Courting before Marriage: Premarital Sex isn't the only Sin

[Shimmie]

I thought I was the only one who felt this way.... Glad to know I'm not alone

I know, I've had to put earplugs on myself to 'ignore' myself.

 

[Poohbear]

at wondering where I 'was'. Heehee!

But anyway, I'm not shutting myself out from the world by being with this man. I do have normal male friends and female friends alike. I didn't say anything about not having male friendships. I'm not around women all the time either. I'm not sure where you're getting that from. Personally, I'm usually to myself or around my family most of the time. However, I'm not going to date other men while I'm exclusively with my official boyfriend. That would be cheating in my opinion. I talk to and text with male friends occasionally, and may even see them (not alone), but I will not date them while I'm in a relationship with another man.

I was 'wondering' where you 'was'.....

I'm with you because we do 'tend' to get quite 'comfortable' in these types of relationships. We tend to 'close' ourselves off from anyone else 'potential, especially for 'fear' of hurting the 'other' or from the fear of losing what we have and have made a 'home' in our hearts with, by allowing another potential to be explored. Hence 'we' close the door. Welcome back to your thread.

In prayer, my answer has always been, "It's your choice".

Now, that really helps alot...

Pooh, I'll be honest.

There has to be a healthy 'male balance' in my life. It can't be non-inclusive of male interaction. And I'm not talking serxual interaction, but normal male friends in my life.

Being around women all the time would drive me completlely nuts. I serious! We talk too much ... Fuss too much Cry too much On the train, I keep my headphones in play. Too much jabber jabber jabber.

And I'm one of them. I get on my own nerves sometimes.

I just can't handle life without men to balance me out. I can't.

It's just not normal neither is it healthy to not have male friendships; I'm speaking of Godly platonic ones.

I know that I am not the only Christian woman who feels this way and still has a Godly heart.

I pray that this is not a stumbling block or misleading to anyone. I truly pray this! But there has to be a healthy balance in our lives with men to balance us as women. But we can't throw caution to the wind and not guard ourselves or them.

I guess what I'm saying is that I'm glad you have a 'male friend' in your life and that he wants to marry you. I wish you all the best. I truly do. :Rose:

Disclaimer: .......... I don't have one.

 

[Shimmie]

at wondering where I 'was'. Heehee!

But anyway, I'm not shutting myself out from the world by being with this man. I do have normal male friends and female friends alike. I didn't say anything about not having male friendships. I'm not around women all the time either. I'm not sure where you're getting that from. Personally, I'm usually to myself or around my family most of the time. However, I'm not going to date other men while I'm exclusively with my official boyfriend. That would be cheating in my opinion. I talk to and text with male friends occasionally, and may even see them (not alone), but I will not date them while I'm in a relationship with another man.

This...
I was 'wondering' where you 'was'.....

and this...

I guess what I'm saying is that I'm glad you have a 'male friend' in your life and that he wants to marry you. I wish you all the best. I truly do. :Rose:

... is just for you.

The rest is a montage of 'general applications' of everything I've read and the conclusion in life which I've come to for me personally. :Rose:

 

[Spongie Bloom]

I fully support the courting process in conjunction with mentoring from other couples as well. Many times, others are able to point out areas that need to be improved or considered prior to continuing through the process.

Thanks for the info - I cannot think of one church in my area where "courting" is fully supported...

Yes, you are right - marriage is not a relationship to be entered into lightly. IMHO this is partly because we have an inappropriate view of "love and relationships" that is not biblical... but that is another thread.

Do you mind starting a thread on this, it would make a great discussion i think cause I will be interested in reading your thoughts on this

 

[akilijata]

I don't post often but had to regarding this issue. I found some really excellent information relative to dating vs. courting; biblical husband/wife. They were quite informative. The links are:

Biblical Wives:
http://www.kaleochurch.com/sermon/biblical-wives-112507-sdsu/

Biblical Husbands:
http://www.kaleochurch.com/sermon/biblical-husbands/

Biblical Courtship:
http://www.kaleochurch.com/sermon/biblical-courtship/

I hope these sermons are helpful.

Annette

 

[momi]

Do you mind starting a thread on this, it would make a great discussion i think cause I will be interested in reading your thoughts on this

Hmmm.... I just might do that.

 

[Poohbear]

I fully support the courting process in conjunction with mentoring from other couples as well. Many times, others are able to point out areas that need to be improved or considered prior to continuing through the process.

Thanks for the info - I cannot think of one church in my area where "courting" is fully supported...

Yes, you are right - marriage is not a relationship to be entered into lightly. IMHO this is partly because we have an inappropriate view of "love and relationships" that is not biblical... but that is another thread.

