How to Love PeopleYou Don't Like

[makeupgirl]

I know for me, it takes a lot for me now to dislike someone. If anything, I love them because of Christ's love in us but I can get annoyed with someone quickly. Especially, if they act too silly or just inconsiderate. In fact, as I'm typing this I'm highly annoyed with one of my co-workers that talk and laugh loudly all day, everyday. Not only that, but people around here takes the Lord's name in vain too freely and it hurts to hear that. Other than that, I rarely dislike someone. I'm beginning to learn as I continue to grow in Christ that there is a difference between disliking/hating the person and their actions.

 

[Laela]

Thanks for this lovingly deft post, it digs much deeper ..

Jesus is our greatest example for anything we do in life. Jesus was all God and all man. Even though he was 'annoyed' by the inaction/actions/lack of belief in others, He loved them.

For example: The man at the healing pool had so many excuses, Jesus told him to just take up your mat and walk... John 5

Look what happens in Mark 6:4-6: "Jesus said to them, 'Only in his hometown, among his relatives and in his own house is a prophet without honor.' He could not do any miracles there, except lay his hands on a few sick people and heal them. And He was amazed at their lack of faith."

The most important example of not liking what others do was the contention between Jesus and the Scribes and Pharisees... clearly He was outraged by the things they said/did. Still, He loved them because He ask the Father to forgive them for they know not what they do.

I know for me, it takes a lot for me now to dislike someone. If anything, I love them because of Christ's love in us but I can get annoyed with someone quickly. Especially, if they act too silly or just inconsiderate. In fact, as I'm typing this I'm highly annoyed with one of my co-workers that talk and laugh loudly all day, everyday. Not only that, but people around here takes the Lord's name in vain too freely and it hurts to hear that. Other than that, I rarely dislike someone. I'm beginning to learn as I continue to grow in Christ that there is a difference between disliking/hating the person and their actions.

 

[PinkPebbles]

This is a great thread. I haven't read every single post yet, but I have a question?

How do you deal with someone in the office that is like a Saul? God has blessed me and others so I'll call us David(s) but Saul is acting a fool and throwing javelins.

I've prayed and kept my cool; and at times I had to call a friend to vent. Sometimes like today it can be overwhelming....it's sad that a 51 yr old woman that is old enough to be our mother has so much envy, jealousy, and bitterness in her heart.

Advice please.....

ETA: When I get home I'm going to pull out an oldie but good book "Can You Stand to Be Blessed." It talks about how to deal with people like Saul. I feel better already .

 

[Poohbear]

Nice post Laela. I do have a question...

I just recently cut off communication with my father for several reasons due to dislike. The only reason I dislike him is for the things he says to me and his controlling behavior. However, I still love him. Do I really love him though based on my actions of cutting communication off with him? I've tried reconciling with him so many times and we seem to never come to an understanding. Also when I'm around him, I cringe and feel uncomfortable. Is that a sign of not loving him?

 

[Aveena]

Great thread....

I've struggled with disliking very close family members.

I'd cut them off and go years without contact.... I was just young and confused and honestly overwelmed with emotion and needed time to figure things out. But throughout the years realized that the experience (of seperation) was very painful for myself and them and YET another "thing" for us to heal (which will never fully heal) and move forward from.

I still dislike them.... *just being honest* .... but I am going to love them because my loving them is a reflection of not only my character but is also glorifies God.

whew!

Loving through action works!!! I call and/or visit on a schedule. I usually like to call on Sunday's ... yes I'm always the one who calls but.... I've got to do what I know is the right thing to do. But I agree it is hard when loved ones clearly do not respect boundaries (which you normally don't have to deal with that from non-family)

 

[LiciaB]

Great thread....

I've struggled with disliking very close family members.

I'd cut them off and go years without contact.... I was just young and confused and honestly overwelmed with emotion and needed time to figure things out. But throughout the years realized that the experience (of seperation) was very painful for myself and them and YET another "thing" for us to heal (which will never fully heal) and move forward from.

I still dislike them.... *just being honest* .... but I am going to love them because my loving them is a reflection of not only my character but is also glorifies God.

whew!

Loving through action works!!! I call and/or visit on a schedule. I usually like to call on Sunday's ... yes I'm always the one who calls but.... I've got to do what I know is the right thing to do.

