I cut my hair and...(vent)

[Amina]

I am at the beauty shop (late so that I wouldn't have worry about men seeing me without my hijab). I cut my hair to about an inch/inch and a half (still got a little less than an inch of relaxed ends to cut off).

So I am putting on my hijab back on and this guy walks in for a trim. He stops and look at all my long hair that is on the floor and said, "Tell me that isn't your hair on the floor. Just tell me that that is weave."

I carelessly look down and then look at him and said, "Yes, got a problem?"

And he tells me had he been dating/married to me he would have left me without thinking twice about it. Both the beautian and I said that it was just hair and it would grow back. Like I really want a shallow man like that . He said he told his girlfriend that if she cuts her hair short she is out. Me being pissed, told him why don't he pick up all my hair off the floor and put it on his had since he is in love with long hair soo much.

I hate men with hair fetish!!!!! I rather be without one than with one so vain.

I am happy to be short and nappy thank you very much!!!!

 

[brownhaired_bonanza]

Well he's just an idiot. Personally speaking, I don't think he would have made me upset. I probably would have just laughed at him.

 

[secretdiamond]

Didn't even know you wanted to go natural, but CONGRATS on going natural! And I'm sorry that man saw you without your hijab (sp?) and was so ignorant. I like to cut my hair whenever I feel like I need to and I don't need no man telling me I can't.

 

[Nita81]

I loathe people like that.....no one asked your opinion sir!!!!!

Just curious....what happens if a man sees you w/o your hijab?

 

[Amina]

Didn't even know you wanted to go natural, but CONGRATS on going natural! And I'm sorry that man saw you without your hijab (sp?) and was so ignorant. I like to cut my hair whenever I feel like I need to and I don't need no man telling me I can't.

Thanks, secretdiamond, been thinking about it for a while and finally had the guts to cut my hair short (couldn't go through the transition stage with my relax ends, too much shedding for me).

I loathe people like that.....no one asked your opinion sir!!!!!

Just curious....what happens if a man sees you w/o your hijab?

Absolutely nothing (since my intention was to get a cut and wasn't to take off my hijab to show off my hair to men). It did cause me embarrassment (I got accustom to wearing it and I feel nake without it).

Depending on who you are speaking to some might say I sinned even if my intentions were "pure".

 

[WomanlyCharm]

Ugh, I can't stand busybodies like that, especially when they're guys!
I'm glad you spoke to him the way you did, I feel really sorry for his girlfriend.

Congrats on going natural!

 

[Recherché.Beauty]

That's Just Ignorant...Me Being The Bold Person I Am I Would've Gave Him A Few Words To Think About

 

[MrsQueeny]

You handled it very well but knowing me I would have said something like "well it's a good thing I'm not your girlfriend" or "uhm I feel sorry for her if she has to deal with you, maybe she should leave you for opening your mouth". Okay I am pmsing but I know how you feel some men can be a trip. Like his opinion really counts, whatever dude, keep it moving. Anyway, congrats on your trim and happy, healthy growing to you.

 

[~*~ShopAholic~*~]

Congratulations on going natural, girl you better than me because I would have probably screamed soo loud he would have been too busy trying to figure out what happened than trying to figure out if that was my hair was on the floor, .
Nothing happens when your caught by accident w/o hijab, you just feel weird and naked. It's a muslimah thang, you have to wear hijab for awhile inorder to really understand.

 

[Enchantmt]

Congratz on your BC!! I get so giddy when I get compliments on my hair now because my mother was the first to see and respond and she was VERY upset. I even got a few tears, and every day for a month she would look and me, look away and shake her head. She was actually hurt, like I had cut her hair or did something to be malicious toward her. None of my local family cared for it either. Shake it off, it can undermine your confidence if you dwell on it, and keep thinking long term, and as you grow into your cut and yourself you wont regret your decision.

 

[Motivator01]

I am with wideeyes on this one I would have been like first and then ignored his ignorant statement just trying to get in your business first because he saw you putting your hijab on.

But Congrats on the BC you will loooove your natural hair. did mine in August and by the will of God I am well on my way to my second hair goall whooo hooooo.!!!!

 

[Amina]

Thanks yall. I almost caught a heart attack when I woke up this morning (no more long hair) . Now I can't stop rubbing my hair (might need a satin glove or something).

 

[sprungonhairboards]

Amina,

How long was your hair when you cut it?

 

[Amina]

Amina,

How long was your hair when you cut it?

It was at least 4 1/2 inches past shoulder length. Now it is about an inch (maybe an inch and a half).:scratchch

 

[Motivator01]

OH MY
oK aMINA I would have freaked out too if I saw alll that hair on the floor. But that is just me . Kudos to ya though for having the courage to do such an dramatic BC . So how are you coping (love the satin glove thing) .... felt the same way after I cut it all off.

by the way i think I am going to copy your links in my sig. They where very very good .

