is a good way for him to gage how you would most likely interact with other men in his same position. From what you've stated here, you're winning in that department. Wonderful!!

Secondly, God wants us to be faithful and patient. Are you willing to wait for Him to make things happen in HIS time, or are you just going to make your own provisions for yourself? God is a God of order, and there's a natural order for things to happen. If God has truly revealed that this young man is your future husband, then He has revealed to this young man that you're his future wife. He won't tell one without telling the other. With God, there is always positive confirmation of what He's said to you from another source, and in this case, that other source will be that young man. When the time comes, you'll both be in agreement about what God has spoken to the both of you. Until that happens, continue to remain in an attitude of prayer. Be patient, be vigilant.

And if this young man is not yours, the way that you are conducting yourself now is a powerful and very positive message to all watching about your commitment to live a godly life. It's also good for any other man of God who may be watching you that you're not aware of. Believe me, someone is always watching.

Hold fast, be patient, and continue to trust and pray. Everything will happen in God's time, and that's the time you want.

Be blessed, sis!

 

[Blossssom]

Practice patience... wait for him to see that you two are equally yoked. If he never sees it, just trust that God has someone else in store for you, as He does for him.

 

[poetist]

I have been in the SAME situation and it was sooo difficult. We had actually been friends from our school days, went our separate ways, then got reaquainted. I really felt like he was the one bc we had a natural chemistry, he liked me in high school, we prayed together and went to church together. However, he seemed oblivious to my feelings. Unfortunately, things didn't work out and I was CRUSHED. I guess the lesson was to keep God first, so that HE can guide and protect my heart. In the midst of me falling for this guy, I think I put more energy into my feelings for him, than my devotion to Christ.

Hopefully, your situation turns out differently. Just stay in prayer.

 

[Keen]

I am in a somewhat similar situation. We're best friends. He had feelings but didn't step up because he didn't think I wanted a relationship. So we chilled and enjoy being friends. Now I have feelings for him but don't want to say anything because I'm not sure he still want a relationship with me. I think he accepted that we are friends and is cool with it.

I don't want to say anything. I'm just waiting for both of us to want a relationship with each other at the same time.

This is not as hard to deal with because we live in different states. We hardly see each other but we talk almost everyday.

Sorry I don't have any inputs for you. I'm looking for answers myself.

Good luck

 

[Southernbella.]

My dh and I were the same way, except I thought of HIM as the friend, and he wanted to be with me. We became best friends and stayed that way for over a year before he told me he wanted to marry me (and by then, I was head over heels in love with him).

Trust me when I say that if he is your husband, God will show him. The awesome thing is that by him NOT looking at you that way right now, you can get a truer sense of who he is because he's not trying to impress you in a romantic way.

If I had known my dh was the one back then, I would have put a MUCH better face forward. But since I only saw him as a friend, I was free to be myself and we were free to be honest and open with eachother without all the pretenses.

I agree with the others that the best thing for you to do is be quiet. Let God speak to him.

ETA: Once God showed me that he was the one, I went through agony because I was ready for him to say something already! But I knew that it wasn't my job to initiate a relationship. I ended up agonizing for several months, thinking he was over me and was moving on.

What got me through was my best friend. She prayed with me about this, and listened to me whine and complain. She also held me accountable for my words, and kept me from saying anything when I was determined to tell him how I felt. Find someone you can talk to and who can keep you accountable (besides us ) so that you don't slip up and say anything to him.

 

[brownsugarflyygirl]

Thank you ladies for your encouraging words and advice. It is very reassuring to hear that you all feel that I am handling the situation correctly. I posted this after I let a "situation" rob me of my contentment and peace about our friendship and possible future. I almost messed up erplexed Praise God that I have regained my peace and composure. I am taking each day one step at a time. I enjoy our friendship while at the same time Im loving my singleness and the opportunity that it has brought for God to do some amazing things in my heart, mind, and life.

For you ladies in similar situations, just stand firm on your faith and continue to be led by the Spirit. The scripture that really helps me through is Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all thy heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." I have to put my faith in God that if it His will, He will bring it to pass. It gets hard, but I just have to remind myself what His word says.

The hardest part of the situation is learning how to guard my heart...I know the Bible says we are supposed to but there was no attachment with directions...LOL. So far I have found by bringing my thoughts into subjection helps alot i.e. not daydreaming about us being a couple, etc. I am looking for new ways....suggestions welcome!

Well Ladies, I think that I am on the right track. If you think of me, please say a prayer. I am a little nervous as he will be in town next month for a five-day conference that we are attending. I just want it to be a Spirit-led fun time that doesnt leave me with my emotions all askew! Thanks for listening (reading)!

 

[Supergirl]

I would agree with the others, espcially the part about you not sharing your feelings at this time. I would also like to add that I think you should lessen your contact with him. Your feelings will only grow stronger if you continue in the manner that you've always been. You don't want the torture of having strong feelings for this man and not knowing if he feels the same and when he will let you know. You were not made for that kind of torture!

Good luck with everything.