Aveena I am in a VERY similar situation. I've been separated (by choice) from these family members for many years and have recently started contacting them (Sunday phone calls as well). It's still a little difficult, especially when I feel kind of put off when they don't sound "happy" to hear from me, but I push through and continue to do what I know is right, praying all the while.

 

[Aveena]

Aveena I am in a VERY similar situation. I've been separated (by choice) from these family members for many years and have recently started contacting them (Sunday phone calls as well). It's still a little difficult, especially when I feel kind of put off when they don't sound "happy" to hear from me, but I push through and continue to do what I know is right, praying all the while.

It is so hard to put yourself out there like that! I have been brought to tears a few times and I don't really know how to deal with (((all))) of the "stuff" that's involved....But you know what? I just pray.... I pray and thank God for his grace and pray that I can show the same to others through my actions.

that's all I can do.

 

[foxee]

Love this post Laela. It's right on time.

Right now I'm dealing with an authority figure who has been very rude to me, even though I've treated him kindly and with much respect. I have to admit it's very, very difficult to like someone who is not always nice to you. I'm praying that the Lord will turn this situation around.

 

[JinaRicci]

Praying for everyone's situation in this thread.

For the ladies who have done this successfully with God's help, how do you balance loving someone as Christ would in situations like this with maintaining the right boundaries?

 

[Guitarhero]

There is a very fine line between "dislike" and "hatred." Entertaining the thoughts of it being "ok" to dislike someone is likely to keep one on a rollercoaster of emotion. Acknowledge the pain and hurt that someone caused and think it through so that one doesn't allow that person to injure you emotionally again. But if there is no valid reason (physical harm, insult, crime etc.) a person is disliked, then the problem is you and not the other. Just a thought.

 

[pink219]

I'll try it.

 

[Laela]

I don't know about advice, but I will say this PinkPebbles... David honored the anointing on Saul, even though he didn't like what dude was doing.

The Holy Spirit left Saul and went to David, so we had two men anointed for the same job. Still, David chose to respect the anointing on Saul, and chose to not do him any harm or badmouth him (even with the opportunity to do so) until Saul was either willing to give up the title or die. Saul, didn't return the favor.

Because David honored the anointing, and look past Saul's jabs, etc, God honored him. It's really about honoring God, not man.. There's a saying.. "How you treat me is none of my business" Lesson learned.

This is a great thread. I haven't read every single post yet, but I have a question?

How do you deal with someone in the office that is like a Saul? God has blessed me and others so I'll call us David(s) but Saul is acting a fool and throwing javelins.

I've prayed and kept my cool; and at times I had to call a friend to vent. Sometimes like today it can be overwhelming....it's sad that a 51 yr old woman that is old enough to be our mother has so much envy, jealousy, and bitterness in her heart.

Advice please.....

ETA: When I get home I'm going to pull out an oldie but good book "Can You Stand to Be Blessed." It talks about how to deal with people like Saul. I feel better already .

 

[Laela]

Pooh, please pray about this relationship... cutting off doesn't equate to hatred at all. There are times someone could cause us to stumble in our walk (1 Corin 15:13) or we could be unequally yolked, but that's no excuse to not love them. God will guide us on how to deal with them so we are in right standing with Him [1st Commandment]. I've learned that if we ever had any negative thoughts towards anyone, cringe, roll our eyes, moan at the thought of their name or seeing them, there are unresolved issues and unforgiveness it's time for self-judgment and evaluation. It's not even about the other person. I've faced this with family a few times, and had to really pray about those circumstances. When I forgave (them and myself), it was like a big boulder off my shoulder. A relationship with a sister was restored! Because I chose to let that aught go from my heart and asked God to help me release it ...unforgiveness is a must, so that we are in right standing with others [2nd Commandment]. If you can pray for your father, for his well-being and that God will bless and keep him and mean it, you've really forgiven him. Prayer does wonders...let go and let God. Whatever the outcome, He ALWAYS has your back!

Nice post Laela. I do have a question...

I just recently cut off communication with my father for several reasons due to dislike. The only reason I dislike him is for the things he says to me and his controlling behavior. However, I still love him. Do I really love him though based on my actions of cutting communication off with him? I've tried reconciling with him so many times and we seem to never come to an understanding. Also when I'm around him, I cringe and feel uncomfortable. Is that a sign of not loving him?