Salaams

 

[Amina]

OH MY
oK aMINA I would have freaked out too if I saw alll that hair on the floor. But that is just me . Kudos to ya though for having the courage to do such an dramatic BC . So how are you coping (love the satin glove thing) .... felt the same way after I cut it all off.

by the way i think I am going to copy your links in my sig. They where very very good .

Salaams

Assalaamu Alikum sister,

LOL, I am coping the best I can (one min. I am shocked next min. I am impressed with myself, go figure.) I did almost freaked out when she first snipped it (wanted to scream at her). Of course she asked me 15 times if I was sure, lol.

All I have to do is find a hair routine to follow and I will be set.

Enjoy the movies!!!

 

[Mahalialee4]

Just some food for thought, NOT AN INDICTMENT AGAINST WOMEN WHO CUT THEIR HAIR: A view from The other side: Perhaps to some families it is a symbol of a portion of the Family's wealth and the Man's or husband's pride and status. It appears to me that America is the one country where this social truth of family emotional and cultural wealth is flouted, down played or ignored by primarily Black Women. You see the women of Central, South, Latin America accepting their hair for the most part as a symbol or badge of honor...truly their crowning glory.... They know that their father's and brothers and mothers love for their hair to be long and thick and healthy and they are wise enough to know that what they do to it is going to impact their family and their community status in a BIG way! So they embrace their hair because they respect their parents and the family values, particulary in this matter. Historically, having one's hair cut off was never a symbol of anything but being DEPRIVED, DEGRADED OR DENIED. If someone ravished their own hair, it was socially understood that she had brought disgrace to her family and the community or had been taken in violence by strange men. It was also a symbol of UTTER GRIEF, sin, and in some cases, insanity or that they had sworn off men...as in becoming a nun. It is not just a personal issue...this act does make a statement and it does have an impact. Maybe it is not the impact that you want to leave or what you are trying to say. It is sad to me personally that black women feel that the major way they can show their independance and "power" is to chop it off it their hair if they dang well feel like it....and act like no one notices or cares!!!! always the power struggle over their hair. Yes, it is a choice, but like the Bible says..."all things are lawful, but not all things are advantageous." If you have a mother or grandmother that laboured and what they believed and did for you probably was a major factors in your having long hair in the first place...cause you probably didn't just come in to this world with long hair...and was something that the father and brothers, grandparents etc. took such pride and delight in....(maybe you were some of the rare sunshine in a rather bleak and profitless life...something that was a symbol of their NURTURING...THEIR SACRIFICE...and you JUST TREATED WHAT WAS SO IMPORTANT TO THEM, SO GIVING OF THEM, SO MUCH OF THEIR JOY...that someone would look at that hair and say positive things, think positve things..about you and them... your cutting it may have been like your mom or grandmother planting a garden, watering it, weeding for some YOU and they come to see it and you just chopped up the plants and threw them out of the garden cause you decided to make a sandbox instead.... and say..."well it's my garden...I am a grown woman...I can do what I want with it!" Could you do that without your people, or community...FEELING ABOUT IT. I recognize that it is "Not all about me!"...that is one of the reasons I am on the board to grow long hair. If I were to chop off my hair, my family would think I had lost my mind!!!!...and the whole black community would be feeling sorry for my family and think I was just too lazy to take care of it. ....Just some thoughts ...what do you think?

 

[MrsQueeny]

I see where you are coming from Mahalialee but I don't think he was coming from that point of view. He sounded like most men I know who are just fascinated with long hair. I could see if he took to the time to may be get more information regarding her reasons but no he just gave his opinion. I'm sure that if you were to explain to your family that you are cutting your hair so that you can grow it out in a more natural and healthy way, they would look a little confused but be more understanding than this dude who did not know her. There are a number of reasons why women choose to cut their hair whether alopecia, cancer, etc. Having long hair is nothing if it is not healthy (not to say yours isn't Amina). But she is doing what she feels is best for her. There comes a time when you have to do what you feel is best regardless of how your family may feels. Besides alot of other cultures don't have to go through the lengths we as AA women do in order to have long hair,much less take care of it. In the long run, she will grow long, healthy, natural hair and it will be back to the length she lost. That's just my take on things. Take care Q

 

[Mahalialee4]

I guess what I could have added was that most Black Families and Men have a "knee jerk" reaction about Black Women's hair.(especially). They take it really personally even when the Black woman is a total stranger and they know absolutely nothing about what the real deal may be. Like how this guy reacted...people just REACT!!!! I really hear and agree with what you' re saying. Hope this helps.