I agree! It seems like the world has made "love and relationships" into this big time sex craze or something.

 

[Ramya]

I don't post often but had to regarding this issue. I found some really excellent information relative to dating vs. courting; biblical husband/wife. They were quite informative. The links are:

Biblical Wives:
http://www.kaleochurch.com/sermon/biblical-wives-112507-sdsu/

Biblical Husbands:
http://www.kaleochurch.com/sermon/biblical-husbands/

Biblical Courtship:
http://www.kaleochurch.com/sermon/biblical-courtship/

I hope these sermons are helpful.

Annette

WOW! I just blogged about this yesterday. I'm printing this to read and meditate on before bed. Thanks.

 

[xcuzememiss]

DEFF. subscribing to this thread. i need all the help I can get. I've been with my boyfriend for 7yrs. we met in H.S. and been together ever since. We've never stepped out on each other and we love and respect each other dearly. We do have diff views on sex and living together. I was raised in a Christian household where none of this was allowed , but he wasn't. uggghhhh whats a girl to do. we've talked about marriage and do want to get married.

 

[ladykaya]

So what is your real question? It sounds like you guys are just waiting for the right time on marriage. Its good that you guys are in love and have been together for that long.

 

[Poohbear]

So what is your real question? It sounds like you guys are just waiting for the right time on marriage. Its good that you guys are in love and have been together for that long.

The real question is: why do many Christians disregard or lose sight of other sins while putting big emphasizes on premarital sex as the ultimate sin for unmarried people?

 

[empressaja]

The real question is: why do many Christians disregard or lose sight of other sins while putting big emphasizes on premarital sex as the ultimate sin for unmarried people?

What are the other sins are you referring to?

 

[Guitarhero]

I'd say that all sin is wrong but it's relative. If I work in a bank, I need to keep in mind not to steal. If I am living somewhere where the concept of gods don't exist, I need to keep in mind that I have to honor the One I know as King of my life. And if I'm in a relationship with a man, I need to remind myself not to fornicate. People aren't passing up other sins but all sins carry different effects and weights.

 

[Poohbear]

What are the other sins are you referring to?

Any other sin besides sexual immorality which can be anything... profanity, quarreling, gossip, strife, pride, greed, lust, love of money, et cetera...

The reason I mention this is because I know a lot of people see virginity as being pure, holy, godly, good, etc. but doesn't all sin make a person impure? Virgins sin too...they just don't do the sin of sexual immorality (hope that makes sense).

 

[ladykaya]

Well it is all wrong. If its wrong as a Christian you are not suppose to do it. I am not one to judge because I know I have sinned. I know I had premarital sex with only my now husband. I know I lived with my now husband before we were married. At the same time, I acknowledge it is wrong and I can't look at someone else and say that they shouldn't do it because I didn't do it. But I can suggest that they look to God for their answers.

If I could take it back and do the right thing I would still end up with my husband but I know it would be special and right in God's eyes. But I didn't do that I have prayed and asked for forgiveness with God and have learned to tell others that don't look at the society. People look at me and my husband as weird because we are actually in love we had kids in our marriage and there is no drama between us. People don't believe us when we say we don't really fight and we are each other's one and only. But we don't care we just do us and realize it God who is our right judge not the world. Society has put things out as normal that shouldn't be. Living together before marriage sleeping with people you love before marriage, it is sin just like lying, stealing music, and others of nameless sins.

To answer your original question is that what ever is considered unclean for a girl is what you will get a lot of flack on from many Christians. Women get the most scrutiny for this. I don't know why maybe someone will chime in on their belief about it. Most men won't hear about it because it seems ok for them. but I know you will probably hear about it more then your man will. My suggestion is to think about what you feel and if you deem it wrong. The bible put it in there for people to control their urges and not submit to the flesh. Your husband is suppose to be your one and only lover. But there are instances in death or divorce where that may not always be the case. Then its also just shows in nature why things should just stay in marriage. The option of having children and raising them, diseases, and that sex feels its best when it is with your spouse whom you love and are in tune with.

Sorry for rambling, but I hope you get my drift...lol All and all if you were my friend I wouldn't judge you if you move in with you bf before marriage, but I would suggest if you are having a hard time deciding then take it to the Lord in prayer.

 

[Poohbear]

Yep, I got your drift. I don't think you rambled. Thanks for your response. I think it's important not to be judgemental toward other people and their relationships.

