Daughter Wants Long Hair

[Nina44]

My daughter is 5 and keeps on telling me that she wants her hair to be very long. She has very thick and healthy kinky hair. My hair is the same texture and I usually wear it twisted but have been getting it pressed for the past month.

I wash her hair every 2 weeks and braid it in individual plaits. Her hair without any heat is layered with the longest hair in the back going to her shoulders. She didn't start telling me this until she started going to a predominately white school. She tells me over and over again that she wants long hair.

Her hair is at least 4 inches past her shoulders whenever I stretch it, so she's definitely got some shrinkage. I hesitate to apply heat to it because her hair's doing so well. When I was her age, my hair was permed and it was not as long. I've thought about doing a rollerset, having her sit under the dryer, and then proceeding to braid her hair to cut down on shrinkage. I've also thought about putting her hair in big braids, letting it air dry and then braiding it dry. But, on the other hand, honestly I'm concerned about her self esteem at this age and also I have to do her sister's hair and my own. And I don't want to damage her hair. So, I am not sure if I want to start something that she'll expect for me to do each time.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Let her wear a braid out/twist out every now and again. That's what i do for dd who is 9. Keeps her happy. I flat iron dd's hair maybe 2 times a year. That also keeps her happy. For the remainder of her the year her hair is in twists and plaits so that's like 90% of the time. One other thing i do is when she is wearing twists i will put a bunch of them on a flexirod overnight then take them all down in the morning (the rods, not the twists). Gives her pretty and bouncy twists every time. It won't show her length obviously but just giving you another styling option.

One other thing, i rarely straighten anymore and in fact am doing no heat this entire year. You need to reinforce with your daughter that your and her hair is beautiful in it's natural texture and very versatile. When you love your hair it will help her love hers even more.

 

[diadall]

Not sure but a friend of mine has a daughter who is ten. She has shrinkage but wants long hair. Since she is on the synchronized swim team, her parents got her hair in braids with hair added.

I dont know how people feel sbout that but it looks cute on her dd.

Sent from my SGH-T959V using SGH-T959V

 

[BlkOnyx488]

Did she say how long she wants it? Find out what her Definition of Long hair is. Then Explain to her that the two of you will have to work together if she wants her hair to be that length. Let her know that she may not like all the styles you do to her hair but your goal and hers is to get it to the length she wants. And plan a celebration when she hits a length Mild stone. This could be a fun thing you guys do together that will help her appreciate her hair. Oh and introduce her to the ladies here She might enjoy knowing that there are community of women cheering her on!!!!

 

[discodumpling]

Along with all the fabulous tips above mine I find it helpful to begin new verbiage with our daughters and speak to the beauty & glory of not only long but BIG hair. It's what our hair does naturally!

I don't reccomend extensions of anysort for a 5 yr old. At 5 your scalp is not mature enough to handle that type of stress.

 

[Avaya]

Give her one of your slips and let her wear it on her head and pretend like it is hair. That's what I did when I was that age .

 

[diadall]

Along with all the fabulous tips above mine I find it helpful to begin new verbiage with our daughters and speak to the beauty & glory of not only long but BIG hair. It's what our hair does naturally!

I don't reccomend extensions of anysort for a 5 yr old. At 5 your scalp is not mature enough to handle that type of stress.

I believe it. This got me to thinking, do you think the scalp has stress with braids like cornrows? Shoild girls not wear braids till about 8 or so?

Sent from my SGH-T959V using SGH-T959V

 

[ChristmasCarol]

My DD told me she wanted long hair about 2 years ago when she was 5 1/2. I told her she would have to stop wearing a puff every day and cooperate with moisturizing/sealing and co-wash/conditioning at least 2x/wk. She agreed and I began to handle her hair more delicately and made sure that it was never dry or tangled. In that time, she has gone from APL to below WL. Here's the link to her update thread: http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=590247

(not directed to you, OP, just in general) I don't think the desire for long hair has anything to do with "wanting to be white". That kind of reasoning makes no sense at all to me. There are at least 100,000 people who have joined this site at one time or another and I'm sure only a tiny percentage were up in here "trying to be white". Long hair is beautiful, IMO, and I doubt God reserved long hair for everybody but us. Okay, rant over.

ITA w/ @discodumpling regarding the added hair. Little girls who wear simple hairstyles (two french braids, box braids, Celie plaits) seem to have better retention and thicker edges.

Good luck OP!

eta: I flatiron DD#3's hair every 3 or 4 months for a length check and I blowdry it and let her wear a braid/twist out once a month. I don't want her to get discouraged because she can't see how much her hair is growing - due to shrinkage.

 

[MzSwift]

Rollersetting her hair might be a good way to straighten/stretch it without direct heat. You can style it into an age appropriate style once you remove the rollers.