0
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[Amina]

Just some food for thought, NOT AN INDICTMENT AGAINST WOMEN WHO CUT THEIR HAIR: A view from The other side: Perhaps to some families it is a symbol of a portion of the Family's wealth and the Man's or husband's pride and status. It appears to me that America is the one country where this social truth of family emotional and cultural wealth is flouted, down played or ignored by primarily Black Women. You see the women of Central, South, Latin America accepting their hair for the most part as a symbol or badge of honor...truly their crowning glory.... They know that their father's and brothers and mothers love for their hair to be long and thick and healthy and they are wise enough to know that what they do to it is going to impact their family and their community status in a BIG way! So they embrace their hair because they respect their parents and the family values, particulary in this matter. Historically, having one's hair cut off was never a symbol of anything but being DEPRIVED, DEGRADED OR DENIED. If someone ravished their own hair, it was socially understood that she had brought disgrace to her family and the community or had been taken in violence by strange men. It was also a symbol of UTTER GRIEF, sin, and in some cases, insanity or that they had sworn off men...as in becoming a nun. It is not just a personal issue...this act does make a statement and it does have an impact. Maybe it is not the impact that you want to leave or what you are trying to say. It is sad to me personally that black women feel that the major way they can show their independance and "power" is to chop it off it their hair if they dang well feel like it....and act like no one notices or cares!!!! always the power struggle over their hair. Yes, it is a choice, but like the Bible says..."all things are lawful, but not all things are advantageous." If you have a mother or grandmother that laboured and what they believed and did for you probably was a major factors in your having long hair in the first place...cause you probably didn't just come in to this world with long hair...and was something that the father and brothers, grandparents etc. took such pride and delight in....(maybe you were some of the rare sunshine in a rather bleak and profitless life...something that was a symbol of their NURTURING...THEIR SACRIFICE...and you JUST TREATED WHAT WAS SO IMPORTANT TO THEM, SO GIVING OF THEM, SO MUCH OF THEIR JOY...that someone would look at that hair and say positive things, think positve things..about you and them... your cutting it may have been like your mom or grandmother planting a garden, watering it, weeding for some YOU and they come to see it and you just chopped up the plants and threw them out of the garden cause you decided to make a sandbox instead.... and say..."well it's my garden...I am a grown woman...I can do what I want with it!" Could you do that without your people, or community...FEELING ABOUT IT. I recognize that it is "Not all about me!"...that is one of the reasons I am on the board to grow long hair. If I were to chop off my hair, my family would think I had lost my mind!!!!...and the whole black community would be feeling sorry for my family and think I was just too lazy to take care of it. ....Just some thoughts ...what do you think?

Actually I don't think half of what you wrote actually applied to me since I cover my head (for all people know I could be as bald as Micheal Jordan or have long hair, that is the joy of hijab, it leaves questions unanswered). The only people who will see me without my hijab are my close female friends (which is very few even if I am close to them), my muslim sisters (which is hardly ever since I don't even take off my hijab at the mosque) , my roommate, my husband (I don't have one) and my immediate family (whom I can trust not to describe my hair to anyone), and my future husband immediate family, God willing, by the time I meet my future husband I will have longer hair. That is why I don't have a hair picture journal online. No one that I don't personally, and closely know sees my hair (sorry if I sound rude). Not even the girls in my dorm sees my hair I either have my hijab on or when going to take a shower, my towel wrapped around my hair.

I take pride and joy in my appearence. I chopped it all off and carelessly say it will grow back b/c God willing, it will. I see most of what you wrote, though it true, as no difference as saying a family honor lies between a woman's leg (virgin topic). Should my appearence affect my family? No.

Futhermore, I chopped all my hair off so that I can go natural not to show my independance and "power" (who knows maybe I did do it to show that I have the power to embrace my natural hair).

Finally a little of my hair history:
I had long hair when I was younger before putting a perm on my hair. When pressed, my natural hair used to reach my knees. My three sisters and I began to perm our hair and the only two who actually ended up with long hair was my younger sister and me. However, I knew my hair had the potential to reach lengths longer than what I had if I went back natural. Plus I didn't want to be 50 yrs old and still relaxing my hair. What better time to go natural than now (I am only 21 yrs old). In no time it will be long again.

 

[Sweetcoco82]

Hey Amina,

Congrats on the BC. Sorry that man walked in there. I think i would have just about died if some guy saw me without my hijab. Then he had the nerve to say that mess to you. I would have gone off on him something terrible. He aint know you from a hole in the wall and had to say all that. I dont know if you got the last PM i sent you or not. But its good to see a post from you.

 

[Super_Hero_Girl]

I am happy to be short and nappy thank you very much!!!!

And that's all that matters!

Just ignore fools like him. Good luck with your natural hair and congrats on your decision to go back to natural.

