I'm ready to be BAPTISED! ...but, what about my man?

[taytay86]

Hi ladies,

Firstly I want to say praise God! I think Him for all he has done, and all he is about to do in my life!

In January of this year I started to have a real hunger for the word. I read my study bible everyday on the train and I'm lovin' it! I feel like I'm preparing for my Baptism, which I know is coming soon. I've been with my man since October 2006, and things are going very well.

My man is not baptised, so I'm concerned about how this will pan out. I don't believe that marrying JUST to avoid sin is right. You should marry someone because you're ready, and because you truly want to spend your life with them. But on the other hand, sex is regular part of our relationship and this has to end when I become a Christian because I want to go into Christianity full throttle because I feel there is a calling on my life. I know when I'm ready for baptism he will understand that we can no longer have sex - but I feel this is easier said than done. How long will the abstaince last before sexual frustration appears?

I truly believe having God in our relationships is a definite must! I would love for the both of us to get baptised together, that way we can live in Christ together, and encourage one another. But I don't want to rush him, because I know that getting baptised is a serious event that should be genuine. I also know that man's needs are not more important than pleasing God, but I know he is the one for me to marry so I have to think seriously about this. I don't want to a) rush him into marriage b) backslide or c) "wait" for him either, because the moment my soul desires the water, I'm going to jump in it!

How do you avoid sexual temptation with someone you are intimate with?

 

[Caramela]

Hi ladies,

Firstly I want to say praise God! I think Him for all he has done, and all he is about to do in my life!

In January of this year I started to have a real hunger for the word. I read my study bible everyday on the train and I'm lovin' it! I feel like I'm preparing for my Baptism, which I know is coming soon. I've been with my man since October 2006, and things are going very well.

My man is not baptised, so I'm concerned about how this will pan out. I don't believe that marrying JUST to avoid sin is right. You should marry someone because you're ready, and because you truly want to spend your life with them. But on the other hand, sex is regular part of our relationship and this has to end when I become a Christian because I want to go into Christianity full throttle because I feel there is a calling on my life. I know when I'm ready for baptism he will understand that we can no longer have sex - but I feel this is easier said than done. How long will the abstaince last before sexual frustration appears?

I truly believe having God in our relationships is a definite must! I would love for the both of us to get baptised together, that way we can live in Christ together, and encourage one another. But I don't want to rush him, because I know that getting baptised is a serious event that should be genuine. I also know that man's needs are not more important than pleasing God, but I know he is the one for me to marry so I have to think seriously about this. I don't want to a) rush him into marriage b) backslide or c) "wait" for him either, because the moment my soul desires the water, I'm going to jump in it!

How do you avoid sexual temptation with someone you are intimate with?

1. Congratulations on your decision to obey the gospel of Christ and your desire to follow his instruction to be baptized as the scriptures command! That's awesome and this is the biggest most important decision of your life!
2. How do you know this the man God has for you? You have to check his qualifications for the position of being your husband through the word of God. Only the bible will tell you if this is the man for you... not your heart. Read Jer 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? So make sure he's the man for you according to your faith and not your feelings.
3. How does your current man feel about your decision? About God? About being baptized? About sex? (you said you think he'd understand but do you know? Have you talked about becoming abstainent?)
4. Your decision to become a Christian, and be celibant cannot be focused around another individual. When the end of time comes and you are being judged, it will just be based on your actions and decisions alone.

 

[taytay86]

1. Congratulations on your decision to obey the gospel of Christ and your desire to follow his instruction to be baptized as the scriptures command! That's awesome and this is the biggest most important decision of your life!

2. How do you know this the man God has for you? You have to check his qualifications for the position of being your husband through the word of God. Only the bible will tell you if this is the man for you... not your heart. Read Jer 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? So make sure he's the man for you according to your faith and not your feelings.

Thanks girl - I totally hear you. I feel he is the one for me because of the change he's brought upon my life. He introduced me to the Church and I love it! I just purchased T.D. Jakes' "The Lady, Her Lover and Her Lord" as this book illustrates how to love yourself, what qualities your lover should possess, and of course how to love the Lord. Also, our Pastor told me that "I (you) will be his strength" which speaks volumes to me because I already felt that. He has done so much for me, and me for him - he is the one I want to marry. I prayed for years a man just like him, and this is what I received.

3. How does your current man feel about your decision? About God? About being baptized? About sex? (you said you think he'd understand but do you know? Have you talked about becoming abstainent?)