Also, banding does great with my hair. By day 2 of banding, my roots are very straight like a lite flat iron or blow out.

IA, that it's time to start using using words that are more characteristic of our hair so that she can associate those traits as beautiful.

ITA that wanting long hair doesn't necessarily mean she wants to be more like her white peers. I remember using a t-shirt on my head to emulate Diana Ross' huge mane. LoL

 

[Nina44]

Let her wear a braid out/twist out every now and again. That's what i do for dd who is 9. Keeps her happy. I flat iron dd's hair maybe 2 times a year. That also keeps her happy. For the remainder of her the year her hair is in twists and plaits so that's like 90% of the time. One other thing i do is when she is wearing twists i will put a bunch of them on a flexirod overnight then take them all down in the morning (the rods, not the twists). Gives her pretty and bouncy twists every time. It won't show her length obviously but just giving you another styling option.

One other thing, i rarely straighten anymore and in fact am doing no heat this entire year. You need to reinforce with your daughter that your and her hair is beautiful in it's natural texture and very versatile. When you love your hair it will help her love hers even more.

I'll try the braid out. Maybe I could do that a few days before washing it. Great idea. The flexirods with the twists sounds like a cute hair style. Something else to try. About my own hair... I got to the point with the twists where my hair was stagnant and one part broke off and finding 3-4 hours to do it was hard. I have found that I end up spending about an hour each night on my hair while it's pressed rolling it up, though. Unfortunately it's cheaper for me to get my hair flat ironed than twisted.

The other issue I'm having is my hair really should be washed once a week because of my scalp issues but I'm instead washing or getting it done every 2 weeks. I have decided to start just going to the salon once a month and doing my twisting it for myself in between. But figuring out how to find the time has been hard. My daughter has told me she wants longer hair than mine. Maybe she is picking up on my frustrations with my own hair. I just feel like I'm spending so much time doing their hair and mine. How are you wearing your hair?

 

[Nina44]

Rollersetting her hair might be a good way to straighten/stretch it without direct heat. You can style it into an age appropriate style once you remove the rollers.

Also, banding does great with my hair. By day 2 of banding, my roots are very straight like a lite flat iron or blow out.

IA, that it's time to start using using words that are more characteristic of our hair so that she can associate those traits as beautiful.

ITA that wanting long hair doesn't necessarily mean she wants to be more like her white peers. I remember using a t-shirt on my head to emulate Diana Ross' huge mane. LoL

I have never tried banding before. What I ended up doing tonight was I braided her hair in big braids with the usual cream and oils and also used setting lotion. She sat under the dryer for 5 minutes before she said she was done! And then I unbraided each section before rebraiding into smaller sections. Even though it was still wet, it's about 2 inches now than it would have been had I just left her afro out as I braided it. Her hair is about 2 inches past her shoulders now and she seems content--at least for now. Stretched, it's half way down her back so I think she's doing well for length. It's really the shrinkage that takes away from the length. I am going to try the banding--have heard good things about that and tell her more often how beauitful her hair is.

The other thing is another black girl in her class always wears her hair straight with curls in pigtails or she wears braided extensions. And my daughter's grandmother (my mom) is wearing long weaves. She's got cousins who wear braid extensions and have permed hair and aunts who wear longweaves. I think I'll also cut back on her tv time as well.

 

[Shadiyah]

well this is what I think and I love what sipp100 said. she is 5 and let her be 5 and keep doing what you are doing to keep her hair healthy and show her more youtube videos so that she can see that our hair does grow but the key is to take care of it. I would not let her wear her hair out because that is going to be damaging to her ends because she is 5 and she is going to school and do you know what people do to their hair in school. Play in it. Don't worry about her shrinkage worry about growing it. And tell her that you are going to help her grow it as long as she wants to grow it and as she gets older she will wear different styles but for now you are 5 and we will stick to what a 5yr old should be wearing. and you can show her each month how much her hair is growing.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

I'll try the braid out. Maybe I could do that a few days before washing it. Great idea. The flexirods with the twists sounds like a cute hair style. Something else to try. About my own hair... I got to the point with the twists where my hair was stagnant and one part broke off and finding 3-4 hours to do it was hard. I have found that I end up spending about an hour each night on my hair while it's pressed rolling it up, though. Unfortunately it's cheaper for me to get my hair flat ironed than twisted.

The other issue I'm having is my hair really should be washed once a week because of my scalp issues but I'm instead washing or getting it done every 2 weeks. I have decided to start just going to the salon once a month and doing my twisting it for myself in between. But figuring out how to find the time has been hard. My daughter has told me she wants longer hair than mine. Maybe she is picking up on my frustrations with my own hair. I just feel like I'm spending so much time doing their hair and mine. How are you wearing your hair?