 

[Amina]

Hey Amina,

Congrats on the BC. Sorry that man walked in there. I think i would have just about died if some guy saw me without my hijab. Then he had the nerve to say that mess to you. I would have gone off on him something terrible. He aint know you from a hole in the wall and had to say all that. I dont know if you got the last PM i sent you or not. But its good to see a post from you.

Thanks sister!!! And no, I don't think I had gotten your last PM (I needed to empty out my PM Box and might have deleted PMs by accident). Hope to here from you soon.

Thanks Super_Hero_Girl for your kind words.

 

[Mahalialee4]

My response was not about criticizing anyone who cuts their hair for any reason...just to clearly state that "others for a variety of reasons"...feel that they have a personal or cultural or political stake in what black women do with their hair...AND THINK IT IS THEIR GOD GIVEN RIGHT TO CALL YOU OUT ON IT...LOL...like those that insist you need to perm your hair to get hired. Not happening here. Or that you cannot perm your hair and the list goes on. Yeah it is in some cases a lot like the "virginity" thing with families. But hair is really a controversial issue in the black community. Even if I told my family I was doing it for health reasons (my hair is natural)....it would still be an issue and I would have to make a personal decision...and yes ma'am they would still be talking at me...it is really an issue in my community. They talk about everything else and the hair get's more than it's fair share. As for me personally, I say do you and what is right for you. bonjour

 

[mermaid]

Nothing happens when your caught by accident w/o hijab, you just feel weird and naked. It's a muslimah thang, you have to wear hijab for awhile inorder to really understand.

Okay, I'm not really informed on the Muslim religion; why do you have to wear a hijab and why can't anyone see your hair, and if it's not supposed to be "out" why relax, color, braid- whatever?
I'm not being a smarty-pants, I'm just confused (as usual).
YES, I know this is the hair board and not the OT or Christianity board, but this is where this discussion started and this is the thread that made me curious.

 

[Amina]

Okay, I'm not really informed on the Muslim religion; why do you have to wear a hijab and why can't anyone see your hair, and if it's not supposed to be "out" why relax, color, braid- whatever?
I'm not being a smarty-pants, I'm just confused (as usual).
YES, I know this is the hair board and not the OT or Christianity board, but this is where this discussion started and this is the thread that made me curious.

It is my belief (I say "my" because views can differ) that God instruct me to wear hijab in the Quran. Both for modesty (why should I display my beauty for the whole world?) and to be recognized as a Muslimah and not be harassed(I found that once I put on my hijab and started wearing looser clothes men don't holla as much and most are actually respectful or maybe they pity me b/c they think I am oppressed, lol).

“And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what must ordinarily appear therof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands' fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers, or their brothers' sons or their sisters' sons, or their women or the servants whom their right hands possess, or male servants free of physical needs, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex, and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O you Believers, turn you all together towards Allah, that you may attain Bliss.” (Quran 24:31).

“O Prophet, tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks close round them (when they go abroad). That will be better, so that they may be recognised and not annoyed. Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.” (Quran 33:59)

A muslimah is like any other woman just covered (you be surprised what some wear under their jilbab or when they are at home, lol). Some might relax, color, braid, for their own pleasure and/or for the pleasure of their husband. I used to wear cornrows (and will be in the future) because it helped with the growth of my hair. Why do non-muslim relax, color, etc. their hair? We do take the time to comb and sometimes style our hair before placing a hijab on it (on days that we don't all we have to do is put on the hijab and no one is wiser ).

We do take off the hijab in front of certain people and there are certain exceptions, for example, I can take it off in front of a male doctor only for medical reasons (and if there isn't any female doctors available).

 

[Crissi]

Congratz on ya chop!!!!, sorry bout the fool, i think you reacted right

 

[mermaid]

It is my belief (I say "my" because views can differ) that God instruct me to wear hijab in the Quran. Both for modesty (why should I display my beauty for the whole world?) and to be recognized as a Muslimah and not be harassed(I found that once I put on my hijab and started wearing looser clothes men don't holla as much and most are actually respectful or maybe they pity me b/c they think I am oppressed, lol).



A muslimah is like any other woman just covered (you be surprised what some wear under their jilbab or when they are at home, lol). Some might relax, color, braid, for their own pleasure and/or for the pleasure of their husband. I used to wear cornrows (and will be in the future) because it helped with the growth of my hair. Why do non-muslim relax, color, etc. their hair? We do take the time to comb and sometimes style our hair before placing a hijab on it (on days that we don't all we have to do is put on the hijab and no one is wiser ).

We do take off the hijab in front of certain people and there are certain exceptions, for example, I can take it off in front of a male doctor only for medical reasons (and if there isn't any female doctors available).

Intersting! Thanks for answering!