I often wonder about this as well... I see that you mentioned having sex before marriage and even living together before marriage... things that Christians speak against so strongly. People go to the extreme to say that premarital sex and living together will lower your chances of getting married but I see the opposite sometimes, just like in your case. My parents also had sex before marriage, they didn't live together, but they are now still married for over 30 years and will most likely stay married til they die. Divorce is not even an option at all for them.

So here's my other questions... does marriage somewhat save people from sin as well? Is that why most Christian women really want to find a man and get married, so they can have all the sex they want in line with God's standards and intentions for sex? Can a man or woman still be wrong for wanting to marry just for the sake of having sex, not so much to please God?

 

[loolalooh]

Yep, I got your drift. I don't think you rambled. Thanks for your response. I think it's important not to be judgemental toward other people and their relationships.

I often wonder about this as well... I see that you mentioned having sex before marriage and even living together before marriage... things that Christians speak against so strongly. People go to the extreme to say that premarital sex and living together will lower your chances of getting married but I see the opposite sometimes, just like in your case. My parents also had sex before marriage, they didn't live together, but they are now still married for over 30 years and will most likely stay married til they die. Divorce is not even an option at all for them.

So here's my other questions... does marriage somewhat save people from sin as well? Is that why most Christian women really want to find a man and get married, so they can have all the sex they want in line with God's standards and intentions for sex? Can a man or woman still be wrong for wanting to marry just for the sake of having sex, not so much to please God?

To the bolded, I think yes. A man and woman should want to marry for the sake of reproducing, uniting spirtually, and of better serving God, but not for the sake of having sex. (BTW, this is just my opinion; I don't have a quick reference to Scripture to confirm it so feel free to pick it apart.)

 

[ladykaya]

So here's my other questions... does marriage somewhat save people from sin as well? Is that why most Christian women really want to find a man and get married, so they can have all the sex they want in line with God's standards and intentions for sex? Can a man or woman still be wrong for wanting to marry just for the sake of having sex, not so much to please God?

Marriage doesn't save you, repentance and accepting Jesus does. Most Christian women when it comes to marriage it is mostly about the companionship. Sex is apart of it but its mostly about having a man to support you and build a family with. I remember getting married because I had my husband's rib. We are well connected and I didn't see my life without him. I cry sometimes during sex because the connection is so strong. Its just a perk of being married. I look at our son and I see why family is important and why God created us to be fruitful and multiply. These are things that you can't really explain its something that is second nature to us. Marriage was created by God for those who could not be alone and wanted to be pure in their sexual relationships as well as the proper family environment for raising children.

If people marry only for sex they will not make it in a marriage. As our household is held; God is first, husband 2nd, me 3rd and children 4th. It is a proper order of love, respect, and great companionship. Thats why I am a strong person of marriage only for people who truly want to make it work and really love each other.

 

[Guitarhero]

I wish to build a wonderful union in spirit and soul on the same goals. Sex is a perk and gift for marriage. It's not the reason I want to get married. I want to give love and support for another in the deepest of ways and that can only IMHO be given in matrimony.

 

[Renovating]

I wish to build a wonderful union in spirit and soul on the same goals. Sex is a perk and gift for marriage. It's not the reason I want to get married. I want to give love and support for another in the deepest of ways and that can only IMHO be given in matrimony.

Beautiful CreoleNat! This perfectly explains the reason why I desire marriage as well. ( the true meaning of intimacy and companionship)

 

[Poohbear]

Marriage doesn't save you, repentance and accepting Jesus does. Most Christian women when it comes to marriage it is mostly about the companionship. Sex is apart of it but its mostly about having a man to support you and build a family with. I remember getting married because I had my husband's rib. We are well connected and I didn't see my life without him. I cry sometimes during sex because the connection is so strong. Its just a perk of being married. I look at our son and I see why family is important and why God created us to be fruitful and multiply. These are things that you can't really explain its something that is second nature to us. Marriage was created by God for those who could not be alone and wanted to be pure in their sexual relationships as well as the proper family environment for raising children.

If people marry only for sex they will not make it in a marriage. As our household is held; God is first, husband 2nd, me 3rd and children 4th. It is a proper order of love, respect, and great companionship. Thats why I am a strong person of marriage only for people who truly want to make it work and really love each other.

I agree with what you have said. Good post.

I know marriage doesn't save you, but I think there are some people that once they get married, they act like they are "holier than thou" since they don't have sex outside of marriage anymore.

And it seems like there are some women that want to rush into marriage to "save" themselves from committing fornication.

 

[Poohbear]

I wish to build a wonderful union in spirit and soul on the same goals. Sex is a perk and gift for marriage. It's not the reason I want to get married. I want to give love and support for another in the deepest of ways and that can only IMHO be given in matrimony.

Very good. This is what I want as well.