How should I tell her...

[**SaSSy**]

that she is pulling her hair out! Okay she's my really good friend, kind of like family. So yesterday she was telling me how she "permed" (relaxed) her hair yesterday, and I said to her "Why everytime I talk to you always "perming" your hair? She said "My hair grows so fast that sometimes I have to perm it 2 times a month " I was like "You serious?" Then she said all that she did, she permed her hair, then put her yaki ponytail on it and slicked it down with gel!!! My jaw drop (good thing she was telling me this on the phone), so then I said to her "Well damn I only perm my hair every 2 1/2 to 3 months, if I permed my hair more than that I would be bald" Then she said something that just didn't seem right "Well my hair grows fast, and you know how some spanish people's hair be, kinda unruly, well my hair be looking a mess if I don't perm it aleast once a month !" She's half haitian, and dominican and her hair is proably 4a/4b.

What should I say to her so she can keep the little bit of between NL and SL hair she has?

 

[naturalgurl]

Invite her over and non chalantly pull up this site. Start looking at pics and read stuff aloud to her. MAYBE she'll get interested and start seeing that what she's doing is WRONG! Her poor hair .

 

[lilree]

Does she ever complain about the health of her hair or its length? Is this something that she's been doing for a while? If so, and she's happy, what can you say?

 

[NYAmicas]

What the first 2 posters said. I didnt know what I was doing was wrong until I came to this site but some folks will resist new info every step of the way...smh.

 

[DarkHair]

^^^ I agree there with naturalgirl.

 

[naturalgurl]

Does she ever complain about the health of her hair or its length? Is this something that she's been doing for a while? If so, and she's happy, what can you say?

This is usually the motto I live by. But slapping a chemical relaxer on your scalp every two weeks or so is not healthy. That's like watching her eat unhealthy foods knowing she wants to live long. I dunno, if she's easily offended just let her go on with the program. But at least try something subtle to at least show her. She might be like me...I thought flat ironing on hair sprayed hair was good because it was protected...DUH! Some people just don't know...

 

[soulie]

To use her term, find some pictures of members on here who are "spanish people" with gorgeous hair that is NOT "unruly"; show her THOSE pictures when you casually pull up the site, and then show her how long those people say they can stretch between relaxers.

 

[Rina]

I agree with soulie. Its sad because back in my high school days I used to think that everytime I had some type of new growth, I would perm my hair.

Just let her that she does not have to perm all the time. I suggest that you give her different options on styling.

 

[ladylibra]

unless she's specifically asking you for help... i wouldn't say anything. some people are more interested in a "look" than healthy hair.

 

[Tarae]

Tell her you think she's doing more harm than good. But doing that, you should also expect that she might not take it as you trying to help her (or she might not want your help). If you want, you can direct her to this site. She seems like she doesn't want any help and is fine with her regimen so...

 

[lilree]

This is usually the motto I live by. But slapping a chemical relaxer on your scalp every two weeks or so is not healthy. That's like watching her eat unhealthy foods knowing she wants to live long. I dunno, if she's easily offended just let her go on with the program. But at least try something subtle to at least show her. She might be like me...I thought flat ironing on hair sprayed hair was good because it was protected...DUH! Some people just don't know...

I agree. I know I hate being surrounded by ppl who knew better, but didn't tell me.

 

[yuriko]

How is the condition of her hair. I know a girl who perms every month and has very full and healthy APL hair, I can't explain it for the life of me, but she has been doing it for years and I knew her when she was NL, and somehow with all the perming, her hair has progressed.

Find out if she wants healthier hair, thicker hair, longer hair, or if she is just unahappy with the condition of her hair. If she wants a change then you should advise her. If she is happy where she is, I say why bother.

 

[napgurl]

I would mind my own business and concentrate on growing my own hair. She would never receive advise from you; you're not "spanish".

 

[ajacks]

I would mind my own business and concentrate on growing my own hair. She would never receive advise from you; you're not "spanish".

LOL @ ^^^^

But seriously, I would not force any advice on her. If she is receptive I would fill her in, but other than that I wouldn't bother. Let your healthy hair do all the speaking for you.

 

[Ms Lala]

unless she's specifically asking you for help... i wouldn't say anything. some people are more interested in a "look" than healthy hair.

ditto! Most people don't like unsolicited advice. Just set a good example for her w/your hair and maybe she'll start asking questions. Maybe you can "inadvertently" leave this site up on the screen one day and she'll check it out. I wouldn't give any direct advice though unless it's asked for.

 

[Reinventing21]

If she really is your friend, & you want to help her, then maybe you could pretend to 'discover' the site when she is with you. Then let her take it from there. That way you aren't hurting her feelings in any way. Also, regardless of her hair type, if she is culturally etc., 'latina', like Soulie said, let her see fotos of the latinas on this site. Hth!

 

[girlyprincess23]

I would say just tell her that did she ever think that it is not such a good idea and see if she ever thought of why her hair didn't grow. I wouldn't push it but I would mention it and if she wasn't receptive I would drop it until she came to back to it herself. Straightforward is always the way to go if she is your friend she won't get upset or anything

 

[titan]

you should say something,be tactful about it, show her this forum. friends have to look out for each other.

 

[blue_flower]

That's really sad. Maybe what she thinks is hair growth is actually her hair reverting. I would suggest she come here.

 

[Extremus]

unless she's specifically asking you for help... i wouldn't say anything. some people are more interested in a "look" than healthy hair.

I would mind my own business and concentrate on growing my own hair. She would never receive advise from you; you're not "spanish".

agree with these 2

 

[**SaSSy**]

Well the thing is that she lives in MIA, so the last time I went down there her hair was about full NL, with a little bit of the back touching SL. She wanted me to do the glue and track thing which is a no-no for me! So when I spoke to her over the weekend she said she was perming her hair again. I said didn't you just perm it last month? Then I asked her "How long is your hair" She gonna say down on her back, I asked her "Whats that mean?" She acted like I was aking too many questions! So I just said F it! But she looves the whole sewed in weave and crazy color and ish. (Not dissing no one who does that on this board, but just has never been for me) So I asked her why don't you just wear your own hair, she said "I like to look fabolous with my weaves"

Then she said to me when I was natural "I dont feel black people should do that no of days, and girl you good cause I could never be natural"

 

[KLomax]

I would mind my own business and concentrate on growing my own hair. She would never receive advise from you; you're not "spanish".

that she is pulling her hair out! Okay she's my really good friend, kind of like family. So yesterday she was telling me how she "permed" (relaxed) her hair yesterday, and I said to her "Why everytime I talk to you always "perming" your hair? She said "My hair grows so fast that sometimes I have to perm it 2 times a month " I was like "You serious?" Then she said all that she did, she permed her hair, then put her yaki ponytail on it and slicked it down with gel!!! My jaw drop (good thing she was telling me this on the phone), so then I said to her "Well damn I only perm my hair every 2 1/2 to 3 months, if I permed my hair more than that I would be bald" Then she said something that just didn't seem right "Well my hair grows fast, and you know how some spanish people's hair be, kinda unruly, well my hair be looking a mess if I don't perm it aleast once a month !" She's half haitian, and dominican and her hair is proably 4a/4b.

What should I say to her so she can keep the little bit of between NL and SL hair she has?

:burning::burning::burning::burning::burning:

 

[Starr1]

I would just keep my mouth shut and just keep doing what your doing. . . If she's like most people, she probably won't be receptive to unsolicited advice. And a lot of women have deep-seated emotional attachment their hair so she could very well take offense to something you meant to help.

Instead be the example and when she's ready for the advice, give it to her.