He supports my decision - he was the one who encouraged me to go to Church even when he was unavailable (i.e. working) even though I felt uncomfortable at first. He does fear God, however he is not baptised and doesn't discuss spirituality. Knowing him, baptisim is something he would do "when he's ready" And yes I've spoken to him about it - I sense he will be uncomfortable but understands why I'm doing it.


4. Your decision to become a Christian, and be celibant cannot be focused around another individual. When the end of time comes and you are being judged, it will just be based on your actions and decisions alone.

I agree - so my question is, how to practise celibacy and keep my relationship going with out the intimacy? Women who are out there with a saved or un saved man - how do you deal with intimacy?

 

[taytay86]

bump bump bump

 

[taytay86]

bump anyone? I really need response on this.
Thx

 

[Ramya]

First I have to say congratulations for making such an important and amazing decision!

Being in a serious relationship and not having sex is difficult for anyone saved or unsaved and that much more difficult if you guys were already having sex.

You guys need to have an open and honest conversation about the changes that you will have to make. It will take some transition time and both of you will probably be frustrated and annoyed but it's not an impossible situation.

What helped me was understanding why I couldn't have sex and realizing that God knows what's best for me. It also helped to limit interaction where things could happen. We'd go out a lot and limit home alone time. We drew "the line" where we both could handle it. Some people can handle a lot of heavy petting and still not have sex, but we couldn't so we didn't allow that in our relationship. You guys need to really look at yourselves and your relationship and decide what you can handle.

Also realize that your relationship will change and YOU will change as you grow in Christ. Sometimes this will put a strain on your relationship if the other person is not growing spiritually as well. As Christians we are told to not be unevenly yoked with believers/non believers for a reason. With that said communication and patience will be the best thing throughout this entire process. I wish you much luck and blessings.

 

[taytay86]

First I have to say congratulations for making such an important and amazing decision!

Being in a serious relationship and not having sex is difficult for anyone saved or unsaved and that much more difficult if you guys were already having sex.

You guys need to have an open and honest conversation about the changes that you will have to make. It will take some transition time and both of you will probably be frustrated and annoyed but it's not an impossible situation.

What helped me was understanding why I couldn't have sex and realizing that God knows what's best for me. It also helped to limit interaction where things could happen. We'd go out a lot and limit home alone time. We drew "the line" where we both could handle it. Some people can handle a lot of heavy petting and still not have sex, but we couldn't so we didn't allow that in our relationship. You guys need to really look at yourselves and your relationship and decide what you can handle.

Also realize that your relationship will change and YOU will change as you grow in Christ. Sometimes this will put a strain on your relationship if the other person is not growing spiritually as well. As Christians we are told to not be unevenly yoked with believers/non believers for a reason. With that said communication and patience will be the best thing throughout this entire process. I wish you much luck and blessings.

Thanks so much!

but here is another curve ball: what if you live together and the home alone time can not be avoided?

 

[chicacanella]

Thanks so much!

but here is another curve ball: what if you live together and the home alone time can not be avoided?

You will have to pray to God about that. Maybe your way out will be in getting another place, sleeping in seperate rooms. Pray to God in Jesus name and ask for his will to be done in your life. He will provide a way out.

1 Corinthians 10:13

13No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and (A)God is faithful, who will not allow you to be (B)tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.

 

[1god1]

Just remember...you have to answer to God for yourself....a man/dh/bf, etc...doesn't have a heaven or hell to put you in. You get yours from God and God will look out for you. Some of the sisters spend lots of time praying for thier mate....I guess you can do the same. Also..you life change will be a witness to him.

 

[Caramela]

Just remember...you have to answer to God for yourself....a man/dh/bf, etc...doesn't have a heaven or hell to put you in. You get yours from God and God will look out for you. Some of the sisters spend lots of time praying for thier mate....I guess you can do the same. Also..you life change will be a witness to him.

Amen, amen, and amen. It almost seems like you are looking for someone to give you an "it's ok" pass. Fornicating is not and will not be ok. Maybe it's best that you don't live together. The bible also says to avoid all appearances of evil, so even if you weren't sleeping together, being unwed and cohabitating isn't really a good look.

 

[Ramya]

Thanks so much!

but here is another curve ball: what if you live together and the home alone time can not be avoided?

The easy answer is for someone to move out. I really hate to say this but you two do not need to be living together prior to being married.

 

[taytay86]

Amen, amen, and amen. It almost seems like you are looking for someone to give you an "it's ok" pass. Fornicating is not and will not be ok. Maybe it's best that you don't live together. The bible also says to avoid all appearances of evil, so even if you weren't sleeping together, being unwed and cohabitating isn't really a good look.

Thanks guys - we're not living together, and I'm certainly not looking for an "its ok pass" I just want to hear your opinions from all angles.