I rock a twist out every single day and very rarely a wash n go. If you are frustrated she is definitely getting some of that. Are you natural or relaxed? What's your hair length?

 

[Cherokee-n-Black]

Give her one of your slips and let her wear it on her head and pretend like it is hair. That's what I did when I was that age .

Alright Whoopi Goldberg!

(not directed to you, OP, just in general) I don't think the desire for long hair has anything to do with "wanting to be white". That kind of reasoning makes no sense at all to me. There are at least 100,000 people who have joined this site at one time or another and I'm sure only a tiny percentage were up in here "trying to be white". Long hair is beautiful, IMO, and I doubt God reserved long hair for everybody but us. Okay, rant over.

.

I dunno about the bolded. Not necessarily "wanting to be white" but I do think this comes up more when you have a black child into an all white environment. They want to assimilate and fit in which is a normal, childhood response. Unfortunately, straight, longer hair is the norm for that environment. It's not really wanting to be white, but on some deeper level, it kinda is!

This is exactly why I am wary of putting my child in a predominantly white school (and by predominantly I mean overwhelmingly majority white). I can honestly say that growing up, I didn't want straight hair or even think about straight hair until I started going to school in a program that had 50 students and only 5 black kids (only 3 girls). It didn't help that the other two black girls wore their hair straightened either.

 

[ChristmasCarol]

Alright Whoopi Goldberg!



I dunno about the bolded. Not necessarily "wanting to be white" but I do think this comes up more when you have a black child into an all white environment. They want to assimilate and fit in which is a normal, childhood response. Unfortunately, straight, longer hair is the norm for that environment. It's not really wanting to be white, but on some deeper level, it kinda is!

This is exactly why I am wary of putting my child in a predominantly white school (and by predominantly I mean overwhelmingly majority white). I can honestly say that growing up, I didn't want straight hair or even think about straight hair until I started going to school in a program that had 50 students and only 5 black kids (only 3 girls). It didn't help that the other two black girls wore their hair straightened either.

The desire to have "straight" hair is completely different than wanting "long" hair, IMO. It's true that it's difficult to see just how long curly hair really is, but all my DDs like their long, kinky/curly hair and have never desired type 1 hair. I don't think we even know any White girls whose hair is as long as hers, lol.

I grew up in a school system that was 95%+ White and I don't ever remember thinking that their hair was "all that". I had just as much hair as they did and that's all that mattered to me. I actuallt felt kinda sorry for them because they wore their hair in the same ole style everyday. I could wear a huge fro one day and a press and curl the next day. They didn't have those options. Of course, I'm a child of the 70's, so maybe I'm off-base with today's youngsters.

That said, I don't think most AA girls with WL/HL/TBL hair has "issues" with it. In most cases it's "short" hair that causes low hair-esteem in little girls.

 

[Cherokee-n-Black]

The desire to have "straight" hair is completely different than wanting "long" hair, IMO. It's true that it's difficult to see just how long curly hair really is, but all my DDs like their long, kinky/curly hair and have never desired type 1 hair. I don't think we even know any White girls whose hair is as long as hers, lol.

I grew up in a school system that was 95%+ White and I don't ever remember thinking that their hair was "all that". I had just as much hair as they did and that's all that mattered to me. I actuallt felt kinda sorry for them because they wore their hair in the same ole style everyday. I could wear a huge fro one day and a press and curl the next day. They didn't have those options. Of course, I'm a child of the 70's, so maybe I'm off-base with today's youngsters.

That said, I don't think most AA girls with WL/HL/TBL hair has "issues" with it. In most cases it's "short" hair that causes low hair-esteem in little girls.

Hey, whatchu sayin'! I'mma child of the 70's too! LOL. I guess my experience was different, because of how my mom did my hair. Every day the same thing. The only variety I had was one braid or two? Parted on the side (that was SPECIAL) or in the middle? I don't think I wanted their hair, but I did want what I saw as the flexibility and manageability I perceived them to have. I also have a mama who still uses the term "good hair" so...you know...issues.. Meanwhile, shrinkage plays a major role in the whole "I want long hair" thing. BUT I have to say, most of the issues I've seen with little AA girls (kids of friends and relatives) has to do with having straight hair and "hang down" hair. SMH...so far to go...

 

[ChristmasCarol]

Cherokee-n-Black

Yeah, I guess our experiences are different, because. Have yet to see a little Black girl with booty-length hair worrying about White girls. Even on the board, I have yet to hear "I had crack-length (buttcrack, not the drug) hair and I was teased and felt ashamed because it wasn't straight. The tear jerker stories are told by AA women who had short hair.

BTW: Sorry us old ladies hijacked your thread. I wish your DD the best in her hair journey

 

[My Friend]

I would add extensions to individual braids. This way there is no stress on the scalp.